Settling in -

[green]

How long did it take you and children to really adjust to your new life?

For us, we have been through 1 - the divorce, 2 - a move to a new town which obviously means a new home and friends, 3 - a job out of the home for mom which lead to kids going to daycare, 4 - the near complete disappearance of a father figure (aside from phone calls). Those are the biggies. I still feel like we are adjusting sometimes. Some of the changes happened gradually, but it has been 1.5 years since the divorce.

What do you see as a reasonable timeframe?

Green

[MsChatsAlot]

You know, that's a lot of changes in a short period of time. It seems like a reasonable amont of time and it also seems like you guys will likely see some more signs of settling in soon. I think every person/personality handles stress and change differently. Some seem to have no problem, others struggle a little longer. Be patient, everyone will likely come around to the new life soon. Hugs to you and your family.

[Jster]

I think it depends some on the ages of your kids. We've had the same set of changes, plus occasional visits from their dad (when he comes to town, he comes for an extended visit 5-8 days, although for the first year after the split he only saw them two days at a time).

One of my dds was born after the split, so no real adjustments for her, and the other has lived almost half her life in the nearly two years since, so for her it is normal life now. She occasionally misses her dad, and still has the childish dream of us getting back together, but she is truly adjusted. I think it has helped too that the girls have attachments to other people, my mom and sister, who they've saw nearly daily for the first year and a half and a few times a week now (my mom watches the girls three days, so lots of time). Good luck with all those changes, and it's hard sometimes to know what changes are just developmental in the kids and what are environmental, perhaps the ways that they haven't "adjusted" are actually the new them. And you never know when there might be new changes/adjustments...like for my girls, recently I started back to school, the older one is in preschool in the afternoons, and we moved out of my moms, all of which they handled great! So time has helped to show how much they've adapted, but since they're so young I think that accounts for some of it.

[Raynbow]

It only took us about 6 months, but then again, here we are almost 3 years later and some things STILL aren't settled - we're not divorced, papers aren't signed, so there are some things that aren't emotionally settled because there are legal things that are unsettled.

However, we also didn't have the major changes you had - we stayed in our home, my son stayed in his school, I continued my job after my maternity leave... and I lucked out with daycare, because an old school chum of mine offered her services as a DCP. The only real change was that my stbxH dropped out of our lives entirely.

[green]

I think Jster opened a door for me! Thank you! The 6yo has adjusted for the most part - quite well. The 3 yo is simply pushing my buttons! And I am falling for it hook, line and sinker. Motherhood is such a challenge sometimes, but when it is all figured out (temporarily, of course) then all is GREAT.

Thanks for the support. What would I do without this board?!

A renewed mom - Green

[rainbowmoon]

we are just settling in. or I should say, I am. my kids are so young they don't really understand what's going on. it's been 2.5 months since DH died. that's really been the only major change though thus far. except his family is more involved in my kids lives now, but that's a positive thing (I think :lol )