*Sigh* Run-in with friend re: circ

[Daisie125]

I'm posting here because I don't really post in the circ forum and I feel more comfortable here.

DH and our friend K go out once a week to a local 24-hour hole in the wall to eat and catch up on what's going on with eachother. K has an 11 month old little girl, a single mom and is VERY mainstream, although I haven't voiced my opinions on her choices no matter how much I disagree, I respect her too much to do that... she hasn't quite learned how to do that yet.

I don't know quite how it came up, but K said something about circing, and of course I had to open my big mouth with a "Oh! We aren't doing that." So then I got an earful about how nasty uncirced penises are and how gross it is to clean them and a whole bunch of other nonsense that I know is wrong. So my pregnancy hormones are getting the best of me, and I can tell I'm about three seconds away from my mama bear side ripping her a new one. I seriously felt like she was directally attacking MY CHILD, and I nearly lost it. Thankfully DH changed the subject and pulled her aside later and told her that is not something we choose to discuss and to drop it from now on.

I am SOOO hurt. I fully plan on saying something along the lines of "I respect your parenting choices when I don't agree with them, please do the same with me" and hope that she gets the hint. I can't believe I got so worked up... DH was shocked too, because I am usually SOOOOO calm when it comes to voicing my opinions, and hearing other opinions even if I don't like them. This time I felt like she was being mean to my baby, as wierd as that sounds.

(Granted I take it all with a grain of salt now that I've calmed down, considering this is the same friend who thinks breastfeeding is "icky" cloth diapers are "icky" and if you let your baby sleep in your room you'll never have sex again.... :nut )

[RedOakMomma]

considering this is the same friend who thinks breastfeeding is "icky" cloth diapers are "icky" and if you let your baby sleep in your room you'll never have sex again.... :nut )

OOH! Given that information, I'd take her circ. opinion with more than a grain of salt...I'd take it with a truckload of block salt! :nut

We were the first to not circ our sons (in our group of friends)...some thought it was weird, but in the end some chose not to circ. their own sons and the others...well, my guess is that they forgot about it. I mean, who walks around mentally keeping records on whose diaper contains an in tact penis and whose diaper contains a circ. penis? If she's that interested in what you do with your son's penis, I say she has more important things to worry about.

[Ell-Bell]

I have wondered if the circ thing would come up with any of my friends, but it hasn't so far. I think it probably will only come up when peple change his diapers and see it, you know? Which means maybe grandparents, that's it. Well, and that's if we are even having a boy!

But last week my inlaws were visiting and I showed my MIL the binder with articles, etc. that our MW put together. There is a section about circ. So she looks up and says, "So... since it's right here, "Circumcision"... if you have a boy, will you?" I said, "nope". Her reply? "Well, not, like, not at all?" :lol DH stopped what he was doing and said, "What do you mean not at all? It's kindof an 'All or Nothing' thing!" :thumb Then she said, "Well not ever?" I said no and when she asked me why, I turned it around and asked her why we would. She said when she was having babies, it was just what the doctors did, she thought it was just routine. I told her that they used to think it was cleaner, etc. but now they know it's not true. our baby will be born perfect, just the way he should be and that there is no need to change anything about him. I mean, if he was born with big ears, we wouldn't rush him in to plastic surgery, right? She actually got it, and said, "huh, I guess I hadn't thought about it that way..." and dropped it.

Both sets of our parents are really trying to understand why we are doing things the way we are. I'm grateful for that.

It is hard when friends have totally different ways of raising their kids. I anticipate having a hard time keeping my mouth shut, but I will try! Daisie, you are stronger than I for not getting upset earlier, it sounds like you and DH handled things well!

[majorsky]

I am SOOO hurt. I fully plan on saying something along the lines of "I respect your parenting choices when I don't agree with them, please do the same with me" and hope that she gets the hint. I can't believe I got so worked up... DH was shocked too, because I am usually SOOOOO calm when it comes to voicing my opinions, and hearing other opinions even if I don't like them. This time I felt like she was being mean to my baby, as wierd as that sounds.

I completely understand your feelings and I'd probably feel the same way... it surprises me that my female friends who've had babies have been very forgetful about how sensitive a pregnant woman's feelings can be. Some of them have been downright insensitive at various times of my pregnancy, so I've asked them to be more considerate for a while.

I'm truly amazed at how some people can be so strongly pro-circumcision and their opinion isn't driven by religion. Why does the appearance of a penis matter so much??? It's highly unlikely these people will ever see our sons' uncircumcized penises, much less have to care for them. Some people choose to have their baby girls' ears pierced right after birth... and that's a feature the whole world can see. How come nobody debates that tradition so fiercely?

Since circumcision has absolutely no health benefits in our technologically advanced society, I see the choice as coming down to two factors: Appearance and/or religious tradition. If religion doesn't drive a mother's circumcision choice (and it doesn't in a lot of cases!), then appearance is the only other factor influencing that choice. I can't help but think, what does it say about a society where mutilating our son's genitals is a "fashion statement" or an integral part of "fitting in"? I think some folks need to focus less on "pretty penises" and more on building strong character in their sons. JMHO.

Kristin