Do you have experience w/ this or know someone who has...

[Asher]

Long story short, IF I stay in this house, I was thinking it would be best if the kids do not have to go back and forth for visitations. P will probably only get them for 1 overnight every other week simply b/c of his work schedule (other than seeing them for a few hours some days).

So we were talking this morning and discussing him staying here on the over nights and I'll go stay at my dads for that day/night (would not be a problem with my dad). This way the kids do not have to go back and forth. I don't know if this will work long term and it definitely will not work if things get hostile (which I know can happen all too quickly in a seperation/divorce situation), but am wondering if anyone has experiences (good or bad) doing this or knows friends that have done it and how it worked out for them.

Maybe I'm just crazy. I just absolutely want this to be as easy on the kids as possible and I think them not having to leave their house might be the best way?

As much as I want to do this for the kids, I feel like I may end up resenting it simply because I will have no personal space or privacy...BUT I will absolutely attempt it with all of my heart if it's the best thing for the kids.

[MsChatsAlot]

We just had a thread on this a month or so ago. I'll see if I can find it and bump it for you.

I personally think that anyone can make anything work. If you try it and it doesn't work, then you need to come up with a new solution. If both parents are willing to be child focused, it makes things a lot easier. Likely, if down the road one of you had a new spouse or partner, it wouldn't work....but for now, if it does, I'd say go for it.

[toepea]

I did it for about 6 months.
It was great for my children, a bit of a pain for me, but well worth it. Once my X got re-married it ended, altho if only he were to come to see our boys, I would still let him stay at my house if he wanted to.

Ummmm, he stopped the visits once he got re-married--- has seen them 10 hours this entire year.

[Asher]

Thank you!!!

He says he never wants to get remarried (LOL I'm that bad, I guess! ;) ) and I know I won't even begin looking at least until we're legally divorced (1yr here from seperation to divorce) so it'll be a while. Not that I ever have hopes of actually finding someone to take on the load of my family, mind you, just saying. (I don't I'll ever find anyone again, actually, but that's part of why I'm in this situation to begin with so I need to work on that attitude!)

[toepea]

Oh too funny. I got the same song and dance. 'I will never get married again'--- he was married 4 months after our divorce was final. (Had a baby a year or so later!) And, he said he would do everything possible to maintain a good relationship with our boys----- it would be his priority..... see above.

Take it one day at a time.

[Asher]

I believe you. My dad thinks out of sight out of mind and that once he has to make an effort to be with them, he won't any more. He, of course, swears undying love and devotion. Heck, he was trying to convince me last week that a 5th baby for us wouldn't be such a bad thing. HELLO! Are we on the same page? I'm talking seperation and divorce and trying to get my head straight and figure out how I can support the kids and you're thinking of adding another child to this mess and thinking we'll be just dandy together b/c we've always made it work? Uummmmm...no. Not sure what you've been smoking, but it must be some powerful stuff! ;)

[sharksmum]

My ex and I have been separated for about 18 months and this is what we have always done. He looks after her 1 or 2 nights/ week and I either leave or sleep on the couch. :o

We initially started this arrangement out of necessity: his roomates are not child friendly and I didn't feel comfortable with my dd spending nights over there, but now I'm so pleased that it has worked out up to this point.

I know the problems may begin if/when I ever want to bring a man home, but I havn't had that problem yet. :wink

I know you are worried about possible problems in the future, but if you guys can get along for now, it can make for an easier transition. Good luck!

[mistymama]

I did it for a few months with my x-husband.

It worked out fine, and I think it made the transition much easier for Alex.

Unfortuntely, my x-husband is a total jerk and was really only interested in seeing and visiting with me. Once he realized I would not be around to talk to him at all ... he quit visiting or paying child support.

[meemee]

well my dd started overnights only at 3. my stbxh is involved in our dd's life and sees her everyday. before she went over he would come over while i went out and put her to bed and leave after i came home. after that she started sleep overs once every week or once every couple of weeks.

i am not comfortable with him in my house. things are not going well between us. and my dd is fine with going over to my ex's place. so i wasnt ok with him spending the night at my place.

i guess it all depends on ur relationship with ur ex. but so far i have noticed it starts off well .... but doesnt carry on that way.