Parenting Our Parents Forum/Sub-Forum?

[Henry's_Mamma]

Perhaps this has already discussed, but I couldn't find anything.

As many of us get older -- and especially as our parents get older -- we are faced with the responsibilities of parenting both our children and our parents. For me -- and I'm guessing for many of the mamas (and daddies) here -- that means applying a lot of the same parenting techniques we employ for our children for our parents. It also deeply effects our parenting of our own children because we have an additional care demand on us.

It would be great to discuss "parenting our parents" issues with other like-minded mamas and papas. I personally am facing a situation where I believe my mother may no longer be able to live by herself within the next year. My mother is only in her 60s, I'm in my 30s, and I have a toddler. At this point, my mother just needs to be with family (me), and this is stressful to me, my child, my husband, and our family, and is firmly connected to my ability to parent to my fullest potential.

So what about a forum/sub-forum for Parenting Our Parents? It is a form of mothering, and for many of us, it profoundly effects our daily family life.

[Cynthia Mosher]

Amy, I think it is certainly a form of mothering but I'm not so sure we need a separate forum for it. Have there been many discussions on the forums about this that demonstrate a need to organizze the topic?

[Henry's_Mamma]

I've looked for similar threads, but haven't found too many. I think part of the problem is that the issues can be so broad and cross so many possible forums (Health and Healing, Personal Growth, Parenting, Spirituality, Nutrition and Good Eating, Mindful Home Management, etc.). And searching for parents and mothering/parenting a parent doesn't really work. I have seen some threads on Alzheimer's/dementia and other terminal/debilitating illnesses. It is kind of hard to search because the words we use can be so different (caretaker, daughtering, sandwich generation, etc.), and many apply to mothering/parenting our children as well.

I've often wanted to ask others with similar philosophies about certain issues facing my mother, or even just get support for the hard job that it is to parent a parent, but where to post? So many of the issues overlap each other that it seems difficult to specifically target one forum/sub-forum in which to post. I feel weird posting a question in TAO (the seeming repository for all questions that don't seem to have a home) as that always seems to me to be a "lighter" place to be. And a lot of these issues are definitely not light.

Heaven help me for suggesting this, but I liken it a bit to the Pets sub-forum. Many people have questions about various aspects of pet care (health, behavior, etc.), and although we have separate forums to address all of these issues, it made more sense to put them in one place.

Maybe I'm the only one with these issues. Or maybe no one else quite knows what to do with their questions either. :shrug So maybe a better question would be, when you are parenting a parent and you need support or have questions across a wide spectrum of issues, where do you put your questions?

[ravenscraft]

I'm just getting here to MDC, but that is definitely a forum I would be interested in. I am just getting ready to have my own baby and terribly worried about how the mothering of my child will be affected by the mothering of my mother who I support. Thanks for being here for everything.

[nitareality]

Perhaps a tribe then? I am primary care-giver to my sister, as well as more and more responsible for my single mother, more for mental health than physical health issues, but still. I would value dialogue with others who are caring for adult members of their families, it can be a lonely confusing place to be. :love

[julesmom]

Just to add another supportive voice for a forum like the one suggested. Thankfully my mother (who lives with us) is doing well at 75 yo. Many issues do come up tho. I once heard the term "sandwich generation" in reference to the age group that would be caring for their parents and their children and I feel that there are issues unique to the mamas in this situation. It would be nice to have a place to discuss...

[Bleu]

I think this is a very important subject, and I'd love for it to be reflected in the structure of the board -- like a subforum. I think the way for that to happen might be starting a Tribe, or an ongoing support thread like the low breastmilk supply tribe, the exclusive pumping tribe, the runners support thread in fitness or the c-section support thread in birth/beyond.

I am not currently involved in eldercare because my grandmother died, but I'm certainly still interested in the issue and supportive of those still doing caretaking. I would probably participate in threads, be it getting-through-the-day type threads, or more philosophical discussion on policy, the role of the elderly in our society, the feminist implications of care work (both familial & paid), the economic impact on families, assisted livings/nursing homes, etc.

Come to think of it, if the Parenting Forum was changed to Family Issues, it would be the natural home for discussion like this, as well as the many other family of origin/in-laws threads I see scattered all over.

[Marsupialmom]

I really am not comfortable with parenting our parents as a title. I am a caregive to a Grandfather, Great Aunt, and Grandma. If we do this can we title it more along the lines of Giving care to adults. This would cover people caring for sister and stuff.

[Henry's_Mamma]

OP here. I agree on the not using the Parenting Our Parents as I forget that people care for other adults all the time (duh, we help care for BIL).

I also like the changing the name of the Parenting Forum suggested by Bleu. That really would be a natural place for these kinds of discussions.

[Bleu]

Yeah, I agree -- I don't like the expression parenting one's parents, either.

Also I'm kinda bumping this thread to see if it goes anywhere. :D

[Shenjall]

I love that idea!
Could it also be used for dealing with family members, emotionally? I've read many threads on the difficulties one has with parents/siblings/ etc.

[njeb]

How about starting a thread in the Finding Your Tribe forum? That way, we can gauge how much of a need there is for a specific forum for these issues.

[Ahappymel]

When I heard the title "Parenting Our Parents", I took it to mean emotionally offering love/compassion and dignity to our own parents (who perhaps did not parent us this way) in order to redefine the relationship.
The care-giving title seems to fit the true intent better.

[Cynthia Mosher]

A tribe thread would be a good start. :thumb