Does Dh help?

[CalebsMama05]

does your dh help you with the kid(s) after he gets home from work?

Just curious as mine doesnt and when i mention it to my sahm friends they say that its a load of BS. however my son naps for 6 hrs a day (3 2hr naps) and i get a break when he naps so *I* dont feel its unreasonable for my dh to be able to rest and relax when he gets home as he only has a 30 min lunch at work.

Thank you :)

[candipooh]

Nope, not help at all. SOmetime it makes me want to spit nails but I have to keep telling myself that I am a lucky lady because he works VERY hard for me to be able to stay at home.
Lately he *can't* help because he leave for work at 3:30 AM and gets home at 8 pm. He eats and then is off to bed.

I have a 2 1/2 year old, a 4 1/2 year old and an almost 7 year old so I get NO rest during the day.

[CalebsMama05]

Nope, not help at all. SOmetime it makes me want to spit nails but I have to keep telling myself that I am a lucky lady because he works VERY hard for me to be able to stay at home.
Lately he *can't* help because he leave for work at 3:30 AM and gets home at 8 pm. He eats and then is off to bed.

I have a 2 1/2 year old, a 4 1/2 year old and an almost 7 year old so I get NO rest during the day.
i've decided to enjoy it while it lasts cuz i'm sure the baby will complicate things come July!

[JustVanessa]

My dh helps out alot. We split the housework and the dinner cooking. He works 3am to 11am then is off and goes to bed at 6 pm. His job brings in the money and my job is taking care of the baby. We split household stuff

[KyleAnn]

While we only have one ds...one very energetic, spririted 2 1/2 yo ds, my response is 100% no, my dh does not help at all. I too am truely thankful that I am able to stay home with ds, which is why I put up with it at all. My dh has no household chores, when he gets home from work he does his own thing in his office, takes a nap sometimes, whatever. On the weekends he does his own thing or stays in the office and watches sports (sports crazy nut!) all day long. Whether it's cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc., etc.-I do it by by myself with ds in tow.
He does work hard to financially provide, but I do not think that entitles him to a free pass either.

...can you tell I'm a little bitter about it? ;)

[alegna]

YES. Basically when he walks through the door, Daddy is #1. She goes to the door to meet him and he keeps track of her while he changes and I get dinner ready. We eat together and he cleans her up after dinner. We hang out together for a bit and I get some alone time and then he plays with her and reads while I take a bath. While he showers I nurse her to sleep then we go to bed....

Weekends also he is 100% involved.

ALSO, our understanding is that she is my work during the day. Any housework that gets done is a bonus. So he helps TONS with that too.

-Angela

[mamawanabe]

we plan on splitting childcare at least 50/50 when dh is home. It is REALLY important to me that my children to see that men are nurturing and that men take care of children.

[Sweetiemommy]

My dh and I both feel strongly that he should be the primary parent when he comes home. Obviously, I am still involved, because I like to be with them, but he is the one changing the diapers, feeding him dinner (solids, I still breastfeed of course), giving him a bath, playing with him and putting him to bed. Not only does this give my dh quality time with the baby, but it gives me a break. In my husband's words, "at least when I get home from work I am away from my job. You are at your job 24 hours a day." He's a great daddy and husband!

[Hazelnut]

Yes. As soon as he's through the door he is an active parent, especially now with two. The way I see it we both "work" all day, and when we're both home we're both responsible for the children. Yeah I get a nap sometimes, but I do more chores in the evening when he plays or relaxes. I suppose if he had an extremely stressful job with super long hours, it might be different.
I also think it's important that he set an example as a caring parent, and he benefits from it as well, having a closer relationship with his kids.

[charmarty]

right now no. BUT it s only becasue he is working sooo much right now. when he comes home he is spent and the kids are already in bed.

His days off ( when he is lucky enough to have them) are psent just being with th ekids. I do not expect him to do anything else but to focus on them. He does not one thing around the house lately and right now, that is ok with me ( well I would love th ehelp but it is balanced this way in our house anyways).


when he was not wrking so much, oh yeah he helped ALOT.

[dukeswalker]

Umm...Nope - atleast not with the kids. For us, I can't really complain - he does work a ton (14 hr days with no lunch, no breaks) and with that, he is gone as soon as the kids wake up and is home after they're asleep. On his days off he is always doing something! It could be washing cars, changing oil, car maintence stuff, yard work, etc...but with the kids? He has given our middle dd a bath - once... and has changed probably 20 diapers total between the 3 kids. Thats not to say hes not involved - he loves to play with them - he's just not very helpful. :rolleyes

[earthmama369]

Yes, and I feel blessed. He works 35-45 hours a week and is putting in a lot of time trying to start up his own business. But when he comes home in the evening, he spends time with Q, does some housework, and waits to work on his business stuff until Q and I go to bed or I say it's ok. Weekends he checks before disappearing into the office and in general does at least 50% of the housework. More, lately, because I've had so much morning (ha!) sickness and fatigue.

[Nature]

Nope. Not at all unless I beg. And we're both SAH parents because we're on disability. So there is no reason why he can't help out too. He just doesn't. :irked: Angry? You bet.

[CalebsMama05]

we plan on splitting childcare at least 50/50 when dh is home. It is REALLY important to me that my children to see that men are nurturing and that men take care of children.
we had planned on this too. I have found that my dh doesnt really care to be a father. he just likes showing him off but not really being *active* in his life.

[jkpmomtoboys]

My dh is very active in the kids' lives. We don't consider it "helping" because that sounds like something someone other than a parent does.

He's gone at 6:30 a.m. and comes home at 6:30 p.m. and takes no lunch, generally so he can be home in time for a family dinner. We eat as soon as he gets home and then he gives the boys (5 and 2) a bath while I clean the kitchen. Then he does a bedtime routine with one while I do it with the other.

I'm also very lucky that dh is a great sport about me having meetings at night and going to the gym at night and going out by myself sometimes on the weekend.

[Fuamami]

My dh "helps", but I see it more as him spending desired time with his children. He plays with them and talks to them and changes the baby and also often does the bathing and gets them ready for bed. He sets the table, too, and tries to get my dd to help him with that. He wants to, he wants to parent them too.

I don't ask him for help with the housework, cooking, laundry, finances, or other household maintenance. That's my job, and I figure it's the least I can do. I also would prefer to handle it myself. Though he did help with some of that when I had ds.

[tinuviel_k]

Yep, he loves to spend one-on-one time with Denali, and will often take her on an outing if I need a nap, or will saty home with her if I want to go to the bookstore, get coffee, etc. He is a wonderful partner and is always looking out for my state of mind. :) He fully appreciates how hard I work, and thinks I have the more difficult job of the two of us.

And on the flip side, I understand that he gets tired, too, or needs alone time on a weekend day. I am always willing to take Denali out if he gets home from a tiring day and needs a nap, or to make sure he gets a little relaxing time for himself.

[FancyD]

Not really. He's on call, and works 2 out of 3 days. He takes DS swimming when he can. HOWEVER... He doesn't feed him or change his diapers. Has bathed him once. It's been a huge issue w/ us, but he's comming along :lol He loves his son like mad, though.

[Smithie]

I would say that dh doesn't "help" with housework much, but I don't need him to because he is an invoved parent. That's not "helping" IMNSHO, it's being a father rather than a sperm donor. I never ask him if he will watch ds, I just tell him where I'm going and walk out the door (usually to my evening PT job or the grocery store).

I have been really militant about this since ds was born, whereas I could never get myself worked up about the fact that I do all the dishes and laundry. The dishes and laundry don't care who does them. Our son cares a lot about spending time with Daddy and having Daddy be able to meet his diapering/feeding/comfort needs.

[vermonttaylors]

Yup! DH is all about the kids as soon as he walks in the door. I actually don't know how I could SAHM without him, he is such a huge help to me :love

Cheers!

[Attached2Elijah]

Well, DH is very active in DS and his other 2 kid's life... but he doesn't really do the housework or the general care. That's my job... he does the playing, watching him while I do other housework or have some time to myself but when it comes to cooking dinner, bathing, putting to bed, etc, that's my job and personally, I don't want him to do it. I enjoy taking care of my son... giving him a bath and putting him to bed is my time to snuggle and love on him. I wouldn't give that time up for the world. DH spends time with him by rough-housing, cuddling, watching movies together, taking little trips to the store, etc... but when it comes to housework, there are times when I want to wring his neck for not helping at all but when it comes down to it, when we talked about me staying home, the deal was that I did the housework so in the end, It's what I agreed to so it's my job. He also works from 3.30am to 3pm most days so he comes home exhausted... and his work is physically demanding, even more so then repeatedly lifting a 36 pound 2 year old, lol so I let him rest.

[Smithie]

I get really resentful when I perceive dh to be slacking on the less-fun aspects of parenting - feeding, diapering,bathing, diverting ds when he is doing something dangerous, knowing when to give medicine and how much, etc. It's not that I mind doing these things for my son, but I will mind a lot if the impression he receives from his childhood is that Daddy is for fun and Mommy is his personal servant.

[mamalisa]

Yes he helps a lot. He's really changed since I got pg with #2 and is much more involved with day to day crap then he has ever been. His work schedule also changed so he's here a lot more. Usually I hand over the baby when he walks in the door and ds glues himself to daddy's side. I finish dinner, ds and I eat, then I take the baby back and dh eats. Whoever gets to it first usually cleans up the kitchen and then I run away and take a bath. If ds needs a bath 90% of the time dh gets him in there. He puts ds to bed, I take dd.

He doesn't do much house cleaning, mostly because I am able to keep up on it pretty well. He will do laundry if it starts to pile up and mops his bathroom floor once a week now.

I am very lucky. My dh values what I do and realizes how hard it can be sometimes to do it all. My time on bedrest really opened his eyes to a lot of things that I do that he never noticed before. It sucked to be on bedrest, but it was kind of worth it :wink

[danibu98]

DH helps a ton and gives me a lot of breaks. He does everything from diapers to baths to slinging to anything! If I cook dinner he cleans up. He is alwaysh holding a baby. If he goes running he takes our 2 year old in the jogger- when he is home he is On his Game and helping me!!! :love I have the best dh ever!

Danielle

[mamawanabe]

since housework came up in this trhead. I will also add that because me and dh will both work all day (him 8:30-5:30 at the office and me 8:00-6:00 at home taking care of kids and the messes we make), then all housework and childcare when dh is home is 50/50.

The most important reason for me (beyond it being simply fair) is that I really want my children to understand that men are nurturing, men care for children, men care for the home, etc.

I imagien that Sundays evenings will be family cleaning time. Put on soem good music while I dust and dh sweeps, while I scrub the sink and dh scubs the bathtub. Todlers in tow "helping." When my kids get older they can really help.

[Rainbow Brite]

My dh is a tremendous help. He is completely involved. He feels that during the day I shouldn't worry about housework ect, and just focus on her. He helps out when he gets home, cooks, cleans ect. He is very concerned about me getting a break, and always encourages me to take some time. He will stay up very late w/dd and I even though he has to get up early b/c he feels guilty going to bed (even though I tell him too). I'm very luck! :love

[sarah_bella1050]

Most of the time I feel like my dh makes a better mom then I do :lol . As soon as he gets home from work he spends some time with dd. He cooks dinner for us about 2 nights a week, but most of the time I do and he just helps. He then usually does the dishes and cleans up the kitchen while I take a brake or catch up on laundry. He then will play with dd for awhile and then take her upstair for a bath. I nurse her and then he puts her to bed. At night when dd wakes (which is only once a night usually) he goes and get her, I nurse her, and then he walks her back and forth until she is asleep. He's like super dad. I try to make him take breaks on the weekend and after dd goes to bed, 'cause otherwise he would never take them for himself. He says that it's his job to make sure that dd and I have the best life possible 'cause we're his princesses :throb . Sorry if this seems like I'm bragging, I just :love my hubby.

[tink79]

No, not typically. He's been *trying* lately to have more fun with DD on his off time but his job is really demanding and takes up most of his time (even when he's off).

[Alkenny]

He did until he started working nights again. His sleep schedule is all out of whack so I'm lucky if he's concious enough for himself, let alone anything else lately. :(

[Llyra]

I do more than DH, simply because I'm home more, but he definitely does a LOT. Maybe a 60/40 split, with housework. It's more like 50/50 with childcare. You have to understand, though, that before DD was born I was out of the house 14 hours a day, while DH is only away from home 7 hours a day, so that the housework was 100% his responsibility. Me not working was a major, major adjustment, and me taking over the housework has been really gradually. I anticipate doing more and more as DD gets older, although we're going to homeschool and I look on that as a job in itself. And he's still only away from home 7 hours, so he has plenty of time to relax and still do his share of the work around the house.

I don't think of it as him "helping." He cares for our home and child for the same reason I do-- because it's his home and child. If he ever let on that he was doing me a "favor" by doing housework or taking care of DD, I'd go on a sit-down strike and refuse to do any housework at all until he adjusted his attitude.

That's just what works for us, though. I know some women derive a lot of joy and satisfaction from being primarily responsible for their home and families, and I think that's wonderful if it works for you. It doesn't, for us.

[Sharlla]

He will hold/play with the baby but that is all. He does care for our 7 year old but that doesn't really require much.

[TinkerBelle]

The guys who got thier wives to agree to all of the house and child care got a sweet deal, didn't they? They get to go out and work and then when they come home, they do not have to do a thing. Just sit or play or whatever. Meanwhile, Mama is "on duty" 24 hours a day. How in the world is this fair or healthy? My husband does the same thing from time to time, until I set him straight. I told him that we pay for the lawn service, so he has no outdoor chores and he can take care of a couple in the house.

The point is, I do not just take it lying down.

[mamawanabe]

. How in the world is this fair or healthy?

Well, I think a lot of women (me included) have a self-sacrifice streak to them that means doing everything children and house related feels goods. They might feel resentful from time to time, but more than not, they enjoy it.

So the reason to have the dh more involed in the housecare and childcare is NOT so that "it is fair," but because it is SO important for children to see (boys especially) men involved in the work of childcare and hoursekeeping. There are lots of reasons:
1) It opens up more possibilities of manhood for your boys. They see that men can nurture, clean, cook, change diapers ect.
2) It is only way boys and girls will grow up to seeing that this work is valuable. Mommy and Daddy both do it because it is important. I think that society doesn't value sahms because they don't value "women's work." If we want better options and choices for our kids as they arrange their own families, we can start by showing that this work is valuable (there is lots of talk about how it is valuable, but we all know what that talk is worth).

[TinkerBelle]

Well, I think a lot of women (me included) have a self-sacrifice streak to them that means doing everything children and house related feels goods. They might feel resentful from time to time, but more than not, they enjoy it.

So the reason to have the dh more involed in the housecare and childcare is NOT so that "it is fair," but because it is SO important for children to see (boys especially) men involved in the work of childcare and hoursekeeping. There are lots of reasons:
1) It opens up more possibilities of manhood for your boys. They see that men can nurture, clean, cook, change diapers ect.
2) It is only way boys and girls will grow up to seeing that this work is valuable. Mommy and Daddy both do it because it is important. I think that society doesn't value sahms because they don't value "women's work." If we want better options and choices for our kids as they arrange their own families, we can start by showing that this work is valuable (there is lots of talk about how it is valuable, but we all know what that talk is worth).




Oh I TOTALLY agree with your post. You have NO idea how much I agree with this. I have all sons. And I have already heard the remarks about how terrible because I will have to wait on them so much. Um...no I will not. I am teaching my boys NOW, how to clean up and cook and take care of a home.

[sarahmae1]

Well, yes and no... he does help some but not as much as I would like. He has a relaxing job most of the time, that he really enjoys, with an hour lunch break that he never takes because he doesn't need to. I work 24/7 365 normally without any breaks. I typically have to ask him to do anything I want him to do, and even then he might do it and he might not. For example, I ask for him to watch the kids while I make supper and he says he will but he doesn't really do it and they end up in the kitchen w/ me anyway. He often 'disapears' into the basement on his computer for several hours each night. Usually ds1 will go with him for a little while. If I tell him to change ds2 diaper he will do it but 'in a minute' which in his world is about in 20mins. I do baths, feedings, etc. plus caring for the home but he does help a little more on the weekends.

[TinkerBelle]

Well, yes and no... he does help some but not as much as I would like. He has a relaxing job most of the time, that he really enjoys, with an hour lunch break that he never takes because he doesn't need to. I work 24/7 365 normally without any breaks. I typically have to ask him to do anything I want him to do, and even then he might do it and he might not. For example, I ask for him to watch the kids while I make supper and he says he will but he doesn't really do it and they end up in the kitchen w/ me anyway. He often 'disapears' into the basement on his computer for several hours each night. Usually ds1 will go with him for a little while. If I tell him to change ds2 diaper he will do it but 'in a minute' which in his world is about in 20mins. I do baths, feedings, etc. plus caring for the home but he does help a little more on the weekends.


You see, I find that to be disrespectful and lazy of a man to do that. Would rather let his child sit in a nasty diaper than just change it and get it over with. Would rather spend time on his computer than spend time with his children, who BTW, you did not create on your own, I am guessing.

My husband did that last night with our 11 mo old. I was on the phone with a friend who I do not get to talk to often. He said something about the baby's diaper being poopy. I said, well could you please change him? I went back to my conversation and when I got off of the phone, about an hour later (I RARELY ever talk on the phone that long) the baby was STILL poopy. I lit into that man like a firecracker. I told him that he might be bringing in the bacon, but I am no slave and he can darn well change a freaking diaper. And how DARE him let that baby sit in filth. To me, that borders on child abuse, to allow a child to sit in a nasty butt diaper because you think you are too GOOD and IMPORTANT to change one. I rarely get to be on the phone or go anywhere, we live where HE wanted to live, and I ask little of him.

It is really disgusting that his mother taught him that basically, because he has a penis, that he is not required to do anything except work a job, come home and flop on his butt. I know where he learned it. I do not have to get onto him often, thank God. He has learned for the most part.

I will teach my sons better than that. I do not care if their father models it for them or not~I am still gonna try my best. :bouncy I refuse, absolutely REFUSE to subscribe to the notion that a man cannot do anything and should be catered to and waited on, hand and foot.

[Sharlla]

The guys who got thier wives to agree to all of the house and child care got a sweet deal, didn't they? They get to go out and work and then when they come home, they do not have to do a thing. Just sit or play or whatever. Meanwhile, Mama is "on duty" 24 hours a day. How in the world is this fair or healthy? My husband does the same thing from time to time, until I set him straight. I told him that we pay for the lawn service, so he has no outdoor chores and he can take care of a couple in the house.

The point is, I do not just take it lying down.

I don't see it that way. It may seem that I do more, but infact I have it much easier than him. I'm the one with all the free time to see friends and pursue hobbies. I may be on call 24/7 but the actual amounts of work I do and the time it takes me is far less than the hours or work he put in. To each his own I guess.

[sarah_bella1050]

[QUOTE=mamawanabe]
So the reason to have the dh more involed in the housecare and childcare is NOT so that "it is fair," but because it is SO important for children to see (boys especially) men involved in the work of childcare and hoursekeeping. QUOTE]

My dh and his brothers are living proof that this actually works. They grew up with a dad who was an excellent rolemodel and taught them that a mans work does not end when you comes home from your paying job. He always split the house work at least 50/50 and took pride in doing extra so that his wife could take a break. My dh can't understand men who come home and sit on the couch with a beer. He thinks that they are lazy and sloth like, he actually gets kind of upset when he sees that. I believe that it is so important for children (especially boys) to see this sort of thing on a daily basis, they really do learn by example.

[Amylcd]

Yes, he helps out a lot.

[CalebsMama05]

I don't see it that way. It may seem that I do more, but infact I have it much easier than him. I'm the one with all the free time to see friends and pursue hobbies. I may be on call 24/7 but the actual amounts of work I do and the time it takes me is far less than the hours or work he put in. To each his own I guess.


I agree with this! my dh works 8-10 hrs a day...and my son sleeps for 6 hrs worth of naps. Yes it is hard but If I need him to he helps. I enjoy doing this work so usually even if he offers to help I don't let him.

[CalebsMama05]

[QUOTE=mamawanabe]
So the reason to have the dh more involed in the housecare and childcare is NOT so that "it is fair," but because it is SO important for children to see (boys especially) men involved in the work of childcare and hoursekeeping. QUOTE]

My dh and his brothers are living proof that this actually works. They grew up with a dad who was an excellent rolemodel and taught them that a mans work does not end when you comes home from your paying job. He always split the house work at least 50/50 and took pride in doing extra so that his wife could take a break. My dh can't understand men who come home and sit on the couch with a beer. He thinks that they are lazy and sloth like, he actually gets kind of upset when he sees that. I believe that it is so important for children (especially boys) to see this sort of thing on a daily basis, they really do learn by example.
I'm going to show this to my dh. I think the problem with us is that neither of us *enjoys* housework lol. we fight over who gets to take care of the baby though.

[TinkerBelle]

[QUOTE=mamawanabe]
So the reason to have the dh more involed in the housecare and childcare is NOT so that "it is fair," but because it is SO important for children to see (boys especially) men involved in the work of childcare and hoursekeeping. QUOTE]

My dh and his brothers are living proof that this actually works. They grew up with a dad who was an excellent rolemodel and taught them that a mans work does not end when you comes home from your paying job. He always split the house work at least 50/50 and took pride in doing extra so that his wife could take a break. My dh can't understand men who come home and sit on the couch with a beer. He thinks that they are lazy and sloth like, he actually gets kind of upset when he sees that. I believe that it is so important for children (especially boys) to see this sort of thing on a daily basis, they really do learn by example.


That sounds just like my best friend's husband. She has never worked outside of the home. Their children are in school fulltime now, but they still decided she was to be a SAHM. His co-worker say snotty things now and then, but those bozos need to MYOB. He comes home and if something needs done, he just does it. No asking, begging, or cajoling needed. Now, she does do most things around the house, but she is also busy with the kid's school, volunteering and does other things and hobbies. He feels she deserves free time as much as he does. He values her and does what he can to make both of their lives easier. Now ladies, that is what a REAL partner does.

[Smithie]

I think what is "fair" depends a lot on how demanding the kids are and how demanding the husband's job is. When my son was a little baby, I asked for a lot more help. These days, when dh is working 12-hour days I don't ask for any help at all, because I can get enough sleep and keep the house clean even without his help. But no matter what, spending tine with our son comes before computer games or anything else. That is his rule as much as mine, he has limited hours with ds so he doesn't waste them doing other stuff before ds' bedtime.

When our dd is born in May, dh will have to get up with ds on weekend mornings and feed him all his meals and I'm going to try to find a weekend Gymboree class for them to take together. I might also turn over the daily vacuuming and dishes to him, unless I am physically recovered by the time his neatfreak mama goes home. And he'll definitely do a night feeding of ebm, probably I'll go to bed and he can sling dd or have her in the bassinet until he's ready for bed himself. Having a newborn is 24/7 labor for both of us.

[TinkerBelle]

I think what is "fair" depends a lot on how demanding the kids are and how demanding the husband's job is. When my son was a little baby, I asked for a lot more help. These days, when dh is working 12-hour days I don't ask for any help at all, because I can get enough sleep and keep the house clean even without his help. But no matter what, spending tine with our son comes before computer games or anything else. That is his rule as much as mine, he has limited hours with ds so he doesn't waste them doing other stuff before ds' bedtime.

When our dd is born in May, dh will have to get up with ds on weekend mornings and feed him all his meals and I'm going to try to find a weekend Gymboree class for them to take together. I might also turn over the daily vacuuming and dishes to him, unless I am physically recovered by the time his neatfreak mama goes home. And he'll definitely do a night feeding of ebm, probably I'll go to bed and he can sling dd or have her in the bassinet until he's ready for bed himself. Having a newborn is 24/7 labor for both of us.



It is totally a different story when my husband is on 6 days a week and 10 hour days, as he has been recently. But, when he works an average 7-8 hr day, he can pitch in. It is not right that I have no rest, no breaks and no time to myself, when he can just come home and flop in front of the TV from 5pm to the wee hours of the morning, like he has done on occasion. That, to me, is unacceptable.

I have done something that some might find shocking. Every once in awhile, when I know DH is not going to work on Saturday, I get up and dress, feed the boys and tell DH "Bye hon." and I leave for the day. He is not thrilled with it, but oh well. I get my batteries recharged and can think without hearing "mama" every 5 min. and crying and fighting that boys tend to do. Do not get me wrong. I love my kids and I love to spend time with them. During this Christmas break, we are going to make Daddy a t-shirt with the boy's names and handprints for a gift. We are going to bake cookies and we are going to have a nice time. But, sometimes, even Mamas need a break.

[Smithie]

I take off sometimes, too. It's good for both of them :p

[momsgotmilk4two]

I don't see it that way. It may seem that I do more, but infact I have it much easier than him. I'm the one with all the free time to see friends and pursue hobbies. I may be on call 24/7 but the actual amounts of work I do and the time it takes me is far less than the hours or work he put in. To each his own I guess.


I do think this has a lot to do with individual situations and temperments of children, etc. If you've got one kid or kids who are very spread out in age, I can see this working better. I know that our home was clean without much effort when we only had one child, once I got a good routine going. We had 3 kids in 4 years, and now they are all 5 and under. There is just no way I can take care of everything house and kid related by myself and have things the way we like them, up to our standards (we hate living in chaos or a messy house). I clean up one mess and they are already on to something else. This morning I was doing dishes and ds 3 turned out to be eating soil from a plant, spreading it all over the livingroom (yes, the plant is moved now :lol ). It is crazy around here!


Dh is a true partner. I feel like we are a team. We don't keep any score of who does what. When I am home alone with them, I do my best to keep everything running smoothly. They are all fed, changed, played with, I do homework with ds 1 who is in K, and I clean up messes and do laundry and get as much housework done as I can. When dh gets home he plays with them while I get dinner ready or go grocery shopping or whatever I need to do. There just isn't any room for slackers in a house with 3 boys ages 5, 3, and 1. He would feel like a total loser sitting on his ass while I struggled to get dinner made, take care of them, hold the baby, nurse, clean up dinner, get all three bathed and ready for bed, pick up the toys, and put them to bed. It is hard enough with two of us doing it! I really feel for single parents. I just can't comprehend having a man around who felt the need to sit down with all of that going on around him. :nut

[MommaMoo]

I echo the pp's comments. DP and I are partners, and don't keep track of who does what. If he comes home from work (typical 9-5 job) exhausted, then I'll do most of the evening chores. And he'll do more if I'm tired. However, I do change ds's diaper 99% of the time. DP still hasn't figured out cloth :lol , so I'd rather change the diaper than have it falling off his little tush. I give the baths, cut the nails, etc. DS gets passed between us a lot in the evenings and on weekends, as we take turns doing 'non-baby-friendly' things while we have free arms. DP and I split household chores, and we NEVER get on each other's case about who's turn it is to do something. A clean house is not one of the important things in life.

[marybethorama]

Dh does a lot of housework and childcare in addition to working full-time. He has always done this.

[annakiss]

Absolutely. With 2 kids, DS1 is pretty much his while DS2 is mostly mine. He's a PhD student which offers a lot of flexibility, but his brain is pretty turned off from us a lot of the time. He does most of the cooking (both lunch & dinner). I do most of the housework, but he does some. He'll do laundry if I ask, picks up tons (we both do). I'd like him to do more, to be honest, but I know I've got it better than most. Regardless, he needs to be as involved as I am when he's here, period. Not that he doesn't get his time off just like I do.

[danibu98]

Most of the time I feel like my dh makes a better mom then I do :lol . As soon as he gets home from work he spends some time with dd. Sorry if this seems like I'm bragging, I just :love my hubby.


I feel the same way! DH is many times, I feel , a better parent than I am.

[KatWrangler]

My husband definately helps at home! Right now I am able to keep up with our 21 month old (and I am 32 weeks pregnant) and keep the house clean. However, I am exhausted in the evening and as soon as Daddy walks in the door he pretty much takes over childcare duties. I do get dinnner ready to.

Hubby will clean, do laundry and load and unload the dishwasher etc. In fact he likes doing laundry. LOL Especially since we got new front load washer and dryer. He is jealous of me when I do laundry during the day. :)

Oh and when our son wakes up during the night, since I have been pregnant, he gets up with him to see what is wrong. I on the otherhand just get up to pee every 20 minutes. :(

[FreeThinkinMama]

When he's working I don't expect him to help a whole lot. I know he's tired, works long hours and I don't think it would be fair to ask him to get off work and start working a second job at home too. But then again I have explained to him that I never get any breaks, I don't get weekends off, I don't even have a set time of day that my work is done because even when she goes to bed I end up cleaning or doing something work-wise. I deserve a break too. If I'm sick or something then I do expect him to help a little, after all he's her father too and I can't do it completely alone. I would say he probably changed a couple diapers a week when he was working, and maybe watched her for an hour a week so I could take a bath or do something alone. He also spends time playing with her or reading to her.

When he's laid off like he is right now I expect everything to be 50/50. When he's working I only ask that he take out the garbage and take care of things outside as far as the chores go. But now he folds the laundry, I wash and dry it. I load the dishwasher and he unloads it etc. We both take care of dd, he even gets up with her and lets me sleep in sometimes. It's nice actually, in a way it gives me a bit of a break but then again there is more to do with an extra person in the house, more messes to clean up, more food to cook.

Anyhow, that's how we have arranged it.

[janerose]

Yes, he's pretty good about helping with dd. My only complaint in that area is that he'll play with her for awhile & then when he's tired of it just sort of ignores her. Not really ignore mind you, just not really engage with her. She whines & fusses for attention & still he ignores it. Drives me crazy. Especailly if I'm trying to do something else like cook or go to the bathroom. He thinks I should just be able to ignore it too & enjoy whatever I'm doing anyway. :nut I say it's not help if she's running to me for attention because he can't be bothered.

He VERY occasionally cooks, but usually I choose to cook because he doesn't clean up and it's more work to clean up after him usually than it is to just cook/clean myself.

He will help with household stuff if I ask. Otherwise not really. He has been scooping the litter lately because I've been asking him to. He'll change over the laundry, but won't usually fold or put it away.

Honestly, I'd be happy if he'd help with the outside stuff without having to be nagged. I ended up shoveling the sidewalk yesterday. :irked: That's not really one of my "usual" chores.

Overall though he's OK. Definitly more help than some other DH's are. It helps that he will usually do stuff if I ask him.

Holly

[SneakyPie]

from mamawanabe:
So the reason to have the dh more involed in the housecare and childcare is NOT so that "it is fair," but because it is SO important for children to see (boys especially) men involved in the work of childcare and housekeeping.

from sarah_bella1050
My dh and his brothers are living proof that this actually works. They grew up with a dad who was an excellent rolemodel and taught them that a mans work does not end when you comes home from your paying job. He always split the house work at least 50/50 and took pride in doing extra so that his wife could take a break. My dh can't understand men who come home and sit on the couch with a beer. He thinks that they are lazy and sloth like, he actually gets kind of upset when he sees that. I believe that it is so important for children (especially boys) to see this sort of thing on a daily basis, they really do learn by example.

Oh, so agree w/both the above quotes. My husband does not "help" me. My husband is an active participant in the care of his own home and the rearing of his own son. Good grief. And frankly it upsets me greatly to hear, even here on MDC, that people think it's OK to just let mothers do all the housework & childcare and anything the fathers do is "help" aka "optional." My (future) daughters are going to have to find partners eventually and it discourages me that even outside the mainstream, their potential mates are being raised to view them as nothing but caretakers!

(Assuming they are het, which I don't know of course, disclaimer done :down .)

[darien]

Even considering the wide variety of responses here, my situation seems a little weird-- my dh is TOO involved with housework, but almost uninvolved with parenting.

Right now I am a SAHM, but even when I was also working ft, everything relating to parenting has always been "mine"-- unless I specifically asked dh for help.

We always have both contributed to house/yard work and cooking. Dh's mom is the queen of PineSol and Pledge, so he has high standards for housework! This is an issue in our house, because dh thinks my standards aren't high enough. I'll admit that I'm no Donna Reed-- I'm the type to go have fun with the kids and clean up later.

He's the type to refuse to join in the fun. Instead he'll either go do his own (fun) activity while muttering about what a wreck the house is, or he'll start the housework himself, glowering until I'm guilted into starting cleaning too.

My dh works hard, and I appreciate that. Maybe he does do more than his fair share (he thinks so). But HE helps around the house when HE feels like it, without having to deal with the kids. I'm trying to nurse, entertain, supervise, homeschool, chauffeur, run errands, AND keep the house clean!

What really makes me sad is that he seems to value taking good care of the house higher than taking good care of our boys. Sigh.

[FreeThinkinMama]

from mamawanabe:
So the reason to have the dh more involed in the housecare and childcare is NOT so that "it is fair," but because it is SO important for children to see (boys especially) men involved in the work of childcare and housekeeping.

from sarah_bella1050
My dh and his brothers are living proof that this actually works. They grew up with a dad who was an excellent rolemodel and taught them that a mans work does not end when you comes home from your paying job. He always split the house work at least 50/50 and took pride in doing extra so that his wife could take a break. My dh can't understand men who come home and sit on the couch with a beer. He thinks that they are lazy and sloth like, he actually gets kind of upset when he sees that. I believe that it is so important for children (especially boys) to see this sort of thing on a daily basis, they really do learn by example.

Oh, so agree w/both the above quotes. My husband does not "help" me. My husband is an active participant in the care of his own home and the rearing of his own son. Good grief. And frankly it upsets me greatly to hear, even here on MDC, that people think it's OK to just let mothers do all the housework & childcare and anything the fathers do is "help" aka "optional." My (future) daughters are going to have to find partners eventually and it discourages me that even outside the mainstream, their potential mates are being raised to view them as nothing but caretakers!

(Assuming they are het, which I don't know of course, disclaimer done :down .)


If your husband works outside of the home then he is not a full time active participant, call it what you want but he is pitching in part-time while you do it full-time. It doesn't have to be the woman who does this. I think it's whoever is best suited for the job. My brother in law stays at home with the kids while my sister in law works. I think as long as she's working that he should be responsible for the majority of the work at home. It's unfair to ask her to come home and take over and do everything after she just got off work. After all, she doesn't ask him to go to her work and do her job. This is not a sexist thing, it's about fairness. I am not talking about the working parent spending quality time with their child either, that is not work. I'm talking about household chores etc.

[SneakyPie]

The original question was about caring for children. And with nighttime parenting being what it is around here and counted in, both parents in this house can (and do) EASILY work "full-time" at caring for children. As for the condescending comment "Call it what you want" after which you then go on to call my life what YOU want to call it (not your right) -- I guess you don't have to believe that a family can include both parents doing equivalent childrearing (which, for us, is in fact work) even when one works for income more hours than the other does. But that is what happens at our house and we agree that it works well for our family.

[FreeThinkinMama]

"The original question was about caring for children."

then why did you bring up house work here:


"And frankly it upsets me greatly to hear, even here on MDC, that people think it's OK to just let mothers do all the housework & childcare and anything the fathers do is "help"

To me that was condescending, you basically implied that I (and others) are being sexist when that's not the case at all. Nobody said that the woman has to be the one to stay at home. Many men are wonderful stay at home parents.

Finally, the only way I can see both parents doing "equivalent childrearing" is if they have a situation like a previous poster mentioned where one parent works a night shift and the other works the day shift so they are both getting equal time with the child. That's not usually the case and it doesn't sound like yours. If one person is working 8-12 hours per day and the other person is at home 24/7 that only leaves a few hours for the working person to take care of the children and house cleaning.

[Sharlla]

Yep, my DH stayed at home for 2 years and loved it. I will be going back to work again probably when the baby is older and DH will be at home again. Now while he stayed home I did the majority of the house work still. He kept it tidy, but I was still the one to do the dishes, and maintenance cleaing. I like doing housework and like things tidy, where as he couldn't care less. But he played a more active roll in the childcare. I worked nights and slept during the day. Many times in the afternoons I did errands ect. If you work 10 hours + and you sleep for 8, that really doesn't leave much time for anything else.

[Storm Bride]

DH comes home from work and is "on" with dd and ds2...and ds1, for that matter (he's 12, so it's a bit different). He changes diapers, takes dd for her nap, checks in on ds1's homework/chores, holds ds2...whatever. I make dinner, do most of the laundry (during the day - makes sense to me) and most of the general cleaning. DH is legally blind and can't see the dirt on the floor, counter, etc.

If I'm having a bad day, or have too much to do (Christmas stuff, for example), dh will jump in and make dinner. He couldn't cook when he moved in with me, but I was working and he wasn't, so he did everything. He's become quite a talented chef.

I don't think there's anything, except cleaning (floors, windows, mirrors, toilets, stove, etc.) that he doesn't do, and he only misses that because of his eyesight.

I think he works harder than I do, to be honest. But, he also gets his naps most evenings. He gets up early for work, so I like to make sure he gets enough sleep, especially as he cycles to work. I don't like to think of him biking along and getting hit by a car because he was too tired to be aware of what's going on around him...

[graciesma]

No, not really at all and to be honest I am planning on leaving after our trip to his familys for x mas I already have my ticket and I hate the fact that he totally represented himself as a capable father then never came through. I will not raise my dd around someone who doesnt seem too notice if shes there or not. I am bitter and I am leaving in the night or while hes at work because he will not want me to go. I have to for my own sanity. Raising children should be a time in you lives that you can enjoying and sometimes not so much anjoy togrther

[RubyWild]

I wouldn't say he "helps." I'd say he does his share. He spend a lot of alone time with our Dd when he's off work, gives me time to myself, and does his share of the household duties. Our feeling has always been that when he comes home, then it's time for me to get a break.

[JJOlove]

Not unless I ask him for help. Sometimes I find it so frustrating that I have to ask him to give me a hand with the kids. On the other hand, he works so hard and such long hours that I feel that I should maybe just "suck it up". I hope to be able to find a better balance after I start doing childcare in my home. That way, I'll be able to help with finances and my hubby won't have to work so hard.

[The Lucky One]

My dh doesn't cook, bathe or put them to bed, but he does play with them a ton when he comes home and that is sure a help to me as it frees me up to do the things I cannot do when he isn't here.

He really enjoys spending time with them. I cannot fathom a father who doesn't help out some.

[MommyDOK]

THis reminds me of a Simpsons episode. Marge is leaving the house and Homer says, "I can't take care of the kids. I'm the father."

I understand your frustration. My dh helps w/ the kids, but he doesn't do much else--- I do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping etc. I'd have a heart to heart and use a counselor if necessary.

[Hazelnut]

Does anyone else find that a spouse who is an active parent is not always so active at "helping" with chores? I don't expect him to walk through the door and wash dishes, like I do expect him to walk through the door and be a parent. But I do want him to pitch in sometimes. I do most of the household work because I'm here and frankly I'm just a neater person, but it's a neverending process and often impossible to get done when I'm alone with two kids, so I don't think it's fair that I have to do 100% of it. The longer I'm a Sahm, the more we seem to fall into this rut, and I find it very frustrating. He cooks, but probably hasn't done a load of laundry in years. It bugs me that he can't just, on a weekend, see that it's full and DO IT.

[Sharlla]

I guess it just depends on how your system works. For us the housework is my *job* while his job is working out of the home. But if it's set up that he has to do housework then he should certainly take more initiative to do it. Now if I asked him to do something (usually carry stuff or get me something) he will do it, but I never ask him to do housework, usually it's don't by the time he gets home anyway, and dinner clean up doesn't take that long.

It seems that if I had him doing housework, it would be more of a power struggle thing (I'm not your maid, so you are going to start doing stuff around here ect.) than an actual *need* for help. I gave up that power struggle thing long ago, I don't need help, and I'm not going to make my life miserable trying to fight for something that I don't care about.

He always thanks me for what I do. He tells me that he appriciates me when he hears that I'm up at 4 AM with a fussy baby. I get a kiss and a "I love you, thanks" when I serve him dinner. That's all I need. Maybe the fact that I don't feel taken advantage of, is why it's such a non issue for me.

[UnschoolnMa]

My kids are older now so him "helping with the kids" isn't really needed. But when they were younger he did come home and help with various stuff and play with them. It's part of parenthood. :shrug

I never have thought that my Dh should have to come home and clean the house or cook a big meal after working all day. I try to have something ready to heat up in the microwave for him to eat and we just hang out together unless we have somewhere to go that night.

[Hazelnut]

I guess I see it differently. I stay home to take care of my kids, not to be a housekeeper. Sure, a large part of it is part and parcel with being a SAHM, but I do plenty and expend a great deal of energy keeping the house clean and tidy, picked up, doing laundry, changing sheets weekly, running errands, keeping track of things, paying bills on time, shopping for inexpensive clothes, etc. etc. But I just don't have time to do ALL the heavy duty cleaning while caring for two kids under three and getting breaks so I don't go crazy. Maybe it's because I work from home very part-time, but there are many long stretches where I don't and feel the same way. I share the surprise a pp did on an earlier page, that so many people claim that all housework is their job. It's just so endless and often menial. It never feels like an equal relationship if I'm doing all of it or cleaning up after him.

[Sharlla]

I don't clean up after him. He puts his stuff where it belongs, dishes go in the sink, trash goes in the trash ect. But I do the cooking, dishes, mop, sweep, vacuum, ect. All stuff that I would be doing whether I was married with kids or single. Everyone here cleans up after themselves, ds1 puts his toys up, does his own roo, dishes in sink ect.

I guess it's all relative, and depends on so many different things. My house is rarely dirty and I don't feel that I put that much effort to keeping it that way. Like today I just did a little pickup, breakfast and lunch dishes, made bed, rounded up laundry to take off, and vacuuming, and really that only took about 45 mins total. All the while being able to check my messages between time. But for someone who has a bunch of little kids and a slobby DH might not have it so easy.

Another reason this is easy for me is because I did this for a living (cleaning houses and also being a caregiver) I also grew up taking care of the house, so it's just second nature to me.

[Hazelnut]

Well my spouse isn't slobby, but I find the more that I do all the cleaning, the easier it is for him to take it for granted and leave stuff around, and I consider washing his dishes and clothes cleaning up after him. It's just a syndrome I don't want to get mired in. He works hard too, but keeping things clean is a way of life and I don't want to be the only one doing it. I miss having more free time, and I feel less entitled to it if I feel like it all rests on my shoulders. I also want my son to see us sharing duties.

[TinkerBelle]

I don't clean up after him. He puts his stuff where it belongs, dishes go in the sink, trash goes in the trash ect. But I do the cooking, dishes, mop, sweep, vacuum, ect. All stuff that I would be doing whether I was married with kids or single. Everyone here cleans up after themselves, ds1 puts his toys up, does his own roo, dishes in sink ect.

I guess it's all relative, and depends on so many different things. My house is rarely dirty and I don't feel that I put that much effort to keeping it that way. Like today I just did a little pickup, breakfast and lunch dishes, made bed, rounded up laundry to take off, and vacuuming, and really that only took about 45 mins total. All the while being able to check my messages between time. But for someone who has a bunch of little kids and a slobby DH might not have it so easy.

Another reason this is easy for me is because I did this for a living (cleaning houses and also being a caregiver) I also grew up taking care of the house, so it's just second nature to me.



If your husband is appreciative of you and cleans up after himself and your kids do too, then it is totally different than a mama who does it all, with little ones underfoot and a husband who comes home, flops down on his butt and does nothing else, leaving his dishes and clothes everywhere. And especially when it is a mama who works and still has to do it all. That is highly unfair.

You dear, were blessed with a man who was raised right. That his wife is not his personal servant. You are also instilling this in your children.

[Nature]

Ahha! I found this post again just to let you all know that my dh is now finally doing something!! :thumb It may not seem like much, BUT... for the past 4 nights he has been taking dd2 and laying down with her in bed until she falls asleep. I bathe her, and read to her, and nurse her. Then she goes to snuggle with daddy. She whines for a few minutes because its new to her, but overall she falls asleep much more quickly with him than she does with me. This is now going to be his new "job" as we move from having 1 baby in the house, to two!

I'm amazed at how much happier I am with him, just by having him do this ONE thing! Seriously. Its not just that I don't have to do it. Its that it feels like he is doing something too. The responsibility is not all on my shoulders. I have to say.. it feels great. And it makes me find all those mushy feelings I have for him instead of just the resentful ones. :throb

[Hazelnut]

I know! Isn't that funny? I don't think men realize how much an aphrosisiac it is to see them scrubbing the toilet or gently interacting with the kids. It's the thought behind it.

[Nature]

It took him 10 minutes to get her to sleep tonight. 10 minutes!!!! I think I'm in love. :lol :love

[VictorianMom]

does your dh help you with the kid(s) after he gets home from work?

Just curious as mine doesnt and when i mention it to my sahm friends they say that its a load of BS. however my son naps for 6 hrs a day (3 2hr naps) and i get a break when he naps so *I* dont feel its unreasonable for my dh to be able to rest and relax when he gets home as he only has a 30 min lunch at work.

Thank you :)


Yes my dh helps with the running of the household, on his days off he cooks dinner and breakfast(he enjoys cooking). He will help with housework(won't do laundry).
Friends ask where I found him,cause their dh's don't lift a finger..

[wurzelkind]

I wish my dh was more involved w/our daughter!!
He's self-employed and works like a horse every day - he leaves at 8a.m. and tries to return at 7:30p.m. to share dd's bedtime routine w/me. Most of the time though he returns at 8p.m. or even later!

Luckily there's no need for him to help me w/the household since we live as one big family w/my MIL and FIL which is great! My job is it do all the laundry and help my MIL to cook (assembling the table, etc.) and I make dinner most of the time (we only eat bread w/ham, cheese, etc. for dinner, lunch is when we eat a hot meal), we don't need to clean the house since we have a cleaning woman coming every two weeks. So household chores are shared as far as possible.
And of course I take care of dd, but there are times when my ILs do that for me - like when I have a doctor's appintment, etc. But neither of them would understand if I wanted to go alone anywhere else (like to the library, into town, to drink a coffee and such)

Everything will have to change tough when I start an apprenticeship this coming September. I am traing to be an office manager and will work from 7:30a.m. - 5p.m. DD will be at a waldorf daycare during the morning (until 1p.m.) and my ILs will take care of her afterwards. Our plan is though to move out until the end of the year so there won't be anymore someone (resp. my MIL) to take care of cooking, grocery shopping and such and I am a bit anxious :innocent

There are times when I am really frustrated that noone understands and is willing to give me a dd-off-time (tough I get that every monday and wednesday afternoon when I go into town by train to visit my therapist) but on the other hand I know that my DH is working that hard to pay off MY debts! :love

[geekmediainc]

My DH and I both work from home for our business... he leaves the home to see clients for most of everyday and I have charge of the children.

I have to say that I am a very lucky woman. He helps with the children, will get up in the middle of the night, does his share of laundry, cooking and the dishes.

Some husbands help and some don't. I count my lucky stars on a regular basis that I found one that does. Things might be different in our home if I didn't bring in some bacon, but I really doubt it. The times that I go out for coffee nights, I think he realizes just how hard it is (especially when the two little ones are 18mo apart).

[wurzelkind]

No, not really at all and to be honest I am planning on leaving after our trip to his familys for x mas I already have my ticket and I hate the fact that he totally represented himself as a capable father then never came through. I will not raise my dd around someone who doesnt seem too notice if shes there or not. I am bitter and I am leaving in the night or while hes at work because he will not want me to go. I have to for my own sanity. Raising children should be a time in you lives that you can enjoying and sometimes not so much anjoy togrther


I feel very sorry for you and your daughter that your husband seems to be so unaffect of what's going on around him. :greensad
May I ask if you left him after christmas? It's already 2006 now so it might have already been a while. Where can you stay? How's your daughter coping with the new situation? And you as well?! How old is your daughther BTW?

I am lucky that my husband (though he's working loads) will stand by my side come what may! :throb
If you need someone so talk to or anything else, please feel free to pm me! :thumbsup

[DoubleOven]

:tiphat:

[loraxc]

I am of the school that believes that we both work all day (I get a break while DD naps, true, but I am often doing housework or other "life maintenance" at that time and DH gets an hour lunch break) and that when we're both home, the work should be split evenly.

DH pretty much takes DD as soon as he's home. He gives her dinner and her bath and puts her to bed while I make dinner, have a short break, and clean up and do chores. On the weekends we both pitch in to do childcare and whatever cleaning was not done during the week; we also try to have outings together as a family then and to make occasional "alone time" for each of us.

My Dh has always been very involved, and his incredible relationship with his daughter speaks for itself. :throb I absolutely wouldn't have it any other way. The rewards are huge.

[MAMom]

Well, yes, but I absolutely don't think of it as "help".

DH is a parent, and we co-parent our DS (and soon-to-arrive DD).

He works outside the home at a paying job from 8-6, and I work at home from 8-6, raising our DS & doing household tasks. Both of us work really, really hard.

When DH gets home, neither of us gets much of a "break". One of us cooks dinner while the other plays with DS & maybe does some chores (usually I choose to make dinner). Dinner around 7:30, then someone cleans up from dinner, maybe does another thing or 2 and then it's time to get DS ready for bed. Then we all go to bed.

We try to allow each other equal "alone time" (which doesn't equate to much) whether that is weeknights after work or on the weekends. And every once in a while, we actually get to go out alone just the 2 of us :)

___________________________________
SAHM to a spectacular little boy, born 5/2003 :bf:xnocirc: :+ Feb 2006!
"When you teach your son, you teach your son's son." ~ The Talmud

[IamCoupongirl]

He reads the girls their bedtime stories and tucks them in (after I've done the pj/bathroom/tidy the bedroom/pick out your stories routine), but that's about all I can really count on, unless I specifically ask for help...on a specific task....

[becca011906]

DH works a very odd shift like every other weekend on and off then 2 days durring the week.... he works 8AM to 8PM so when he's working i really can't expect him to play with the kids b/c they are usally in bed by the time he gets home... but not on the weekends.... he will play the playstation with ds help with flash card, reading ect, he'll do puzzles and stories and pretend play with abigail and he'll brush her hair out and get her jamies on her most of the time after bath... with allie he will play with her as well. He doesn't do diapers, cleaning, bathing, ect. he will if i ask him with out complaining but i have to ask to get him to help.... he does outside stuff when it's summer like mowing the yard, watering my plants, helping my pull weeds, ect. he also takes care of feeding the dogs most of the time. I think we are pretty even in what we do even though i do a lot more around the house... he does make the income that makes me able to stay at home ... JMO! :)

[Rmeg]

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