OT--friend's loss

[ktkb]

I found out yesterday that an "online" friend lost her pg at about 8 weeks. I am so sad for her. :(

It sounds odd to say that I feel connected to her considering we've never met IRL and probably never will. But our kids are about 3 weeks apart; I've been reading her blog for more than 2 years; we share a lot in terms of parenting philosophy (much moreso than most of my "real life" friends) and have emailed back and forth since our kids were born about this and that. She's been very open and brave in her blog about all kinds of things--she's posted stuff in a public forum; I know I would never be so brave in a transparent way.

Anyway, I want to "do" something for her, but I don't know what kind of gesture I can make. Obviously her husband will support her, and if I had to guess her mom will come this weekend to take care of her and be with her toddler during the d&c.

What would you do? Or, what would you want done for you?

The one idea I've come up with so far (other than a box of chocolates :o ) is a cookbook (she is a big garderner and cook--or was in "life before toddler" :down ) called Cooking from the Heart, in which well known chefs contributed recipes and personal stories and a large percentage of the profits to go Share Our Strength.

If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Thanx

[mamameg]

In this kind of situation, doing something for her that she will enjoy is the best, I think. I think the cookbook is a great idea. :)

And I'm sorry for your friend's loss, as well as yours. I have onine friends too and its amazing the connection we can feel with people we've never met IRL. It's real. :hug

[ktkb]

Megan,

Thanks for your reply. I did send her the cookbook, hopefully she'll have it in a few days (yay, Amazon ;) ).

You know, I never thought of it as a loss for myself, but I realize that you are correct....I was so excited for her, but also that our pregnancies would overlap again. We had already discussed nursing through pg/tandem nursing, etc.

I'll just have to gear up for sending her baby dust when she and her dh are back to ttc. :)

[mamameg]

Yeah, I think we always share in the loss when a friend of family member loses a baby, especially in a circumstance like you described. That baby, born or unborn, is a member of our community, and we all miss out when the life slips away.

I know very much how you are feeling because coincidentally, I also have a friend who just lost her baby at ~8 weeks. She has always been a parenting role model for me, as she already has 3 children and handles herself so well with them. She's a LLL leader, has her kids in Waldorf, extended bf'ing, positive discipline... I learned a lot about how I wanted to do things by talking with her. She was so excited for me when I became pg with and gave birth to my DD and it was fun to finally be able to talk with her about my own experiences. This time around, we were actaully pg *together* :bouncy and the thought of that was really fun and joyous for both of us. Now we are mourning the loss of her child together. :( It's very sad, but she has actually, once again, been a role model to me, as she has been very balanced about the whole thing and has amazing prespective on the situation. Death is just as much a part of living as successful preganancies and births. And I think we're all the healthier for it if we can truly accept and embrace that.

Sounds like you and your friend have a true, caring connection. You are lucky to have one another and I'm sure you will be sharing smiles and good times again soon. :hug