how did you get comfortable with your doula

[Rebekah]

I'm leaning heavily toward having a doula during labor and birth. I've found someone that I liked (she and I have talked on the phone and I've checked out her website). My only concern is what it will feel like to have someone that I don't know very well during such an intense and intimate time. Did any of you have this concern? Was it an issue during labor/birth? If so, what would you have done differently?

[marymom]

That is my biggest personal concern with clients, and I would hope theirs too but birth seems to be so impersonal these days some moms look at me crazy when I suggest that we spend time and hang out together, I like to visit each others' houses, do a snack together, be it hot tea or water by the pool, have a few activities together within my mommies' homegrounds, Ive done bookstore outings where we looked at books together, done CBE classes., gone swimming and for walks, babysat , grocery shopping together...
...and we have a group of mommies some prego, some with babies, who get together and talk about EVERYthing, and I go to that and sugest that my clients go, it really helps to get to know each other, and also to form support with other mommmies-
Your doula may have only a set time she wishes to spend with you prior to your labour, I dont know, if what she has for you works ...then GREAT! If not shop around,

[loved]

The other thing I'd like to say is that (if you're having your baby in the hospital) chances are you will have 2-6 strangers walk in your labor room - people you have never met before in your life...
Your doula will not be a stranger - she will be your advocate, your servant, your support, hopefully whatever you need from her she'll have it.
If you have a connection with this woman - go with it. You and she will develop a freindship and understanding before this very personal and important event.

Good luck!
Lesley

[elaine]

yeah, I highly suggest having your doulas come to a couple prenatals with you or something.

I find that women I consider the best doulas have a calming serene manner. Just a smile from them can be so soothing. If you don't feel sincerity from them, it may not be a good match.

For me, my main doula was my childbirth educator. And my doula in training is a friend of 5 years and took the class with me.

[Jennifer H]

I e-mailed and telephone interviewed more than 10 doulas (I live in the SF Bay Area and we have a lot to choose from). From those interviews I figured out who I thought had the credentials and experience that was a minimum for me.

DH and I then interviewed three in person. The one we picked is not the one I thought I would from the phone interview, but she is the one that DH and I both clicked with immediately. I felt like she had been a good friend for a lifetime.

We didn't have a ton of time together (three in person visits and a billion phone calls in my 41st week), but because we had such great chemistry it didn't matter at all!! In the LDR, I didn't feel at all like she was a stranger. The nurse and midwife we had were great too and really kept the strangers down to a minimum at the hospital.

So, I'd say choosing someone you feel super comfortable with from the beginning is a good way to get over this feeling!

[Angiemama]

My last client and I really took a liking to here right away. WE stayed in contact via eamil, I visted their home a few times, attended 2 prenatlas, she came over here once and I also performed her blesisng way. It was really special and I was honered she asked me.

[LizD]

I had similar feelings before my first daughter was born, about having my friends come with me, and erred on the side of caution, and didn't invite any of them. I wish I had, because it would have been better. I think the doula relationship is even easier - she's still a professional, but your own personal professional. I am a doula now and try hard to be warm and present but also maintain the ability to fade out if that's what's needed. (a "check my ego at the door" kind of thing). The doula is there to protect your intimacy, not detract from it, and that's what she's trained to do. I highly recommend you have one, especially if it is a hospital birth. good luck!

[fourlittlebirds]

Everyone has different needs during birth -- with my first birth I had four people attend, with my second I cut it down to three, and with my third just one. For me, less is absolutely, unquestionably better. BUT, I totally agree with Loved that if you are going to be in the hospital you will have to deal with people who are far stranger to you than your doula anyway! I mean, how does it feel to have a doctor or midwife involved in such an intimate act? You've already agreed to that, so if your privacy is important to you, it is already compromised to an extent. You probably look on the birth attendants more as a tool than anything, and you could just as well look on your doula as one too.

If I were birthing in the hospital, I would definitely want one. However, I would sit down with her (as much as possible) before the birth and talk about my expectations of her, i.e., whether I wanted her to act as a coach, comforter, gofer, go-between, advocate, etc.

[Miss Kitty]

I chose a nurse/friend who trained in ob/gyn. She went to all my prenatals, my classes, everything with me. She was terrific in labor and delivery and my OB has since referred several other moms to her.
I think the one thing I can say about her over having had my husband is even though her child was a c-section she seemed to know what I needed to hear every step of the way. Plus she knew the right questions to ask the nurses.
I had a 10lb.3oz baby boy in 8 hours with 4 stitches and only cried once, when it was all over. It was truly wonderful and I could not have done it without her.