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View Full Version : Work through this with me, please




annab
10-10-2005, 11:37 PM
We went to a class at the zoo today. I will say that their classes are not the greatest in terms of really holding attention. I think they expect a little too much for three year olds in terms of attention span. DS is in preschool, so I know he can do a circle time that is structured for his age. Anyway, this is what happened.

The class starts with 10 minutes of free time. There are books, puppets, toys, posters, things to color, etc. Kids get name tags, play, and just kind of get used to the setting. Then it is circle time. Every other class we have been to there has had mats for circle time that she places in a circle. Today, no mats. DS even asked where they were, and she said they did not need them. Most kids sat with their parents around the room, but not really in a circle. I think that helps kids stay in the circle, personally. DS ended up in the middle of the room. I was near the back with the baby, and offered to let him sit on my lap. He said, "No thanks."

As the instructor talked about carnivores, DS crept closer and closer. A few times, he would run all the way up to her, and I would call him back. He had a comment for everything. She tried to accommodate him, but for the most part, she ignored him so that he did not disrupt everyone else. I would call his name, and signal for him to come back. I put him on my lap, but then I would need to get the baby, and the creeping closer would start again. I felt like I spent the whole time saying his name.

Then she passed around skins and teeth and other animal things. He waited pretty well for those. Then they had a large skin that they laid out to have the kids come and touch. They talked about how tigers use their teeth. DS went up and bit the instructor's sweater. :irked: That was the end of my rope.

I went to get him, and he ran around the room screaming. It was a proud moment. So here I am with the baby, trying to chase the darting, screaming lunatic around the room. I totally kept my cool. No raising my voice or threatening. When I caught up with him, though, I had to be physical. With a baby on my hip, I had to grab his arm and lead, then drag, him from the room. I did not know the other moms, so I was not about to ditch the baby with a stranger while I carried him more humanely.

I put him up on a counter and talked to him. He got himself together, apologized to the instructor (not forced--only after the 'how can we fix this?" discussion) and was fine the rest of the class.

It is not fair to let him disrupt everyone else. He does well at other classes like this (museum, etc) , so I am not sure if it is just the structure of this one or what. No one wants to wrestle their kid out the door, and no one wants to be 'that mom' with 'that kid' either.

Thoughts? Since he pulled it together, do we give it another try? (It is a series) I hate to threaten, but I want so much to tell him that the minute he starts making it hard for the other kids to listen, we are leaving. That seems a bit harsh. If I try to remove him just to calm down, he will completely lose it again.

Another boy was acting similarly, and he got spanked. :( I understand the temptation, but yikes!

TIA




canadiyank
10-11-2005, 12:37 AM
Hey, I was there with the dragging thing with a baby on the hip just the other day. I can so sympathize! Sounds like you/he did well and it worked out. As far as the future classes (assuming he's interested in going), you can state the consequences w/o it being a threat, but just a statement of what will happen. Hopefully he'll know what to expect a little more this time, too, yk.

RedWine
10-11-2005, 06:23 AM
Hey, that was me at the Children's Museum yesterday! We were at a performance of The Three Little Pigs, and dd1 didn't want to stay OR leave, she just proceeded to lay in the aisle and throw a fit. So I had to pick her up with one hand while carrying dd2. We stumbled/dragged our way out the door.

I think you handled it just fine!

(When, oh when, does this stage pass..?)

annab
10-11-2005, 09:12 AM
Thanks! that makes me feel better. I feel like such a fraud when I post suggestions to other moms and then my kid acts like such a maniac some times.

canadiyank
10-11-2005, 10:38 AM
Oh Anna :hug, ITU what you're saying - I'm a mod on a GD list and I had to leave for awhile recently b/c I felt like such an AP/GD imposter and failure! But even my GD mentors struggle sometimes, and it's good to know that. Then we gather ourselves, humbly as ask for help, and keep going...

**guest**
10-11-2005, 10:49 AM
yes, a very familiar situation.

i think discussing his options before the next session is not necessarily threatening. you don't need to tell him that you would leave the moment he acts up. but you can remind him that if he is disruptive to others, you will need to take him out again, to calm down.

btw, i post suggestions all the time, but i have my moments (sometimes many :LOL ) of glory NOT. you handled the situation very well, this is what counts.

Proudly AP
10-11-2005, 08:25 PM
sounds like you did the best you could, given the circumstances, and that he rallied to some extent.

i agree with the others that talking with him before-hand might help, and possibly not *right* before. if there's some distance (no imminent 'pressure' of leaving/choosing, etc), maybe he'd be able to tell you if he wants to go back again or not, and would he be able to help you problem-solve in advance what the two (three? ;) ) of you might do if it goes the way it did last time?

in your shoes, i might have lost it, truth be told (not a good thing, i know!).

hang in there, mama!

keep us posted.

Fuamami
10-11-2005, 10:19 PM
You must have a very mature group if he's the only one that does that. We go to story time at the library, and at least three of the kids do something like that every time. The librarian usually asks them to sit down so everyone else can see, too. I wouldn't feel bad about it, at all. I have tried to talk to dd about where you can sit so everyone can see, but if one of the kids goes up and sits close she always wants to, too. And I have the same issue with the babe.

annab
10-11-2005, 10:37 PM
Sarah-there were only seven kids. DS and the boy who got spanked were the only ones who had a lot of trouble. The rest were lap-sitters, which I don't have. (I don't have a lap sitter--I DO have a lap--in case anyone was confused) :LOL

Piglet68
10-12-2005, 12:14 AM
omg, I know what you mean about feeling like you should have your GD card revoked!

And I think all us mothers of two have had to drag a child screaming while holding a baby under the other arm, lol.

I think you did fine. I think just talking to him about expectations is good. Oh, and I learned a valuable tip, put your baby in a sling or better - on your back - so you have both hands free to gracefully collect your maniacal toddler and make a hasty, yet dignified, exit. :D

:hug

annab
10-12-2005, 09:56 AM
Piglet--I'd had her in the backpack for most of the class, but she is such a go-baby that she had started to fuss, so I let her loose. I cannot expect her to stay tied to me for the whole class (90 minutes). As I was tracking down my boy who had lost it, I was thinking, "Hmmm, if she were on my back, this would be so much easier--too late now--gotta chase, gotta chase gotta chase!" Maybe I will let her run around during play time and try to persuade her into the backpack for circle time.

By the time I grab the older, the baby, the backpack and the diaper bag, there are no hasty exits--from anywhere.

baileyandmikey
10-12-2005, 10:03 AM
omg, we had a similar experience at the library yesterday. I took dd to the library with me, but forgot it was the day for the library storytime, which you must be registered to attend. Well, since I was working before, she isn't registered, and the lady at the library told her that she couldn't go in to see the puppets and hear the story (which I thought was rude) but, she proceded to through a huge fit right there, omg I tried to let her know that we would sign up for the next session, and that we could read some books and play, but she still freaked out for awhile. so embarrassing.

ceilydhmama
10-12-2005, 10:19 AM
Oh that sounds hard. I think the best AP "advice" I ever got was roughly "It is a method of parenting that respects a childs needs and opinions. Its not a method for kids to use while growing up, to make a parent's life run more smoothly." Ap'd kids are still kids and will do all that fabulous stuff - the Ap'ing part just means we look closely at how we respond and learn from it...

Anyway, I think you did great. I would keep going. I have found the before activity talk goes well if I get dd to tell me how she *should* behave while we are in a certain place. We make it sort of silly and fun and after she tells me her thoughts I give her a quiz of crazy stuff she probably shouldn't do as well as the things she should do and why.

IE "Should you stand on your head and burp while the teacher is talking?" "No? - Why not?"

"Is it ok to sit beside someone you like while you listen?" "Yes? - How would that work?"

Personally - if you handled the behaviour at the time I wouldn't even go back through it. I was at a preschool education meeting that covered this very topic and the educator felt that by going over and over the undesired behaviour you are actually reinforcing it and might end up with that behaviour in that setting every time. She suggested writing the experience off as a bad day and concentrating on the behaviours that worked for you and your child.

owensmom
10-12-2005, 10:24 AM
I went to get him, and he ran around the room screaming. It was a proud moment.

:LOL :LOL :LOL

Sorry, that nearly made me spew my coffee. BTDT. So true.
90 minutes seems like an awfully long time for a class. I'd try it again, I think, since it sounds like you have done a lot of similar classes with him. Could have been just an "I feel like a booger" day.

((hugs))

Wugmama
10-12-2005, 10:33 AM
I don't see how you really could've handled it any differently. Not that I'm an expert by any stretch of the imagination. :hug

I am always so grateful when I see a parent handle a totally common yet very difficult situation with their child (like the situation you and your son had) WITHOUT spanking. That is great! :love

Take care of yourself,
Tracy