Not Approving of BIL

[dharmamama]

My SIL (dh's sister) is currently separated (not legally) from her husband, who has started drinking excessively and running around with another woman. However, he still comes over to see SIL every day, and occasionally shows up at family functions as well. We plan to go visit the in-laws (who all live in the same town four hours from here) in the next few weeks, and I don't want my kids around BIL. I always thought he was very nice and responsible, but now he has turned out to be someone different and seems so unpredictable that I don't want my kids exposed to him. He recently got into a bar brawl and, while I don't think he would be violent to my kids, my MIL has informed me that he has screamed at SIL in public recently, and I don't want my kids to see that.

What could I do to ensure that, when we are visiting, BIL isn't around? Or am I overreacting? SIL still want to get back together with BIL, so I don't feel comfortable telling her, "I don't want my kids around your husband."

Namaste!

[chinaKat]

Well, maybe before you accept an invitation to a gathering, you could ask point blank, "Is BIL going to be there?" and if the answer is yes, you can give your regrets.

Also, be prepared to pack up and leave if BIL arrives at an event that you were told he would not attend. You don't have to make a scene, you can just say that it's time we were leaving, and go.

It's a little passive aggressive, I suppose. But it's a way of making your point without making a big issue out of it with your husband's sister, who is probably already going through an emotional roller coaster.

chinaKat

[captain crunchy]

Perhaps you could just go and monitor your BIL around you and your children closely. If he behaves nicely and respectful and all, then no big deal, you rarely have to see him anyway -- but if he *acts up* in any way, respectfully state that you are not comfortable in a situation where someone is _______ (whatever he is doing or saying) and leave.

[srain]

If he behaves nicely and respectful and all, then no big deal, you rarely have to see him anyway -- but if he *acts up* in any way, respectfully state that you are not comfortable in a situation where someone is _______ (whatever he is doing or saying) and leave.
:twothumbs