When will you tell everyone??

[Gray's Mommy]

We are still very early so we are keeping this pregnancy pretty quiet...which is killing me since I want to blab to everyone :blah
So far I have told 2 friends & that is all. We haven't even told our son yet, nor our parents.

What is your plan?
mary

[seekermage]

Well....I told my friend the minute I tested, she knew before DH did! :o
I then told my parents this past week....we meant to wait, but it was too stressful and better to get it out. We have told most of our friends, DDs (thats all they talk about now!) and my brother and sister....we wont tell DHs family until atleast THanksgiving at which point I will be in my second trimester. I wont go over big with them so we are putting it off for as loooonnnnggg as possible. I know they say to wait....but I guess sometimes support is a good thing especially if there is a problem. I need people to be happy, so we told those who would celebrate with us. :) HTHs

[chiromama]

Oh we already have... So many people (including many of my regular patients) knew we were doing the IVF, since it really impacted how much and HOW i actually worked.... most people in our lives already know.

I know lots of people wait to tell, but I'm not a private person.... so I'm glad we've told!

[ckhagen]

We already told most everyone. I haven't had any problems in the past with miscarriage, so I'm not to the point of being cautious about it. We told my parents, the ILs, brothers and sisters, my grandparents, and a couple close friends (figureing they would tell the rest of our friends). We're waiting to tell my DHs grandparents until we see them next month since my MIL asked me to.

[mimid]

We've told parents, my grandpa, sis and my aunt that we are pg but only my mom knows about the trips. I'll tell my dad and his girlfriend (they've been together 25 years so she is considered a parent) this Sunday. Ron also told 1 person at our synagogue about it. He was visiting from Israel and knew about our ttc. He arranged prayers for us at the Cave of the Fathers and he and his wife also had trouble getting pg for 3 years when they first married. So dh asks him about something and he responds, "Why do you care?" Later he apologized to dh and said that he didn't think he would care because I was pg. Ron asked why he thought that and he said, "I was standing next to her and just felt like she was pg." So dh told him about the trips and he started crying. Totally trippy!

To get back to the OP...we'll tell the rest of the family about the pg at T-day dinner and then friends. We figure we won't share the # because people will figure that there is something up when my belly keeps growing and the shower registry says 3 carseats.

[lisap]

We've told my parents, my sisters, ILs and DD!

[mountainsun]

I thought I would want to wait to tell eveyone, but all of my family and most of my friends know at this point :D The only ones that do not know is my work, and I want to wait until November to tell! You know you will havethe pregnancy glow soon - people are going to start to ask ;)

[The4OfUs]

Ummmmm......I still had the :+ in my hand when I called my 3 closest friends :LOL

DH was there, so he knew as soon as I did. We just told our parents this week - I made a tshirt for DS that says "I'm gonna be a big brother" and took a picture and emailed them....and sat back and waited fir the calls :wink I told one friend I work with, and one other friend.......

I've got about 20 more friends and family members to tell; I'll probably just take the email I sent to our parents and send it out to them when the time comes....probably in a month or so - I'll tell work after the holidays, in January...if I can hold out that long!

I know some people wait until the second trimester, but the way I see it, the people I told right away are all people I'd turn to if something happened anyway, so they should know the good part right off the bat.

[mommy2boys]

We told our families and closest friends, dh had to tell someone at work so he could switch shifts because I need him home at night when the nausia hits the worst. Other than that we are waiting until 12 or 13 weeks to tell everyone else.

[chinacat]

I've told my best friend (called her right away!!LOL) and we told ds and my parents this past weekend. Yesterday i told my 4 close girlfriends. We've also told our 2 bestfriends and there familys...one lives out west the other lives in montreal.
We are waiting to tell Dh's family cause they are not going to be happy. When we told dh's dad about ds #2 he told dh that he should go get sniped now :irked:. He's a strong believer in only 1 child per family, mum and dad should work so you can buy a house right away, buy your child EVERYTHING he/she wants, put your child in so many activities that they are never home......lol sorry kinda turned into a vent. Can you tell me and dh's dad don't get along??

Anyways, we told all those people because if something did go wrong i would want ad need there support, being my closest friends and family.

Julia

[doulanichole]

We have told pretty much everyone except the kids. With all of the extra dr's appointments, blood draws, etc. everyone pretty much knew what was going on anyways. After all of our losses, I don't want to tell my kids just yet. It was too hard the last time and they are still so young. We also haven't told dh's family, but we don't have a lot to do with them anyways!

[loudmama]

I've told quite a few people actually. I just can't keep it a secret. I've told my sister, some close friends & my place of work. I work at a pregnancy & parenting store, so I couldn't/didn't want to wait any way. We haven't told DD yet, but will have to in about 2 weeks when we have our first Dr appointment. I want her involved. I figure we'll tell the rest of the family by Thanksgiving, but I'm not sure if DH knows that yet! :LOL

L

[augustmom]

I've told just 2 friends, my parents, and my brother. I have a circle of friends in town here that do not know, though I think some suspect. We all have preggo radar. I've been tired and air-headed with them lately, so I think that they suspect, but fear asking me. I can't wait to tell them once I hear the baby's HB.

B

[TortelliniMama]

We've already told family and close friends. The only people we're waiting on are those who we wouldn't tend to call for support should something go wrong (because I wouldn't want to spend months running into them and hearing, "How's the baby?"). We had a m/c three years ago, and I was glad that we had told everyone. The way I look at it is, if a few weeks inside of me is all the life this baby gets, I want him/her to still have a chance to spread happiness and joy. Yes, we're risking having to tell people sad news, but, really, whenever you make a new friend/gain a new family member/etc., you're risking loss. That's life. (Besides, when I had the m/c, I found myself needing to share that news with people who hadn't known about the pg, and that was even sadder.)

[lillake]

I've told all my online friends, but no one in real life yet. I'm busting at the seems to spill it, but DH wants to wait a little longer.

[*guest]

I told my best friends in the first week, one right after I told my husband. We called my parents and sister that night. I told some online friends. It's been sort of a trickle of friends and family since then, and he told his boss so travel would be off-limits around my due date. All of his close family knows except for his parents, but we're saving telling them for his mom's birthday dinner tomorrow. I figure the rest of the world will know by thanksgiving.

[Beansmom]

I just kind of tell people as I talk to them. I think I am a weirdo. I feel awkward telling people. I don't get excited about telling anyone, or go out of my way to tell people. Dh told his brother, so I assume he passed on the word to Dhs parents, we don't talk to them much. I told my mom and my sister and I assume they will spread the word on that side of the family. I have told a few of my friends that I have talked to since I found out. I figure the word will get out eventually. I am just very blah about telling people for some reason. I was the first time around too. I think I told 3 people and then they had to pass it on.

[Amys1st]

Actually the baby is telling already by popping out. I'm not in my jeans anymore and I will have to switch over to maternity tops very soon. In fact I had one on yesterday.

[StacyL]

We told everybody right away. :D

[Gray's Mommy]

We told my side of the family this weekend & they were excited. My DH told the whole police department after we got the results back from the test...he failed to let me know that though. I figured if the dept. knew, my mom & son could know :) We'll let his side of the family know over the weekend.

mary

[brendamr]

We've told only health care providers. Everyone else has to wait until Thanksgiving (if I can't stand it anymore) or Christmas (that's the plan) when I'll be at or near the start of the 2nd trimester.

I'm a really private person, so if something were to happen, I'd turn to DH for comfort. And, if I needed my best friend, she wouldn't be pissy about not knowing.

[Babygirls*mom]

We told everybody the second that two lines appeared on the hpt. We did the same when I was pg with our daughter.

[Bach4Babies]

to tell our families (Nov. 12), and probably, come to think of it, until after Thanksgiving. I think DH's family will be over the moon, but mine will undoubtably freak out. I'm really dreading telling them, which is sad.

I have told a few close friends and my supervisors at work. It's so hard keeping a secret like this.

(By the way, I know I screwed up my sig and picked the unpregnant pregnancy test! I'll fix it as soon as I can figure out how to. :flipped )

[Keeta]

I told my parents right away (I'm an only child and very close with my mom). I also told, let's see, 3 friends - 2 here at school who knew about the TTC plan, and 1 back in Oregon. I think that's it. We're waiting until the second tri to tell everyone else - 12/3. We'll probably tell DH's parents (who I can barely tolerate, but that's another story) on his dad's birthday, on 12/4. I gave my mom permission to tell her parents this past weekend to try to help my g-dad out of a slight depression. So not many know at this point. I really want to be able to tell classmates - so they can understand why i'm not so up to snuff this term!

[Bach4Babies]

There, that's better.

I'm not trying to say "poor me, poor me" but does anyone out there have any tips for telling people you know are going to be harsh and judgemental about the timing of the pregnancy, your ability to provide financially (totally bogus, by the way), your choice not to birth in a hospital, your choice not to stay at home, the whole attachment parenting thing, and on and on and on????

I'm not kidding - I'm expecting real condemnation.

[TortelliniMama]

I'm not trying to say "poor me, poor me" but does anyone out there have any tips for telling people you know are going to be harsh and judgemental about the timing of the pregnancy, your ability to provide financially (totally bogus, by the way), your choice not to birth in a hospital, your choice not to stay at home, the whole attachment parenting thing, and on and on and on????
How about a T-shirt that says, "I'm pregnant! Bite me." :wink

More seriously, how would they react if you were very excited and obviously happy while telling them? I mean, if you weren't tentative at all. Would they still rain on the parade, or would they at least be quiet and only be judgemental later or behind your back.

If they're going to be unhappy about it no matter what, I'd probably just tell them, showing my own happiness, and refuse to get into a discussion with them, just repeating, "Yes, we're very happy about it. We're very happy." You don't need their permission to either be pregnant or to be happy about it, so make sure they know that. Good luck! :hug

[Bach4Babies]

:lol

Thanks, TortelliniMama! Our baby, our happiness, end of story.

:thumb

[birthdancedoula]

We've told our parents, a few friends and a midwife friend of mine. Haven't told my classmates at school yet. I dropped out of nursing school once already for being so sick w/ my last pregnancy...I want to wait a few more weeks until this semester is over and I'm in the clear before I break the news to my instructors. I don't want them to think I won't be able to handle it. I really, REALLY want to graduate this time around.

[TryingMommas]

We just decided this weekend to tell pretty much everyone (family, friends) EXCEPT our jobs now that we've seen the heartbeat. It has been so hard not telling people. We're still not sure how long until we tell our places of work ... at least until my expected raise comes through ;) Probably at or after Thanksgiving.

It was actually really cool telling my grandmothers, who are 85 and 94. I was a little nervous, since I wasn't sure how they'd each feel about 2 women having a child together (they are both supportive of us as a couple and came to our wedding). Anyway, when I told the 94-year old one I was pregnant tonight over the phone, she said "oh, good - did you have artificial insemination?" without skipping a beat. She is so with-it :)

[TortelliniMama]

Anyway, when I told the 94-year old one I was pregnant tonight over the phone, she said "oh, good - did you have artificial insemination?" without skipping a beat. She is so with-it :)
:thumb That's the kind of 94 year old I'd like to be! :lol

[TryingMommas]

yeah, I'd like to be like her in many ways ... including that she told me tonight that she never had m/s with any of her 7 pregnancies!

[AugustineM]

I'm 11 weeks and we've told pretty much everyone except my job. I'm a part-time high school teacher and I took all last year off to be with DS#1, so it will be a little awkward telling them I'm going to be taking another year off! I don't know if they'll keep me around... :) So I'll probably wait as long as I can, like maybe early January, to tell them.

[mimid]

We started telling people Friday. More people know that we are pg than know about the trips.

[Keeta]

We started telling everyone on Thursday, after our u/s. All the extended family, my classmates, friends, and today we announced it at church. My DH got very emotional when he announced it, it was so sweet! :love

[Leakyboobs]

We told everyone right away. I probably would have waited to tell some extended family, but had to make extra phone calls trying to find my sis and MIL... I'm kinda trying to keep it a little muted at big family events since my sister's SIL just had her 3rd mc in probably 5 months... I've been the one lusting for a baby when someone else is pregnant and know it effing sucks, so I'm trying really hard to be considerate. (Thankfully, they are pretty sure it is just a progesterone imbalance, so she should be able to carry the next one no problem, since they get pregnant very easily... it's still just gotta suck though...)

Anyway, yeah, we were pretty excited so we were on the phone almost right away... :blah :blah :blah

[Collinsky]

Right away I told my mother and two sisters. My first sister found out when I came out of the bathroom with a HPT saying "Is that a line???" LOL -- but after telling Dh I wanted to keep it under wraps for a few weeks. Partly because my brother and SIL had just had a m/c (within days of my positive test) and I wanted to allow them time. And partly because my Dh's family seems to think we're having too many, too quickly, and I prefer to keep people on a "need to know" basis... and if you're not delighted with my news, you don't need to know!! :wink However my Dh did tell his mother (the main one I would have avoided telling for a while since she disapproves of everything we do) within a couple of weeks. (To his credit, he felt bad!) I would have waited until I was around 12 weeks or so.

[Collinsky]

I'm not trying to say "poor me, poor me" but does anyone out there have any tips for telling people you know are going to be harsh and judgemental about the timing of the pregnancy, your ability to provide financially (totally bogus, by the way), your choice not to birth in a hospital, your choice not to stay at home, the whole attachment parenting thing, and on and on and on????


During pregnancy, you might have to limit contact with some of these people; and definitely have some support around you -- IRL if possible! but online is okay too -- to vent to and get encouragement from. Some people will be very negative responses, but deep down they do care about you... For each "concern" that these people have, think of a pat answer that is positive, gentle, and does NOT encourage further discussion.

Some people have had experiences in their life that affect their response and an open mind (ie objectivity) is your best asset - for instance a mother might have worked outside the home and encountered many difficulties. You can listen to her -- it doesnt' mean you are changing that decision, but if she had a problem then you can learn from her and troubleshoot. Or a mother is a SAHM, and sees many rewarding benefits to this, and is afraid that you will miss out on these -- you can also listen to her without feeling that she is judging you. SHe is only speaking from what SHE knows and that is all anyone of us can ever do. The same with any decision...

But I know... I get a lot of flack for many of my choices. The best advice I can give - if you ignore everything else I say, this is what you will want to remember :) -- Set boundaries!! This means that you decide what is and is not okay for people to question you about, discuss with you, etc. NO ONE has to like your choices. NO ONE has to agree with you or respect your ability to make an educated decision. And you don't have to work to make that happen! All you have to do is make sure that you can say the words, "I understand that you don't agree with us on this; thanks for your concern, but we are confident in our choice and it isn't up for discussion. Would you like a piece of pie?" And do NOT engage in any dicussion on the matter. Do not allow yourself to be pulled into that conversation. You don't have to defend yourself, and they dont' have to like it. You dont' have to be rude or hateful, but you have to be firm and clear so that you aren't left seething for weeks (which I have done!!)