Nursing to sleep...what's the harm?

[MamaKalena]

I've always nursed DS (9 months old) to sleep for naps/bed. Because it works like a charm and I love the content and peaceful look on his face as he falls asleep, I don't see any reason to stop.

But it seems like everything I read/hear says I should be removing him from the breast at this age before he falls asleep (i.e., NCSS). I know that one reason for doing this is so he won't be reliant on nursing to back to sleep when he wakes up, but I guess I'm hoping he'll just grow out of needing the breast when he's good and ready. It seems like if he wants to nurse, then maybe that's something he still needs?

I'd love to hear what everyone else is doing/had done at this age!

[Leilalu]

Most "experts"(ha!!!!) will also suggest you wean by that age too:( I say, nurse, nnurse, and when the babe wakes up-nurse some more!:D My dd is PROOF that co-sleeping and nursing to sleep realy work. I have always, held, cuddled, nursed her to sleep and recently she will put herself to sleep about half the time! SHe is almost three and has been doing this for awhile now. Sleep should be something to look forward too, to be relaxed about, to have no fears or insecurities about for your baby:) You are doing a great job!My babies always loved to be sung to as well. It's just one of the special jobs we have as moms. And belive me, I know what it's like to try to get a todddler to sleep who stopped nursing!Not fun. Dd weaned at 15 months when I was pregnant with ds and it was very hard to calm her at times. Breastmilk also has hormones that make your baby drowsy and calm.

[lasciate]

He'll stop nursing to sleep when he's ready. My daughter has already stopped, unless she's completely exhausted. It makes things difficult because she will not go to sleep for me anymore, so Daddy is in charge of bedtime now.

[kisagotami]

I say, nurse, nnurse, and when the babe wakes up-nurse some more!:D

YUP! :wink

[Englishmummy]

I agree with all pps. This is a man's (cult of the 'expert' :lol ) world- if you do not believe me read The Politics of Breastfeeding. Ignore all books, advice which does not feel right to you.

Besides, there is no way my son (1y3m) would be left half finished at the breast- I would end up leaving him to cry it out- and there is no way I am doing that!!

Finally, your baby knows exactly how much hind milk he requires at a feed, so it is unhealthy for him to not unlatch himself.
:Peace

[whittycla]

There is nothing at all wrong with nursing to sleep - unless it is a problem for you. I don't know what age its 'typical' for a child to grow out of it - my dd1 nursed to sleep until she was two.. I only chose to nightwean her because of having a new sibling - (she didn't wake at night much by then, but I wanted to end the nursing to sleep so she didn't need it go get back to sleep again). It is always possible to change situations when things are no longer working out - then I suppose you have to weigh up all the sides of a situation and decide how to act. Unless your child grows out of it completely naturally (I haven't experienced this, but I'm sure its what does happen), there they will most likely resist a change to the arrangement, as I'm sure they prefer it. Probably the older they are, the more they can comprehend things and feel secure etc.

Its fine to carry on if you are happy too - nursing to sleep won't do your child any harm.

Sarah
Mum to Clara 2.5 and Edie 15 weeks.

[missgabs]

I am so glad I read this thread! I have been getting all sorts of mixed messages about this one. For us, it still feels right to nurse to sleep. Every once in awhile, my 19 month-old will lay next to me or on me and actually put herself to sleep, but this is still not the norm. My SIL did the whole CIO thing with her twins when they were 17 months old. It just has never felt right to me. So, I do what works - a bedtime routine and nursing to sleep.

[mamatosaskia]

Hi,

My dd (now 16 months old) sometimes nurses until she is all the way asleep, and sometimes pops off and falls asleep by herself (with me laying next to her). I don't necessarily buy the idea that if they don't nurse to sleep they won't want to nurse back to sleep when they wake up at night. With colds and molars coming in, dd is nursing as much to fall asleep as she is to alleviate discomfort. I do have moments where I think I should have stopped nursing her to sleep, but it works so well, so why make life harder?

Do what you think is right, even the NCSS with her efforts to not have your baby cry, can be too formulaic. You know your baby best!

jacqueline

[mother nurture]

I agree w/ what the other mamas have said. Keep right on nursing. Dd is 18 months and nurses to sleep for naps and at night. She also is a big night nurser and we spend much of our evenings nursing in the bed. I figure that when she is ready to give it up or cut back she will. :wink

[alegna]

bah. nothing wrong with it.

-Angela

[IncaMama]

eh, eventually he won't wanna anymore. might be soon, might be years. LOL but your kid won't go to college with your boob in his mouth. :)
if it becomes a problem for the both of you, then think about changing things. but if it's JUST what others say? pft. nah.

[mezzaluna]

if it's not a problem for you then keep going!

i decided around 6 mo. that i was tired of being the only person who could reliably put our DS to sleep, so my DH started working on being able to rock him to sleep and put him down. we still nurse to sleep for most naps and all middle-of-night wakings since it's the fastest way! dad takes bedtime.

i don't entirely agree, though, that babies know when to unlatch themselves. james can sleep for an hour or more without unlatching... i will unlatch him if he's stopped sucking. and i will sometimes unlatch him when he's doing the pacifier suck (sucking, not swallowing, and dead asleep as far as i can tell otherwise).

[nannymom]

ITA with what everyone is saying. I think what matters is what you are comfortable with. i nurse dd to sleep b/c it always works, but sometimes her dad puts her to sleep by bouncing or walking so i know she can fall asleep other ways.

[*Jessica*]

What's wrong with needing to nurse to fall back to sleep? Nothing! They are just babies! Besides, adults have "props" that they use to fall asleep, too. My mom has to read before she can fall asleep, my husband needs white noise, my 24 year old brother sucks his tongue (oh he would kill me if he knew I told people that! :lol ) You're doing exactly what your baby needs. Keep it up. :D

[CariS]

Thank you so much for this post!!!!!! And for all the mama's imput! I love you all! I love this site! Haven't been on in a while and I just pop on to see you all talking about my life! Such a support.

My Dd is 9 months as well and has only ever fallen asleep in the car, stroller, or on her mama! We won't get into all the crap I've heard about it - just know it's plenty. At one point I seriously thought I was screwing her up! But I'm more rested now and have my senses back. Plus you all help so much. I'm not alone! Yippy!

Thank you so much for the support! I remind myself too what someone told me - why else would that hormone be in the milk to encourage sleep for both baby and mama! So true! Also at a La Leche meeting some moms told me - you're not going to have a 10 year old in your bed eating a sandwich at 2 AM. :D

I'm gonna get that book one of you recommended - Politics of Brstfding. Sounds good.

Thanks ladies!

[MamaKalena]

Yes, thank you all for such great advice and encouragement. You are all so wise! It's nice to know I'm not alone and that I'm doing what's best for my son. At times, I wish Daddy could be more hands-on at night and during naps, but I know that time will come soon enough and I'll come to miss the special closeness we shared. Maybe I'll even miss the 3 a.m. nurse-a-thons ... or maybe not. :wink

[flowers]

No problem with it...just depends on your lifestyle. Ds is 13 months and it just dawned on us recently that some of our friends with babies can have a babysitter with little fuss. Only my inlaws can deal with ds because he routine pretty much depends on me laying down in our bed and nursing off and on until he falls asleep. As much as I love this and would not do anything different once in awhile I understand why some parents do it differently...it gives you break if you are not "on duty" all the time.

[henhao]

Finally, your baby knows exactly how much hind milk he requires at a feed, so it is unhealthy for him to not unlatch himself.
:Peace

I respectfully disagree with this statement. My baby rarely de-latchers herself. At times, she would be happy to be on the breast for the whole day. One time I just let her go on and finally took her off at 1.5 hours.

[nannymom]

I respectfully disagree with this statement. My baby rarely de-latchers herself. At times, she would be happy to be on the breast for the whole day. One time I just let her go on and finally took her off at 1.5 hours.

ITA my baby was a near constant nurser I mean she would go all night the longest i clocked with out stopping her was 2 hours. She just needed to suck now at 10 months she still nurses like crazy but nearly as much.

[mighty-mama]

I have the "NCSS" and frankly although some ideas seem logical to try, I feel her book is really geared toward crib sleepers. I believe her reason for trying to not nurse to sleep, it enabling the babe to sleep without it. Nice in theory, but hey these days won't last forever...

[mezzaluna]

Thank you so much for the support! I remind myself too what someone told me - why else would that hormone be in the milk to encourage sleep for both baby and mama! So true!

(nak a sleeping baby)

i know - occasionally these days DS stirs and then settles back to sleep w/o nursing - or i potty him (we're doing ec) and then he drifts off to sleep - and then *i* have a hard time falling back asleep w/o nursing! talk about a sleep association!

[merpk]

All of my children have nursed to sleep until they weaned ... and that to-sleep nursing was the last to go, the official evidence of weaning ... and they all weaned over the age of 3.

Well, the baby is still going ... after all, she's not yet 3 ... :lol



They're only this little for so short a time ... you know?

[UmmBnB]

ita with everyone who says, if its working for you both, then there are no worries. I will add however, with my second, I approached the whole getting to sleep thing a bit differently. Ds (#1) was one of those latch on all night and don't let go kind of nursers. I only remember him falling asleep without nursing on one occasssion in 2 1/2 yrs, he had a fever. We tried so hard to night wean him so many times...I was loosing it!

I was dead set that dd would learn other ways to fall asleep from day one. While she nurses to sleep the vast majority of nights, she is just as content being rocked to sleep by dh. At the dcp, she just crawls up on her lap and drifts off to sleep (ds always had to have a bottle of emm from dcp).

Its made a huge difference in my state of mind, and rest, over how it worked with ds. Now, I'm sure that much of this is just their individual temperment...she isn't nearly as interested in nursing in general as he was...but its still helpful for me.

[phathui5]

Nursing to sleep is only a problem if you don't want to do it. I nursed my oldest to sleep until he was about three and then he continued to have a short nursing at bedtime until he was four. I nurse my 2 year old to bed most nights (sometimes she will lay in bed while I'm nursing the baby and fall asleep).

[edamommy]

from our own personal experiance with my 1 ds (who is 31 months) they (he) doesn't just "grow out of it". It's certainly been a "teaching out of it" for us. And it does suck to have a 2.5 yr old that needs to be nursed to sleep... I certainly didn't mind up until his 2nd year... but enough is freakin' enough!! But, it took a couple of months and still we have our bad nights... for the most part he's learned to go to sleep w/ his Daddy.

[mackenziesmama]

My 9 month old daughter still nurses to sleep and I wouldn't dream of doing it any other way. I love the look of satisfaction when she's had her fill, and love to snuggle with her, especially now that she crawls, its good to have that extra closeness with her. Sometimes Daddy can get her to sleep, but most of the time she just nurses. I end up having to hold her or put her in sling, as she won't sleep by herself. Sometimes this is tiring, but I know this too shall pass.

Keep on nursing him to sleep!

[starlein26]

ds still nurses to sleep although he self-night-weaned around 20 months old (the middle of the night feedings)...he's now 28 months old and is still sleeping through the night (8pm-6am). when he wakes at 6 am though he'll ask to nurse (and he'll nurse for about 5-10 minutes) and usually he'll go back to sleep until 7:45-8:00. yeah for us!!

[zannster]

I also have a 9-mo-old, and he nurses to sleep. He will occasionally fall asleep in my or DH's arms, but he can't be laid down. If that's the case, he wakes up, and I immediately nurse him right back to sleep. I usually have to stay there with him as he sleeps, but that's finally starting to get a little better.

I sometimes remove him from the breast after he's asleep and done swallowing. How long I wait depends on my mood and how strong his latch is. Sometimes he pops off by himself as he's dozing off. He's never gone to sleep on his own though. If I try to take him off before he's ready, he immediately roots around and finds it again. ;)

I can't help but wonder what this will be like when he is older, but for now, I can't see changing anything. I'm fairly certain that he would not go to sleep any other way without CIO. I like nursing him to sleep. It doesn't relax me like it used to (*sigh*), but it's still pleasant.

[yogamama]

I have to agree with everyone. The only hard part (for me) is when a toddler is old enough to no longer fall asleep nursing. About age 2 or so it becomes harder to have a child fall asleep nursing and then you have to find new ways to relax and soothe a child to la-la land. Sometimes that is really hard, but I can't imagine that it would be any harder than the alternatives.

Good luck & enjoy nursing your little one to sleep. I think it is the BEST!

[shanagirl]

I did experience that with dd-- that we had to come up with a way to transition from nursing to sleep. But I treasure the memory of the transition we came up with. When it was bedtime, we turned off all the lights in the house and lit candles. I put on very soft music (instrumental, no voices/words) put her in the sling and danced very gently until she fell asleep. The flickering light and the music were the perfect combination--she loved the sound--but nothing visual to make her want to stay awake and fight the sleepiness. She usually fell asleep in about 10 minutes but I would dance until the music ended. It was VERRRY relaxing for me too... :) I wish some nights she still fit in the sling so we could do it one more time...

[mommyofshmoo]

I haven't read all the replies, but I think it's odd to try to solve problems before they arise. If bf'ing to sleep is working for you, why stop?

I bf'ed dd #1 to sleep till at least 18 months- maybe 2. I know you're supposed to stop when they get teeth, but oh well.

We night weaned around 19 months or so, then stopped nursing to sleep by 2.

I agree that at some time around 2 it becomes harder for them to fall asleep nursing and then you have to find something new.

There's no really "issue" because one thing stops working and you just move on. We moved into me telling her stories in bed. I'd turn off the light and cuddle and tell her a couple fairy tales.

People make such a big deal of trying not to "baby" babies. It's silly. They all grow up eventually, and when they do you deal with new problems.

[*Jessica*]

shanagirl~That's how Marc (my DH) puts Nik (2 years) to sleep these days if I'm busy with the baby and he can't nurse at the moment. Minus the candles and music, but he gently dances around until Nik is really sleepy or asleep. We are to the point that about a quarter of the time Nik actually asks daddy to dance with him instead of asking me to nurse him. It's a little sad not to be needed to nurse him to sleep (he still nurses at least 7 or 8+ times a day) but it's so nice to see Marc able to comfort him and share such a special time with him. :love Marc always comes downstairs so happy and relaxed looking, just like I feel after nursing my babes to sleep.