Anyone else have a CROWD at their birth?

[Birth Junky]

I have been daydreaming about birth for many, many years--first as an aspiring midwife, now as a soon-to-be mom. I am really looking forward to my homebirth in the spring.

We are going to have quite a crowd in the house during labor & birth . . . DH and myself (of course), my midwife and her apprentice, my best friend, another friend who is an LMP--that's my core support group. I also found a doula-in-training who will be invited to attend if she wants, to get more experience . . . and have two (childless) friends who are interested in being there. At this point I have told them that they are welcome to attend if they want, provided they know that (a) there may not be a whole lot for them to do, and (b) I reserve the right to kick them (or anyone else!) out of the house if it feels overwhelming or uncomfortable in any way.

I'm really not concerned at all about the potential crowd that could be there; I feel very close to all of the friends involved, and am happy to be able to offer an aspiring doula one more birth to watch. I guess I am just curious to find out if anyone else has BTDT; how it worked for YOU; if you have regrets (or would do it again in a heartbeat)? I have always felt that birth should be a community event, and am looking forward to socializing during the early phase and having a warm crowd of friends & family there to welcome the new baby once they arrive.

I also realize that, having never gone through labor myself, I could be in for a big surprise when the contractions actually hit. (*grin*) I guess we'll see in the Spring!

[mandib50]

yes, my last birth i had 3 friends and wish it would've just been me in retrospect. if i ever had the fortunate chance of having another baby i would just have my midwife around.

[KeysMama]

oy. as a doula, haven't you noticed that you can add extra hours of labor for every observer? I have seen that, not as much with multips, but certainly primips.
I have seen terrible performance anxiety, modesty (unforseen modesty) and a loss of homebirth ,honestly ( transfers in my experience are higher with the higher numbers of involved people.)
I am not trying to be doom and gloom, but as a doula and homebirth assistant (like you) the crowds at birth can by very stressful for all involved.
On a a personal note I had a large crowd with my first which help me get a nice arrested labor. Complete with yappy family members and a complete loss of the sacred.
On birth 2, I had dh, sil( asst and doula)l and midwife. So glad!! It was so much more intitmate, and I was/am one of those women who has multiple climax feelings during pushing and let me tell you that no everyone wants to know about that or hear it!
It is a beautiful gift for you to allow others to witness your birth, hopefully everyone will see it as such!

[AngelBee]

I have had a crowd for each of my babies so far....all born in the hospital.

Ds1: Me, his bio dad, my mom, my SIL, my sister 16 at the time, sister's bestfriend 15 at the time :)

Dd: Me, dh, my mom, MIL, Dominick (off grabbing snacks...my sis, my brother, our friend from England) :love

Ds2: me, dh, my sister, my mom, MIL, Abigail, Dominick, my nephew Zane, and one of my dance students Jenna who was 14 at the time :throb

Planning to do a homebirth next time......will probably have a crowd there too! :laugh:

[MotherWhimsey]

I had me, dh, doc, nurse, mom, mil, dad, sil, sister, and doula. I didn't mind. I really was just in my own little world. The only thing that annoyed me was that mil kept making "sublte hints" about how cold she was. I was so hot while giving birth that I turned the ac down to 50 degrees. luckily dh shut her up after a while cause I was about to ask her who was the one giving birth. But over all I didn't mind.

[AngelBee]

oy. as a doula, haven't you noticed that you can add extra hours of labor for every observer? I have seen that, not as much with multips, but certainly primips.
Hmmmm......ds1 was 6 hours, dd 3 hrs, and ds2 about 1.5 hours :shrug I did not notice any anxiety as a result of having them there. I felt safe and in control. I feel comfortable in an environment surrounded by people who supportred me and my birthing experience. I was with my family! :throb

I would do it no other way. :D

[MaT]

we had alot of people at our daughters birth. initially that was what i was looking forward to, but as the labor proceeded i didn't want the crowd. i found that my senses were hyper aware and that if everyone present was not focused on the birth (ie: not chatting about the hockey game ...) i became pretty snarky. our labour was 40 hours and now after reading studies from natural childbirth experts, i think the length of the labour was partly due to all the people involved. having btdt, i know i would make the next one much more private.

i remember feeling so much joy in planning the birth, i just wanting to share the good vibe with everyone. but now i know how internal the work really is and that many others were really a distraction for me.

hth

tricia

[PancakeGoddess]

My first homebirth included a lot of people - two mothers, two midwives, doula, son, husband. I don't really have big regrets, but I do think it made my labor a lot longer. Every time someone arrived, my contractions slowed down.

At my last birth, I only had my midwife and her assistant, husband and sister. No kids, no moms (which was hard but worth it). They all came immediately afterward - THAT was the community event :)

I prefer smaller, at least for labor. If you really need a lot of people there, maybe try to get them arriving during pushing? Just a thought.

[jenneyrebecca]

I had me, hubby, my mom, my dad, my aunt my doula, my midwife, and her assistant for early labor. It was a small apartment, so finding places for people to crash each night (two nights) wasn't easy, and I felt sort of bad that these folks were sleeping on the floor. I don't wish anything were different, each person was SUPER supportive and educated.

My dad has delivered babies and my aunt has had 3 naturally, so they were really okay with the process, they understood at a deep level what was okay (pain, fear, baby's heart rate okay, deeper depths of pain, etc.) and what wasn't, and they knew that the whole thing was going well. To my mom and my hubby, who had never seen any births at all (my mom had me by c/s), it was really frightening. Granted, mine was a hard, long labor that taxed me, and they were suffering for me, but I think their inexperience really made it hard for them. They had enough sense not to put that onto me, though, and I never knew how hard it hit them until later. Not everyone has so much sense, if you know what I mean.

People you really like and feel close to can still not be the people you want to labor with, especially for your first birth. You just don't know how it'll go. I was a doula at a birth where the childless friend kept doing stupid things like making "ew" faces when the water broke and leaving Glamour-type magazines around. Some people, no matter how well-intentioned, just don't get it.

Ultimately, you know yourself, though. Have a great birth! :love

[Shenjall]

We had a crowd for dd birth 3 years ago. We had my mom, dh's mom and dad; dh brother; my bro and sil and my sis flew in from calgary when I went into labour. Also our 5 kids stayed home from school that day. Oh! and my 2 midwives.
At first I liked them there, then hated it, then liked it, etc. I started out in the living room labouring with everyone around then made my way upstairs to my bedroom. I had invited whoever wanted to (watch the actual birth) come earlier and so all the women and my dd and one ds came in. I felt uncomfortable so I kicked out the kids, then eventually all but the midwives. That was much better!
I liked having my family all there after. It was so nice and warm. Everyone pitched in and helped somehow. It was like a party. Well, a party for them as me, dh and dd slept all afternoon. But it felt so....safe to have them there.
Funny story, I thought that after I had kicked everyone out that they would have gone downstairs, but no, my mom, mil, dd and sil stayed outside our door waiting. We didnt realize this until the moment of announcing the sex of the baby. After our mw put our dd on my belly, she asked us, "so, what do have?" Dh looked and said "A GIRL?!" (we were positve it was a boy) and then we heard a huge multi-scream outside our door. We and the mw's laughed so hard!

So, all in all, it was a great experience having my family there. I think having the 2 floors helped keep us separated when I needed it.
If we had the opportunity to do it again, I would probably invite more :shy but I would make sure everyone stayed downstairs. :lol
I would have liked to announce her sex ourselves too.
Oh! And I would tell everyone to bring food and drink.
But yeah, I would do it again.
Good luck!

[alegna]

Yep. Crowd here:
me
dh
midwife
assisting midwife
my mom
my dad
my sister
my mil

:)

-Angela

[KeysMama]

Hmmmm......ds1 was 6 hours, dd 3 hrs, and ds2 about 1.5 hours :shrug I did not notice any anxiety as a result of having them there. :D
I am glad that worked well for you. As a rule, I do see a difference in home vs hospital with regard to crowds- perhaps there is already the assumed loss of intimacy in a clinical setting vs a home setting..., I was speaking specifically of homebirth- glad it did not slow you down! :thumb

[Birth Junky]

Thanks for all the posts, mamas!

I'm trying to stay open as far as the labor & birth go, not getting too attached to any specific plans--since I won't know how I am going to react to labor until it actually happens.

Good points were made above about the ability of extra attendants to hinder a labor, and I am making sure everyone knows that they had better be prepared to be helpful, or get kicked out. My friends know me well, and I know that they won't be offended if I change my mind at the last minute and ask them to leave so that I can work undistracted--they can all go hang out at a nearby bar or restaurant, and we can call them once the baby has arrived. I've even told DH that he may get kicked out of the room; it is all going to depend on how the labor unfolds.

My hope, though, is that everyone will bring their own unique strengths to the day, and everyone will work together like a well-oiled machine. :D DH will be great for emotional support, my massage therapist friend will be available for the harder physical work (counterpressure, massage, etc.), and my best friend will be the only support person (besides the midwife) who has actually HAD a baby. The doula-in-training and the two childless friends who will be invited would be there primarily for observation, but I won't have any problems putting them to work fetching food, water, hot compresses, whatever else we need . . . or, like I said, sending them upstairs or out of the house if it gets too crowded/distracting.

[proudmamanow]

every woman is so different, so it's hard to give advice on this one. When Annie was born, it was just dw for most of the labour, the midwife came & checked on us and then went home & came back 2.5 hours before she was born (when I was in transition). I spent most of my time labouring alone or with dw and this was IDEAL for me, I had a wonderful, empowering, 16 hour home waterbirth...only 6 hrs in hard labour. I know for me that if others, even close friends or sis/mom had been there, I would have been focused on taking care of them, making sure they were okay. But that's just my personality, yk? It sounds like you know what you need though! :thumb

:dust have a wonderful birth!

[heket]

We had a party -- well, a planned one, but a party all the same. Now mind you, not all of those people were in the actual birthing room, but they were there to see ds' first moments of life. And by party, I mean ds was born on a Saturday night in the spring. We had a BBQ with drinks and music going (I had to do something in the day while the contractions went to work. :lol )

Actually in the birthing room with me were my mom, a good friend (who is now in doula training because she's witnessed the birth of both my children :thumb ), another friend (who wanted to "see" the actual birth process), and my dh. In the end, what actually bothered me the most was that dh was a little too celebratory ( :drink ) before ds arrived. He did great in the end (he caught ds because our MW was late! :lol ), I just wanted more from him than I felt he could give me at the time.

Having that core group didn't seem to slow my labor down (geez, I went from very little dilation to baby born in 5 hours or less), but what I got as feedback is that my attendants didn't feel as prepped for the events. Since we wound up going unassisted, (I didn't know it at the time but) they began to feel great concern that something might go wrong. Nothing did, but to this day they are still peeved that the MW wasn't there. Maybe that's one thing for you to consider?

[liawbh]

I would rec. assigning someone to be in charge of kicking everybody out if you're not comfortable. It should be someone who's not sqeamish about saying something, and who you're pretty sure you'll want there for all of it. And come up with some kind of signal. That way, you don't have to worry about being the evictor while in labor.

I actually totally forgot everyone was there, but I wasn't all that happy that SIL stayed in the room. Not upset enough to give DH the signal though :lol . BUt if things had slowed down, I wouldv'e wanted them to clear out.

Oh, I had :
mom
DH
MIL
SIL
DS
DSD (both kids were in and out as they felt comfy, but were there for the actual birth)
MW
assistant MW (maybe two, I don't remember if both were in the room, or only after)

[KeysMama]

I've even told DH that he may get kicked out of the room; it is all going to depend on how the labor unfolds..
Yep, with my 2nd I turned into a mama cat, shutting my self up alone in the bathroom and crawling into a dark tub. Did not even want the midwife around for much of it, and insisted on my hands being the only on my perineum when I was crowning!
:D

[staceyshoe]

Oh yeah! It was me, dh, mw, my mom, MIL, 3 SILs, and 2 friends. Funny because my fantasy birth is very private. But I wouldn't change it. Before labor, I was worried about performance anxiety, feeling pressured, feeling inhibited or self-conscious, slowed labor, etc. I decided that I would wait until labor was well underway and when to call each person. As it turns out, I had a very speedy labor but everyone made it. To be honest, I wasn't even aware of who was in the room at any given time. I was totally in another dimension. I only know that when I reached out for a hand, there was always one there.

[LisainCalifornia]

Let me guess---you are an extrovert? ;)

As a true introvert (INFJ), I can think of nothing worse, but I have had many extroverted friends that would love to have a crowd at their birth.

Everyone is different--it does not sound like you would be the type to have your labor stalled by spectators.

Good luck on your happy day.
Hugs,
Lisa

[Birth Junky]

I only know that when I reached out for a hand, there was always one there.

Awwww, staceyshoe . . . you brought a little tear to my eye with that line. :happyt:

Heket; your labor & birth sounds like what I am hoping for. I'm actually looking forward to going to the grocery store and shopping for labor snacks, provided labor starts slowly and I have the time/energy . . . setting up a pot of soup or chili in the slow-cooker to nourish the support people and myself . . . having all of my nearest and dearest there so that whomever I feel like I need in the moment, they are right there (or upstairs) to provide it.

However, I also just talked it over with DH, and we've got a plan of action in place--if I start to feel uncomfortable/overwhelmed AND don't feel in a frame of mind to kick anyone out (although that is doubtful; if there is one thing I have NO PROBLEM with, it is speaking my mind!:wink), he will take over and direct people either upstairs or out of the house. And my best friend is also wonderfully direct and up-front, so she would be another excellent candidate to play "bouncer". :lol

And LisainCalifornia . . . yeah, I guess you could say I am a bit of an extrovert--always planning social events, and I love nothing more than a nice casual get-together at the house. I don't have a huge crowd of friends, but I do have several REALLY close friends, and those are the only ones who will be invited to attend (well, other than the doula-in-training). And yeah, I'm HOPING that all the extra people won't slow me down; fortunately they are all people that I have a wonderful, intimate relationship with (my best friend is my soul-sister, my massage therapist friend used to live with DH and I while we were going through school, and the two childless friends are both family--DH's cousin and his god-sister).

But again, after all this wise counsel, I know to prepare myself and my support team for the possibility that things may change wildly once labor actually starts, and to be as flexible as possible with this new and unknown experience. :D

[hotwings640]

I am amazed by the large crowd people just because that is so far away from me. I think whatever makes you the most comfortable is going to be the best way to go for you! I would just reserve the right to kick them out of the room at anytime and for them to know that ahead of time.

For this next birth it will be DH, our kids (if awake), midwife, and midwife's apprentice. That is enough for me. I wouldn't want anyone else there as I just know it would slow me down. I even had a harder time coping and staying in my zone when DH had to make a phone call during our last birth (had to call the daycare mom to let her know our daughter would be late so she wouldn't call to check on us). I even feel that for me it is too much pressure to let my family know I am in labor. It was really nice to just call them after my son was born, rather than feeling pressured by the image of them sitting by their phones waiting for me to birth that baby already. Other women might feel that by letting everyone they know and love about the labor that instead they are surrounded by positive energy and they really dig that.... so again, I guess it is all about doing what you feel most comfortable with.

[heket]

Let me guess---you are an extrovert? ;)

As a true introvert (INFJ), I can think of nothing worse, but I have had many extroverted friends that would love to have a crowd at their birth.

Everyone is different--it does not sound like you would be the type to have your labor stalled by spectators.


Actually, I'm an INFJ as well (I'm the one who had a party). But you're right, everyone is different. :mischief

Birth Junky, I wish I had the pictures online to share with you (sorry, photo challenged). When my core group (of 6) finally knew that labor had started, we had everyone in the yard doing something -- one person was tending our firepit, one person carved me a birthing stick (it has ribbons and protection symbols on it! :love ), one person was cleaning up the yard, dh was getting the bbq ready, I was walking back and forth with a couple of people supporting me and my breathing... There's great pics of the before I went into active labor. (We also have a fun pic of dd "playing" in the birthing tub while I concentrate on a contrax. :lol ) It was great, and SOOO much better than dd's hospital birth. Everyone got to see ds before the MW was ready to take care of us, so that was pretty cool. You know this, but like any birth the key is to be prepared and flexible for what may arise. Everyone knew when I wanted them around, and they knew when it was time to go. Those who I depended on for aiding my labor were there when I needed them to be. The best part was being home and going to sleep in a REAL bed that night, once the celebration died down. I wouldn't change having all that support and love for anything. It made me feel very blessed. :throb

[proudmamanow]

:lol I'm an INFJ too! How fun to have so many of us here ;)

and what wonderful & diverse birth stories!

[MamaTaraX]

I'm a party person. I think the more the merrier abou teverything,birth included. I was kind of bummed that I didn't get a little crowdof residents when I had my first ;) I did geta super cute resident looking after me for a little while though while my OB (who wasn't my real OB) was in limbo. For my first birth, it was my mom, sister, husband, doula, and nurse. Nottoo big. For my second birth, it was my mom, husband, firstborn son,and two midwives. Not too big again. Two friends were supposed to be there. One I called and she just plain didn't show up, the other I couldn't get ahold of. This time it is to be my mom, my firstborn and secondborn, husband, friend, doula (also a friend), my midwife, her apprentice (maybe, I'm not so sure I want here there) and possibly another midwife if Idecide to take abx during labor (she has to come do IV) I had anoter friend interested inbeing here whom I invited but I don't know what happened with her. My MIL and/or FIL are welcome to attend as they live next door and can walk over if they wish, though I doubt they'll be here :) I'd be happy to birth with 20 people around. I'm not shy or modest at all and I think birth is a wonderful life-affirming powerful time that I want to share with friends and family.

Namaste, Tara

[coco4cloth]

I had lots of family at my first 2 and plan it will be a crowd at the next. I love my family and feel comfortable with them around. No one bothers me. It's the best gift to give a grandparent if you feel comfortable doing so. I have no regrets with having a crowd :D

[Lucky Charm]

Birth Junky, I wish I had the pictures online to share with you (sorry, photo challenged). When my core group (of 6) finally knew that labor had started, we had everyone in the yard doing something -- one person was tending our firepit, one person carved me a birthing stick (it has ribbons and protection symbols on it! :love ), one person was cleaning up the yard, dh was getting the bbq ready, I was walking back and forth with a couple of people supporting me and my breathing... There's great pics of the before I went into active labor. (We also have a fun pic of dd "playing" in the birthing tub while I concentrate on a contrax. :lol ) It was great, and SOOO much better than dd's hospital birth. Everyone got to see ds before the MW was ready to take care of us, so that was pretty cool. You know this, but like any birth the key is to be prepared and flexible for what may arise. Everyone knew when I wanted them around, and they knew when it was time to go. Those who I depended on for aiding my labor were there when I needed them to be. The best part was being home and going to see in a REAL bed that night, once the celebration died down. I wouldn't change having all that support and love for anything. It made me feel very blessed. :throb
You know, I am going to call my husband and tell him to come home right now and get me pregnant so I can have a birth like yours!

I just think its groovy that while I am laboring, someone is cleaning my yard, getting the barbq ready and someone is carving me a stick! i totally dig that.

But in reality, I am so incredibly shy (birthwise) that I am sure I would never progress!

[Belle]

I only had my mom and my dh at our first birth but there was still a crowd. There was the doc two nurses and a lady from the red cross cowering in the corner. I really hated her because she wouldn't shut up during my contractions. I took mean-spirited delight at making her uncomfortable. :firedevil Is that horrible of me?

At my next birth I'll probably have dh, dd(if she wants to be there), my mom MIL, MW and her aprentice.

[Wugmama]

For my first birth in a hospital, I had my dh, my mom, my 13 yr old sis, my friend who video taped and my grandmother. Also a labor nurse and a CNM. So that was 7 besides me and baby.

This time I wanted less. But I will have my mom, my sis, my husband, my two homebirth midwives, my dd, and a doula there specifically for my dd. So that makes 7 again!

~Tracy

[LisaMcB]

I had been thinking of inviting my two moms: one birth & one adoptive. BUT this thread made me realize that my DH and I are introverts and don't want anyone here.

My first two births were in the hospital. The first was a fiasco and it turned out that way right after my mom and dad (adoptive) showed up. We don't get along and it was horribly tense. But I didn't feel "powerful" enough to tell my dad to get out. I ended up having an epidural because I sat there and dealt with him the whole time. The bickering and the epidural slowed down labour a ton. It took 17 hours and DH said I was 10 minutes away from a C/S, according to CNM.

The second was quick. I was only at the hospital an hour. Although I had called mom and dad (3 hours before the birth) to pick up our DD and take her to their house, they didn't get to the hospital until an hour and half after DD was born. They didn't think it'd be that fast after the first birth. :wink (I also learned that I don't want any of my children separated from me after childbirth. Big mistake.)

The two sides of our families are so different from us that there isn't much support in our family's belief systems, so it's best to keep that away from something so sacred as childbirth.

I realized the other night that although my birth mom and I are close, she's never had any other children and seriously doesn't know the joy of childbirth or motherhood. She was kind of deadpan when I told her we were expecting again. I don't know if it would be good to have her there or not. I still haven't decided.

This time, it will be me, DH, both DDs, the midwife, her apprentice and that's it, unless I ask my birth mom to be here.

Thanks for posting this thread and making me think.

[flapjack]

Just a thought: could you create two nests for yourself? One public, one private-where you can go for some time to yourself should you need it?
This last time it was me, dh, kids and one beloved midwife, and even that was enough to make it hard when I approached transition: I crept off to my bedroom by myself and she was out half an hour later. Similarly, with the boys- with Alex I barricaded myself in the toilet, with Isaac it was bed again. That said, I think I have very gentle births and I've never had a point in labour where I haven't been able to move.

[hojobj]

For my first son, we had a pizza party downstairs with a group of people. When the contractions got stronger, I went up stairs with the two midwives and my one friend. Once in my bedroom, I relaxed and DH came in when I started pushing. We were having a pajama party before hand, and he couldn't handle that! LOL

My second one was so fast, 4 1/2 hours, I labored alone until the last hour or so. DH had taken DS with him somewhere and didn't get back until an hour before the midwife got there. He took care of our son, since my Mom was enroute and didn't make it until after DS#2's birth. No one was around to join me! DS had a hard time with the birth as DH brought him in when the baby crowned and it scared him.

This birth my support team will be my sons, hopefully my husband and my midwife and her assistant. I haven't made any friends here I would want to share my birth with.

I think having two places is a great idea. Labor can be intense and make sure every person knows that if you are experiencing distress with their presence, they should not take offense and remove themselves. Put DH in charge of delegating people who want to help as go fers, making food, that kind of thing. It's important that the energy surrounding the birth is good for you!

Good Birthing!

[CalebsMama05]

I didn't have a homebirth but I had about 10 people not including the dr there. I kicked them all out about 20 times but they just came back. I guess they didn't believe me. I was horribly uncomfortable with so many people in the room but at a loss as to how to get them to leave. this time it will be in my birth plan that people must ask permission first and if I change my mind I want my labor nurse to enforce my right to have them leave.

[weliveintheforest]

I didn't have a crowd, but I still feel like there were too many people at my dd's birth. There was dh, mw, doula and a friend... I think it affected my birth because I felt embarrassed to do some things I think may have helped me, such as chanting etc. I also have a horrible memory of being so mad my friend was just *watching* me go through all this extremely private stuff. I should have just asked her to leave, but I didn't want to hurt any feelings. I guess I'm saying I didn't like having an audience.

I know that is just me, and may not apply to your situation, but I wanted to add that because going into it I thought I needed everyone there and was sad my mom and sister couldn't make it. Now I know it's a good thing, and next time I will be extremely choosy about who will be there.

It's great that you told your friends you may want them to leave, then you can feel free to kick them out and they won't be upset.

Hotwings - when I read your post it reminded me of my dh's uncle coming in (he lives upstairs) and asking if I'd had the baby yet - ARGH!

[sarahloughmiller]

At my 1st birth there was: me & dh, my midwife & her assistant, my mom, my sister, my mil & my sil. I loved giving my sister & sil the experience of being at a natural home birth. The only person that I regret being there was my mil who was completely traumatized and makes a huge deal about the birth and makes it sound like ds almost died. Her attitude about it really bothers me because when she talks to other people about it it makes home birth sound horrible. BTW the only thing that "went wrong" was ds had his cord around his neck and was pretty blue at birth. He was crying 1 min after birth, no big deal (to me at least). My last birth (twins) happened so fast no family was there (we didn't have time to think about calling them). The people that were there: me & dh, my midwife and her assistant, another midwife and a friend of hers that was a midwife and happened to be here visiting. Since we were having twins we decided to have more than 1 midwife there and ended up with an extra that just wanted to come see twins be born at home!

[AngelBee]

I am glad that worked well for you. As a rule, I do see a difference in home vs hospital with regard to crowds- perhaps there is already the assumed loss of intimacy in a clinical setting vs a home setting..., I was speaking specifically of homebirth- glad it did not slow you down! :thumb
Didn't realize what forum this was in when I responded.

Will be having a homebirth next time. Will have a large crowd.

PS....my birth experience was VERY intimant.....nothing clinical about it. :)

[AngelBee]

KeysMama...I am sorry if I sound rude :innocent

Your reply to my post kinda hurt my feelings :bag:

[candipooh]

For dd #3 I had a ton of people there.

Me :)
hubby
my mom
my sister
another sister
my two daughters
my midwife
my dh's best friend
his wife
their two kids
my sister-in-law was invited but didn't make it

Not all were in the room when I delivered.

Like someone else said...having an upstaires was nice. I could go down if I wanted company or head up staires if I wanted alone.

I remember having a converstaion with some birth professionals about this kind of thing. Most were saying that it is natural for a woman to want to be alone. It was hard for them to understand why someone would want a lot of people around them. They seemed to understand it when I said...
Some of us like to birth like a cat or a dog who go off by themselves to have their babies but others (like me) are more like dolphins and elephants who like to have otehrs around them when they birth" :)

[Birth Junky]

candipooh:

Love the analogy!

I think it is interesting that you used the upstairs as your sanctuary, leaving the group downstairs when you needed privacy . . . Our bedroom is upstairs, but I am figuring I will be sleeping on the futon downstairs for the last couple of weeks of pregnancy (closer to the bathroom!) and for the first few weeks postpartum. So, I am going to get the bedroom all tidied and have a selection of DVDs up there (we have a television in our bedroom :bag: ), and make it a nice place for the group to hang out if I need to be by myself for awhile. The stairs from the bedroom also go straight into the kitchen, so folks could come down to grab snacks if they need.

[KindRedSpirit]

Our births have totally followed"more people= more hours of labor"!Ds was so fast the mw and attendant got there as I announced I was pushing,20 min before his birth.(total labor 2 hrs 20 min.)Dd1 we had my mom to watch ds and I labored 6 hrs total-Ds slept so mom got to take very cool pictures.Dd2 was a huge crowd,same core group of me/baby,Dh,mw,assistant,then my mom,dad,and 2 sisters,1 for each kid,the kids,and for part another sister and her 2 girls.At the actual birth were the core group,mom,dad,(both doing photography and film)and aparently my Mil on the phone,which irritates me.I specifically did not want to share my birth experience with her!and the kids showed up to see the placenta birth.That labor was 2 days(17 hrs..),NOT my usual quick stuff.This time I may not even call the mw!We'll see.I do like the crowd/party after the birth,and I do like the filming and pictures,but I can set up a tripod and edit still shots from the film.Maybe Dh(who is a photographer )can take some pics.I think the kids are old enough to watch themselves.
Also,you can have one trusted person film and then show the film to all your birth buddies you would have invited,not exactly the same,but it may really be worth it.
I did not mind all the people there.It wasn't until later that I connected that it WAS the fun crowd that slowed the process,I was enjoying hanging out and sharing,not focusing on birthing.
The only problem was I was so tired after 10,13,15 hours,I was sleeping between the hardest contractions,1 1/2 min apart.I felt her moving down with each one,That is too tired to give a great,awake birth...I think I missed a lot of potential birthjoy there and bonding.
Every birth IS different,and no matter what look what a fantastic support group you have, and how educated you are!You'll have a great birth!

[Birth Junky]

:blush Awwwww . . . thanks, KindRedSpirit!

[my3luvs]

I had crowds at all three of my hb's. With ds #1, I had my midwife, my mom,a doula, my sister, my dh and two friends. My Godmother and my MIL showed up for the last couple of hours. With ds#2, I had the same two friends, my mom, my midwife and dh. With ds#3, I had same two friends, a doula, my mom, midwife and dh. I don't mind alot people there. A ton came over afterward too.

[mollycce]

I am in the "no crowd" camp. For DS's birth I had my DH present for all of my labor, my mom for about half of it, my doula for 3 hours, my best friend for 30 minutes, the doctor's assistant for 45 minutes, and the doctor for 30 minutes. All of these people were then present during pushing and the actual birth (1hr15m pushing). It was too many for me (even though most of them weren't there very long). I was at the birth center for 30 minutes "rest and be thankful" and then the pushing & birth. The rest was at home.

This time I plan to have my husband and my mother there for most of my labor. I will probably also have my little sister (16) there to be responsible for my 2.5 year old and I expect that she would come in during the actual birth after having kept DS occupied somewhere else. I plan to call my midwife at the very end of the labor and maybe not until shortly after the baby is born (I'm not fully committed to UC yet, we'll see what evolves in the next couple of months--I'm 17 weeks now. I don't have a sig that reports these things, because my dial-up is so darn slow that I have all of those turned off in order to be able to read these boards at something more than a snail's pace!).

I have had to strongly clarify for myself that I want people at my birth who are there because I want/need them, not for ANY other reason (like they need experience, or I want to be "nice," or because I was there for their births, or because I want to enlighten people about homebirth, etc., etc.)

Molly

[cristinaoketch]

i had quite the crowd, including a television crew from A Baby Story :thumb i was a planned HB, but ended up as a Hospital transfer. My MW was concered that having a camera crew might prevent me from being as free as possible, but it is so true that when you have no medication, you are not concered withh those around you. As long as everyone is supportive if your decision, i think you'll have a great experience. good luck :love

[MysticHealerMom]

I had a crowd, but I didn't invite them.

we planned a hb, but the little guy decided 31 4/7 was plenty of time to cook, so we booked it to the local childrens hospital after f1/2 a day of ?? labor and then the 'show'. my hb attendants (homeopaths) were there, so it was like having doula's, but there was a perinatologist and an l&d nurse. I didn't have any pain meds, but was off in my own world, dh was a spectator, he felt uncomfortable cuting the cord, I didn't expect him to be a coach, just there if he could handle it, he soaked it up. But, after I was in transition, a crowd of student docs showed up, to watch the big finale, I guess. I think most of their births were medicated or cs. So, I was an oddity. I didn't even know they were there. Couldn't have cared less. If they got there earlier, however, that might have been another story.

The next day a few of them told me how awesome it was. I was all, how do you know??

I'd say, focusing on the contrax in the begging was important, w/o interruption. no one bugged me while I was doing that, but I breathed through them and didn't really lose control. during transition i started loosing it a bit, and my naturopath got me back online, and once everyone stopped telling me how and when to push, things got on track and I did the job.

it's hard to be in charge in a situation like that, I think it's good to have someone to help you focus when you need it, but otherwise no one can labor for you.

and of course, everyone has different experiences.

best wishes, :hug

Lori