Nudity at home, shared baths, etc.

[kamilla626]

We've always been pretty open about our bodies at home. We'll walk around the house 1/2 naked, digging through the clean laundry piles in the living room. Dd knows most of the names for her parts, dh and I rarely bother to close the bathroom door (when we don't have guests!), etc.

I sometimes join dd in her bath, but I'm starting to feel a little wierd about. I know that's just my own issue, but what do others feel about a "cut-off age" for a girl playing in the tub with Mommy? What about daughters & fathers?

FYI, dd is about 2.5

[westernmamomma]

My dd (also 2.5) and ds (6mos) both shower with me and dh. I don't feel like there is a cut off time except for when they are able to shower on their own. FWIW I showered with my mom until I was 6 or so.

[proud mama of 2]

I bath with both of my children. My DS is 4 and my DD is 1. We are cramped in the tub but it works for us :D Most of the time the only way I can get a bath in is to bathe with them.

[vermonttaylors]

I still hang out nude with my mom when we swim in the pond, take saunas, or keep each other company when one of us is in the bath. I don't bathe with her, but that's cause we wouldn't both fit in the tub. My father is also not shy about nudity and we have both been naked in front of each other as adults during my childhood, especially when swimming (we aren't big on bathing suits :lol )

DH bathes with both kids (he does the bathtime ritual in our home), but both kids shower with me. We sleep in the buff and the kids come into bed with us in the mornings. They are still toddlers and eventually I imagine there will be some natural modesty and clearly innapropriate times for nudity, but I don't want it to be a big thing in our household.

If you are uncomfortable being naked in front of your child, then that is something you should honor. Don't force yourself to do something that doesn't feel right because you think you should feel differently. I come from a very laid back family in nudity sense (possibly too many years lived in Europe :lol ) but my husband can't remember EVER seeing his parents naked. Somehow he still wound up relaxed about nudity. Who knows how these things happen.

I know you will get replies from people who have very strong opinions about this. I don't think being naked in front of your kids is harmful UNLESS THEY TELL YOU IT BOTHERS THEM, then your should respect that.

Cheers!

[rmzbm]

:nod ITA w/ the PP's!! My oldest is7 1/2 and we don't hide our bodies yet. No biggie...is we did it likely would be a biggie...but it's all good!! :thumb

[Autumnschild]

We are open with our nudity here. My girls know the difference between boys and girls because dad doesn't hide anything...and he shouldn't. To them it is natural, as it should be. They also know that they must be dressed in front of other people because they aren't family.

One of my early memories was when my mother, who was newly introduced to Christianity, decided suddenly that I couldn't see her nude anymore. I was about three or four. That was the first time I ever looked at her as being naked, and couldn't understand how it was suddenly bad. Guilt was introduced. I won't do that to my children. If my nudity makes them uncomfortable, or vice versa, then it will be a natural process and we'll go from there.

As far as them seeing dad nude, I don't know how I'll feel about that as they grow older. My girls are only 1 1/2 and 3 years right now so they're just little.

[kamilla626]

One of my early memories was when my mother, who was newly introduced to Christianity, decided suddenly that I couldn't see her nude anymore. I was about three or four. That was the first time I ever looked at her as being naked, and couldn't understand how it was suddenly bad. Guilt was introduced. I won't do that to my children. If my nudity makes them uncomfortable, or vice versa, then it will be a natural process and we'll go from there.



That makes a lot of sense. I don't want to introduce shame and guilt in connection with nudity. But my own upbringing was so different, it's hard not to feel as though as some point I need to just cover up.

Part of me really wants to be more open and comfortable with nudity, but I'm just not there yet, and I don't want my discomfort leading to discomfort for dd, kwim?

[Peony]

We are very open about nudity at our house, and will continue to be until dd tells us to put some clothes on. :lol My parents were very uptight about nudity, I remember accidently seeing my father naked when I was 4 and they flipped out, I still remember the shame I felt, it took me a long time to be comfortable with male nudity, as well as my own. I didn't see my mom naked until I was a teenager. I don't want the same for dd, I want her to be comfortable with different body images.

[DBZ]

We are a pretty open household. You kids will let you know when and if they are uncomfortable with nudity....theirs or yours. If you are uncomfortable with your own nudity and wish to be more comfortable with it then do things like sleep naked. You'll get used to seeing yourself in your own skin. If you'd rather not bath with your DD anymore then don't, but make it a gentle transition so it doesn't upset her. There is not numerical cut off age. You do what is right for your family. IMO A person being nude is just as sexual as a mom uncovering her breast to feed her baby.

[Sharlla]

My breasts are exposed as I am nursing often, but I am not nude ever. I dress behind closed doors. I prefer my privacy. I stopped bathing with DS1 when he was about 4 or so.

[monkaha]

The problem I have with being nude is that DH makes coments. Good comments, but, I dunno, I just feel weird having DD hear them. I guess I shouldn't, as they could help her to see the beauty in the eh, Rubenesque female form, thus helping her self esteem later...yadda yadda. How do you keep the sexual parts of being naked separate from the relaxed and comfy "don't feel like wearing clothes" part of being naked? Or do you?

[Sharlla]

I always have on at least panties and a bra but that's just going from bedroom to bathroom, if I'm lounging around I am always dressed in a top and bottoms of somekind ie tanktop and shorts or pajama pants. I just don't feel comfortable being naked other than when I need to be like showering or sex. Dh is like me in that regard, he has to have underwear on at all times too :lol

[Smithie]

Maybe I will think about covering up around ds when the memories of him sliding out my birth canal are a little less vivid. :lol

Ahem. Seriously. I was raised by hippies who did things like sauna with friends, so I saw all kinds of naked when I was little, and the men started covering up when I was six or so. We aren't hippies, but I expect that both our dc (dd is due in May, hooray!) will see us naked when we are bathing for as long as they are inclined to wander into our bathroom, and see us pretty much naked whenever we are alone among family and the weather is hot.

My mother and I take saunas and change clothes together, and everybody including in-laws got an eyeful of boob when I was learning how to nurse. Nudity is definitely not sexy in my book, unless you are getting naked in order to have sex.

[Starflower]

We're not shy about nudity here either. I bathe with DD and shower with her - she's 2-1/2. DH doesn't like to shower with her and he doesn't take baths so I do all bathing with her. However, he will often times give DD a bath.

We joined the Y recently. Their policy is that kids can go into the opposite sex parent's locker room until they are 6 years old.

My mom and I (and DD) have all seen each other naked within the past 6 months. I used to like to go into the bathroom with my mom for a bath and when she thought I was too old (probably just too big) she would let me put my feet in the hot water while she bathed and we'd get some time together.

I used to sleep naked too but we co-sleep and I am uncomfortable with that. Not so much because of any worry of sexuality but more because of practicality. DD is very cuddly and still nurses at least once or twice during the night and she's tall. I always wear underwear or pajama bottoms because I have been accidentally kicked during the night. DH always wears underwear and sometimes he'll add a T-shirt if it's cold at night.

[aisraeltax]

i think the cut off date is when you or your dc is uncomfortable. i still bathe (not often, ut thats only b/c i dont gey much time to take a bath) w/ my 2nd ds...my first got weird about his nudity a few years ago when he became a teenager...ive never trewated it as a big deal so my kids dont either.
rach

[addiesmom]

I agree with PP that there is no numerical age associated with nudity appropriateness. Your child will let you know when and if they start feeling uncomfortable with your/their nudity.

We are pretty open here too. DD is 3 and DS is 6 mos, and we all bathe together, walk around nude looking for clothes, etc when we don't have company! DD knows all the names of body parts, and knows what some of them are used for. DD has been heard to say "Baby brother! How's your penis?!" and when role-playing "Here comes my baby out from my vagina!" (this has been WITH guests over :blush )

Like a PP, I remember seeing my dad naked when I was 7 or so. My mother was so po'd at me because she thought I was already in bed. To this day I remember the shame and guilt at seeing him. It shouldn't be that way.

[Alkenny]

I grew up in a VERY open family, it was never a big deal to us. I'm the same way with my children.

My husband grew up in a very private family, saw his mother in her bra once at 14 and says he was traumatized. :lol Seriously, I think it WAS a big deal because it just wasn't done. KWIM?

As long as all parties are comfortable, then I think it's fine.

[LeosMama]

Lish, I'm really curious about your experience with nudity in your family. I don't want to teach my kids to be ashamed of their or other people's bodies. But I wasn't raised around comfortable nudity. Did your family just continue to be comfortable with nudity (looking for clothes nude, leaving the bathroom, sleeping nude, etc) into adolescence?
Do you talk about this with your kids, is it just not thought about and is normal? How do you teach kids to be clothed around company and not teach them shame? Modesty but not shame?
Hope that all made sense.
If you could share more, I think it would be helpful to many folks here. Thanks so much!

[mammafish78]

im glad i found this....i thought we were the only ones

[DBZ]

im glad i found this....i thought we were the only ones

I think it's pretty common actually. We had a discussion on a completely main stream site and the answers were pretty much the same.

[dgourley]

Hi all, Here is a fathers point of few. I was not raised by hippies but I did go through that stage in high school. A lot of the ideas that have shaped my parenting life come from that mind set. I have always been very open with my children. I was always in charge of bath time. For that matter I was in charge of anytime that happened from the time I got home from work till bedtime. That has always been my choice. Anyway, bathtime has always been special, fun ect. Not a chore. As soon as the girls were old enough to stand they would join me in my shower. At one time I had a five year old and a three year old chase me to the shower each evening stripping cloths along the way.

All four decided on their own when it was time to use their own shower. It was always around age five or six. I never made an issue out of their decision as I was myself thinking the time had come. I also like to swim in the nude and it was always common to to have a naked baby or two in the pool with me. As the girls got older it just became natural to respect their need for their own privacy and also to cover myself so as to never make them feel uncomfortable. It was just a natural progression.

My girls all grew up to be very modest in their dress and more set on their carrer goals than fooling around with guys.

I think that if you do what is comfortable for you and your children, then no harm will be done.

[Jilian]

I still shower with my DS, he's almost 3. I always ask if he wants to come in the shower with me and he always says yes. If he were to say no, I'd respect that. I grew up in a "no nudity" house and was taught to be ashamed of my body, I am trying like crazy to reverse that and teach my DS that nudity is ok.

I usually change clothes in my room with the door open, if DS comes in, it is not a big deal. DS sometimes runs around the house naked after bath time and I let him. DS also showers with his father from time to time.

[4Marmalade]

Both myself and dh bathe with our children about twice a week. Ds is 3 and dd is 6 months. We have a huge jet tub and ds LOVES it when it's a big tub night ;) . We're only really naked around bath time because I get cold easily and prefer to be dressed and warm. But I don't have a problem being naked. Like most of the pp's, once it becomes an issue with either myself, dh, ds or dd then we will respect whomever wants more privacy. I've just started suggesting to ds that he might want some privacy while going to the bathroom. But he would rather I stay with him and discuss the meaning of life :lol .

[dennyrice]

Please be careful.
Because not everyone has relaxed feelings about family nudity.
Becasue some people feel that if your beliefs are not just different than theirs, that they are wrong and harmful.
Because some people are very zealous about their "sharing" their opinion.
Because some people will try to force their opinion on your family.
Because some people have found themselves defending their family values to CPS.
Because CPS workers may not share your values.
Because CPS workers have the power to make your life hell.
Please be careful.

[Greenie]

I remember my mom taking baths with us, and she was always very open and relaxed about her nudity.. But she didn't want to cover up when I got to be uncomfortable with it. She would get ready for work (fixing her hair, slathering on her makeup) totally nude, and not get clothes on until the end. She went to the bathroom with the door open. She scared my best freind to death one morning..She was naked, getting ready for work, my best friend was going to use the bathroom, and since mom never wanted to get clothes on, she got an eyeful.. She does this to this day.

The only thing that I feel is important is to respect when the children don't feel comfortable with it. Because she didn't respect me, and went without clothes anyway, it has given me issues with my body, and my nudity. I don't know if I will be nude around my child very much, just because it was so uncomfortable for me.

[Ary99]

I was just thinking about this the other day. DS is three and we still take the occasional bath with one another but we are starting to talk about "private parts". It doesn't feel weird to either one of us yet so I'm not going to worry about it.

[nancefarm]

My parents divorced when I was 13 and from then on it was just my mother and me and we were pretty much open about being naked, I don't remember it being an issue either way.
My dd is 5 and ds is 7, and we all still run around the house naked. I did stop showering with my son about a year ago but my dh still showers with my daughter.
To me if we don't make a big deal out of it then it won't be a big deal KWIM? In other words I would rather they get their education of nudity at home than be curious about it because it is a secret and sneak around to see it!
BTW I have a friend who recently was talking about teaching her DD (10 yo)to shave and they got in the tub together to do it. So we had this same conversation, she said her teen boys still see her naked, its just not an issue. Her boys are very well adjusted and incredibly moral.

[Raynbow]

I don't bathe with my 12 yr old son and haven't in many, many years, however, he thinks nothing of walking into the bathroom when I am bathing or using the toilet. I do walk around nude at times (after shower, before shower, when it is simply too darn hot, etc) and nothing is thought about it. Both my boys bathe together (12 & 2y10m). Guess it all depends on your comfort level...

[Ann-Marita]

IMO A person being nude is just as sexual as a mom uncovering her breast to feed her baby.

I completely agree!

[ShadowMom]

My DS will be 2 on Saturday, and while I don't cover up or anything like that around him, I'm not too fond of being nude around him... just because I don't like people looking at my body.

I know that is my own issue, but hey, it's my issue. ;)

DS is already old enough to start learning that when I use the bathroom, that is personal time when I want to be alone (that has nothing to do with nudity, just my desire to go to the bathroom alone... LOL).

When he gets older and more independent, I'll just tell him shower time is mama's personal time and I prefer not to be bothered in there unless it's important.

I think it's totally OK and appropriate to ask children to respect our privacy. There's a big difference between gasping and covering up if your DD/DS walks in on you, and just saying "Hey, I'm getting dressed... please knock first or something, OK?".

If this wasn't done in the right way, I can see how it would be confusing/frustrating for a child, and/or send mixed or bad messages.

[kooshy]

I guess that i'm middle of the road...not nude all the time, but open to taking the kids to the hot springs. If a body is natural and normal, then why not?
My first child wanted to be at my second birth, so there aren't alot of questions. Really, it makes things simple.
Consider things like Maxxim, FHM, etc. Those magazines are all over the stores, not up high on the shelf, but right on the bottom, right at kid-level. At the same time, nursing mothers may be are condemned for showing a little breast in a natural situation.
I much prefer real bodies as role models for everyone! :goorg:

[angelpie545]

There have been a lot of very open and thoughtful replies here. I like that so many people are so open to nudity.

When I was young, I grew up with a dad who would walk around the house in his underwear and a mom who would run around...naked...sometimes with a window open...and opera sing with a towel around her head while she was at it :lol . Overal nudity wasn't a big deal, and my brother and sister and I all took baths with my mom until we were six or seven. My dad would cover up a lot and I never saw him nude..but it wasn't because of shame it was because my father was uncomfortable with us seeing him naked..and we respected that. I think it made my mother uncomfortable too since she was molested by her step father and a priest when she was younger, so to her a naked man with a child...she just couldn't get the molester mind set out of her head, and understandably so.

Now, in my family, we are open about nudity, and I still take baths with my girls, ages 5 and almost 3. I will stop when it starts to make us uncomfortable, but I don't think that will be for awhile! :lol To me, nudity is natural, and non sexual unless you are trying to have sex. I respect everyone else's opinions about it, and I wouldn't be naked in front of a child that wasn't my own. I think that as long as we respect one anothers boundries in a good way, then we should all be okay.

[TakeItEasyMama]

We don't hide as an immediate family. We do spare the extended family. My son jumps in the tub with both of us.

I have read that when he wants to cover up himself is when we should respectfully cover up. I can live with that.

My parents always hid and I always thought that was a contributor to confusion about beauty, bodies and self esteem.

The tub is getting smaller and smaller, i find that now I ask DS to wait for a bit and then let him in and I ease on out so he can soak and play. It's working out.

We roam for cloths naked, too.

[karinasusy]

My son, at 7, would like to still shower with me sometimes, but because it would be cramped now, as he's so big, and because it would take twice as long, I don't let him anymore. It really has nothing to do with being naked, just space, time and privacy. Potty time is now private for both of us and washing time is becoming more private as well. We take saunas together at my parents' house. I change clothes when he's around and vice versa. We both walk around the house half-naked from time to time. If some might think that would make my son apt to be naked in public, think again! He *requires* cover up to change a T-shirt!

Being naked is not an issue for us nor has it ever been for me growing up with European parents.

[Drummer's Wife]

We're another comfortably naked family :)

Dh and I have no problems being nude in front of our children, and they enjoy being naked. It took Dh a while to come around as I don't think it was the norm in his family growing up. My family...no one cared until we got to a certain age and did not feel comfortable letting others see us naked (except my mom, I would feel comfy being naked around her no matter how old I get)

To me it's just not a big deal, I always sleep naked and dh does occasionally. I think that when my kids get older and want more privacy then we will be a little more conservative.

My daughter is 4 1/2 and dh feels comfortable showering with her, though she is capable and does shower alone most of the time.

The human body is beautiful and when you are in a loving family I don't think anyone should feel the need to hide it from one another.

[kewb]

Nudity at our house is a funny thing these days. When our dd turned 4 (she is now 5) my dh decided it was no longer okay for her to see him naked. So she knows now that if the bedroom or bathroom door is closed she needs to knock and wait for the okay to come in.

I am rarely naked at home. I do not like being naked (that is my issue). However, if the kids come in when I am changing I carry on as if nothing unusual is happening. They have seen me in my bra and come in the bathroom when I am in the shower. They have finally stopped opening the shower curtain when I am in there. When they used to do that I always explained that mommy likes privacy when she showers.

My ds (7.5) does not want anyone looking at him when he is changing or going to the bathroom but he has no problem streaking through the house. My dd also loves to run around naked. We seem to have an unofficial naked hour around shower time in our house. My favorite naked time was when ds used to practice karate au natural. Now, he always has his underwear on.

I take my cues from my children and hopefully I am listening.

[Cerri]

LOL at the karate kid... that is really quite beautiful.

I grew up not feeling as comfortable with my body, but that's a long-standing issue that really has nothing to do with how I feel about nudity in general... mine or anyone else's. Mom and I change in front of one another constantly, although my dad and brother never did. My brother is so modest he won't even walk around the house without a shirt on.
I don't see the point, because I can barely see the shirt for the hair on that guy.
anyhoo... My various roommates have never had issues when we were changing, but I always wish I felt more freedom with myself. Any suggestions, other than lots of practice? :P

Is the question too off-topic?

Bravo, you lovely souls. Kids should feel good about being in their own skin. It's what we come into the world with, after all, and it's what we have until we leave.

Love,
Cerri

[starlein26]

i'm sure i'm repeating op but i've read to look out for our children's personal inhibition kicking in where they begin to show emabrrassment or they actually indicate they would like more privacy. :thumb

[Alkenny]

Lish, I'm really curious about your experience with nudity in your family. I don't want to teach my kids to be ashamed of their or other people's bodies. But I wasn't raised around comfortable nudity. Did your family just continue to be comfortable with nudity (looking for clothes nude, leaving the bathroom, sleeping nude, etc) into adolescence?
Do you talk about this with your kids, is it just not thought about and is normal? How do you teach kids to be clothed around company and not teach them shame? Modesty but not shame?
Hope that all made sense.
If you could share more, I think it would be helpful to many folks here. Thanks so much!

It's just never been an issue. I can't remember when I stopped bathing with my older two, but I know it was never a nudity/shame/embarrassment issue, but more of a "there's not enough room in the tub!" issue. :lol

Same goes for how I grew up, there wasn't any point in time that stands out in my mind, it was just never an issue. It's not a talked about thing, "Hey, look! I'm naked!" and it's not like we're always naked, we just don't make a big deal about walking out to get some clothes or being in the bathroom together.

As for teaching them to keep clothes on, I can't recall an exact age, but I had a little talk with my kids about keeping clothes on right along with the little talk about strangers and bad touches, etc.

[EllenSandoval]

My family was so uptight about nudity and I feel I had issues growing up. My husband and I have discussed this on a lot and we feel it's best for our daughter to just be relaxed and natural about our bodies. I can see the difference in her; she is very like me. I'm highly sensitive (HSP) and she's an HSC and this is one of the many areas where she's going to come out so much better adjusted as a result of how she's being parented. She's just so comfortable with her body at 6.