I'm a cranky, exhausted co-sleeper! Am I the only one?

[Megieblue]

Am I the only one?

I love my baby. I love my 2 year old. Both have slept with me - my 2 year old recently moved into his own. My 6.5 months old is still with me.

But I'm so tired! We wake up every 2 hours all night. My body aches from staying in the same position all night. My neck hurts. My breasts ache from being sucked all the time. I'm dying to sleep stretched out for a full night!

I'm cranky cuz I'm sick but .... this is hard... am I the only cranky, exhausted co-sleeper out there???

[gurumama]

can your partner give you some alone sleep time? every morninjg my dh takes the baby and i get an hour of alone sleep. makes a huge difference.

good luck,

mel

[Envision]

I have to say that I could not have done it for more then two nights.

I have done it a few times when ds has been sick and it has just about killed me.
Could your dh sleep with babe one night and let you have the bed all to yourself??

I wish you a night of full, deep, restful sleep!!

Oils :flower

[momalah]

You know, you are not the only one. I am so glad you posted that, because I thought I was the only one who woke up feeling like I was repeatedly hit with a 2 by 4 througout the night. hahaha. My baby is only 4 months old and I am already trying to figure out what to do! I love sleeping with him in the bed, but the strain on my body is driving me nuts. I have a queen bed, and I don't think it is big enough. so, anyone reading my post, if you have any suggestions on how to wake up with your baby in the bed and have a feeling of bodily refreshment, please let me know too!!!

:wink

[sparkeze]

You're definitely not the only one!

It has gotten better for me when I found that I nursed DS back to sleep without knowing it! Do you sleep with a pillow behind your back? That helped me a lot as far as the back aches. Also, I do sleep stretched out sometimes on my back with DS's head kind of under my arm. DS rolls around a lot during the night so he's not always right next to me, which means I can change postions too! Maybe you can try at least sleeping on your back sometime and see how it works out.

[orangebird]

ME ME ME!!!

I am grumpy and exhausted. DS wants to eat every hour, sometimes more. I am soooo tired and sick of it. He is 8 months old and it isn't slowing down at all. I don't know what to do.

[Mamaste]

:wave

Another pooped mama over here! Heya!

[LittleFishy]

Count me in too. I also have an eight month old son who eats aaaaaaaaaall night long with no end in sight. I think he once slept five hours when he was three weeks old. His usual is one to two hour stretches. I was thinking I might pump a few bottles over the holidays and leave my husband with him for one night while I get a full night's sleep in the guest room. But, if I do that, I'll probably realize how exhausted I actually am. So perhaps I should stay in my world of stiff muscles, sore nipples, and delirium. If he's still doing this when he's fifteen, then I'll be mad.

[lucimomster]

I find that, on mornings after the nights when I have one or two "leechboys" literally sleeping right up next to me for periods of time, that's when I feel the worst. So I try (repeatedly, usually) to tell my toddler to "roll over, honey" and to gently pick up my baby and put him nearer his daddy on the bed, sometimes.

And yeah, then DH wakes with the same complaint. But, since he doesn't have the "problem" of nightnursing, that's just his portion of parenting, I figure.

For me, biweekly (and sometimes more often than that) visits to my chiropractor do me a world of good. And I've been dreaming of a pro massage again: I used to have them weekly while I was pregnant, and haven't had one in months ... geez, probably almost a year, now! *mental note to call tomorrow to schedule one*

See if there's a massage school anywhere near you, because they give enormous discounts on perfectly fine massages! At mine, you can get an hour's massage for something like $10!

Besides that, is there any way you can get a bigger bed or attach a sidecar bed to yours? My toddler sleeps in a crib with one side detached, the whole thing pushed up against my side of the bed. He's IN his bed, but usually sleeps right against the side of my mattress ... progress, anyway!

Good luck!

Luci

[Sahara]

Thank you so much for this post. DS is 21 months old, and has been waking up ever 2/12 -3 hours for the last few months. I can't remember having more than 5 hours of straight sleep. He used to be a pretty good sleeper, up until about 16 months or so, and with teething and being potty trained (we did EC), he wakes up a few too many times at night. It has really been getting me down, and I am definately crabbier than usual.
Thanks for the venting time, ya'll!!!
Steph

[shari1973]

Hugs to you all. A pillow at your back does help and a king sized bed helps. We just t got a matteress for our floor for my 2.5 yr old. I nurse her to sleep then sneak to my bed she wakes about 3 or 4 times a night. Sometimes I still fall asleep with her. But I know it does not last forever and my first never slept through the night till he was 4.5 yr so I have not had a full nights sleep for over 6 years. So if I get 3 hours straight I am happy and I know it will not last. Also bed times with the older are a dream so even though the early years were hard I do not have any bedtime issues now.

Changing how much sleep you expect does help. Good luck to everyone you are doing a great job of caring for your little ones at night.:thumb

[Lucky Charm]

i slept with my 3rd child for 2 years in a row....(i know others do it for years, so bear with me co sleeping mamas!:Peace ) and when he finally slept in his own bed...i was amazed at how well i slept, and how much better i felt when i woke up!! i didnt even realize he was affecting my ability to get a good nights rest!! no more back aches, neck aches and oh how my hips hurt!

he still sleeps with us occasionally, and he tosses and turns, kicks and grinds his teeth. most of the time, i just go downstairs on the couch. dh can sleep through anything, and doesnt even realize i am gone till the alarm goes off!!

my 4 yr old no longer nurses, so my going to the couch is not a problem. there is nothing wrong with wanting you body and space "back". its finding the right balance and coming to grips with what you want to do.

good luck!!
:grouphug

[TigerTail]

luci- massage school, what a great idea! I'm looking, trust me!

yes, with two little guys in the bed, I'm pretty stiff (sometimes I lose all feelings in the arm I'm on.) Very exhausting. Would be unbearable if my dh or dd did not take a baby in the morning sometimes & let me sleep a little longer- if not alone, then one baby is easier than two! I've found that after I read the 'Roll over, roll over, and the little one said...' story to my toddler numerous times, I can gently sing, 'Roll over, roll over' & he will! Sometimes. Worst is when both are crying to nurse at once. Unless it's when he's grinding his chin into my shoulder blade in an attempt to be REALLY close. Oh, my aching back. I wish my dh (who sleeps in another room- snoring issues) really appreciated what I am doing- I get pissy when I hear him complain if he got, oh, 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep instead of 9, you know?

little baby has reflux, and fights sleeping in the cosleeper (even on a lambskin), but sometimes will go a few hours in bouncy seat next to the bed- heaven, when he'll do that & big brother is not in a clingy mood!

Suse

[jensoko]

Seems like almost-15-mo DS would sleep better in his own bed, but has an absolute hissy fit when we try to put him there. With us, it's that having his dad and mom both in the bed with him is too much stimulation sometimes. He usually sleeps between us and ends up turning sideways and nursing (chewing) on me and kicking the crap out of DH. Or head-butting one of us in an effort to get comfortable.

We seem to have gone through stages where sometimes the arrangement works, and some phases where it seems like it's time to move out. What I'm finding out now is that unless DS is sick or out of sorts (due to travel, visitors, or whatnot), I can keep him from chewing my nipples off by giving him a snack at about 8:30 or 9 PM.

And although I'm not particularly happy about it, we've instituted a "bedtime routine" that he's responded well to. I make sure he has dinner by 7 or 7:30 (we are usually very late eaters because DH works late hours), then we have a bath. Then it's a snack and brushing teeth, followed by watching Daddy play one of our city-building computer games while nursing off to sleep in the dark computer room. That will usually get him down no later than 10:30. Then I can put him into bed. If I'm not too tired, I have to remember to check on him in 45 minutes or so because he'll expect me to be there. If I'm tired as well, I'll just go to bed at that time, too.

We EC as well, so I'm getting up once a night to pee him around 4 am. But I can count on him to sleep until about 8 am.

I never wanted to do the whole routine thing with him--my own mom was something of a routine fanatic and I wanted to be a little more relaxed about getting in bed by a certain time with my own kids. I also didn't want to resort to stuffing him full to get him to sleep. But the bedtime snack and routine seem to work, and at this point, I'll take it.

For you with younger babies, as they get older, it becomes easier to shift them around. If you sleep on one side, put the baby on a towel or small blanket in bed, then when you want to shift to the other side, just drag the baby by the towel to your old spot while you flip-flop to where s/he used to be. It's a lot easier than trying to shift baby by the limbs. :)

[TigerTail]

We had entirely different reasons for making the baby sleep on a towel :wink
(actually, the dipes no longer leak- but barf? this is the barfingest baby I've ever seen. I dread thinking about how they go about doing an upper GI on a baby- it was hard for them to make *me* drink barium. Well, hope that reflux gets better soon!)

Suse

[jensoko]

Have you tried a little wedgie pillow for your barfer? They make them for preg. women to slip under the belly, but when DS was younger he barfed a lot (nothing serious, just a tendency to imitate the cat :D ), and it helped to raise his upper body a wee bit with the wedgie. He diidn't stay on it all night, but it did help him not to lose what I'd just finished feeding him, and consequently, he nursed slightly less, giving my boobs a much-needed break.

[meister31]

I am right there with you all--I love co-sleeping when dd is actually sleeping:D! but lately since she turned 1 she has been up every hour some nights ugh! she doesnt even really nurse she just wants to boob in her mouth. She sleeps the best between 5-9 am but I am exhausted I am wondering if she would like to sleep in her own space also----- or if this is just her molars boy are those suckers huge! I try to tell myself that this will not last very long in the grand scheme of things but a large chunk of sleep would be nice!

[sherina]

Suse, my hubby and I also sleep separately due to snoring issues (he's louder than a truck!) and I find i get frustrated too when he states that he's tired after a solid night of sleep while I'm bleary eyed from nursing every hour or so. :coffee

But really, I find that co-sleeping is the only thing keeping me out of a coma. I have no idea how people cope with having to actually go into another room to nurse their baby and get them back to sleep. At least when she lying right beside me I just go back to sleep while she fills her tummy!

[Piglet68]

You're certainly not the only exhausted cosleeper. But I want to put in a good word for cosleeping and say that many of us do just fine with it. I love cosleeping and it has always been wonderful, even those two months that we were stuck in a little full size bed. My advice to everyone is Get a King Size Bed, lol!

Seriously though, it's lovely to hear all of you dedicated mamas dealing with lack of sleep, etc. You are all wonderful!!!!! :grouphug

[magnoliablue]

Living life in a sardine can......:D Everyone said the swallows would always come back to Capistrana..and one by one, every night the kiddies climb in our bed...I sleep with arm, legs, heads and wiggles all night, to say nothing of stuffed animal collections that sometimes have to come in for a cuddle too...Right now they are arguing over who's turn it is to sleep in the "spot" next to mommy.."daddy's too smelly"..and saying"We want to go to bed, get off the computer!!!" We have three unused beds in the house...I just look at it this way..that's three sets of sheets less in the laundry:thumb

[Eye of the Storm]

I couldn't help but smile when I read your posting. I could relate soooo well.

Please let me assure you--if anyone can--it gets easier. I have two children, now 6 and almost 5, and the four of us (dad included) slept together in a giant family bed until just a year and a half ago. When they were smaller, we all fit into a queen size! That got to be really tough, so we brought in another double bed and set them together in a "L" shape. It still felt as if we were sleeping together, but there was room to spread out. And believe me, after what seemed like years (Oh! I guess it was!) I could finally stretch out. A lot of it is nursing on demand, as well. And sleep deprivation is just a part of it for most mamas. I know of a couple of moms who are lucky enough to have babies who sleep throughout the night. But believe me, that is not the norm.

It doesn't help the nightly agony of nipple pain, aches and cramps, but keep in mind that this too shall pass. And you know what? When it's over in a year or two, you WILL miss it. I do.

peace sister.

[candiland]

I was just getting ready to post a gripe of my own when I read this thread....
My almost-eight month old is a restless sleeper, and I am an extremely light sleeper. Every twitch and whine wakes me up and I have a difficult time going back to sleep once I am awake. For the past month, he has been whining from 4 a.m. until I have to get up at seven to take care of my three year old! Most days, I am so exhausted I can hardly function. Parking my 3 year old in front of the t.v. because I am unable to interact with her has become the norm. This isn't healthy! I've tried the crib, but the minute he loses contact with body he screams hysterically. Even when he's in a "deep sleep" he wakes up the minute I put him down! I'm really at a loss, and I'm beginning to think that the only cure is to try some form of CIO!
Any ideas or suggestions?

[lucimomster]

Now that I've posed this subject line, I think I'm gonna start a new thread, so others can catch my thoughts....

Look for it!

Luci

[Eye of the Storm]

I went through the same thing with my daughter (now 6). We called her a lap baby 'cause you could not put her down. She had to sleep on me or her dad and if we ever tried to lay her down, then she woke up and screamed to be held. The only thing I can tell you is that she grew out of it. That's not very reassuring when you're in the thick of it, but it does change.

I noticed that someone after me mentioned homeopathics. I love them! They work, are perfectly safe, and are pretty inexpensive. I used them for teething when the kids were babies, now I use them for everything--including freak outs!

Hang in there mama.....

And by the way, don't beat yourself up too much about the tv--I swore I would never use it, but there have been times when the half hour break that Zaboomafoo gave was like a gift from the goddess. Just try not to let them watch too many commercials!

[mrmeg]

I really feel for ya, our three month old goes to bed about 12:30, wakes up around 2 to be ECed, then at 6:30 we change his diaper because I have to wake up for work. He starts getting up around 8 (he's apparantly really restless) so dw can't have 'productive' sleep after that. Too bad it's not star trek and we can't have the computer give us all anestesine (sp) (sleeping) gas. ;-) lol This boy's sleepy!

Jon

[bluevervain]

well, so much for the idea that it'll get better soon!

My daughter is 5 weeks old and for the last several nights has been awake and fussing from 1:30 to 4 AM. In the "long dark night of the soul" I have had genuinely thought that a crib would be saner than co-sleeping (but I have no intention of doing it).

I use homeopathy (go chamomila!) to help with the fussies, and within a dose or two it works beautifully. She will usually empty one breast and then start the other before she (finally!) falls asleep. She then will usually get up at 6 or so to nurse and does the light sleep thing from then to about 8 (making enough noise that it's hard (but not impossible!) to go back to sleep. Her new trick is to nap from 10 or so to 1.

I use the towel trick too both for the barfy thing and for ease of moving. And I resent my dh for getting more sleep (but he's a champ, he's got diaper duty and almost never complains!)

Nice to know I'm not alone...thanks!

warmly,
Christina

[lucimomster]

Originally posted by bluevervain
well, so much for the idea that it'll get better soon!


Oh honey, you've just gotta readjust your definition of "soon!" I think we're talking about months or years ... which is still "soon" relative to the lifetime you'll have with this little one!

:hug I know. Sleep deprivation sucks. And feeling unable to soothe a little beloved one sucks more.

Have you noticed any difference if you shift your diet? I've noticed that my #2 son is INCREDIBLY sensitive to when I eat a bunch of sugar, especially if I eat it between dinnertime and bedtime. It shouldn't surprise me, since both DH and I are "cheap dates" when it comes to indulging in sugar, alcohol, or whatever. But man, if I eat more than, say, two or three little squares of dark chocolate, after I bf #2, he will literally roll back and forth on the bed constantly for what seems like an hour but probably is only 10-15 minutes! I mean, it's almost like the Exorcist ... any minute now, green pea soup is gonna spew and his head will twist ALL the way around!

And then, a little while later, when he settles just a little bit and I can nurse him again, he'll nurse and fall into a deep, deep sleep!

I've heard other mamas talk about similar reactions to their having a cup of coffee, or spicy food, or beans ... maybe your little one is trying to tell you something.

But remember, at 5 weeks, she SHOULD wake at least every two or three hours to nurse. Her tummy is only the size of a walnut, and she's gotta refill it in order to have fuel to grow!

It'll get better. It will! IT WILL!

And in the meantime, just nap whenever she does. It'll help enormously!

Oh, and you may want to look into homeopathy for yourself, if you're really having trouble. Sleep deprivation plays a big part in postpartum depression, and homeopathics can help.

Luci, ever wordy, ever trying to help!

[TigerTail]

thanks for the encouragement everyone, i may give the homeopathic things a try- can't hurt. i am going to bed (and dh is getting up with them- yay! of course, he brings them back constantly, but sometimes like that i can get two hours of consecutive no one in the bed sleep!)

i am being optimistic (because last night was *ever* so bad.

btw, i've found a small buckwheat pillow is effective w/ my toddler when i just have, have, have to have some space & my son has been crawling up the crack of my butt all night- any other wedge bothers him, but this is small & he can curl around it for me if he really makes the effort. sometimes (i use it like twice a week) it saves my sanity.

suse (who still wouldn't have it any other way- take heart, my dd wanted her own bed at 1 1/2 & has been a marvel of a sleeper since! sam was on his way to accepting crib (next to me, & for part of the night)
until 'THE COMING OF *NEWBABY*'!

[danieliausmama]

Me too! My 13 month old slept very good(5-8 hours at a strech with me in the bed at 2 to 3.5 months old, and from then we never had more than 3 hours strech and that happens rarely. It became better when I sopped waching the clock and counting. He doesn't sleep on my arm though-I actually try to scoot from him a little so my movements would not bother him too much.
I think he simply started teething at 3.5 months and teething for us is an awful thing. He has 4 molars and they did not come easily at least to say-the last kept us up (that means that nursing was not enough and even rocking was not enough) for 10 nights!
Since he is now my only one-I sleep his morning nap-this is how I stay alive.