*Normal* homebirthing worries??

[Devida]

Hi ladies,

I could really appreciate some insight and support with something - I am 6 months pregnant and have found a lovely midwife, stacks of experience whom I think the world of and for the most part I am looking forward to a natural homebirth...however, I have nagging doubts which have surfaced which are weighing me down at the moment :(

My Mum is coming over to be with us for the birth (from the UK) and although she hasn't outright said it, I think she is not 100% happy with my having a homebirth...I mentioned to her the other day that the MW said I was measuring about 2 weeks bigger than my due date, which I am not worried about - my daughter was 9lb 1oz and I managed to birth her without intervention or drugs...I am kinda expecting that this little guy will be bnig too - but Mum asked me if I am going to be monitored to keep an eye on his size? and if he is a big baby - should I really have him at home? and it has just knocked my confidence - and made me worry about having Mum at the birth, when potentially it may make me nervous that I am doing the wrong thing when in labor.

Has anyone else had this experience? How did you handle it? I don't know whether to talk to her now and let her know that I need her to be a rock and supportive for me, not undermine me...

Dee
x

[amygoforth]

Wow -- tough delimma. My mom was not AT ALL in favor of my decision to have a homebirth, so there was no way I could have had her with me. She would have shaken my faith in myself by just standing around crying and looking worried (I can totally picture this).

So, what should you do with your mom? If she is, in fact, not 100% supportive of your choice, you run the risk of seeing it in her face or feeling her negative energy -- even if she just stands by and watches. Can you suggest she give you your space while you labor? Basically stay away from you? Can you stay in seperate parts of your home? For example, I labored mainly in my bedroom and bathroom. I only ventured out into the living room when my mw suggested a change of scenery.

Oh, and you can birth a big baby... our bodies very very rarly grow babies larger than we can push out.

[JanetF]

Yikes I would pay my mother to stay away from a home birth LOL. The "big baby" thing is such a myth. The numbers of women I know who've been dx with the mythical CPD in hospitals, only to push out much larger babies at home is huge! Babies heads mold, and pelvises swing open like gates. Try this to reassure you :) Great decision to have the safest birth possible!

http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/pelvis.asp

[Aka mommy]

My mother was against my choice to homebirth even though her younger sister had 5 children at home. My mother never chose to educate herself since she had her 5 children herself at a hossy with medications.

I took her to a midwife appt to break the ice and then i gave her a job at the birth. I made it clear that i *needed* her to care for my 2 yo dd at the birth and to help out with making sure dh was fed. Once she realized that was her part of the birth it seemed to help. She still will say a few comments about how she felt like she was treated badly by my mw's (she wasnt) but i let it slide. I had a posterior baby at home and my mother said she's proud of me and amazed at my strength. I havent heard a word about risking the babies life or her wanting me to transfer. If you feel the need to have her there, give her a job and discuss her worried beforehand. Explain that you dont want any mental baggage brought through the door. She may even surprise you. Good luck and happy birthing vibes!

[melamama]

I was very concerned about my mother's energy when I was planning my first homebirth--so I asked that she fly out after.
When I had my second, she came out for the birth with the assigned "job" of tending to my dd. I don't think we even woke her up until ds was born.

I would definitely talk with your mother now about being 100% supportive of you (whether she feels it 100% or not).

That said, she is your mother and maybe her questions are because she is concerned about you (her child), and she doesn't know all the important birth/hb facts that you do--that empower you and make it clear that homebirth is a safe choice.
I would gently educate her with the clear thought in mind that if she doesn't come around to a point that you feel that she's completely on board for your homebirth, she not be near you during labor/birthing. You don't need to be in your head (or her's) during labor.

9lbs is a nice baby size :) not too big at all.

[2+twins]

I think you need to talk to your mom if you plan to have her there at all. Yes, let her know that she needs to be a rock, that you've thoroughly researched this decision and know it to be the safest. And also that IF your baby is rather large, your chances of a vaginal birth are far greater at home where you'll be free to move and assume any position that feels right, vs. having someone in the hospital try to keep you flat on your back in bed and then pulling or cutting the baby out when it miraculously "can't" fit. :irked:

[orangefoot]

Hello from far away!

Does your mum know that hospitals over where you are are not like they are here? Is she thinking that you could have a nice hospital birth without too much intervention the way that lots of people do here? Maybe she's thinking that a quick labour and three days in an old fashioned town hospital would be good for you as you have a little one at home already? In Oxfordshire you can stay in 3 places like this which lots of mums really love as the people who work there are lovely.

I know the cs rate is going up here but it is nowhere near the US. Does she know that the minute you walk through the door things might get complicated? Surely she doesn't want to spend time with you and your family recovering from a cs?

Do you really need her at the birth? would she be more help a week or so later when your new reality kicks in? If you really want her at the birth for support you will have to let her know that support is what you need not any comments or negativity.

[bratmobile]

:hugs for you. I think both of my parents are skeptical about my hopes for a home birth. I dread talking with them because they will not do any research of their own-just repeat unsubstantiated worries over and over. It would be really stressful to have either of them at my birth-they are planning to come visit us and be in our TINY 1 bedroom house. I really hope that their visit is post-birth.

If you feel close enough to your mother that you would want her at your birth in the first place, do you feel she would be open to learning more about the reality of safety and homebirth? Otherwise, I think it is best to surround yourself with support and try to have the birth that you want.

[mamatoady]

Ok, if your midwife has "stacks of experiece", then she also must have "stacks of statistics" right? Ask her how big her biggest baby was. My midwifes biggest baby was almost 13 pounds and another midwife in town here delivered a baby over 13 pounds. I was also told that if your baby does get bigger that its NOT in their head, it's in the rest of them...you know the part that "slides right out". And in the event of shoulder distocia, most midwives with any experience know exactly what to do and it isn't a problem...however, in a hospital...the the cutting room you go!

Do you want your mom there? If you really don't, it's ok to take the power and tell her that. It's not as though you have to direct it on her. Say that the midwife suggests having no more than x amount of people at the birth, or if she's watching your other child, request they go somewhere "because you don't want your dd/ds there...they can go to the park, go swimming at a hotel, go shopping for new baby or whatever.

I, personally don't want my mom or MIL here and they will know it. Dh, apparently was not aware of this because he was thinking i'd be upstairs laboring and there'd be a big ol party going on downstairs....OVER MY DEAD BODY. They better not make a noise and be at my beck and call!

sarah