merpk
01-17-2003, 02:24 AM
Got this e-mail from my only other AP list ... very cute ... but figuring out what mama had enough to time compose it floors me ... must've been her husband, with all that time they save not having to feed the baby :D ...
Definitions of breastfeeding terms:
Boob Lift - The unconscious lifting of one's breasts to check which is fuller. May be done at any time regardless of where you are or whom you're talking to, grocery sackers and priests notwithstanding.
Nursing Flip - The action of adjusting you and your baby to make ready for nursing. This means moving your tee-shirt off your butt, doing the "boob-lift", putting the baby in the crook of your arm and unlatching your bra, all in about 15 seconds, with no attention taken away from your previous task.
Wet-Nurse Syndrome - The unconscious urge to nurse any fussy baby you happen to be holding; you may be engaged in casual converstion while holding your neighbor's baby, she fusses and you do the "nursing flip," your neighbor looks at you shocked, "oh my, she must be hungry," you mumble as you pass her infant back. *A side-effect of this is the "breastmilk
fixes everything" philosophy. Actually pumping your milk for the stray kitten you found, under the rational that, of course, human milk is better than cow milk for a starving kitten. You may also find yourself using breastmilk for your family's various wounds: "Got a sore, earache or zit? Put some breastmilk on it, that'll fix it.'' (least that's what they say, can't hurt)
Boobie Wrangling - The acrobatics your toddler does while nursing, including but not limited to flips, headstands, & taffypulls, all while surrounded by relatives who believe that baby should have been weaned months ago. The benefit of this exercise is that you can now nurse your child while each of you lie on your backs.
Twiddling - What happens if everyone fails to mention that your baby caressing your other breast while nursing is NOT sweet. Never, never let your baby know that you can possibly have two breasts at the same time. Always keep the unused breast covered, lest you want your little nursling to use it as her favorite toy. This becomes a habit quick, heed our warning.
The Steal - The act of removing your nipple from your already sleeping baby's mouth so that you may roll over or sneak out of bed for some midnight internet use. Typically takes 2 or 3 tries to succeed.
Just a Sip - When your now-walking baby comes to you, lifts your shirt, grabs a drink to refuel him/herself for 10 more minutes of play. This act of helping themselves is a show of independence for them, and a show of breast for everyone else in the room.
Car Surfing - What you are doing when you strategically hover your breast over the baby's car seat while daddy drives down the interstate, ignoring your butt in the rearview mirror.
Ecstasy Eyes - Picture this: baby is screaming at your feet while you are talking on the phone, cooking dinner, and getting a band-aid for your toddler. You finally sit and pick up the baby to nurse, and she goes from screaming wildly to rolling her eyes to the back of her head in ecstacy in only a few seconds.
Kneading - The act of dang near maiming your breast tissue while your adorable (and sharp nailed) little one nurses. This can result in your breast looking like you've just nursed a baby kitten.
Definitions of breastfeeding terms:
Boob Lift - The unconscious lifting of one's breasts to check which is fuller. May be done at any time regardless of where you are or whom you're talking to, grocery sackers and priests notwithstanding.
Nursing Flip - The action of adjusting you and your baby to make ready for nursing. This means moving your tee-shirt off your butt, doing the "boob-lift", putting the baby in the crook of your arm and unlatching your bra, all in about 15 seconds, with no attention taken away from your previous task.
Wet-Nurse Syndrome - The unconscious urge to nurse any fussy baby you happen to be holding; you may be engaged in casual converstion while holding your neighbor's baby, she fusses and you do the "nursing flip," your neighbor looks at you shocked, "oh my, she must be hungry," you mumble as you pass her infant back. *A side-effect of this is the "breastmilk
fixes everything" philosophy. Actually pumping your milk for the stray kitten you found, under the rational that, of course, human milk is better than cow milk for a starving kitten. You may also find yourself using breastmilk for your family's various wounds: "Got a sore, earache or zit? Put some breastmilk on it, that'll fix it.'' (least that's what they say, can't hurt)
Boobie Wrangling - The acrobatics your toddler does while nursing, including but not limited to flips, headstands, & taffypulls, all while surrounded by relatives who believe that baby should have been weaned months ago. The benefit of this exercise is that you can now nurse your child while each of you lie on your backs.
Twiddling - What happens if everyone fails to mention that your baby caressing your other breast while nursing is NOT sweet. Never, never let your baby know that you can possibly have two breasts at the same time. Always keep the unused breast covered, lest you want your little nursling to use it as her favorite toy. This becomes a habit quick, heed our warning.
The Steal - The act of removing your nipple from your already sleeping baby's mouth so that you may roll over or sneak out of bed for some midnight internet use. Typically takes 2 or 3 tries to succeed.
Just a Sip - When your now-walking baby comes to you, lifts your shirt, grabs a drink to refuel him/herself for 10 more minutes of play. This act of helping themselves is a show of independence for them, and a show of breast for everyone else in the room.
Car Surfing - What you are doing when you strategically hover your breast over the baby's car seat while daddy drives down the interstate, ignoring your butt in the rearview mirror.
Ecstasy Eyes - Picture this: baby is screaming at your feet while you are talking on the phone, cooking dinner, and getting a band-aid for your toddler. You finally sit and pick up the baby to nurse, and she goes from screaming wildly to rolling her eyes to the back of her head in ecstacy in only a few seconds.
Kneading - The act of dang near maiming your breast tissue while your adorable (and sharp nailed) little one nurses. This can result in your breast looking like you've just nursed a baby kitten.