I'm not a real doula but....

[ekblad9]

A friend of mine has asked me to be her "unpaid doula" :LOL I want to do a great job. I've got lots of time before the baby is born (not due until June next year). So, I've birthed six of my own babies (the last one at home) and she's having a homebirth using one of my midwives. What do I need to do, read, study? Thank you!

[Defenestrator]

I think that you already have everything you need :love

I know as a midwife and doula I should have a million tricks up my sleeve, but when I was having my own babies I found that the very most helpful thing was to have people near me who were just showing pure love, without a lot of their own fears or agendas. Just being able to come occasionally out of laborland and connect with someone every once in a while was hugely helpful.

Think back to your own births and what was helpful for you -- chances are some of it will be helpful for her too. You may also find that a lot of the help you give her will be before her labor -- listening and helping her plan and work through her fears and apprehensions.

That said, I kinda like The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin :LOL

Stacia

[ekblad9]

Well, Stacia, you'll be there too so at least you'll know I'm trying to learn :)

[tinyshoes]

"I'm not a real doula but..."

that's so funny/ironic to me, because back in the day, a "real doula" was the unpaid friend, sister, mother, auntie, etc.

I was a "doula" for my friend's birth in June 2004, and to prepare I used my knowledge from my births, asst'd birth knowledge gleaned from this board, other doulas, books, etc., and read The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin--just to get my mind in the birth support mode--because until I aided my friend's birth, I had been the one birthing!

I think you only need to "study" your friend--find out what she expects from you. What kind of birth does she want? Follow her lead during the pregnancy, and then during the labor, too. Don't be afraid to assert yourself during her labor, and obviously, don't try to make her do stuff during her labor.

Here's an example of 'asserting' from my experience: I didn't want to be "wierd," but during my friend's labor (active labor at hosp. w/o L&D nurses/staff present) but I just felt like moaning loud, FOR my laboring friend. And after my moany groan #1, she was moan-y groaning. I kept very aware to see if the moaning was okay with her, and I couldn't really ask, because

HEY, do you like this moaning thing?

would have just torn her from LaborLand and ruined her stride. We moaned thru most of the labor. After her baby was born, she could not thank me enough for initiating the moaning thing. And I didn't invent that, maybe I did it during my births a bit, maybe I remembered some doula talking about it, but during the magical labor time period, it just happened--because I was in-tune with the laboring mom and myself.

So I would say: you're probably pretty dang prepared, with 6 babies under your belt. As for the rest, be open to whatever might happen during that labor, and trust your insticts as a supporter of birth, just as you must've trusted your instincts as a birthing mom yourself.

HTH

[KeysMama]

sounds like you are a doula to me:) I like 2 books that help to channel the intuitive knowledge you may have into helpful suggestions:
The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin

and

The Nuturing Touch at Birth by Polly Perez

Both great and short labor support reference books.

[mcimom]

Well as said friend :LOL - I feel uniquely qualifed (for once in my life) to give excellent advice on this topic!

I have always had hospital births in the past, and I enjoy the "cheering" section stuff I have to admit - the "you're doing great" - "you are doing so well" - "you can do this" - etc. ad naseum :) I think perhaps because I will likely *not* get this from my dh. I don't want to say never, he has uttered such comments in the past, but I much appreciated that quality in my nurses whilest in labor. Comments on how beautiful I am, or amazing or whatever, will also be appreciated :D

I would not like anyone to moan with me. Intuition I can appreciate, but I'm the one having a baby, please don't make me listen to you (no offense tinyshoes - I think that's awesome what you did for your friend and it helped her, but my immediate reaction is that would piss me off :wink )

I also appreciate a good wash cloth while in labor. There is nothing like sweating like a pig, working your butt off and having someone put a cool wash cloth to your forehead or the back of your neck :)

I'm pretty good about vocalizing what I like and don't like so I think you'll be fine because I'm nice and bossy about what I like while in labor! :eyesroll

I think that being a doula is being a support, being an advocate, being a friend and there is no one more qualified on this earth to be that to me in pregnancy, labor or post partum than you, my friend. I mean it. Y'all we are soul sisters and I am so lucky to have such an "unpaid doula"

:love :love :love :love

[ABand3]

I was in a situation similar to yours a few years ago. I had already had my 1st baby, at a birth center, and I told my friend the only thing I would have done differently was have a support person there in addition to DH. So a year later she's pg with her first and asked me to be there as a support person - she birthed in a hosptial with a midwife.

Anyway, the only thing I did to prepare was talk with her - about her fears, desires for the birth, how she pictured coping, what was ideal, etc, and what I had experienced. She told me the most helpful thing was just my presense, someone to tell her that she was doing well, that she could do it, suggest postion changes. For me my most memorable part was after hearing her make groaning noises after hours of laboring in silence, I said "it's ok to make noise if you want to", and that opened up a whole new phase of labor for her.