I don't know how to say this.

[kirei]

[sorry about the vague title]

So, I donno.... I started talking to a guy online. I answered a post on craigslist. The thing is.... ex and I are roommates. This guy I'm talking to has asked for the story about my baby's father... mainly, how are things between us, etc. I want to answer, but I don't know HOW to answer. How do I tell him that we are roommates? That is unbelievably weird, you know? I just don't know what to say. He needs to know, I want everything out in the open....

I believe that when a person thinks theyre doing something wrong, and talks about it like other people would think its wrong.... it gives other people the impression that THEY should think its wrong.

Now.... I really feel like any guy I consider dating will totally think this is too weird. I can definitely understand why. But it really IS just a roommate situation, nothing going on behind the scenes...... we're new to the area, and are just starting out, so we are roommates our of necessity. This is a temporary situation. I want to tell him in such a way that it won't seem like such a big deal.

Is this even possible, or am I just going to be stuck with this problem until we aren't roommates anymore?

[fek&fuzz]

i would tell the truth. Say what you said above "nothing going on behind the scenes, new to the area so it's out of necessity", and maybe add "I've got a built in person to watch the baby if we ever meet up, and I won't be stressed about who I'm leaving the baby with" or something like that so he can see the positives in the situation.

And, by the way, your baby is so cute!!!

[teachermom]

How about...
"My baby's father is my roommate, but not my partner or lover. l can understand how you might totally think this is too weird. I can definitely understand why. But it really IS just a roommate situation, nothing going on behind the scenes...... we're new to the area, and are just starting out, so we are roommates our of necessity. This is a temporary situation."

if he is the right guy for you at this time in your life...he will work out his feelings about it.

[Medusa]

[sorry about the vague title]

So, I donno.... I started talking to a guy online. I answered a post on craigslist. The thing is.... ex and I are roommates. This guy I'm talking to has asked for the story about my baby's father... mainly, how are things between us, etc. I want to answer, but I don't know HOW to answer. How do I tell him that we are roommates? That is unbelievably weird, you know? I just don't know what to say. He needs to know, I want everything out in the open....

I believe that when a person thinks theyre doing something wrong, and talks about it like other people would think its wrong.... it gives other people the impression that THEY should think its wrong.

Now.... I really feel like any guy I consider dating will totally think this is too weird. I can definitely understand why. But it really IS just a roommate situation, nothing going on behind the scenes...... we're new to the area, and are just starting out, so we are roommates our of necessity. This is a temporary situation. I want to tell him in such a way that it won't seem like such a big deal.

Is this even possible, or am I just going to be stuck with this problem until we aren't roommates anymore?

I've gotta ask...are you REALLY sure now is the time to start dating? Your babe is still really young, you haven't been single very long, you and your ex are still living together. Those are a lot of good reasons to put off dating.
I think every single Mama owes it to herself and her child (or children) to spend one full year without dating or trying to date. We need that time to get ourselves rooted as a family before we start adding in other factors. As a single parent YOU are your childs family, their home, their stabilty, their saftey their comfort. Give yourself sometime to really get into those roles. Life is long, lovers can wait.

[kirei]

About this being the right time to date anyone.... I did make a post about that before, and I got a lot of responses saying to wait... etc. I feel "ready" to date.... actually, I have felt ready for a long time. We broke up 4 months ago, but it really should have been more like 1-2 years ago. It was a slow process, and the actual breaking up was really simple and low-key... it was moreso just a formality. :shrug ... You could still be right about me, but I've just..... I don't know, I just really want to meet someone.

Okay, anyway... about WHAT to say about the living situation. I didn't mean to imply AT ALL that I want to lie about it. :innocent I guess I'm sort of asking..... will I sound like a freak no matter WHAT I say?? Heh. I don't want to make it sound like a big negative thing.... I want to act like its not a big deal... because its NOT!!! But I FEEL like its a big deal. heh. So its driving me crazy.

And, really.... why WOULD he be comfortable with this? I mean, okay... how would I feel if I was going to date a guy, and find out that his ex is his roommmate? Itd be weird!! :\

I just feel frustrated, because I want a CHANCE... you know? I don't want this to be the thing that makes it a no. If we don't want to date.... fine, but please not over this.. you know? :(

[rebeccalizzie]

I'd try to be no-big-deal about it. My DD's bio-father was living with his ex fiance when he and I were dating--they were stuck in a lease neither of them could afford on their own, so they stayed living together until the lease ran out. The only thing i worried about was that in the beginning I wasn't 100% sure he wasn't cheating on her, but he was super open about our relationship (I could call him at home, she would answer, hand him the phone and then he would talk to me normally in front of her.) That reassured me and it was never an issue.

Just say that you know it sounds weird, but it is working fine for you at the moment and that you guys are definitely all the way split up. This is assuming your ex is okay with you dating...because honestly, if not, he could really make life difficult for you.

[kirei]

rebeccalizzie - Thanks!! It helps to know someone was in a similar situation. Ex is definitely okay with me dating.... we've talked about it, he knows I've been talking to some guys online, etc. It would not be a problem for a guy to call or come over. So yeah!

Did you feel weird about it when he first told you that he was living with his ex? Just wondering how all of that went down.

[MsChatsAlot]

I had friends who lived together until one of them started to date someone seriously and then it became clear it was time to go on their separate ways.

When it comes to things like that I think you're better off to tell him the truth and if he's the guy for you, it won't be a problem. If he's not able to handle it....then Mr. Right is still out there somewhere.

I know it's scary. I dated a guy and was nervous about telling him I co-slept.....and then he announced he sleeps with his kid too!

[kirei]

I had friends who lived together until one of them started to date someone seriously and then it became clear it was time to go on their separate ways.

When it comes to things like that I think you're better off to tell him the truth and if he's the guy for you, it won't be a problem. If he's not able to handle it....then Mr. Right is still out there somewhere.

I know it's scary. I dated a guy and was nervous about telling him I co-slept.....and then he announced he sleeps with his kid too!


Thanks for the support! I just feel weird telling him because we haven't really gotten a chance to see if we might be interested in dating, and I feel like this will scare him off. Its not like he knows all that much about me... you know? Probably not enough to know that he wants to stick around. But... hey, we'll see I guess. I just hate this part! :irked:

And thats funny, I was worried about co-sleeping too! I have thought a lot about that issue when I considered dating... :blush ... I'm a bit worried about it too, but at least its not as bad as THIS issue I'm dealing with right now. heh.

[thismama]

Tell him lesbians do it all the time. :shrug I've lived with my ex on and off (mostly on) ever since we broke up... like 4 years ago. There is nothing behind the scenes at all. She is easy to live with, and fun. It doesn't mean I want to be partnered with her.

[teachermom]

I really meant what I wrote as a suggestion...I thought you had worded it clearly and not as a bad thing. it is a differant situation than most people deal with so of coursae theres no way of knowing how he will react but it is where you are right now so you might as well be up front about it.

[kirei]

Thanks everyone!! I think I feel ready to tell him now. I realised that what I really needed was to see that this could be a normal thing, and doesn't have to be weird or negative. Just seeing your respones has helped me to feel like it doesn't HAVE to come across as a bad thing.

Anyway, we might never work out, but at least I feel better about answering his question. Thanks so much!!! :love

[esk8partist]

i understand that you're kinda scared and excited, its always this way at the beginning of a potential relationship. you want the person to respect you and like you for who you are. you are a different person now, now that you are a momma, and so youll be dating and loving under new circumstances, with a new awareness... have you meditated on or reflected on this at all? this is one reason why i've decided to be celibate for at least a year.

i dont think its your responsibility to prove anything to this man you dont even know yet. be honest. if he cant accept it, thinks it wierd, cant trust you or the situation. oh well. nice to meet you.. move on. he's not the one right now for you.

[kirei]

This is what I've written [but haven't sent it yet!]:

You asked about my ex. We broke up mainly because we really were not compatible, and it was a long time in coming. We stuck it out longer than we should have, but we really wouldn't be doing the baby any favours by staying together. I have a 2 bedroom apartment and we've been roommates out of necessity, but its all on the up and up. We're decent friends, and new to the area, so it works alright for now. Besides, lesbians do it all the time! (or so I'm told... hahaha) ;)

Should I leave that lesbian part? hehehehehehehehehe... credit goes to thismama for that! :lol :p

[rebeccalizzie]

rebeccalizzie - Thanks!! It helps to know someone was in a similar situation. Ex is definitely okay with me dating.... we've talked about it, he knows I've been talking to some guys online, etc. It would not be a problem for a guy to call or come over. So yeah!

Did you feel weird about it when he first told you that he was living with his ex? Just wondering how all of that went down.

It didn't feel weird, it made sense to me because I was stuck in a lease I was having a hard time affording myself! I just wasn't sure at first if he was lying to me and cheating on her. But that passed quickly, as soon as I knew she knew about me it was no big deal. Of course, we met IRL, so that part was easier--when I knew I could call him at home and he wasn't all secretive, I knew it was all good.

I read your email to him, I think it sounds great. I'd leave the lesbian part in...a little light humor there :)

Good luck :) I hope it works out!