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View Full Version : Steam blowing out of my ears VENT!!!




Jster
11-10-2005, 09:28 PM
Ugghh. I'm so mad at my mom right now I could SCREAM. Here goes...AAHHGGRR!!! Why do you do this to me!! Why don't you respect me!!! Why can't you help me in the ways I ask/need/want you to!!! Why do you throw problems my way all the time!!! ARGGHH!!!

My mom decided to take the girls camping. I was excited for them, but worried, because frankly she's irresponsible sometimes. But she watches them for me full days on Wed. and Thurs., so she decided it would be fun to drive down to the everglades with them to go to an indian reservation. I was supportive, packed them tons of snacks, got everything ready. Getting off was a bit rocky, because she was late coming over, made me late for my class, and was pretty rude and disrespectful as soon as she got here.

I don't know why my mother doesn't respect me. She treats me more "like a child" than I would ever, ever treat my own girls. She does not respect my boundaries, is constantly doubting the truthfulness of what I say (even when I repeat news stories!), and generally disrespects every boundary I try to assert. So she was going to borrow my car (because hers isn't reliable enough, mine has air and the car seats). She comes over, parks her car, which is messy inside, and then proceeds to take EVERYTHING OUT OF MY CAR AND DUMP IT ALL ON THE FLOOR OF MY HOUSE!!! She even was foolish enough to take out my registration and insurance, all the cds that the girls listen to in the car, toys that they play with, snacks, kleenex...basically all sorts of things that are there FOR A REASON, to make driving with two kids a little easier. I got so mad I lost my temper (I'm really trying to work on it, but I just felt so violated and helpless when she was making a mess of my house and I was late to class). But they left okay.

She was supposed to be home tonight between 4-5 and I gave her my cell phone so we could be in touch. She didn't call last night, didn't call today, and had it turned off. I know she's horribly late, so I tried not to worry (but my house is now spotless :thumb). 5, 6. I eat dinner. 7, 8, at 8:10 they finally drive up. I am so glad to see them, and the first thing that I notice is dd1's leg is SWOLLEN TO DOUBLE it's size because of red ant bites, honestly there must be 40-50 of them. I couldn't believe my eyes, or that this happened yesterday and she didn't get any treatment, just put on lavender essential oil (which I don't think helped a bit). And my poor baby! One red ant bite hurts like fire, I can't imagine how she felt! And she was having trouble walking (but I'm sure my mom still went for walks, etc, not taking the poor dear girl into account).

So I keep my cool but tell my mother that she will have to run to the store and get some cream...I call the local Walgreens and they have what I wanted, an OTC antihistimine cream to stop the allergic reaction. I told my mother SPECIFICALLY what I needed. dd2, who hasn't nursed in almost two days, is frantic and exhausted and won't let me put her down, or else I would have gone.

My mom came back and what did she get? Calamine lotion. Now, that might help sooth, but the problem is soooooo much bigger than a little irritation, I started sobbing over my poor dear daughters leg as I held my now sleeping baby (my mom moved everything to her car before she would go get the lotion, so it took a long time). It was 9:30, too late to call a friend to help, and my poor daughter's leg is still swollen and sore. I'm crying as I type this, because I'm so mad that my mom is so uncaring to not have helped her out. Yeah, my mom is into alternative medicine, but that all falls to pieces when you have a traumatic occurance like 40-50 poisonous bites. I'm so sad, so mad, sooooo mmmmaaaaaadddddddddddd!

Well, I've vented, but I don't feel any better yet. I just pray that my dd1's leg will be a little better in the morning, or else I'm not going to want to drop her off at her dcp and go to my classes, even though I need to (as there's only one more week of class). If anyone prays, pray for us, kay? Just happy thoughts our way, and peace for me if you can spare some.




thistlelait
11-10-2005, 09:48 PM
Lots of love and peace heading your way.
Plus, :hug :hug :hug :hug :hug

so sorry to hear what a rough time your little ones had! I can't believe your mom didn't get your dd more help and didn't even respect your choice of treatment when you specifically asked for something. That's terrible!

hope dd's feeling better in the morning. Do you keep benedryl in the house? How about making a baking soda/ water paste to put on her leg-- or to soak in a bath. That might help draw out the poison and reduce swelling. Ummmm, trying to think of things I would do if I didn't have an antihistimine in the house....

will get back to you if I think of anything else.
Lots of healing vibes for you all too.......

Jster
11-10-2005, 09:55 PM
Thanks for your hug, thistlelait! I did try the soaking in a warm bath and baking soda, but neither helped much (they just don't help for this type of insect bite). Guess I'll need to get an antihistimine to have on hand...just barely ever need one, and now that my mom spent $8 of the $14 I had don't know how I'll get it!

I hope that she heals well now that she's home in bed snuggled with mom.

And she did have a good time, enjoyed seeing the alligators and Indians, going on a boat ride, etc. So I know that in a year, the bugbites will be a funny memory, but she'll cherish this first camping trip with GG for a long, long time.

thistlelait
11-10-2005, 09:59 PM
if nothing else.. ibprophen will ease any soreness and it helps reduce swelling too, doesn't it?

I don't have any experience with red ants (and from the sounds of it, I'm glad!) but baking soda paste is what I do for bee stings because where ever I get stung swells to twice its size.

good luck again and be well...

thistlelait
11-10-2005, 10:06 PM
sorry, I hadn't read your reply before i wrote my second one!

Glad they had a good time camping! You're probably right that it will eventually be a funny memory. "remember the time I was bite by 40 ants and lived to tell about it" Hahaha!
one of my earliest memories is of driving cross country with my parents and getting bit on the thumb by some donkey we met on the side of the road... so random and totally funny now.

Jster
11-10-2005, 10:17 PM
Thanks for keeping my company :hug I know she'll live to tell, and I'm glad I kept my cool when mom did that tonight. My mom, however, threw the bag down at me and just left screaming, at 9:30 at night. Ughh, it reminds me why I'm so glad I'm now living on my own and can hopefully overcome the bad relationships that I grew up with, and give my daughters a chance at more healthy ones in the future.

It is starting to feel a bit funnier already...and dd doesn't actually seem too bothered by them (she's sleeping or I might give her some ibuprophen). I've been trying to encourage her to "be tough" and doing a lot of spin control about pain being somewhat mentally controllable (she's been pretty sensitive lately esp. when her sister is vicious, which she is frequently in order, I think, to get the rewarding squeels and tears that come after). So when I asked dd1 how her leg felt, she said she was being "tough." Don't you just love them :love ? I'm glad to have them back.

kama'aina mama
11-10-2005, 10:20 PM
I would have lost my F-ing mind. I was bitten by one.... ONE red ant once. I can't imagine. I'm so, so sorry honey. Hold your babies close and love them up. Remember, the good memories tend to outlive the bad ones.

Jster
11-11-2005, 06:34 AM
I would have lost my F-ing mind. I was bitten by one.... ONE red ant once. I can't imagine. I'm so, so sorry honey. Hold your babies close and love them up. Remember, the good memories tend to outlive the bad ones.

Thanks for your sympathy for her...I too just can't imagine, she once got four red ant bites when we were at a natural theme park, and she was pretty overwhelmed until the staff brought her some antihistimine cream, which helped tremendously. My mom wasn't there, or perhaps she would have actually gotton me some. They do hurt like the dickens.

MsChatsAlot
11-11-2005, 08:09 AM
Wow! It seems like you handled that really well. What a difficult situation. I'm glad everyone is back now, safe & sound. I hope her leg is MUCH better this morning.

Jilian
11-11-2005, 10:51 AM
I'm sorry mama, hugs to you and your little one. Red ant bites hurt pretty bad, but the good thing is that the pain usually goes away within 10 minutes or so. My DS was attacked by fire ants at STBX's house not too long ago :hopmad :splat I know how you must be feeling.

That is not cool what your mom did, all of it. My mom acts like that a lot too, it's very frustrating! I hope you and your DD are feeling better today.

meemee
11-11-2005, 11:03 AM
jennifer i am just sitting her :jaw i cant believe how uncaring your mom could be. i cant imagine jsut how disrespecting she was. next time if i was in ur shoes it seems it would be better to call your friend rather than your mom.

btw do u have any friend u can call at the middle of the night. we as neighbours arent really close - dont really hang out together. but all of us are there for each other. so i know if i needed something at 2 am my neighbour will not mind going to get it for me. the same way when her dd hadnt returned at 2 am and she came knocking at my door (we werent separated then so ex was home) we went around the neighbourhood looking for her.

i have never had to ask them for help ever yet. but i know if i needed it (since i dont have a car) i could call her up.

Eggie
11-11-2005, 11:18 AM
:Hug

Hope that your DD is feeling better today :heartbeat

Jster
11-11-2005, 04:02 PM
:Hug

Hope that your DD is feeling better today :heartbeat


Thanks everyone!! It helps to vent...but I still don't know what to do about my mother and her lack of respect. I just talked to my sister about it, and she's convinced its my fault :nut I'm so glad I moved out to get away from them making me feel bad all the time.

And dd is feeling better, she actually seems pretty sprightly, until she looks at her leg then gets a little disturbed. It's pretty gross, lots of little bites all erupting with puss, ewww!

Ahappymel
11-11-2005, 05:00 PM
Sending you love...

My dad used to treat me like this...still does sometimes.
A three year seperation with no contact or response to his attempts has really changed him. He really is more mindful of the way he talks to and treats me. I know he is motivated by fear to lose me again.
I am not saying that this is the way to go....
I hear you saying you want to be respected by her.
Cutting off ties does not meet that need although admittedly, it was self-protective in my case.
I just wanted to share some empathy with you and let you know that there is another person out here that may understand how you feel :)

Mel.

amber_and_journey
11-11-2005, 11:02 PM
my mother is the same way and worse! she dosent beleave a word i say and i know i cant beleave her.
my mother actually had my little one spending a week with her and while she had her she took her to the local health department and impersonated me and said she was mother to my child in order to have her vaccinated without me knowing about it. my daughter hasnt been the same sense.

Jster
11-12-2005, 07:03 AM
my mother is the same way and worse! she dosent beleave a word i say and i know i cant beleave her.
my mother actually had my little one spending a week with her and while she had her she took her to the local health department and impersonated me and said she was mother to my child in order to have her vaccinated without me knowing about it. my daughter hasnt been the same sense.

YIKES!!! :jaw That would scare me soooo much! At least mom and I are on the same page as far as that goes...it's just that she doesn't do anything for treatment except "put a little lavender oil on it" :rolleyes: as if that will heal anything. I mean, I think if my daughter got scalded, she'd just put some lavender on it and wait until my normal time to pick them up, whereas I know any child care provider would notify right away.

I'm not sure how to talk to my mom now...if I just act like nothing happened, then it's bound to happen again for sure. But I really want to know how the trip went, what they did, how did dd2 do overnight, etc., etc. And she's probably going to be defensive before I even ask anything. I just wish that we had a healthy relationship. I know that I can only control how I act and how I respond to her, though...so thanks ladies for letting me vent here so I can be calm with her :love you guys are the best!!! :throb

boomingranny
11-12-2005, 07:10 AM
my mom can only do so much for me and then spazzes out...my X can only be a good dad under certain conditions. A hard lesson in life that we are always learning is that those who are supposed to live up to our expectations often don't, so the trick is knowing what they CAN do and asking no more than that. Initially that is very sad and disappointing. In the long run, the broken ones in your life will feel better once they only do what they're truly capable of and you have made peace with their broken parts.

I never ask my Mom to do regular grandma stuff, she just can't. She does do things that she enjoys doing for my dd and it works out fine.

Good luck, I know it sucks.