are there any other single SAHM mamas here [Archive]

trinity6232000

11-10-2005, 11:03 AM

Another single SAHM here. I haven't worked outside the home since
dd was born. While I was pregnant my Mother became very ill, and
my Dad would have needed to get a nursing company to come into
the home daily to help care for her. To help my parents and to help
me in my situation I moved back home so I don't have to pay a rent
or utilities. I help my Dad with the care of my Mother and the house
chores, and now I am taking care of the paying of bills (Dad is not
keeping up, and I am taking over so that he can save money. Too
many late fee's).
I keep a small income with Ebay so that I don't have to ask my parents
for money. I also keep my dd clothed with buying on Ebay.
(Side note-GREAT TIP FOR PARENTS- People like to clean out there
homes and get rid of stuff off season on Ebay. From buying Winter
coats in the Spring for dd, her wearing them the next Winter, then I
sell them the next Fall, I have actually made money. If it's a well made
brand name.
One Example- I bought dd a red holiday Gap coat on Ebay in
Spring for $7.99 including shipping. She wore it to church, and
holiday gatherings the next Winter. This fall I sold that same
jacket for about $22.00. It all helps.)

When dd starts going to school full time I hope to start working or go
back to school. That is two years away, so SAHM I will be for awhile.
No regrets just would like to work part time again. :)

Mommay

11-10-2005, 02:10 PM

SAHM here as well, at least for now. I'm supposedly a student too. Hope to finish up this year, and then I will be getting a job. Stbxh makes tons of dough but gambles it all away. He's been good so far with rehabilitative alimony and cs, but I don't know how reliable he'll be in the near and distant future. So I need to become self-sufficient soon.

thistlelait

11-10-2005, 08:49 PM

wanna be SAHM here. Just thought I'd chime in because I'm jealous. I work 3 days a week and hate every minute of it. Just want to be home with dd and not have to leave her at daycare. Daycare's been getting worse and worse lately--- but that's a long story!

I actually just signed up to start selling herbs at home parties and online. Would be so nice if it did well and I can start staying home days with dd-- and just find a babysitter for 1 or 2 nights a week to do parties.

How do you all do it?

thistlelait

11-10-2005, 08:52 PM

trinity-- ebay is a great suggestion!

loveharps

11-11-2005, 02:04 AM

I have stayed at home since ds was born. New Zealand has a very good welfare system so I can afford to stay at home with him. Its just enough to live on (rent paid, money for food and bills with a little left over), but I'm so grateful that I can spend all of my time with Harper. We get alot of our stuff 2nd hand - actually I can't remember the last time I bought us new clothes! But that doesn't bother me, I used to buy my clothes from thrift stores before ds was born and I could afford new clothes, so it really makes no difference.
I know that one day I will get a good job and I won't have to watch my bank balcance all the time, but until then I am happy to live on what I get just so I can spend these important years with my ds.

Jster

11-11-2005, 06:53 AM

I was for about a year and a half, living with my mom who paid the bills :love. It really helped so I could be with dd2 after she was born. Then I started school full time, but the girls are mostly cared for by my mom now so it is a good situation for them. (Except when she's lacking in judgment, see my other thread, grr).

**guest**

11-11-2005, 07:27 AM

I'm a single SAHM too. Yes, I'm on state assistance. No, it's not a pretty life but it allows me to be home with my one and only child. I will probably not have any more children so I really wanted to do the best I could with ds.

I DO have to get a job soon BUT I'm looking for a nanny position where I can bring my son to. It's not an easy search in the area I'm in. People just don't want a nanny to bring her own child. The people around here tend to be wealthy and, um, snobbish.
I've actually been looking for a position for a year! So, it's not like I'm trying to 'milk' the system.
Also, I have a bad hip (under docs care) and may be able to postpone the job search for awhile.

I do sell Mary Kay and that helps occasionally. It would REALLY help if I could leave ds with his father while I did the home parties. That is the REAL way to earn the big bucks. I stay with Mary Kay simply because of the high commision.

Good to see this thread.
Hugs,
Liz

thistlelait

11-11-2005, 07:37 AM

ooh Lovesharp, you're in New Zealand! I've been trying to convence a friend of mine to help me buy a house there-- so dd and I can move there. I'm so drawn to it.

I don't understand why the US is so backwards when it comes to early childhood care. I have family from turkey and there they give mother's a stipend to stay home with their children for 3 years!!!
Can you imagine!

In MA, the welfare system doesn't even give you enough for rent, let alone anything extra. I stayed home for the first 11 month before getting a job. $403.00 a month for dd and I, plus $90 for food. Just my rent was $500. It just doesn't make sense. Plus, you are required to get a job when your child turns 2 and they take a dollar away for each dollar you make.

rainbowmoon

11-11-2005, 08:11 AM

I will be relying on social security (survivors benefits) so I can stay home with my kids for the time being. thankfully DH paid quite a bit into it :innocent I am not at all sure what I will do beyond that. I would like to go back to nursing school possibly at some point and work as a massage therapist/doula part time too, at least at some point, but I really have no child care right now. and doulaing is pretty much out of the question atm because of that factor. plus I want to be home with my kids while they are little, even more so now, I feel it's VERY important. I have always planned to homeschool too, but not sure if I will be able to do it plus everything else I want to do in the future.

MsChatsAlot

11-11-2005, 10:55 AM

I'm glad that you have that option. With the death of your husband, you all need each other more than ever and it really is important for you to all have time to be together and enjoy those two blessings in your life.

You'll be surprised at the options that can work once you get through babyhood and get back to normal sleep.

I manage well with my own studies and homeschooling. I do most of my work at night when the kids are in bed and I find it fills a void that I was feeling of not having a partner to hang with after the kids were asleep. I do get some work done in the day because my kids play well together. But I don't do it often.

With homeschooling we mostly unschool, so it's not hard to fit the homeschooling stuff in and we do lots of reading & crafts and find learning adventures everywhere. It's much like stay home parenting anyway, so it wasn't hard to fit it in.

I did nothing but be a single stay home parent until my youngest was two and even then I only did 1 course over 6 months and it was a bit challenging. Now I do 4 and can handle the pace much better.

mmace

11-11-2005, 01:26 PM

I'm a single SAHM too. My H left a little over two years ago. I've been a SAHM for ten years. My youngest is two now. I'm looking for some babysitting, or something else I could do from home, and then when the littlest one is in school I'll have to look for something more permanent/better paying. I'm really struggling financially right now, in fact - I came here to the single parenting forum to ask a question, so I'll go do that now!

teachermom

11-11-2005, 06:48 PM

I'm a stay at home mom to four. We homeschool too. I feel blessed to be able to just be with my kids. It is hard sometimes. I get food stamps, soc. sec., and child support (a little). My mom helps me when she can and we go with out when we must. With a special needs kid (my ds is bipolar) and two of them five and under I can't imagine doing it any other way.

Jster

11-11-2005, 08:16 PM

In MA, the welfare system doesn't even give you enough for rent, let alone anything extra. I stayed home for the first 11 month before getting a job. $403.00 a month for dd and I, plus $90 for food. Just my rent was $500. It just doesn't make sense. Plus, you are required to get a job when your child turns 2 and they take a dollar away for each dollar you make.

Wow...compared to FL that looks generous! Here you could get $198 mo (for mother and TWO kids) if your child is under three months, then only if you are "actively looking for a job (20 applications a week) and after a couple of months of looking for a job you are required to do 30 hours a week of community service while getting your $198 a mo and putting your child into day care. Plus they want vax records. And it takes hours and hours in unsanitary waiting rooms with a newborn just to get that. Food stamps are on top of that, though, and generous...but can't live on food alone. We do get to eat organic, which is nice, and whenever I feel particularly poor we can go to the grocery store and get a treat. Every bit helps to make us feel more human ;)

loveharps

11-12-2005, 01:33 PM

**guest**

11-12-2005, 03:50 PM

Just popping in to say Hi to my fellow SAH single mama's!

Bliss,
Liz

**guest**

11-12-2005, 03:51 PM

Yeah, welfare really stinks here. Sigh.

Double hugs!
Liz

goindownhill

11-18-2005, 03:11 PM

Been lurking for awhile and finally decided to pipe in. I'm a SAHSingleM who decided to become an apartment manager when I got pregnant because I wanted to be able to stay home with ds these first important years. It's a super deal for us. I am provided with a great 2bdrm apartment and receive a small monthly stipend on top of that. And because the cost of my housing is not reported as income, I qualify for state aid (TANF, food and medical). In return I keep the building clean and collect rent every month. It's great because I can work when ds will have it and devote time to him when he needs it. I've thought about caring for another child in my home for extra $, but so far haven't made that leap......

Katie :slingboy: single mama to Sam :boybaby: 7mos

:fambeds1 :xnocirc: :2bfbaby: :lurk:

MaWhit

11-18-2005, 09:30 PM

Another single homescholing mama here. I got the proceeds freom the sale of house when we divorced, and put a hefty down payment on a cheaper house in a cheaper part of the state, so I have a low house payment (about $250). I get generous child support, food stamps, and do odd jobs (babysitting, window washing, mystery shopping, etc) to bring in extra momey. I'm very frugal and have never had much money, so it's all I know. We're doing just fine. :)

Natalya

11-19-2005, 01:24 PM

Me too! I've been a single SAHM since ds was born, and am so proud of myself! I never thought I would be able to do it, but have, mostly due to my very very generous family and friends. I have been living with family but am about to move in with some friends of mine with a family and they aren't charging rent, which is :heartbeat awesome :heartbeat . I am looking to going back to school FT and have heard a lot of single mamas say they get grants/loans enough to live on, so that's what I will be attempting. We are also on FS. I tired for cash asst. but GEEZ, they are so annoying about it, huh? Uh... 20 applications a week?!? I don't think I've filled out that many in my life :innocent !! I knit, so I am going to try selling longies on ebay and see how that does. I really only need a hundred bucks a month cash so hopefully that will cover it. :blah I'm so glad there are so many SAH single mamas here! :grouphug

rainbowmoon

11-19-2005, 03:27 PM

I am so happy there are so many of you making this work..it gives me hope and makes me smile! :D

JacksMomma

11-25-2005, 01:24 PM

Wow Jster and thistlelait, I had no idea that the welfare system was so bad in the US (I knew it wasn't the greatest, but to not even get enough to live on!)
I feel even more grateful for what I get. Admittedly the system here gets a lot of flak because it is so easy for people to rip it off, but its so great for the people who actually need it. We get cheaper health care, food grants (up to $400 a year when we need it) and we can also get other grants for things that we need - like bond for a house or optician appointments. They also pay for any study we might want to do.
I don't have to look for a job until my ds is school age, and even then working is not compulsory until he turns 14 (the legal age for leaving children home alone).

Good luck finding a house out here thistlelait! You'd better hurry because the property market is booming at the moment and house prices keep going up and up.

I am 7 months pregnant. I live in Florida and when I applied for public housing, I was told it could be a year or more before I can be placed (even though at the time I lived in my car)! I thought to myself, "are my son and I supposed to live in my car until then or what?" I called to inquire about Section 8 housing vouchers, but there are too many people on their waiting list and they stopped accepting applications. What does it take to get some help in this state/country??

So what I want to know is: HOW DO I BECOME A CITIZEN OF NEW ZEALAND?

=*Leighanna*=

loveharps

11-25-2005, 01:42 PM

Its VERY hard to get residency here!

You've got to have plenty of money and love paper work, there's so many forms to fill in and it cost $ every time you put new forms in.

cojay00

11-25-2005, 08:57 PM

Hello, I am also a SAHM mom to 3 boys. A 4 year old and 5 year old twins. I also do home parties for Discovery toys and I sell safety products for children all from home. I am thinking of going back to school in Janurary. Being A SAHM is a full time job and I love it.

Brenda
www.discoverytoyslink.com/cojay00
www.4safekidz.com

Zyla

11-26-2005, 11:45 PM

I've always (nearly seventeen years now!) been a single, stay at home mother. Well, there was a partner for a while, but we haven't been together for nearly four years now. (It was a blessing that I was able to keep the house when he left).

I homeschool my kids, and I'm working on my degree, with the plan to go on to grad school as well. I've always done some sort of work, childcare for several years, and for many years I worked from home for a home business, which was wonderful -- until I was laid off. *sigh* But we manage. My first priority is my kids, and homeschooling them, so whatever I do to earn a living has to fit in with that. Hard as it is to juggle, this is a really good time for me to be working on my degree as my teen can mind the younger ones while I'm at class.

eckmannl

11-27-2005, 08:52 PM

I have been a single sahm since my ds was born. I am lucky enough to live with family. My son has a medical condition that has, so far, kept the welfare people off my back about working. In PA you must have a job when your baby turns 1. I did recently find out that correspondance education counts as working as long as you can proove that you spend 20 hrs. a week on it. sigh. And no, you don't get nearly enough to live on here either. I am not interested in working outside of my home anytime soon. Being a mother to my 1 and 2 yr olds is plenty of work for me. I cannot imagine having to hand my babies off to somebody else 5 days a week. I assume when they get a little older I may get some more time to myself and I will probably look for something I can do from home then, but for now, I'm plenty busy :)

DBZ

11-27-2005, 09:18 PM

I'm SAHM mom too. I need to get more money flowing in though. I recently had my 3rd kid and that really upset my weak financial apple cart LOL. I've been a SAHM for about 6 years now. I totally dread the thought of getting a job outside the home.

JA'sMama

11-30-2005, 10:06 PM

Hello!
I am a Single SAHM also and yes like most others I get public assistance. after my Ds turned one his Ped. wrote a letter to welfare and now I do not have to work until he turns 2 1/2. I watch my nephew for while my sister and BIL are working he works crazy shifts so he is 4 days on and 4 days off. they give me 15$ a day but some weeks I do not watch him at all. I live with my mother so that helps. I pay her rent (not always the same amount but ALWAYS something) She helps out so much I never have to buy him clothes or toys she loves getting all the kids toys and stuff. We do the thrift stores They are so much fun!! :D I plan on staying home with him until he goes to school It should be possible since I have my nephew to watch I hope so I can not imagine somone else careing for my son. I hope to find another child to babysit for. We receive Food Stamps also we get a hefty amount $248 It went up in NYS that helps us all out my mother then can save money. She doesn't want me to go back to work we have been trying to find other ways for me to make money. staying home helps out my whole family in so many ways.

Karen and Baby Joe

rainbowmoon

11-30-2005, 10:46 PM

do you mamas plan to be SAHM's long term? if not, what is your plan?

I am struggling with this and what I will do. If I go back to work eventually I could probably make much more than my ssa benefits (eventually) the kids payments shouldn't change regardless. but there's the problem of child care, what I would do for work exactly, single parenting AND working, I also REALLY want to homeschool if at all possible,etc..anyway I feel like I should plan ahead and get my ducks in a row so to speak..I have some skills (I am trained as a shoatsu practitioner/ massage therapist and was a hairstylist for 10 years) and know I can find lots of work away from home but it makes me sad though to think of not being home with my kids though so I'm thinking of doing something homebased possibly.. I just don't want us to struggle to live on a fixed income forever. I also have some physical limitations due to an injury to think about as well. I do know it's important for me (and the kids) to be home right now, while they are so little and there is time to figure it out, but I have alot think about in any case.. :blah

MsChatsAlot

12-01-2005, 07:26 AM

rainbowmoon

I know it "feels" like you need to have all your ducks in a row right now, but you don't. My ex left when I was pregnant with #2. I stayed home exclusively, living off support only until the youngest was 2.5. That's when I started school. Everthing suddenly became clear to me one day about what I wanted to do, what I felt I needed to do, and it all just sort of fell into place. I'm working toward a career that will allow me to have flexible hours and make enough that I don't need to work 50 hour weeks and probably won't require a whole lot of child care.

You have some skills already that you "could" use, when the time is right. I know a woman from LLL who cut hair in other people's homes. She also cut hair in her own home part time. Getting a sitter for an hour or two is different than full time.

As your kids get older, as you get more sleep and back to a pace of life where you find you can handle more, you'll likely find something that really seems "right" and when you follow that it will work out for all of you.

loveharps

12-02-2005, 01:03 PM

I don't intend to stay at home forever, but at the moment there's no definate plan for me to start working out of home. I am planning to start studying in 2007, but the degree I want to do can be done extramurally so I can stay at home while I do it. I guess once I've done my degree I will probably work full time, but by then ds will be much older so I don't think it would be so hard to leave him for the day.

hazeldust

12-06-2005, 12:55 PM

i work two days a week but the kids would be at their dads those days anyways so i consider myself a sahm. I love it and am truly dedicated to it, though it is very hard at times. truth is that some days im pretty good at it but there are alot of times that i feel really bad at it, like i just dont have enough focus to keep up a good momentum. anyways its nice to know there are other mamas out there who make it happen. :D

mystic~mama

12-10-2005, 07:02 PM

another single sahm here :wave

Its like I've always been a single parent considering all of the work has been mine and he was gone half the time in the military. Officially I seperated from her father 4 months ago and since then stayed at my moms for 3 months while I figured things out and got myself feeling all right again and I found a temp nanny job for another single mom who was all for me bringing my daughter...knowing that I could earn income on my own and keep my child with me was a confidence builder. We actually had a playdate today with that mama and her boys.

Then I connected with a single mom roomate (she's an MDC mama :thumb)
who we moved in with about a month ago and I do house cleaning in exchange for rent and pay utilities. I get support from her father and also found a p/t job helping out a stay at home mom with house organization and errands.

My plan is to work for myself doing something I love...so far thats where I'm at.

I was so glad to see this thread, I really wanted to start posting on this board and connecting with other single mamas.

blessings~~~

MissLotus

12-10-2005, 08:43 PM

I've been meaning to respond to this for ages. I too am a SAHM single mom (well legally I'm still married but he moved out over 3 years ago!). My ex and I so far have had a verbal agreement about money....he is a huge jerk emotionally, yet has been responsible financially (mainly to have control, which he's basically admitted) most of the time, so he gives me 17% of his income (like he would if we went to court), plus part of what he'd be required to give me for daycare if I was working fulltime. Daycare here is horribly expensive. So, to supplement that because I'm still broke, I've done a variety of things. When my son was a baby, I did childcare part-time for the local spa/fitness center - it was good because I could bring my son with me. Then I found a job working for my village's municipal office, a part-time flexible job. I have a friend I do very occasional bookkeeping for. I'm also the editor of a nearby school districts newsletter (a freelance thing, doesn't pay much but hey, it's money) and just two days ago, I landed yet another part-time job with our chamber of commerce...I'll be working from home 5-10 hours a week. So I patch stuff together. It's very hard to find the time; my son's in preschool just 3 mornings a week and that costs enough. Plus he's 4 yrs. old so it's his last year at home all day (sniff) and I'm in no rush to get him out the door. At any rate, I am truly grateful that I've had this time with him.

RL

aprilmae

12-16-2005, 02:08 AM

Single SAHM here too! I left my husband in July and was on income assistance for a couple of months, and then decided to go back to school full time and now I'm doing online courses so I can stay home with my 2 year old son... I have found it VERY challenging to work on my courses with my son constantly demanding my attention. He's still nursing an awful lot, and the more distracted I am with my studies, the more he wants to nurse... I'm going to put him in preschool half days in March, and I'll be at home for another year and then I'm transferring to the local college. They have a daycare on site there so I can see him between classes and check in with him as much as I want... Not my first choice... I'd much rather be home with him... but my ex hasn't paid a cent in child support since I left him and is unemployed right now... don't really have a choice...

April

paloma

12-18-2005, 04:14 PM

I stay at home, correspondance study, but I might get a job.

mama2monkeys

12-21-2005, 11:58 PM

me memememme...

but who knows howl ong with the way things keep gettingm ore expensive. welfare is no good to me {not on it anyway} so i might have no choice but to give in & work. i'm not happy...

mothergooseofthree

12-22-2005, 10:10 PM

Unfortunately, I am a single SAHM. I never thought that I would be in this position since dh and I had a marriage that he termed, "effortless." But, he shockingly passed away earlier this year. I have three little blessings that look just like him, ages 18mos, 3, and 6. I also homeschool, but did not have to spend much to start kindergarten with my ds since I had kept everything from hsing my step dd for many years.

I am also blessed to be able to live on our survivor benefits from SS (we don't qualify for any other assistance). I know that I will not lose any of those for about 12 years. So, for now, I am not worrying about it......provision will come when the need arises. I do have a degree and some work experience as well. And, in time I may start an online business. But, for now, I am trying to concentrate on us and healing. I do plan to stay home indefinitely, though.