now I feel pressure...

[littlemomma]

The word has gotten out among my collegues, etc that I am having a homebirth. They are all being nice about it, and having lots of questions. I feel like I've really educated them about how birth can be viewed as natural and not an emergency, etc. Now I'm worried that if for some reason I transfer to the hospital, I'll be doing the homebirth community a disservice and everyone will not have faith in the process that I've been talking about for all these weeks. Anyone else feel this way?

[momonthebeach]

I was just thinking about this. I had to fight to get my homebirth since we are about an hour from the nearest L&D. I have a couple of friends (one of whom is ttc her first now) who are planning on being here and I just really want to show them how wonderful birth can be (and mostly that you don't need a dr or hospital). I was also wondering if I was putting too much pressure on myself to have a "perfect" birth that it would get in the way.

I think that the important thing to remember is that the idea of home birth is that it is for low-risk pregnancies where labor is going well. It's about not using drs unless they are needed. There is no shame in using the drs or hospitals if they are needed. Birth doesn't always go as planned so if the situation arises where you end up in the hospital it doesn't mean that you failed!

I know how you feel and have been telling myself this a lot over the last couple of days :)

Katie
edd 5/4
first home birth

[LeosMama]

I agree with Katie. I think that by going to the hospital if necessary, you are showing that homebirth ISN'T dangerous. That hospitals are there for emergencies and for when you are actually sick. You labor at home unless something goes wrong. If nothing goes wrong to the point of necessitating transfer, you will stay at home. This is not inconsistent and nothing to be embarassed about. I can see how people might jump to the wrong conclusion, that homebirth wasn't safe and you should have just been in the hospital all along, but this is just another opportunity for you to educate people. Homebirthing women ARE responsible and resourceful and are making the best, most-informed choices to guarantee the health and safety of themselves and their babies. This means having a great midwife and prenatal care and transferring to the hospital when/if appropriate. You are going to prove the safety of homebirthing no matter if you need to transfer or stay home.

Good luck and happy pushing!

[alicia9178]

I 100% know how you are feeling. I feel like I am going to be the laughing stock of our local homebirth community if my birth ends up in the hospital. I am not an "ideal" homebirther being diabetic, and more then a few of our local midives have criticised me to others about my decision to have a homebirth. However the midwife attending my birth believes in my husband and I and is happy to work with us. I just know that there will be some snarky remarks if we do end up in the hospital....I can already hear the "I told you so's" flying around.
Alicia

[LeosMama]

Alicia, that sounds terrible. People treating you like you're a debilitated leper making bad choices. Every mama has the right to the birth she chooses. Like I said above your post, homebirthing shouldn't be about defying the medical community and making a political statement. It's about doing the safest, cleanest, healthiest thing for your birth and the well-being of your child. For EVERYONE this means being at home is the default situation. You know all the reasons that is so, I won't get into them.
But with that philosophy in mind, you shouldn't be berated for then adding on choices as circumstances require to keep youself and baby safe. You should be admired for realizing that you are in control of birth and you choose where and how. Because you are choosing responsibly, especially if you have to transfer. Because you didn't just assume that you couldn't do it at home. You tried it at home first and when it became dangerous, you went to hospital.
I hope I'm expressing this clearly. I'm so mad that people would treat you like this and that other midwives would talk about you to other people. If it were me, I would harangue them for violation of privacy and medical ethics. They could be severely disciplined by the state medical board for even acknowledging your situation, much less discussing it. Shame on them! And shame on women who think that homebirthing is an end in and of itself, rather than a means to an end - safety and health!

[camprunner]

I felt like this. I hadn't planned to tell anyone however I told two people and a few big mouths ened up finding out. I was soooo afraid that people would laugh at me if I ended up at the hospital. It didn't happen though. I would have just told them that my midwife was responsible enough to help me make the decision to transfer to the hospital.

[melamama]

homebirthers should not be a clique.

before I had my first I remember feeling bits of natural v. medicated birthers, mostly because natural birth (and especially) hb is marginalized and (often) you have to journey such a long way to get out there that is does feel like "us against them".
but honestly this is not what it's about. like above--it is about birthing where mom and baby are the safest and most comfortable so everything can progress optimally--and naturally. if at some point something changes, and mom needs something else, or (goddess forbid) babe needs more care then you should be able to do what is medically necessary for mama or baby without fear of ridicule. it's not about getting "I was a successful homebirther" badge at the end of the pg...it's about having a healthy baby.

my view of the whole homebirth thing is that it's fundamentally about you being responsible for your care and your birth. optimally birth is a natural event and not an emergency, but there are cases where a hospital is necessary---it's about knowing when that is. (and keeping fear/shame and pride out of the decision making process)

-Alica--anyone who would give you an "I told you so" for going for a hb should go jump in a lake. I mean really. If your mw --who knows your medical situation-- is comfortable and prepared to help you birth at home then let it be. You don't need the stress of naysayers on your brain.

[chiro_kristin]

I felt like that, too. I was introducing my family, my friends, and my entire chiropractic practice to the joys and safety of natural homebirth. My biggest fear (w/o that pressure) was having to transfer and losing control of my birth experience. I wanted the homebirth to provide a safe happy natural intimate birth for my son. I knew that if I needed to transfer, I would lose all of that, grateful as I would be for the emergency help.

My labor was 60 hours total, 55 hard. I had set my spirit that I would do it at home no matter how tired I got, as long as my son was handling the stress. Right before I started pushing, I told my mws that I would do it for at least two more days before I would consider transferring. And I delivered "squatting," with my husband and a MW and an apprentice holding me up bc my legs were jello :)

[captain crunchy]

I was paranoid about this too. Because I am the *crunchiest* person among my family and friends and none of them have had a homebirth, I felt like the world was on my shoulders to *show* them how healthy, normal and safe a homebirth was. Other than the normal first time birthing fears and of course above all, concern for my baby and myself -- I was so worried that I would have to be transferred and even though no one would say it to my face, there would a be a silent chorus of "see how lucky she was she birthed in a hospital, that homebirth business was ridiculous" type sentiment....

Anyway... I had a PERFECT homebirth, with a perfectly healthy baby, I didn't even tear (well a tiny one, not requiring stitches) and I felt great! My labor was only about 8 hours from start to finish (*start* meaning really painful... I had been having bearable contractions longer than that) ...and that was for a first birth too!

Now I realize that many women aren't as fortunate as I was, but homebirth is still just as safe (I feel it's even safer) than a hospital birth, especially for a normal, low risk pregnancy with no previous problems ...

I will tell you what my midwife told me days before my birth (my daughter was 2 weeks late and we thought we may have had to induce)...she looked me in the eyes and said:

"You are strong. You WILL have the birth you have envisioned. You WILL birth this child at home and you both will be healthy and whole."

I wish that for you. Good luck!!

[hotwings640]

I felt this way when we were planning our first homebirth (baby #2). I didn't tell lots and lots of people because I didn't want to have them waiting to see it all fall through. A few people said things like that they were sure we would need to transfer (to DH, not to me). I was glad we were able to prove them wrong ;)

I think how you handle a transfer is important (and I hope you don't have to handle one at all!). I think when it is handled matter-of-factly and not with the drama that some people love to tell their births with (ex: it was so dangerous, we almost died, it was the most painful thing in the world, we were saved with a c-section, I was saved with an epidural, etc) then that changes how people handle the news.

I knew of a woman who planned a beautiful homebirth. She labored at home for a long time and then it was a case of malpresentation and they couldn't get baby moved (I think baby was transverse), the way she told of her transfer and the birth just sounded still so earthy and wonderful. It just made me think, "that is exactly what hospitals are there for". It wasn't a disservice to the homebirth community at all, it was instead showing how homebirth and hospital can work together to provide the best outcome for both mom and baby.

[Mrs Dimples]

I always try to use those type of situations (and I do know how you feel, in a way, I think it's crossed most of our minds at one time or another) as an opportunity to remind people that it's about what is BEST and SAFEST for the mother and baby. For me, and I believe ideally for most women, once we get them un-brainwashed ;) that begins at home. If there is a complication or a situation to arise that would make it safer and better for my baby and I to be in a hospital, well, then into a hospital we shall go. It's about mothers, midwives, doctors, everyone potentially involved in birth working TOGETHER for the good of the mother and the baby, not protecting their territory or making a statement or "showing somebody". I am a big fan of medical advances and technology IF used appropriately. To each circumstance its own solution, KWIM? Nothing is one-size-fits-all. Not hospital birth, not homebirth, NOTHING.

[NavelgazingMidwife]

Everyone has already said great things - and I absolutely agree.

Some women say, "I'm *planning* a homebirth," to leave the subtle opening for if a transfer occurs. Others feel even that is too negative and say, "I'm *having* a homebirth." Whichever works.

When women have had to transfer, we sort of rehearse how to explain it to others so anyone who asks understands the extenuating circumstances - even if the circumstances was a desire for an epidural or exhaustion.

"I just knew I needed to be in the hospital - I don't know how I knew, but I did."

"When we heard the baby's heartbeat going down, we knew it was time to go in. I'm glad we were able to anticipate the problem and get help before it became too serious."

"The midwife was so good about letting me know that my blood pressure was getting a little too high to be home and that she cared enough to make sure I was in a hospital where they had medications she didn't carry."

Like that.

I want to say one thing not addressed yet and that is inviting people to your birth to show them what home birth is. I absolutely understand that temptation, but I HIGHLY encourage not inviting *anyone* that isn't 100% with-the-program and *believes* in your ability and your dream. What has happened (and believe me, it doesn't happen a second time) is the person being shown gets so frightened, even if they don't say a word, their energy zips around and causes tension whose origin is hard to pinpoint unless one was looking for it.

Another scenario that can happen is the "emotional vampire" - the person who sucks the emotions out of the laboring mom, psychically draining her from her work of labor. Emotional vampires can also become very needy during the birth, requiring a doula of their own to reassure, comfort, and support them. The midwives/doulas/family members are not there to doula a bystander, but to BE with the laboring mom as she brings her baby into the world. Every ounce of energy should be love and support for the mom.

And yes, being "on stage" *can* and *does* affect labors. More than many times, we have cleared the house of everyone (ourselves included) to allow mom and partner time and space alone - miraculously (not), we are called back to kickin' labor that brings a baby within a couple of hours. It is quite obvious that labor hormones adore privacy, belief, and trust.

Great thoughts already shared... glad others said them.

Barb Herrera

[Charmie981]

It is quite obvious that labor hormones adore privacy, belief, and trust.

:clap Excellently put. I couldn't agree more, but have such a hard time explaining this to my clients!

[BirthFree]

Well... I said I was having a homebirth and I had to transfer with #1 - the world knew I was doing a homebirth and they knew I transfered but you know what I thought? At least they know I have the fortitude to make a good choice if the birth deemed it necessary we transfer. I kept telling people (when they would freak out), "I'm not chaining myself to the front door... if something happens and we have to go, we will. No one is out to prove a point."

Birth #2 was homebirth as well. And the same statement/choices remained. People thought of me as the homebirther even when I transfered the first time... I think it's a state of mind. :)

[MamaTaraX]

I feel a little like that. I doula at a hospital and everybody in L&D, doctors included, knows I'm having a homebirth. I *really* want this to happen so I can bring my healthy beautiful homeborn baby in to show them and if something happens that I transfer, I feel I'll be doing homebirth a disservice and they'll all be mocking me "Mhmm...see, homebirth is NOT so great", among other things they will say... They're all excited for me too, that's the sad part. They all think it's great and can't wait to hear all about it and see pictures. Definately feelin' the pressure with you!

Namaste, Tara

[erniebobernie]

With my first birth I had my ex, my mother, my mw and a nurse and the birth was less than 3 hours in a local L&D unit at our local hospital. Great experience. My second birth was at the same place, less than 2 hours and I had my ex, mom, sister, SIL, friend, MW and a nurse. Very hot in the room as it was small but very positive experience. The third birth was in a beautiful birthing center 30 minutes from town. I had my ex, my mom and dad, my sister, my brother and SIL, my close friend, my MW and a nurse. Because of my quick labors I went in immediately. Everyone drove up as well. I believe, now looking back that I probably had "stage fright" or performance anxiety as it slowed way down. Things didn't pick back up until 10 hours later. MW didn't want to let me go home as she was not sure I'd make it back in time. It is in a rural area and we were allowed to hike around the birthing center in the Sierra foothills (not too far though). The labor went quickly as the others did, also less than two hours. Everyone was there again but I didn't care. My labors are primarily back labors and everyone was taking turns putting intense amounts of pressure on my lower back (it was wonderful!) During transition an extra nurse or two came in and the energy level was tooo high in there. Everyone was supportive of course, but I just looked at my MW and said quietly "There are too many people in here." She had that room cleared of all except my ex, her and I in less than 30 seconds (I'm guessing time here as I was in transition and I truly don't know, but it was quick). My family and friends slowly came back in and all were there to witness the birth. My dh and I are expecting my 4th and his first and we just switched at 37 weeks to a homebirth midwife. This time it will only be him and I, our MW, her assistant and my mom will be in the house with our children. The plan is to have them stay primarily downstairs and will come up when invited (hopefully as the little one is one it's way out:)) I really wanted to be at home surrounded by those who love us and believe in birth as a natural process. Friends and family can come and visit another day (even help out with meals, laundry, babysitting etc..). But, this day is for our family. We want time to 'fall in love' with our new child and again with each other. I wish you the best and encourage you to share the pictures or video with friends after the birth.