What are some of your best GD moments?

[ShadowMom]

Seems like a lot of us have shared our lower parenting moments in this forum. I thought it would be fun and educational for us to share some of our best GD moments!

I don't really have any, since my DS isn't even 2. But if I had to share one thing I'm proud of, it would be that I figured out early on that "transitions" were key with my toddler. When I needed him to come inside and he was outside sitting on the riding mower (one of his favorite activities when he was a very young toddler), then I would say "OK... can you put the key back in the mower, please? We need to say goodbye to the mower. We're going to go inside now. Bye, mower! See ya later, mower! Take care, mower!" He would (usually) repeat the stuff after me and wave at the mower, and we would happily go inside.

I still use this sort of technique a lot, and now that he's a bit older I warn him ahead of time when we'll need to change activities soon (it's getting dark, so we're going to be leaving the park in a few minutes).

So! Please share one of your better moments as a GD parent or something you do that is effective/that you're proud of.

And, could we PLEASE not nitpick each other on the GDedness of our actions in thread. :o Please? It would be nice if we could have a supportive thread where we could concentrate on our positives as parents. I sure have enough moments of feeling like a horrible mom on my own, KWIM?

[garrettsmommy]

Well, I don't have very many yet since my ds is only 2 but I have learned a few things. I have learned that when ds is dead set on something and is crying b/c he can't have it, the best was to help him is to just say "come here and talk to me about it". This, I think, gives him the emotional support he needs at that time, plus I can get him calmed down enough to let me explain why he can't have something or do something. (and it gives me time to think of a distraction, I'm not very quick minded :) ) If he won't "come here" and talk to me, I go to him and ask if he'd like to go cuddle and talk about it or if I can give him a hug or whatever. I will also just ask him to calm down so I can talk to him and he can hear me. This usually works pretty well. Ds has not had what I consider a tantrum (on the floor kicking and screaming). He usually just stands still and loudly cries.

[j924]

Okay this is not really huge but it happened this morning and it really was a huge "thoughts in my head" victory. We pick out clothes the night before school to lessen the drama. Last night was no exception. This morning my 4 yo dd decides she can not possibly wear what she picked out last night. We were running completely late, this is not the first time this has happened,she was being a drama queen and she is about to start one of those ruin your whole day type crying jags. My first reaction was you picked it wear it. What I actually did was ask her what part of the outfit was causing a problem. When we found out it was the shirt, we played a racing game to get a new one and she was dressed and on time for school. And her attitude was positively sunny. This whole interaction took less than a minute. Thank you wonderful mamas for helping me to change my mindset.

[freedom]

Me "OK it's time to go now" (after many previous countdown type comments)

DS "NO!! :angry "

Me "gasp! You said no and that brings out the mommy monster! here she comes :nut :flipped " - start to run in a goofy tickly way - get a cuddle and giggle/squeel.

ME " Now I'll race you to the car seat - bet you can't get in the seat before I get there"

DS - laughing runs into seat and we are off in only seconds with a happy spirited 4 year old.

Bonus - another mom stares wide eyed "I can't believe that worked !! I'll have to try that next time"

[fly-mom]

I don't know if this qualifies, and some of ya'll might see it as more manipulative than GD, but I counted it as a success. DH and I needed to measure a distance in our back yard to see if it was big enough for a corn hole set for a party we were going to have. DD went with us to the back yard. She wanted to play in the sandbox and for various reasons we did not have time (just trust me, it wasn't a good time). Anyway- she started into a violent fit of rage when we suggested going back inside. I was feeling short tempered and could feel myself heading for a power struggle, so I had the idea for her to help DH measure things. We worked our way back up to the garage measuring things. "Help daddy measure from this tree to the car". "Now help daddy measure from the car to the garage door". We worked our way back into the house and continued to measure things inside.

Okay- so it was totally manipulative, but I didn't allow myself to get into a power struggle, which I was proud of, and dd had a really good time measuring with daddy :)

[oliversmum2000]

fly-mom i think it was a great idea
you managed to help your little one do what you wanted in a creative and playful way that respected her feelings and helped her transition from one activity to something else - i think it was brilliant

[Diane B]

Best moment? My daughter starts to lay on the floor and kick and scream. I get down on the floor next to her, and just lay there beside her, smiling a little bit, not engaging but not withdrawing either. She turns her head, looks over at me, and a little smile creeps onto her mouth, and before we know it, we are giggling and tickling and cuddling.

I've tried this a few other times with good results - I think it's something about getting down to her level and meeting her right where she's at.

[TeaBag]

Running late always puts my bp through the roof. I HATE to be late. That said.

We were running late. Had an appt and just could not get anyone motivated to get out the door. Finally get everyone into the van. DD (3) decided she wants to wear a sweater. I run in to get it. Come back out. She's already buckled into her carseat, but decides she needs to unbuckle, get out, and put on her sweater. I'm fuming. She gets the sweater on upside down. "Can I help you, sweetie?" "No, Mommy, I can do it all by myself." Get it on correctly. "I need to button my sweater." It's one of those cardigans with the little tiny buttons, she's never been able to do it herself. "Can I please help you?" "NO, I want to do it!" Wait. She's buttoning wrong. She starts over. Fuming, seething....buttons wrong again....watching the clock...2 minutes, 3 minutes....she starts over again. "Are you sure you don't want some help?" "I *said* I'll do it myself!" Fuming, but trying so hard to just wait.....watching the minutes tick by on teh clock...we're supposed to be there NOW....waiting..........





She gets it! :balloons And she is so *very* proud of herself....she's just grinning ear to ear.....and I realize how unimportant it is to make it to that appointment on time. :tsk We celebrate together. And I realize that those 7 minutes were spent *exactly* as they were supposed to be spent and I wish instead of fuming, I'd have appreciated her struggle to accomplish something. But at least she didn't know how frustrated I was, and I celebrated her victory with her!

[Wugmama]

Ok, I'm close to tears of happiness after reading everyone's success stories. (The pg hormones don't help).

FLy mom - I don't see any manipulation there, it seemed like a great idea to me - invite her to engage in what you guys were doing, even help you! :love

Thanks for sharing, and thanks to the OP for starting a great thread! I'm inspired!

Want more good stories!!! :lurk:

[hipumpkins]

APmom your story brought tears to my eyes!!! (..and I'm not pregnant)

Anyway, being ignored after requesting DD to do something really makes me insane. I try each time to come up with some creative.

Last night DD emptied a basket of baby bottles onto the floor. I said, "Johanna please pick those up. They are not toys"
"I don't want to"
"Johanna they are not toys and since you put themon the floor it is your responsibility to pick them up" (Now I have to make the conscience decision to not make this a power struggle)
Remembering DD's love of the movie, "The sound of Music" I say, "Maria quick hurry, Capt Von trap is coming. We need to get those bottles picked up before the children get into trouble"
Those bottles were picked up in no time.


I know kids shouldn't be watching videos but that movie has really come in handy. IF DD tries to run off when we are leaving say, the park or libray I whistle and say time to march. We march out of places singing, "John Jacob jingle heimer schmidt" (If you never saw the movie the children march down the stairs and DD loves that [part)

[fly-mom]

I'm loving these. I want more!

[Wugmama]

:bump:

Feed me more inspiration!

~Tracy

[irinam]

Best moment? My daughter starts to lay on the floor and kick and scream. I get down on the floor next to her, and just lay there beside her, smiling a little bit, not engaging but not withdrawing either. She turns her head, looks over at me, and a little smile creeps onto her mouth, and before we know it, we are giggling and tickling and cuddling.

I've tried this a few other times with good results - I think it's something about getting down to her level and meeting her right where she's at.

Brilliant! Like many other stories in this thread :love

[sadie_sabot]

The best for me was when I realized (from reading some stuff here...I cannot eremember which mama posted this thought but I wish I did so I could thank her for it) that there was a better way to respond when my dd hit me. Instead of walking away from her (you know, natural consequence, I don't want to be near her if she is going to hurt nme) I pulled her in and gave her a big hug while telling her I didn't like to be hit and I wished she'd use wordes with me. So, instead of me leaving, which somehow always sort of intensified my upset-ness, and dd getting totally upset and screaming for me, we were back on track with each other in a matter of moments. That has been a huge, huge thing for me and for our realtionship.

[AntoninBeGonin]

Ds is 13.5 months. One day, I noticed that I'd developed the habit of grabbing things (like my car keys) out of his hands. My husband and I agreed that was certainly a good way to teach him a bad habit so I told myself I was going to always ask him for what I needed. It took me two days to remember, but I finally did it. Now it's been three entire days and I haven't grabbed anything away from him yet. :D

"Antonin, mommy needs those keys. Please let me have them." The best part is, he hands everything to me so willingly that I can't believe I ever got into the habit of yanking things from him! :down

~Nay

[RedWine]

:notes:

[mom2evan]

Evan is just 16 months old, so we don't have many discipline moments yet, good or bad.

Yesterday morning, though, we had our first struggle over getting dressed in the morning. I work part-time, and Evan is in daycare five mornings a week.

We were all running late yesterday morning, in spite of the fact that Evan and I had been awake since 4:30 a.m. He was tired and out of sorts by 7 a.m.

I had laid out his clothes the night before, but when I began to pull on his overalls, he absolutely lost it. He began wailing like a banshee, pulling the straps off his arms, shaking his head from side to side and trying to rip them from his little body.

My first thought was "I don't have time for this." My second thought was "What on earth is your problem"? My third thought, thankfully, was "OK, let's get these overalls off."

I helped him take off the overalls, and then his shirt, which had become evil, too. I sat down with him in my lap and cuddled with him for a few minutes until he was calm. Then I went to his dresser and began to pull out new clothes.

The minute I got close to him with the clothes, he began to wail again. Now I'm sitting there wondering "OK, now what"?

After thinking for a moment, I walked with him to his dresser, opened the drawer, and began pulling out one pair of pants after another and showing them to him. "These"? "No!", throwing the pants on the floor (his new favorite word, which he learned at daycare) "These"? "No!" "These"? "No!" I was quickly running out of pants and ideas. I pull out his last pair of pants, really warm polar fleece, totally unsuitable for indoor wear at his very warm daycare, and he takes them and begins trying to put his legs into them. I asked if he wanted help, and he held them out to me and crawled into my lap. He allowed me to pick a shirt, happily put on his shoes, and off he went. So I just sent him with a cooler pair of pants - which he readily allowed them to change him into later that morning.

The end of the story is that I got a call from the daycare late yesterday morning saying that Evan was sick and running a fever.

I was so glad that I had not given into my first impulse to be angry with him.

[Camiroo]

My 2 yo DD is a vary talkative little girl. I was talking to my mom on the phone one morning, and Riley keeps saying "I talk to Mamie, I talk to Mamie, I talk to Mamie..." and getting increasingly louder, tuning into a screech. I kept giving her the eyes, but it wasn't cutting it. So I knelt down and said "Babe, I know you want to talk to your Mamie, but so do I! Right now it is my turn and you're being a little bit rude. Let's see if you can count all of Mommy's toes, then it will be your turn for the phone."
She sat down at my feet and started counting happily.
Even my own mama, who has always been AP and practiced GD was suprised at how well it worked, and couldn't wait to talk to Riley to tell her what a good girl she was. Just like another mama said, it always helps me to get down to their level.

[kchoffmann]

Just the fact that when my DS has tantrums (like another poster said too - not really tantrums, just standing and crying), and I tell him I can see how sad he is that he can't xyz, he comes to me for hugs again and again until he is done crying. I love that about him, that he wants to be comforted through his hard feelings. I hope he always feels that way.

[Embee]

My three best GDing friends are:

Playing with my DS - Joining him in his world as often as possible, letting him take the lead. This is what he NEEDS, and when he gets what he needs, there are few discipline issues that come up, much less have to deal with. Its the single best way to secure our attachment. When our attachment is secure, DS is free to learn, to grow and feel content and secure with himself. I'm free to enjoy watching it happen.

Staying Calm - No matter how out shape things get, staying calm has helped me in many a rough situation. Sometimes it takes every ounce of my being to do this and sometimes I flat out fail, but when I can stay clam, there isn't anything we can't fix, learn from, or heal...

Maintaing a sense of humor, and keeping the big picture in mind at all times - self explanatory. :D

The best,
Em

The best,
Em

[muse]

Great thread!

We live at the top of the hill so any time we walk any where, coming home means a tough walk back up the hill. DS has gotten pretty good about walking lately but that last stretch invariably leads to whining and tantrums. I can't pick him up anymore since I have DD on my back, so sometimes we just get stuck half way with him screaming at me and refusing to move and me almost in tears and/or yelling. Last time though I guess I was feeling more energetic or creative and got him going in a game of chase before he'd even noticed we were going up the hill. He loves me chasing him/him chasing me (Playful parenting talks about teh importance of these sorts of games), and he laughed all the way to the top of the hill.

Another very easy but very effective technique is to have music playing in the house. I swear, the days we have music on - particulary if it's something DS and I both like - there are no or very few rough moments.

[P-chan]

Oooo, I had one today. It was textbook!

My son, 2.5 years old, was watching me with his 6-week old sister. He started touching her gently, then gave her a whack. It was the first time he's done that, and it affected me pretty strongly. Yikes. I took a deep breath, then I:
1. Picked up the baby and comforted her, and pulled myself together.
2. Told my son that there is no hitting in our family.
3. Sat back down to re-connect with him.
4. Observed that he still had an angry look in his eye.
5. Told him that I bet it was hard to have to share his mama. I told him that I could not let him hurt the baby, but that if he wanted to whack something, he could use the pillow on the couch.
6. Watched in amazement as he whacked the pillow 3 times and then happily turned to his toy cars. He made it through the rest of the afternoon and evening with no problems.

[MsMoMpls]

I love this thread!!!!

Joey was having a melt down after I buckled him into his car seat one day and we were late (of course) but instead of arguing with him I said "Oh no! I think he's going to blow! It looks like Joey is going to explode!" He laughed so hard- he did blow... boogers everywhere. :LOL

Now we both joke about being so mad we just might blow... boogers! Nothing like grossness to turn around a 3 year old.

[sadie_sabot]

Another very easy but very effective technique is to have music playing in the house. I swear, the days we have music on - particulary if it's something DS and I both like - there are no or very few rough moments.

huh. Kids music or adult music?

[katallen]

This morning before going to school my daughter was being very whiny and complaining and I was getting very frustrated so I sat down to have a break and she came and crawled in my lap and told me to breathe and showed me how. She really does pick up on the modeling!!! It was to cute for me to stay upset and we both were much happier after that.

[muse]

huh. Kids music or adult music?

I don't usually make a distinction between the two. Whatever works for you. If it was a synthesized version of Wheels On the Bus playing for the tenth time then it wouldn't help me much at all! My son loves Louis Armstrong, Pete Seeger, Miles Davis, Sweet Honey In The Rock, all the Putomayo CD's, Bach, Mozart..etc. If I want things mellow I put on some mellow classical or jazz, if we're having fun baking or something then Pete or Louis, or if I need to get him motivated to clean up his mess, African drumming is great. he dances while he cleans!
:D

The other thing I've just remembered is using song. DS was super tired after kindergarten and we had to get up (another) hill to the car. He was ready to fall apart in a tantrum and I just ignored that and started singing his (current) favourite song (Oats Peas Beans) and he joined in and forgot about the tantrum. Other times we make up funny little songs about what we're doing or what's going on. It can turn an ugly situation into something playful and is a great way of re-connecting.

Last one; since hills seem to feature in our lives quite a bit :LOL I throw him a pretend rope and pretend to pull him up the hill. He holds onto his imaginary rope and magically get's "pulled" up. Works every time. :D

[sadie_sabot]

Hills are a big deal for us, too, living at the top of one in a very hilly city and using public trasnit a lot. I will try songs and imaginary ropes, that sounds cool.

[gaialice]

Quite often when I come back from work (I work full time and the children are in pre-K in the morning and with sitter in the afternoon) the girls studiously ignore me. I'd certainly like to ask them how their day was or just hug them but that never seems to work. So now, I invite them to join in a pillow fight, or in a game of hands (you know the one in which you hold your hands palms up and the other person is supposed to hit them...) or I say... in a Tiger voice .. "if you do not come say hi to me I will ... tickle you"... the evening just starts out in a better way after this...

[obiandelismom]

If I'm not paying close attention, I tend to slip into power struggles a lot with my 4yo. A few weeks ago my 3yo, 4yo and I were in a fancy nearby hotel (sometimes for an adventure we walk in, ride the glass elevator and get a package of cheese crackers from the vending machine. It's like Six Flags, but much cheaper. :LOL) and my 4yo suddenly darted away from me. He knew that was not ok, and gave me one of those "What are you gonna do about it?" looks. Normally, this is when I would blow - counting, threatening, etc etc. This time, I took a deep breath, let him get far enough away that he came back on his own (they always do, don't they?), and then I crouched in front of him and said, "When you run away from me, it makes me worry that you'll get lost. And when you run in a crowded place, you make it hard for other people to walk." Then I stood back up. We were quiet for a minute, and then he said, "I think I'll hang onto the stroller until we go back outside. It's safer, and I won't bother people." :)

[Wugmama]

:bump

We need some positive threads in this forum right now!

~Tracy

[EnviroBecca]

My 17-month-old bit me while nursing. I shrieked and made him let go by putting my finger in his mouth. He kind of shrugged and got off the bed and jogged out of the room as if nothing had happened, ready to go find some toys. I sat on the edge of the bed in a slumped posture, making my saddest face with very big eyes. He looked over his shoulder to see why I wasn't following him, then came back to the doorway looking concerned. I said, "I Don't Like It when you bite me. It makes me feel Very Sad." Immediately he rushed over to me with arms open wide. I hugged him and said, "I see you're sorry. You love me! I love you too! I feel better now." :love Then I made a point of really getting over it and being happy.

[**guest**]

today. not sure if this is the best moment, but it is fresh in my mind. DD asked me to write 'mama' for her. i did it. asking after each letter if this is what she wanted. when the whole word was finished, she melted down on the floor, as i wrote it wrong. :dizzy:

the melt down was seemingly out of the blue, and to be honest i was irritated. i just put so much thought and effort into pleasing her (including interrupting a nursing session with DS), and what did i achieve? :lol as i was processing this information (5 seconds) she started kicking me in utter frustration. i was ready to shut down myself. i was hurt and i was getting angry.

i got to her level, gently collected her, and validated her feelings. i told her that sometimes i feel this way as well. that little things matter. i told her that i would try one more time, and if it didn't work for her, that would be it.

when i was done writing, and she was pleased and calm, i talked to her about her behaviour being unacceptable. she came to me to apologise several minutes later.

and this could have easily been a huge power struggle. i could feel myself going there. and i am so glad i didn't.

[guerrillamama]

I love the fact that ds is so verbal about his feelings. I think this is because I reflect A LOT. Like, "You seem really upset..." "Are you frustrated? You look frustrated..." "I understand that you're angry..." "You're crying. Is it because you're sad?" There are so many emotionally illiterate men in this world, I always swore that I would never raise one, and YAY ME! I'm succeeding.

He tells me all the time how he's feeling and, increasingly, we can ward off big trouble this way.

For example - He used to tell me "I cry" during or after a crying fit. Now he tells me before. So I can say, "You're going to cry? It's ok to cry if you need to, but can we talk about this first?"

Or, he'll tell me "Mama, I wery angry!" And it seems to make a world of difference if I stop everything and appreciate that. "Wow, you are very angry that you can't go outside right now. I can see how angry you are." Sometimes he will just say "yes" and drop it from there and move on. Amazing.

I also love it when he tells me how I'm feeling. "Mama, you angry?" He's inviting me to talk about it.

:love

[DevaMajka]

There have been times that I've seen ds about to hit one of the dogs with a stick. He'll stop, shake his head no, and go on to hit the couch or the floor instead. hehehe (without a word, or any intentional gestures on my part)

There are also times that he'll do something that he's not really supposed to do (like spill water, or mash up food) and he'll come get me right away and show me. Then he helps clean up. I dunno, I think that in itself is gd success- that he's willing to admit he's done something that I might not like and he wants to help clean it up.

And, this may not seem like a gd thing, but it seems gd to me, if you think of "gd" as teaching. I've been telling him for a while now that if he's diaperless, and he has to pee, that he ought to either pee in the toilet or in a diaper. That's all the "potty training" we've done. He catches it sometimes, and he'll tell me, and I either put him on the potty or put a diaper on him, whichever he prefers. Today, he came in to me and took me to his little potty- he had pee'd in it on his own! (just a tiny tiny bit- most of it was on the floor. lol). He showed me, then took the potty in to dump it in the toilet (that's his favorite part of it, I think. lol).

[sadie_sabot]

I love the fact that ds is so verbal about his feelings. I think this is because I reflect A LOT. Like, "You seem really upset..." "Are you frustrated? You look frustrated..." "I understand that you're angry..." "You're crying. Is it because you're sad?" There are so many emotionally illiterate men in this world, I always swore that I would never raise one, and YAY ME! I'm succeeding.

He tells me all the time how he's feeling and, increasingly, we can ward off big trouble this way.

For example - He used to tell me "I cry" during or after a crying fit. Now he tells me before. So I can say, "You're going to cry? It's ok to cry if you need to, but can we talk about this first?"

Or, he'll tell me "Mama, I wery angry!" And it seems to make a world of difference if I stop everything and appreciate that. "Wow, you are very angry that you can't go outside right now. I can see how angry you are." Sometimes he will just say "yes" and drop it from there and move on. Amazing.

I also love it when he tells me how I'm feeling. "Mama, you angry?" He's inviting me to talk about it.

:love

awesome!

[loraxc]

DH gives DD her bath every night. It is usually a good time for them, but recently DD has been in a VERY challenging phase and there has been a lot of protest over hair-washing and face-washing. I heard them gearing up for a struggle again last night and just came in and started chit-chatting with DD while DH just sat and di not try to wash. I got her very involved in talking about our trip to SeaWorld, asking lots of questions, and she was so interested in our conversation that she totally forgot to protest the hair- and face-washing, which DH did while we chatted. I always forget how much it helps to engage her mind with questions to get it off a physical power struggle (diapering, dressing, hair-washing).

Along the same lines, we have recently created a characted called "Little Undressing Guy" who appears when DD does not want to undress herself or be undressed. He's just my hand, but I use a different voice and say, "Oh, Little Undressing Guy is going to take off your shirt! Oh, oh, oh, better hurry or he'll do it!" This works so much better than using my grim stern voice and saying, "DD, TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT or I will take it off." Sort of a spin-off on the "talking diaper," which worked wonders for us, too!