I need help!!!

[steffi]

I need some guidance in setting up a playgroup for my son. We have been living in this city for 4 years, and still don't have any close friends. I don't drive, so it's very hard to get out and meet anyone. Our son does get to the playground and the like, but he seems lonely to me. He needs some little playmates. We live in a neat little subdivision.....and there are so many children. We are our own little section of the city.....much like an army base!!
I was thinking of putting up a notice at the park office and on the mailboxes. BUT, I need some wisdom from BTDT moms!! What should I do, what should I avoid? What has worked for you?

I've always been a bit of a loner myself, so this is as much for me as it is him. I need some girlfriends too. I'm so tired of listening to aftershave conversations amongst dh and his friends......all of whom are single!!

Can anyone offer any advice on where to start? I would appreciate it so much!!!

[fw5blue]

Definately make up a flyer for a playgroup. Post it all over and people will call. Many moms want to get together, but are too shy to start anything. Also, always bring paper and pencil wherever you go to trade numbers if at a park.

Also, you should have one night a week to get out and do your own thing. Take a class, join a singing group or something to talk to other adults.

good luck,

[Missgrl]

If you can find one person to buddy up with it usually leads to many more friends! A flyer is a good idea b/c there are probably lots of mommies just like you that are looking for friends too. Someone has to step forward and start! Maybe you are the person everyone is looking for! :)
good luck

[Forest Sage]

Hi Steffi,
I can't offer much guidance but I just wanted to tell you that I can relate. I don't drive either and it sure can be limiting, especially in the winter. I'm shy and have a hard time meeting people, and sometimes I'm afraid that my 3 year old son is as lonely as I am! None of my friends or sisters have kids so they don't really understand how it goes. I have been looking for playgroups as well. I found a couple by searching online, so we'll be trying those out sometime soon. I'm 26 and I've moved 18 times in my life, so I know how hard it can be when you don't know anybody.
Peace,
Amie

[steffi]

Thank you all so much!! I'm gonna do it!! Monday morning I'm going to crack out of this shell a bit and put up a few posters. Have to brush up on those graphic design skills hubby has been teaching me!! I neede the little push you have given me. I should and will do this!!

Forest Sage, you and I could be twins!! I'm 26, have a 3 year old as well and have moved 19 times in my short life. I have never really considered that this might be why I'm so shy and lonely!! I have never learned how to make and keep friends. We gotta work on this girl!!
If you ever want to chat, let me know. I imagine we have lots more in common!!!

[Missgrl]

let us know what happens!

[Forest Sage]

I'm glad I could be of some help to you Steffi. I've definitely wished I could be more outgoing at times...it takes tremendous courage to reach out. I have a long way to go. I've only been participating on message boards for a couple of weeks, I don't understand all of the short forms that people use. I've never even been to a chat room before. Good luck in your search, it gets easier as time goes on. I'd like to keep in touch!
Amie

[youngyogamama]

I is a little scary to admit but I think many, if not most, moms are lonely. I know I am sometimes. It isn't easy to meet people who are parents, parent similiarly and live fairly close. You really have to go looking for them. I am happy to hear that you are taking an active role in doing this. When my son was about 18 months old I applied to be a leader for Northwest Attachment Parenting and started my own group. It was definitely more focused on supporting AP issues, but also for the children to play and the parents to make friends. My biggest regret was that I wasn't aware of what I was needing out of the group. The way the group was, we were very spread out regionally, which made it difficult to cultivate lasting friendships. Also with quite a few two year olds (3-4) there was often a lot of conflicts which made it hard to really discuss deeply. This is what I was craving the most: a space to come together and really make deep connections and create community. So because the group wasn't meeting my needs I never wanted to do the work to organize it and eventually stopped it. It sound like you want something more simple that focuses on play and if children are going to be present that is exactly what I would do too. I just wanted to share my experience of starting a group. I hope to start a group when my boy gets a little older that has a rotating monthly schedule (week 1-all the parents get together to talk and get childcare, week 2-moms get together to talk, dads meet to play with kids, week 3-everyone potlock, week 4 dads talk alone and moms get together to play with kids.) Something like that! Good luck with you playgroup!

[Forest Sage]

I hope you got around to putting up your posters Steffi. I wanted to share my recent experiences. My last playgroup didn't work out so I wanted to commit myself to finding another one quickly. I searched for playgroups in my city online and managed to find a few numbers. I summoned up every ounce of courage and phoned them. I found an interesting group of homeschooling families who share many of the same values that I do. Youngyogamama is right, you really do have to search. For so long I was waiting for something to come to me. Even if something had come to me, I don't think I would have been ready. I needed the time to become more confident in my parenting. When the student is ready the teacher will come. Or in my case, when the mommy is ready the playgroup will come!
Amie

[N2theWoods]

I'm moving in the next few months and I'm terrible introvert as well and have a hard time making friends. I've thought about getting a t-shirt printed up that says something like "new to the area, looking for mama friends."

Would you approach a mama wearing that? Or is that weird? :treehugger: