angry lately...

[Abylite]

Hello. I had a m/c 2 weeks ago. It's hard. Some days are better than others. Instead of sadness, for the past few days, I've been angry. I know this is one of the "stages of grief"...

Can I trust my body again? (this was our 1st preg) Why does this happen to some of us and not others? I take care of my body...why can women who abuse drugs, etc. people who got pregnant by accident...etc. have children?

I look at people with kids right now and wonder..."nothing happened to her or her family...". I feel "mean" thinking these thoughts.

Thanks for listening. Any tips besides journaling, reading about preg loss, and "talking"? Thanks, Abylite

[Clarity]

yeah, revel a little. I felt perfectly justified in being mad. Being mad at crappy parents has lasted the longest. Sometimes sadness and pity get to hard...so a little anger, for me, was helpful.

[Eman'smom]

I have no advice I just wanted to say I know how you feel. I was watching this television show about a woman who smoked or did crack in some form, she had a healthy full term baby, all I could think about was why did someone like that get a healthy baby and I can't stay pregnant, I was very angry, and felt very defective.

I also wonder why a friend can get pregnant accidently and have a normal healthy pregnancy and I can't stay pregnant when I planned the pregnancy.

I already have a 21 month old but for some reason that doesn't help, I'm getting older all the time, what if ds was the random "fluck" and miscarriages are my "norm".

I think we both just need some time to heal and refect. I miscarried 2 weeks before you, some days are better than others. Even though I still feel very emotionally raw it is getting better.

Hang in there, a healthy baby is in your future

Patience
Mom to Ethan and a spirit baby

[emmaline]

here is a link to something I posted a while ago

it is something you might want to consider, when you want something other than crying, talking, journalling, raging, rationalising, questioning etc

this helped me more than I can say and I hope it helps you too



http://mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?s=&threadid=21321

[LiamnEmma]

I was mad as hell. Especially at DH's nephew, whose wife was pg at the same time. He was a whiny little snot nose at the time. Luckily, he's grown into a pretty good dad, and his wife is a terrific SAHM to their (now) three children.

I was mad at all pregnant women. Then it generalized to women with babies, then one day, I walked into Target, and this woman was pushing a shopping cart, and in it sat a baby, maybe 10 months or so. Sitting up in the cart. And I started to get mad. Suddenly it occurred to me that if I was going to go that far, I needed to be mad at kids who lived too, and then teens, then adults, and ultimately everybody, because every single person is a pregnancy that made it. And my anger just vanished, just like that.

But I think it's okay to wallow in your anger for a little while too. It helps you heal and fight your way back.

Many gentle hugs to you.

Leah

[KatherineinCA]

I have a whole scenario I talk myself through when I'm out in public. When I see a woman with a baby I feel insanely jealous, and then I start to think, "Maybe she lost the baby before this one." "Maybe she tried for ten years to get pregnant, and this is the baby she just adopted." "Maybe this baby is her niece or nephew that she's babysitting." Anything to help me feel less jealous! I do the same thing with pregnant women..."Maybe her baby has died inside her, and she just found out, and she's going to be induced tomorrow." Wow, I'm going a little crazy, aren't I?

[Caring Touch]

Abylite

I am going through the same thing and I feel the EXACT same way. I am genuinely mad, and at everything. I am irritated and just plain mad.

I figure it's just the stage like you said, and it will pass at some point. It's hard because intellectually you already "know" everything, like; "it's a stage" "you will go on to have other babies" "it's not your fault" ect.... but emotionally you just feel bad despite all the things you "know".

I think my anger comes from the fact that I have no control over the situation. I lost my baby and there is not a damn thing I could do about it. There was a lot of joy taken from us and it's upsetting.

Hang in there.
Nikki :wink

[LiamnEmma]

Oh Katherine {{{hug}}}. I had those talks with myself too. When I was waiting for my first baby to miscarry, I was standing in the line at the grocery store one day, and the cashier moved me to an express lane even though I had ton of things. While she was checking me through, someone came into line behind me and was really snotty about it. My defenses were just gone at that point and I was nasty to him. Afterward, I just stood there thinking, "you know, people find out they have a terminal illness, but they still have to go to the store and buy toilet paper. You just never ever know someone else's life unless you're living it." And that helped immensely too. After that, I told myself the same thing about lots of people, and once my kids were born, I was careful around women in the ob's office who looked forlorn--you recognize the look, you know? From where I stand now, with two children, after two miscarriages, emotionally healed, I can say that my miscarriages have informed my life. Those two babies have taught me so much more about compassion and love than any person on earth ever has.

[naturegirl]

I was amazed at how many other women, some I have known for a long time, also had miscarriages. I think my miscarriage will help me in my career (health care provider) but at this point I still feel jealousy and sometimes anger.

I am so thankful there is this mothering board so we can share our experiences. I don't know what I would do without it. I miscarried almost 2 months ago and the anger is slowly going away, unless I see an "unfit" mother. ie. druggy, not taking care of their child, etc. Then I ask why?:rolleyes:

Hang in there. No one can tell you how you should feel. Just be aware that everyone has a story of their own...:)

[XM]

It does get better over time... but I have to admit I still get p*ssed when I see crappy parenting. Especially when it's obviously *bad* and they're yelling at their kids, but sometimes mediocre parenting gets to me too.

The other day I saw a mom buy one of those .99 bags of Extreme Doritos (yes, even more MSG then non-extreme doritos! YUMMERS! :rolleyes: ) and hand it to her dd, who could'nt have been much older then 4 (if that). Aaaaugh! I wanted to snatch them from the child and throw them at the mom and say, "You fool!! Don't you know MSG is a neurotoxin?? Do you even care?"

But I refrained myself from doing so.:rolleyes: I probably would have been arrested for assault with a salty weapon LOL!

XM

[abimommy]

It has been discussed a few times that often until someone has a loss they dont find out about other similar losses that have occurred in their families or friends...

While anger is perfectly normal I agree with KathrineinCA, with only a 1/4 of pregnancies ending in a healthy baby there has to many more women out there who have been through similar experiences..

I am so sorry for what you are going thorugh Abylite...

[KatherineinCA]

Just want to clarify that I wasn't saying that anger is inappropriate. The dialogues I go through in my head are simply a way to keep myself from dissolving into tears when I'm out in public. I have plenty of angry times, too.

[XM]

I hear you, Katherine... sometimes those rationalizations were the only way I could deal with going out in public. It was so hard to see pregnant women or women with babies... but I *don't* know their situation, maybe they had several losses before that child, maybe they had infertility problems and went through hell to concieve... it helped diffuse some of my anger and make it easier to deal with to realize that everyone has a story, and theirs may not have been any easier then mine.

The flip side of this is that I'll be going about my day now, well-dressed and polished, looking like I have it together... and when I interact with other people, sometimes I can't help but think... "if you only knew what I have been through..."

XM

[abimommy]

I hope I didn't sound as if I thought it was inappropiate, it is perfectly normal and everyone probably feels that way when going through something so heartbreaking...

Yes, it is very hard to mainstain normalcy under such circumstances..I wonder why our society demands we hide so much??

Wouldn't it be so much easier if we were allowed to just go hide under our beds, eat girl scout cookies and not brush out hair for two weeks??