confessions of a GD mama

[Piglet68]

A comment in another thread about feeling like a "GD imposter" when your kids go berserk and/or you lose it made me think it would be fun to have a confessional thread so we can all see how we all have less-than-shining moments sometimes.

I'll go first:

This GD mama (that would be me) once yanked her DD's favorite possession right out of her little hands and said in an evil voice "you want your little book? come and get it!" and marched off to the car.

This was after chasing her around the playground for 20 minutes trying to get her to leave while carrying her squirming, HEAVY baby brother, with an audience of "1-2-3-you're in trouble" nannies giving me those looks like "that's what happens when you don't punish your child".

I can laugh about it now, but that was a real low point for us.

Okay, next? :D

[canadiyank]

I don't want to confess. I've done some very regrettable things. :(

[**guest**]

too many lately -- i don't know where my patience went this past week. :(

i will write one later. chicken (me). :bag:

[westernmamomma]

Oh my, where to begin??? This is going to take some deliberation to find the one time of many that I've lost it...
There was me screaming in the hall pointing to dd's bedroom yelling, "get in there, NOW! Time out!" This was after she decided that her brother made a great pillow and laid on top of him so that he screamed (she's 45lbs, he's 20lbs)

That's the beginning... More to come (the day is still young)

[allgirls]

yesterday I yelled at her...after days and days of screaming I finally lost it.

But I have decided to forgive myself...I had a really rough day including a bullying scare with her big sister(frantic call from school in hysterics),stressful meeting with a principal who accused my dd of making it all up to "skip class"(who calls their mom when they skip class" combined with the principa using the "B" word in front of my dd who is 2(I am writing a letter), My other dd was home sick which is scary since one of their friends has mono, and I am 39wks3days pregnant with baby #4 plus hubby has only been home 3 days out of the last 4 wks.

All this punctuated by a 2 year old screaming just to hear the sound of her voice...I finally yelled at her..."Shhhhhhhhhhhh!!! you have to stop screaming..you are hurting my ears and I am going to leave because it hurts and I went into another room and cried and cried"

Anyway...once I calmed down went back out and she said "screaming hurts your ears" and I said yes and she hugged me. So I said I was sorry and she hugged me so she forgave me.

I have been feeling really really bad about it but she dealt with it just fine. I think she's pretty secure in our relationship...so I decided to forgive myself.

[TeaBag]

:hide: :bag: :tsk

Okay, this is just from the other day. After asking several times for the kids to start cleaning up the playroom before bedtime....not that I asked them to do it, just start while I finished the dinner dishes....."Hey guys, can you help me out adn start straighting up the playroom for me please?" "I thought I asked for some help with the playroom" Meanwhile, it's just getting more and more and more trashed....."Excuse me, but if I have to clean up the playroom, there won't be enough time for stories tonight." More blocks getting thrown....."I have asked several times for you guys to start cleaning."








:hide:
"I have HAD IT! Get to your rooms, all of you! I will clean the damn playroom myself!" Crying...."I know that you are sad. I am sad too. Go to your room." "Mommy, I want you." "I want you too. But right now, I am so very angry, please go to your room while I clean this up." "but..."


screaming..."NO BUTS! GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!"

Of course, there's always an excuse. Dh is gone, won't be back anytime soon. I'm exhaused from seriously no sleep for the last several weeks. My period is about to start. I'd been cleaning all day and fighting an uphill battle. :blah :blah :blah

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I'm terribly embarrassed to admit this. I hated myself immediately afterwards. I'm scared to even post it here. But maybe it will help to tell you about it.

My DD, who was only 8 months, was having a very rough night. It was 3 hours past her bedtime and for the previous 3 hours I had been pacing with her, rocking her, walking in the sling, nursing til my nipple was raw and sore. My DH would try to take her to give me a break, but she would just scream louder. I was exhausted. In addition, when I would hold her, she would squirm like she wanted to be put down, but when I would put her down, she would scream even louder to be picked up.

So finally, I took her out of the sling, plopped her on her butt on the floor, and ran into the bedroom, saying, "she's not even TRYING to go to sleep!" She screamed like I had just abandoned her (which I had, actually). The scream was the most horrible thing I had ever heard from her, and I ran back and immediately picked her up, but I felt terrible. It was the abruptness with which I had put her down that hurt her so. I gave her no warning, no transition time, just plopped her on the floor. :(

[dillonandmarasmom]

I'm thinking...we all had colds this week...rough week...

In the car on the way home from a pretty fun day DS was swatting and pinching his sis on the legs.She started to cry. I had been saying "Gentle, Dillie, be soft..." etc. He got a bit feisty and did it more and more until she really started crying and I grabbed his little leg nad pinched him and said, "It hurts, doesn't it?" in a really mean tone...I felt out of control :hide:

but, after20 min of stop and go traffic and him shouting and beiung mean to his sis i lost it. he stopped,but i felt like a total failure :(

[OnTheBrink]

I don't agree with the cry it out thing, but I did it for the first time yesterday with Emma. She is 4 and a half. She had been whining and complaining and being rude all afternoon. Her dad told her to go to her room and settle down. She went in there and started wailing "Mommy! I need you! I need you to come and get me!" Over and over and over. She sounded like she was going to puke. I went in 3 times over 30 minutes to check that she was, in fact, safe. The door was literally open. She could have come out on her own. But she decided to be dramatic and scream. So, I sat in the room right next to hers and read while she howled. She finally agreed to come out and talk to me. The horrible thing is - I honestly don't feel badly about it!

[owensmom]

After a particularly stressful car ride, I grabbed ds's brown lego-ish monster thing he was trying to hit me with and chucked it over the shed and into the blackberries.

[Dal]

The most difficult thing for me to handle is whining and crying (for which I can't identify a cause), especially when I haven't had enough sleep. If I'm having a really horrible day and having trouble handing Simon's crying, I've been known to bite my tongue or my lip to help deal with the stress (not too hard though -- I never cut myself), and in my lowest moments, to punch my thigh a few times. I don't think he had any clue what I was doing, and if I ever acted physically like that, I'd do something so that it would come off to him as me being silly and trying to distract him. I've never noticed him being the least bit scared while I've done any of this type of crap... but he could be and either way it's not a good way to respond.

Oh... and one particularly unlovely event. Simon was really upset in the car once and we couldn't pull over for whatever reason. It was the absolute ride from hell. He used to totally hate the car. I felt so helpless and distraught over hearing him cry and seeing him so upset and hated the situation that we were in. I was right next to him in the back seat. I had tried getting really close to him and snuggling, but he clearly wanted to be held and out of the car so that didn't do much to help him. I'm not sure how long this continued, it felt like forever but it was probably at most 5-10 minutes (though the entire ride had also been rocky and stressful). I ended up hitting the chair in front of me and saying very loudly, while probably crying, "I hate this! I hate this!" That SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't think that acting out physically in this way is a good thing to do... at all. I haven't done it in quite awhile and hope to avoid it in the future. I think a really big breath and trying to find a "big picture" of what's going on, and taking great pride in getting through the upset in a respectable way work better, and of course I feel better about myself that way too.

[katebleu]

i have sat in the middle of the night on the floor of dd's room crying "no one lets mommy sleep" while she cried in her crib because i just couldn't funstion for the lack of sleep. :o

[TeaBag]

"no one lets mommy sleep"

:hug I *so* know that one.

[Piglet68]

aw, shucks you guys. this was supposed to be a lighten up our spirits thread, not a total downer.

you all deserve HUGE hugs!!!!

:grouphug

[katebleu]

aw, shucks you guys. this was supposed to be a lighten up our spirits thread, not a total downer.

you all deserve HUGE hugs!!!!

:grouphug


in eleven months all of our break downs are still really traumatic at least for me. i'm sure dd and i will have more entertaining break downs in the future. i mean i have to take back two hats she "stole" from the consignment store tomorrow. i'm mortified and think i will pass of the interactions with the store staff to my mother. :o :LOL :o

[westernmamomma]

i"no one lets mommy sleep" :o
:yeah:
:Hug
I've been there too!

[Ruthla]

I don't agree with the cry it out thing, but I did it for the first time yesterday with Emma. She is 4 and a half. She had been whining and complaining and being rude all afternoon. Her dad told her to go to her room and settle down. She went in there and started wailing "Mommy! I need you! I need you to come and get me!" Over and over and over. She sounded like she was going to puke. I went in 3 times over 30 minutes to check that she was, in fact, safe. The door was literally open. She could have come out on her own. But she decided to be dramatic and scream. So, I sat in the room right next to hers and read while she howled. She finally agreed to come out and talk to me. The horrible thing is - I honestly don't feel badly about it!

IMO, there's a huge difference between letting a 4yo have a tantrum and making an infant CIO in a crib. If you honestly don't feel bad about it, then you probably have no reason that you "should" feel bad about it. She knew you were available, she knew the door was open, and she chose to stay by herself and vent.

[MsMoMpls]

Thank you Piglet so much!!! I really needed this today. There are so many guru mommas here and I know they are human, just like me but sometimes my expectations for myself get out of control.

I am a perfect momma, unless there is housework to be done or a schedule to keep. Of course that is everyday right?

My deep dark secret is that I love Wednesdays because the kids go to daycare in the morning and I don't have to be at work until 3 today. I am giving myself permission to take a nap so that I can be the good mommy I want to be.

[Mammo2Sammo]

45 Minutes ago I was cranky, so was DS. He was running around with just a diaper on, frequently whining. I felt chilled and thought it would be a good idea to have him wear something. He saw the shirt and ran. I ran after him. After a brief bit of failed discussion ("no shirt!"), I held him firmly between my legs and pulled the shirt over him. By the time his arms were going through, he started crying that he wanted to do it himself. all I said was "too late" and walked out before I came possessed about putting pants on him.
My little furnace of a boy probably didn't need a shirt.

good thread - it is important to me to read all of these wise mamas struggle- maybe we are all human

[annab]

Ah, the Supernanny days. I had tried everything GD that I knew at the time, but DS was just a maniac. Mouthy, obstinate, impulsive, hitting, biting. He was a mess, and so was I. I happened to stumble upon Supernanny--what amazing results! I did not realize she was with families for two weeks--it looked like two days and all was perfect. So we were big time-outers. It was awful. He would go on the chair (at least I did not call it the 'naughty seat'), then get up. We would put him back and it would last for like 30 minutes. It was hell. I finally looked at DH on the third or fourth day and said, "This is stupid."

The two times he has bitten his sister, I have carried him to his room, laid him on the bed and said, "Don't come out until I get you. Mommy is PISSED!" Identical both times. I am nothing if not predictable!

[pixiexto]

Thank you for starting this thread - it really does wonders for the soul to see that we are ALL human!

AH, I have to admit that it feels good to commiserate today.

One of my less-than-shining moments comes to mind - DD is 3, and OH she was having a whiny morning one day a month or two ago. SO whiny. I had been patient, been trying to help her to vocalize what she wanted, and finally I just lost it and yelled out "This is the kind of morning that daycare is made for!!"

She was startled, and said to me calmly "but Mama, I don't want to go to daycare!"

Arg, I felt crummy about it. It was how I felt at that moment though, I have to admit! ;)

[arimama]

One night ds was having an absolutly psychotic tantrum about pizza that lasted 45 minutes. Whaterever his problem was, it wasnt really about the pizza. After trying everything in my GD arsenal and the screaming and hitting and freaking out continued, I stormed out of the kitchen flung open the door and hucked the pizza into our front yard and said "forget about the damn pizza!" Of course that didnt stop the tantrum but flinging pizza as hard as i could out the front door kinda made me feel better:)

[annab]

Thank you for starting this thread - it really does wonders for the soul to see that we are ALL human!

AH, I have to admit that it feels good to commiserate today.

One of my less-than-shining moments comes to mind - DD is 3, and OH she was having a whiny morning one day a month or two ago. SO whiny. I had been patient, been trying to help her to vocalize what she wanted, and finally I just lost it and yelled out "This is the kind of morning that daycare is made for!!"

She was startled, and said to me calmly "but Mama, I don't want to go to daycare!"

Arg, I felt crummy about it. It was how I felt at that moment though, I have to admit! ;)

Oh, I am sooooo with you. Then I think of how I cannot be away from them for more than a few hours--how could I do all day? But I totally get the feeling behind it, and you made me laugh.

I have had days where there has been WAAAAAY too much TV time so that I could keep my sanity, and I think--my child would be better off in daycare. If they let him watch this much TV, I would fire them. Maybe if being a mom were salaried....

[freedom]

"No more toys ever again- ever never!!!" :hide:

I have also been known to bribe and cajole on occasion - count to 3 in desperation.

One of my most hated things I do is the finger shake :nono.

oh and the lecture :blah :blah :blah - sometimes I get so high on my soapbox i forget my original point.

Oh well - I am a work in progress. And we have more fun than not. :love

I love the flinging the pizza story :LOL

[meowmix]

We haven't always done GD and I still try everyday. So I have definitely done timeouts as punishment that I am not too proud of anymore. I tapped my daughter's fingers one time because she wouldn't stay out of the trash and I was sick of picking up trash and I had no where else to put the trash can.

But during GD times I wasn't too proud of myself two days ago. I had had a really rough day where my 4 ry old had been very nasty rude to me by talking back to me (actually, yelling is more like it), my 2 yr old daughter had pushed over her baby sister, scratched her and generally made her cry all day long. The 4 yr old and 2 yr old, who normally are very happy to play together kept agruing and fighting over sharing toys. Finally, by the end of the day I had had ENOUGH! and I picked them both up and put them each in a seperate room and shut the door and went into my room with the baby and shut my door and sat and cuddled the baby feeling like a failure for 45 minutes! Thing is, during those 45 minutes my children never cried and spent the entire time singing very loudly nonsense songs to eachother through the walls. It was just all around a bad day. :(

[meowmix]

One night ds was having an absolutly psychotic tantrum about pizza that lasted 45 minutes. Whaterever his problem was, it wasnt really about the pizza. After trying everything in my GD arsenal and the screaming and hitting and freaking out continued, I stormed out of the kitchen flung open the door and hucked the pizza into our front yard and said "forget about the damn pizza!" Of course that didnt stop the tantrum but flinging pizza as hard as i could out the front door kinda made me feel better:)


That is so funny! I could totally imagine myself doing that!

[Fuamami]

I don't agree with the cry it out thing, but I did it for the first time yesterday with Emma. She is 4 and a half. She had been whining and complaining and being rude all afternoon. Her dad told her to go to her room and settle down. She went in there and started wailing "Mommy! I need you! I need you to come and get me!" Over and over and over. She sounded like she was going to puke. I went in 3 times over 30 minutes to check that she was, in fact, safe. The door was literally open. She could have come out on her own. But she decided to be dramatic and scream. So, I sat in the room right next to hers and read while she howled. She finally agreed to come out and talk to me. The horrible thing is - I honestly don't feel badly about it!

I don't think this really counts as CIO. If she could have come and gotten you if she chose, then it's not the same.

[luv my 2 sweeties]

good thread - it is important to me to read all of these wise mamas struggle- maybe we are all human

*Maybe* we are all human?? :LOL :wink

My latest big failure was a week or two ago. I've been trying so hard not to nag dd about getting ready in the morning, but one morning I just lost it. She was sitting on her bum litterally twiddling her thumbs when she was supposed to be brushing her teeth. I reminded her twice and she totally ignored me both times. (That's one of my buttons!! :angry) I was so angry, I got right in her face and yelled at her (in a nasty tone, no less) "GO.. BRUSH...YOUR...TEETH...NOW!" She cried of course, but she did it, and I felt terrible the moment the words had escaped my mouth. :( Acutally, I was more ashamed of getting in her face with it than with the yelling. I yell more often than I'd like, but it's usually exasperated yelling, not angry, in-your-face verbal assault. I really felt that I had given her a verbal slap in the face. :( I followed her right into the bathroom and apologized. I also explained why what I had done was wrong. *Later* we discussed the problem of getting ready on time in the morning.

It is nice to know that these lapses happen with all of us. It's also why AP is so important, IMO. A well-attached child can better weather those moments of emotional turmoil with a parent. I hope so anyway! :o

[annab]

It's also why AP is so important, IMO. A well-attached child can better weather those moments of emotional turmoil with a parent. I hope so anyway! :o

You are so right. When I think of kids who have their best days on actions that we are 'confessing', it really puts it into perspective. I know my kids can weather a bad day because they know my love is unwavering.

[Dar]

My daughter still remembers the day I threw the apples, when she was around 4... we were going to a potluck and running late, and I'd totally forgotten to get anything to bring so I was rooting around and came up with a bag of apples... I don't eat apples, so they were Rain's, but there was really nothing else we could bring, and I told her I'd get her more apples on the way home, but she said no, she wanted those apples, she loved those apples, whine, whine, whine... and it had been a crappy morning already, I was a college student and it was a crazy time, and her dad had just gotten out of prison and was in a halfway house nearby, starting crazy shit about wanting custody, and I just couldn't take any more... I started throwing the apples at the wall, one at a time... smash... smash... smash. I yelled something about "your damn apples", and she screamed and started crying, and then after I threw 5 or 6 of them I started crying, and we just sobbed together for a long time...

Looking back, I can see how stressed and isolated I was when Rain was little... I have more stories, too, unfortunately that wasn't the only time...

Dar

[Embee]

Piglet, I thank you for this thread. I have many a time wanted to start one just like it and I chickened RIGHT OUT. I actually went looking for a thread that was started some time ago about "if you feel like yelling at your kids, do it here" the other day and didn't come across it. I was looking to avoid another scene like last Wednesday...

This past year has been so up and down with DS. FOUR IS HARD! I've had my share of low points. I had a week last week that topped them all. In particular, a post 'grocery shopping from hell' incident where I believe I said (um, screamed VERY loudly) something like, "When I take you to the store, I expect that you'll behave politely and be grateful for what you get and NOT whine for what you don't get. Some mom's don't even let their kids eat in the store much let have treats so consider yourself *DAMN* lucky. If you can't see fit to do that then no more treats, EVER! And it will be a good long time before you EVER accompany me to a store again."

I gotta tell you also that this was said so loudly, almost as to be out of control whilst DS was strapped into his carseat and I was driving home... at the end of my "little" tirade, I screamed "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" so loudly my throat hurt, DS started sobbing and I still have yet to forgive myself completely. My biggest weakness in the heat of the moment are the use of threats, something I disdain with all of my being. :crap

Anyway, we got home, I unstrapped DS and before any groceries left the trunk we were hugging in the driveway, and I was telling him how sorry I was and then he said, "I'm sorry too, Mommy." GAWD, I've never felt like crawling under a rock more in my life! Indeed, my child was basically apologizing for being four. :(

Since, things are WAY UP. It does seem that my lowest moments are typically followed by my most shining ones, determined to reassert myself as the loving, caring adult... determined to reaffirm our attachment, heal and move on.

The best to all,
Em

[hipumpkins]

We had jsut moved and I was pregnant and trying to get things unpacked. DD kept climbing on this one basket that would break if she got on top. I asked her repeatedly to stop climbing and explained that it would break. Finally she climbed on it for what....THE LAST TIME!!!
I yelled go inot your room!! She did and I closed the door. DD was not crying but hse said, "I want to come out. I will not climb on the basket anymore.
I said, "Ok but do not climb on that basket"
Well what I didn't know about our new apartment was that the door knob was broken and I could not open her door. She started crying that she had to pee and "please I wont climb on the bakset. "
I was crying and trying to explain t her that I never meant to lock the door and In was really trying to get the door open and it was ok to pee on the floor if she had to.
I called my DH who talked me through taking the door knob off. I was soooo upset!!!
The door knob is still not on her door and every now and then she will bring up how mommy locked her in her room. :(

[canadiyank]

The pizza incident! Oh man, I almost spit my hot choc out!

This is my lowest moment ever: Dd refused to use the potty before going out...it was one of *those* days and that "defiance" happened to be the final straw. I screamed in her face and shook her and she ran to the bathroom, crying. She was shaking and kept saying, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe" as she heaved and heaved. I was hysterical, it was awful, just awful. I was thinking I'd have to call 911 and they'd take her away. She was hyperventilating and I finally hugged her long enough that she calmed down. Dh happened to call right then and left work b/c we were both just a mess. This is after 3 yrs. of GDing experience. It serves as a horrible reminder and motivation for me to never, ever get that out of control again. We did much reconciliation.

[irinam]

Oh, my :hide:

Just this morning:

DD - <rolling her eyes> "You are *still* talking?"
Me - turning around abruptly "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"
DD - <sheepishly> "nothing..."

:o :o :o

[Piglet68]

One of my most hated things I do is the finger shake :nono.
oh and the lecture :blah :blah :blah - sometimes I get so high on my soapbox i forget my original point.

Oh I hear you.

And just you wait until one day, when your older child gets pissed at her baby brother, and to your SHOCK and HORROR you hear YOUR VOICE, complete with soapbox-y phrases and finger wagging, coming out of your older child's MOUTH.

I want to die of shame, lol.

Nobody does "mama when she's lost it" better than my 3 year old DD.

[sagira]

Ds (2) had been everywhere that day, pulling books off the shelves, turning lights on and off, going Mami (200 times in a row), and running around when he opened the safety lock and reached in to grab one of my glass mixing bowls.

I was naturally afraid for his safety and have had it and I crouched down to his level, pried his fingers off the bowl, looked at him, clenched my teeth producing like a grrr sound.. I bet I must have looked awful!

Poor ds burst into tears. Thankfully, dh just came in after work and swept ds away telling me, You need a break.

Man! I still feel bad about that one. I hugged him, told him I was sorry.. :nut

[traceface]

Just yesterday I said in a completely deadpan resigned voice to my almost-3 year old, "you are truly a pain in the ass"

Like just because I'm not screaming it's somehow gentler. It was more like just a statement of fact describing our afternoon.

Sorry, Piglet, that our stories aren't as charmingly entertaining as yours! :p

[Embee]

and to your SHOCK and HORROR you hear YOUR VOICE, complete with soapbox-y phrases and finger wagging, coming out of your older child's MOUTH.

:soapbox Ugh. I so get this. Lectures are definitely something I struggle with as well.

My latest "evil phrase" and I can't believe I said it, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!" That was the day I realized that my mother's voice and mine can sound scarily alike. Huge eye opener. Of course, the only thing that topped it was when DS was playing dinosaurs and "Grumpy" says to "Bronty" in the heat of the moment, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!" The horror. :rolleyes:

This thread is making me feel loads better though. When I go through rough times, when I'm not nearly my best and far from it, it really foes help to have the wonderful company of the many caring mamas here at MDC... all trying to do better but also acknowledging that we're human. :hug

The best,
Em

[gaialice]

My worst thing these days is "You yelled and cried so many times and were not able to play by yourselves for 5 minutes straight and you made me burn dinner". On a particularly pathethic night, I can even continue on the same tone, or worse, and become sarcastic, and say there continue like that (in a nasty voice) you will spoil my second attempt at dinner... The fact is I am the worst cook...

[luckylady]

well I am NOT a good GD mommy today. I am pregnant, sick today and for the last 2 days DD has decided to wake up at 5:15 in the freaking morning. Then she has to be CONSTANTLY entertained ALL FREAKIN DAY LONG and today I am SO tired and SHE WON'T SLEEP! ARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! You would think after 3-1/2 years I would be used to having given birth to the anti-sleeper. So of course I try to lay down, set the time and tell her she can come get me up after it beeps - a measley 30 minutes. So what does she do? Comes and crawls into my bed and kisses me (this is her new "trick" so I won't get upset.) Well, I got upset. I told her to plllllllllllllease leave me alone! but she said "I'm not going to" and I figured rather than escalate it to the point where steam is coming out my ears I would just get up.

At present I am sitting in my office and she is playng with her little animals because I told her if she doesn't leave me alone for 10 minutes i am going to lose it - and she knows what that means. :(

These are the days I WISH I could send her to the neighbors house for an hour just to have a break. It's simply exhausting. i am just totally spent and exhausted. I sat on the toilet and cried because I can't believe i am having another one of these. :duh :scratch She is just SOOOOOO much (always has been) that I SWORE I would NEVER have another one. Days like today make me wonder what the HE!! was I thinking?!? :bawl

Wow - I feel so much better getting that all out. For a while there I felt like punching the wall, that's how frustrated and burned out I feel today.

[PattyO]

After a day (well more like 45 minutes, but felt like whole day), I really need to hear about other GD (well, trying) mamas regrettable actions. I'm new to MotheringDOtCOmmune and I joined solely because of this Gentle Discpline forum. I need all of you!

My day today consisted of my DS, 3 3/4 years, in a screaming match for about 45 minutes. I had primal screams, I handled him roughly when trying to get him into his bed for alone time (something we do when he hits, kicks, pushes, shoves, etc.) and God knows what else I might have done.

My DH and I agreed when DS was infant that we would not spank or hit our children - how were we going to teach them that hitting hurts and to not hit? Lately, though, I have THOUGHTS of hitting DS in some way. It hurts so much to even write that. I can't even see the keyboard through my tears.

I also don't like my yelling - to me, that has nearly same effect as hitting. I try so hard to treat my children with respect. I feel like such a failure today. Thanks for listening.

[momontherun1995]

:Thanks Thank you! Thank you all for reminding us that we are all human :O
and that we aren't perfect :innocent

:dust Peace!

Mom to five; 10, 10, 9, and 2.5 :jumpers: :hs: :nocirc2 :flyby1 :homebirth :cd: :dog: :fambed21

[oyemicanto]

I'm terribly embarrassed to admit this. I hated myself immediately afterwards. I'm scared to even post it here. But maybe it will help to tell you about it.


My DD, who was only 8 months, was having a very rough night. It was 3 hours past her bedtime and for the previous 3 hours I had been pacing with her, rocking her, walking in the sling, nursing til my nipple was raw and sore. My DH would try to take her to give me a break, but she would just scream louder. I was exhausted. In addition, when I would hold her, she would squirm like she wanted to be put down, but when I would put her down, she would scream even louder to be picked up.

So finally, I took her out of the sling, plopped her on her butt on the floor, and ran into the bedroom, saying, "she's not even TRYING to go to sleep!" She screamed like I had just abandoned her (which I had, actually). The scream was the most horrible thing I had ever heard from her, and I ran back and immediately picked her up, but I felt terrible. It was the abruptness with which I had put her down that hurt her so. I gave her no warning, no transition time, just plopped her on the floor. :(

This sounds like you were being human to me
:)

I think you did exactly the right thing - when it gets to be too much and you are losing your cool - walk away! Better than letting it escalate and losing control.

[cass]

Piglet, I thank you for this thread. I have many a time wanted to start one just like it and I chickened RIGHT OUT. I actually went looking for a thread that was started some time ago about "if you feel like yelling at your kids, do it here" the other day and didn't come across it. I was looking to avoid another scene like last Wednesday...

This past year has been so up and down with DS. FOUR IS HARD! I've had my share of low points. I had a week last week that topped them all. In particular, a post 'grocery shopping from hell' incident where I believe I said (um, screamed VERY loudly) something like, "When I take you to the store, I expect that you'll behave politely and be grateful for what you get and NOT whine for what you don't get. Some mom's don't even let their kids eat in the store much let have treats so consider yourself *DAMN* lucky. If you can't see fit to do that then no more treats, EVER! And it will be a good long time before you EVER accompany me to a store again."

I gotta tell you also that this was said so loudly, almost as to be out of control whilst DS was strapped into his carseat and I was driving home... at the end of my "little" tirade, I screamed "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" so loudly my throat hurt, DS started sobbing and I still have yet to forgive myself completely. My biggest weakness in the heat of the moment are the use of threats, something I disdain with all of my being. :crap

Anyway, we got home, I unstrapped DS and before any groceries left the trunk we were hugging in the driveway, and I was telling him how sorry I was and then he said, "I'm sorry too, Mommy." GAWD, I've never felt like crawling under a rock more in my life! Indeed, my child was basically apologizing for being four. :(

Since, things are WAY UP. It does seem that my lowest moments are typically followed by my most shining ones, determined to reassert myself as the loving, caring adult... determined to reaffirm our attachment, heal and move on.

The best to all,
Em


*Hugs* You are not alone. I have had a few 'car moments' myself and the "ahhhhhhhhhhhh" till your throat hurts thing has happened once or twice.

[Embee]

*Hugs* You are not alone. I have had a few 'car moments' myself and the "ahhhhhhhhhhhh" till your throat hurts thing has happened once or twice.

Thank you so much! We hit another rough patch a couple of weeks ago and I had to come back and read this thread so I'd know I wasn't alone. :hug :)

We hit a breif but intense rough patch a couple of weeks ago, but things are way way up since then, thank goodness. I've found I really needed to change my way of communicating with DS, and my expectations of him. I never want to imply that I'm grateful for those horrible mommy moments, but I do seem to find even greater resolve to stay GD after they happen, and always seem to have some life changing mind-set shift after "those moments." At least that something...

The best to all!

Em

[loraxc]

I don't even want to know how many times I snapped, "That's ENOUGH!" (usually my every-once-in-a-long-while, I'm-on-the-verge, thing to say) to my waily, whiny DD today. Time change is messing us up, she's getting her canines, and I dunno, the planets are OUT of alignment or something. I also yelled "STOP!" a bunch of times. Booooo. :( :(

[Pandora114]

Just now:

DD is down for her nap. She's babbling, so instead of thinking it cute and smiling like I usually do I go:

"GOOD NIGHT BRIANNA, GO TO SLEEP NOW!"

I just want a few minutes of headspace, is that too much to ask? I need to go bash some heads on City of Heroes/Villains..

[freedom]

Well I heard Ds say to little DD "If you don't ... Then I won't let you..."

So I was thinking how on earth did he ever get that mean old manipulative kind of bribing ... oh :o . I guess i have been know to bribe although i thought I was doing it in a helpful way - it is still bribing.

And as for the lecturing - Ds was like "are you gonna talk for a long time now mom 'cause i already know" :blush .

Wow kids are so brilliant and I always thank them for teaching me so much about how to be a better and more caring person.

[spirit4ever]

:Thanks :Thanks :Thanks
I've been having a really really hard month w/ ds. He's 3 1/2 and just very trying...we've also been dealing w/ ear infections and pink eye, which on top of his just being 3 very difficult. I've been yelling A LOT lately :hide: :bolt :bag: I meant A LOT. Yesterday was particularly bad, I picked him up and through him on the bed and told him to come out when he stops crying/whining..oooooooooohhhhhhhhh the whining :bang

Today has been much better, much, much better :)

[Katiemare]

:Hug Alright, it's been 5 years since I've been to confession.

Don't remember what it was about, which doesn't matter. About 6 months ago DS (he was newly three) was screaming and screaming for something and I screamed back at him, right in his face and made him pee his pants. :hide:

I think the worst part of it (feeling guilty-wise) is that he still turned to me for comfort :( when I was the one who hurt him in the first place. I took him to the bathroom for him to finish on the toilet, I changed him into fresh undies, I hugged him, rocked him, all while he was doing that hiccup-like recovery-from-crying breathing. I kept telling him how sorry I was and he said, it's ok.

But still. :crying

reminds me of a lyric by Prince: "If I was your one and only friend, would you run to me if somebody hurt you? Even if that somebody was me?" (if i was your girlfriend).

[Jilian]

I think the worst part of it (feeling guilty-wise) is that he still turned to me for comfort :( when I was the one who hurt him in the first place. I took him to the bathroom for him to finish on the toilet, I changed him into fresh undies, I hugged him, rocked him, all while he was doing that hiccup-like recovery-from-crying breathing. I kept telling him how sorry I was and he said, it's ok.

But still. :crying


Yeah, I know what you mean mama. When I lose it and yell at DS I end up feeling so awful when he crawls into my lap crying and saying "no yell mommy". It's heartbreaking.

[Storm Bride]

There have been a few lately - dd is just soooo exhausting - much more so than ds1 was.

The last couple of weeks, the whole family, including dd, have been fighthing a really nasty bug. We're all feverish and headachey, and not getting enough sleep. (I'm really getting the sleep-deprivation thing...ds2 keeps me up half the night nursing, then dd wakes me up early. UGH!)

Anyway...a few days ago, I was giving dd her bath. She takes it with me. I was trying and trying and trying to get her to tip her head back so I could rinse out the shampoo. It was getting late, and I was tired and felt like crap - I just wanted to get her finished so I could get clean and go to bed (she bathes, then dh takes her and I get clean on my own - I like my bath much too hot for dd). She just would not tip her head back. I was pleading with her to please just tip it back for a minute, and she just wouldn't...she did once, then tipped it back up just as I started pouring the water.

I finally got so frustrated that I yelled, "fine, then - see if I care if you get it in your eyes", and poured the water right over her head.... :( :(

Then, we spent about five minutes crying together in the tub, while I said "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry"... I felt like the worst mom ever.