OH MY G*D....switching to homebirth at 24weeks

[squeakermansmom]

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We have been planning all along on a hospital birth with an OB and latley i've had a bug up my b*tt to do a homebirth. always wanted to do it, but 1) dh is worried about the safety aspect and 2) i have flashbacks of the horrific back labor i had with ds b/c he was posterior. but....today we met with the homebirth midwife and i think we're going to do it. HOLY CRAP!!!! i'm excited, but nervous. anyone else feel like homebirth is the right decision for them, but still feel a bit apprehensive??? maybe its just that it hasn't sunk in yet for me.

oh yeah, i have NO IDEA how i'm going to tell the OB i work with (the one that's been my OB so far) that i'm leaving her and instead i'm doing a homebirth. Eeeck! i'm dreading that conversation. of course, it may be better than breaking the news to my mom who is so antihomebirth.

but overall, i'm excited and wanted to share!

[amygoforth]

Congratulations on your decision! I didn't decide on my homebirth until about 30 weeks, so I understand your apprehension. And my mom was (and still is) anti-HB too.

My baby boy was born at home in the water two weeks ago, and I am still over the moon about it. It was a truly amazing and incredible experience. You can do it, and if your gut is telling you to go for it, then you should GO FOR IT!

As far as your OB, perhaps you can approach it from the angle of not wanting to be in a hospital. It has nothing to do with the care you've gotten, but it's just a personal choice of where you want to have your baby. Just be ready for some anti-HB rhetoric from your OB as well. Be strong. Remember, OBs see all the bad stuff as well as the good, and are highly trained to handle the bad stuff. So naturally the rare bad stuff clouds their confidence in the female body. You are a strong woman with faith in the power of her body. Remember that.

[squeakermansmom]

Congratulations on your decision! I didn't decide on my homebirth until about 30 weeks, so I understand your apprehension. And my mom was (and still is) anti-HB too.




thanks for sharing your experience. how has it been not having the support of your mom???

[alicia9178]

CONGRATS!!!!!!! :thumb We too are planning our 1st HB and it is quickly approaching. I am still having feelings of apprehension, but I think that it is normal. I am very excited though and hoping tht the remainder of my pregnancy goes well and that we welcome our little one into our family right here in our home.

My mom is less then supportive of us having a homebirth too. She told me that it was an unrealistic thing to do, but I respect her opinion as her own and she must also respect mine as my own.

As far as the OB....we are opting to not tell our OB....or the Perinatologist for that matter. I am diabetic, so I need to make sure that I continue to have "medical" prenatal care so as to know the condition of the baby to the best of our ability at the time of the birth. I have known women who have told their OBs and the OBs have dropped them, so I am just keeping my mouth shut. Then I have a good backup system anyways....if something seems to go wrong in labor all I plan to do is go in and tell them I was laboring at home and we had issues arise so we came right in. If all goes well and the little one is welcomed into her daddy's hands at home I just plan to tell them that being my 5th pregnancy she was just born faster then we expected...lol.

Good luck and enjoy birthng your baby in the way you think is best for yourself and your family:)
ALicia

[Tine]

I made the switch at 22 weeks, and I understand how you're feeling. It's the excitement of doing something so new to you. I'd bet that as the days go by, you'll just get happier and happier (and less and less nervous) about your decision. That's what happened to me!

[New Mama]

I'm not in this DDC, but I had to comment. I made the switch at 38 weeks, and this was my first baby! And DH and I are so glad we did it that way. It was an amazing, wonderful experience.

It was also nice that since we decided so late in the game, everyone already "knew" we were planning on a hospital birth with a doctor, so we saw no reason to correct them until after the baby arrived. We avoided a LOT of negativity that way!

If you're interested, I blogged about my experience:

http://newmamamusings.blogspot.com/2005/08/henrys-birth-story.html

http://newmamamusings.blogspot.com/2005/09/why-we-chose-homebirth.html

[afishwithabike]

I went through the same thing. Switched to a MidWife at 5 1/2 mo after being with an OB who would not answer any questions regarding their "procedures". I was sched to go to the most medically invasive Hosp in the City because that is the ONLY hosp where my practice went. I Informed the OB office that I was switching and had all my info faxed to the new office. It was no problem. It is NEVER too late to so the right thing for your unborn baby. As I stated as things were happening "It's not too late until the baby is born." I was getting flack from a lot of people and one of the midWife clinics I checked out in our area. (Long story I may post that on another thread.) Don't despair you are doing the right thing.

[cathicog]

We have been planning all along on a hospital birth with an OB and latley i've had a bug up my b*tt to do a homebirth. always wanted to do it, but 1) dh is worried about the safety aspect and 2) i have flashbacks of the horrific back labor i had with ds b/c he was posterior. but....today we met with the homebirth midwife and i think we're going to do it. HOLY CRAP!!!! i'm excited, but nervous. anyone else feel like homebirth is the right decision for them, but still feel a bit apprehensive??? maybe its just that it hasn't sunk in yet for me. yes, it is exciting, but I had both my posterior births at home and am SO GLAD I was home! my freedom of movement allowed the babies to turn over about 15 min before birth! That would have never happend had I been in hospital. You are much safer being home, and so is the baby.

oh yeah, i have NO IDEA how i'm going to tell the OB i work with (the one that's been my OB so far) that i'm leaving her and instead i'm doing a homebirth. Eeeck! i'm dreading that conversation. of course, it may be better than breaking the news to my mom who is so antihomebirth.

Do yourself a big favor and don't say anything to anyone especially your mom. I had a friend whose mom talked her out of a homebirth and she has always regretted it! She ended up with a section and has never had a vaginal birth! :( Don't let other people steal your birth! I would also not tell the OB anything. It is better that way. Most do not appreciate homebirth mws....

[Squeakyneedle]

Hope it's ok I'm posting since I only switced from an OB practice and hospital birth to a midwife at a freestanding birth center...but I second the recommendation not to even discuss it with your OB unless you really want to hear what he/she has to say. You probably won't like it, so don't say anything. All I did was call the receptionist to have her fax my records, and cancel the appointment I had. I was prepared to answer her questions but she didn't ask any. It was pretty easy for me. The only flak I've gotten, surprisingly enough, is from an L&D friend who works at the hospital I would have delivered at. She's trying to get to me through my MIL, she keeps telling her to let me know they won't hook me up to an IV, they won't do this or that if I want a natural birth...which is all fine and dandy, unless I end up with 2 of the 5 doctors available that I don't like. Nurses take orders from the docs. Having no control over who would attend me was the biggest factor in my switching to a midwife. I couldn't live with the anxiety for the last trimester of my pregnancy wondering who would be there and if I would have to end up fighting for or against anything.

Go with what you feel is right. Pray about it if you are so inclined. You don't owe a single soul any explanation. This is the birth of YOUR baby...you need to make the decisions that you feel are best so you can be free to concentrate on birthing. My Dh was a bit nervous at first, but he listened to my info and data because he knew this was my moment...I needed to be in a place with an attendant I was comfortable with. He got past his initial reservations and is now attending my midwife appointments with me so he is familiar with who will be there. I think deep down he's still nervous that I'm not going to be blissfully numb with an epidural, but when I showed him research that it can be dangerous he went with my gut instincts and let me make the final decision. He's worried that now his role as "coach" is bigger, but I've also told him that the midwife and doula being there will help him make his job easier. He'll be more free to comfort and love me rather than tell me when to breath and push.

Congratulations on your new baby...and your decision!

[amygoforth]

how has it been not having the support of your mom???

I'm an only child, and my mom and I have this very weird I-love-you-but-you-make-me-crazy relationship. My first choice would have been to keep my homebirth to myself. I would have told her after the fact. But, there was no way on earth I could NOT tell her. I was so happy and excited (and, yes, apprehensive at first) that I just couldn't keep it to myself -- even though I knew she was not going to like it.

As expected, she was appalled. Primarily she was scared for me and for the baby -- that vague "What if something happens?" comment came up alot. No matter how much literature I gave her or how rational my reasons, I couldn't convice her that the extremely slim chance that "somthing" could go wrong just didn't hold water next to the very real chance that one of the routine hospital interventions could do much more damage to me or the baby. I even invited her to some prenatal visits with my midwife. DM really liked my mw! But it didn't make a difference in her fear.

Let me tell you, I hated that my mom was so stubbornly fearful. And it was incredibly hard not talking to her about it. But I refused to let her irrational fear sway my faith in myself or affect my committment to having my baby at home.

[squeakermansmom]

Thank you everyone! I wish i could just not say anything to my OB, but unfortunatley i work at my OB's office. so not only do i have to say something but i will probably hear slack every day until i deliver. i personally don't care what they think, i just don't want all that negativity feeding my subconcious. ya know???? i'm thinking about fibbing a bit - telling them i'm switching to a mw so that i can deliver at the new birth center.

[cathicog]

Thank you everyone! I wish i could just not say anything to my OB, but unfortunatley i work at my OB's office. so not only do i have to say something but i will probably hear slack every day until i deliver. i personally don't care what they think, i just don't want all that negativity feeding my subconcious. ya know???? i'm thinking about fibbing a bit - telling them i'm switching to a mw so that i can deliver at the new birth center.
That sounds like a good compromise. After the birth you can tell them you did research and realised home birth was much safer! :) I hope they won't fire you for homebirthing! I shouldn't think they could get away with that, but it is YOUR birth, not thiers...and thier negativity will feed your subconsious. You could just tell them to do the research themselves, and until then to shut up about it... Oh, and recommend the book "Obstetric Myths and Research Realities" by Henci Goer..its a must-read!

[mom2bMN]

Thank you everyone! I wish i could just not say anything to my OB, but unfortunatley i work at my OB's office. so not only do i have to say something but i will probably hear slack every day until i deliver. i personally don't care what they think, i just don't want all that negativity feeding my subconcious. ya know???? i'm thinking about fibbing a bit - telling them i'm switching to a mw so that i can deliver at the new birth center.

That's what I would do....or tell them you decided you need more privacy and decided to change facilities. I work at a hospital and when people ask me where I'm going I tell them a different hospital- for privacy where nobody knows me. People really understand that (course I'm really having a homebirth and will shout it from the rooftops after it happens!)

[applejuice]

I have known of women who came to that decision at delivery, successfully. Good luck.

[erniebobernie]

I switched to a homebirth at 37 weeks and am sooo glad that I have. EDD is 12-18-05 and I feel so much more at ease. Prior to switching, I was seeing a midwife practice with 3 great mw and was going to birth at the BC (it is attached to the hospital were I work). I delieved at the same BC with the one of the 3 mws 6 years ago and it was a great experience. However, I have always wanted a homebirth and after one of the mws (not the one who delievered and I saw primarily w/last dd) offered to induce me with cytotec between 38-39 weeks (???I don't really know why???) it made me question her practice and the BC choice. I guess she didn't know or remember that this is my 4th child and I had never used anything at all with any of my other pregnancies and had wonderful, quick labors with very healthy babies (all over 8 lbs). To make a long story short, the homebirth choice to us has been a blessing. Our whole family (especially the kids!) is supportive and excited. Switching from the ob where you work is a different circumstance, but all in all it is our choice to feel comfortable and safe when giving birth. There may be some hurt feelings or some awkwardness at first (hopefully not) but you know what is best for you and your family. Your OB *should* be professional and understand that you are making an informed choice. It is your choice who and what you are going to tell about you labor plans. You are an intellegent women and don't let the fears of others sway what you believe is best and safest for you. Try not to worry too much-surround yourself with those that are positive and support your choice. You are a strong woman!

[mysticmomma]

There is always the option of not saying anything to the OB. You could simply ask the front desk for your records, say because you are going out of town and want to make sure you have everything together incase something happens. Then don't go back. Maybe send a card later on down the road (or after baby is born) announcing the birth and thanking them for their care up to that point. Nothing about HB needs to be said.
Trisha

[UmmBnB]

I personally wouldn't do much with the OB beyond not making another appt and requesting that you have copies of your records. This will most likely be done with the office anyway. If anyone questions you, just say you are switching care providers, and leave it at that.

[busybusymomma]

Oh- that's tricky with your OB's office! :lol Just tell them you've switched providers for privacy reasons- and that's a good reason IMO. :innocent

I switched to homebirth plans with #2 at 19 weeks- I really wanted to switch to my friend's midwife and went in for that 19 week visit just for the u/s. The doctor never came to see me even an hour after the u/s so I just left. They never even noticed I was gone. :(

It was the best birth decision I made... my mom was VERY supportive (if she would have known that people still HB when she had me and my brothers) but my MIL was "scared to death"... the very words she used when talking to my mom. Now my MIL is a homebirth advocate because she witnessed both my hospital and homebirth and saw the difference in me and the baby!

[ebethmom]

We switched to a homebirth CPM at 28 weeks. It was the best decision! I had been with a hospital based CNM.

My Mom is vehemently anti-homebirth. She was incredibly hurt and angered by my decision to homebirth. To this day, she will leave the room if the word homebirth is mentioned.

Her reaction is the one sore spot of my wonderful homebirth experience. I don't feel free to talk about the joy of dd's homebirth around any of my family. My Mom enlisted my brothers in her warfare (indirectly, of course.) I got the "why can't you just do what normal girls do and have your baby at the hospital" phone calls from both my brothers.

Also, since my Mom did not support my decision to homebirth, noone in my family would come help care for my son when I was in labor.

Looking back, I think I would wait to tell my Mom until a day or so before my due date. Both of my babies came two weeks early! That approach would have saved me so much grief!

[mamaverdi]

Wow, I'm not the only one with a mom and MIL who need therapy. Seriously. Good grief.

I switched care with my first baby at around 23 weeks. Best decision by far.

I switched midwives 3 times in my second pregnancy and even moved to another state.

One of my midwives for the 2nd pregnancy has a daughter who works/ed at an OBs office. One of my midwives worked at an OBs office. Well, anyway, I would use the privacy reason; tell them you decided on the birth center is a nice idea.

FWIW, my mom is now homebirth supportive. My MIL just thinks we are crazy, and now we've confirmed it TWICE.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes when you tell them!

mv

[kindergirl77]

Would your midwife let you continue seeing your OB? I am seeing my OB along with my midwife until the birth, so that my HMO will cover the cost of the tests. I am paying my m/w out-of-pocket, so no one really has to know that I am having a homebirth with a midwife until after. If you could continue seeing your OB along with your midwife, then you don't really have to say anything to them until the end. Heck, you could say that the birth was too quick to get to the hospital, and you decided to stay home!

[grace's voice]

With my 1st pg I decided to switch to HB at 34 weeks... I just couldn't stand the thought of taking a car ride while in labor. I'm SO GLAD I did it because by the time I accepted the fact that I was in labor I was very active, and NO WAY would anyone have been able to move me! I'm also so fortunate my mw agreed to do that for me, she was hesitant because I live an hour from her back up hospital. I was just so relieved once I made the decision, and I couldn't have dreamed up a better birth! Planning for my next HB (another water birth!) in June! Good luck and happy birthing!


P.S. My whole family is anti-homebirth, even after my perfect first one. Now they always say how "lucky" I was the first time and how I'd "better get my butt to a hospital this time!" Yeah, whatever! :wink I just try to avoid the subject, deep down I know they know how stubborn I am, no way can they change my mind. :lol

[busybusymomma]

P.S. My whole family is anti-homebirth, even after my perfect first one. Now they always say how "lucky" I was the first time and how I'd "better get my butt to a hospital this time!"

I actually feel that way about my first birth- a hospital birth. Given all the interventions, dd and I are lucky that we came out fairly unscathed considering what else might have happened.

[JesseMomme]

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We have been planning all along on a hospital birth with an OB and latley i've had a bug up my b*tt to do a homebirth. always wanted to do it, but 1) dh is worried about the safety aspect and 2) i have flashbacks of the horrific back labor i had with ds b/c he was posterior. but....today we met with the homebirth midwife and i think we're going to do it. HOLY CRAP!!!! i'm excited, but nervous. anyone else feel like homebirth is the right decision for them, but still feel a bit apprehensive??? maybe its just that it hasn't sunk in yet for me.

oh yeah, i have NO IDEA how i'm going to tell the OB i work with (the one that's been my OB so far) that i'm leaving her and instead i'm doing a homebirth. Eeeck! i'm dreading that conversation. of course, it may be better than breaking the news to my mom who is so antihomebirth.

but overall, i'm excited and wanted to share!

I wanted a HB while preg for number two (and had a hospital birth) and when I became pregnant with number 3 it was a rush of OMG I really have to HB now - it was exciting and a little scary at the same time. It was definately the way to go for me but it was a whole new journey as well!

My mom was/is vehemenantly anti-homebirth so I empathize with you there.

You dont have to tell your OB anything, in fact I recommend not but thats from my experience. If you do and they bug you afterwards, screen your phone calls.

And above all congrats!!

[JesseMomme]

See what I get for not reading the whole thread lol...the staff should be more than fine with you "switching facilities" - eg my mom (the anti-homebirth one lol) did her primary care at where she worked in a hosp but had a separate GYN at a different medical group across town.