WOHM - Why do you work?

[ufogirl]

I was just wondering what kind of working situations we all find ourselves in...?

This is my first poll, so I am keeping it simple. :wink

(I am assuming that if WOH is not a financial necessity, and you didn't enjoy your work, you wouldn't do it.. but please correct me if I am wrong..)

Any WOH mom or dad is welcome and encouraged to post their thoughts/feelings here..

Thanks!

[Benjismom]

My situation doesn't quite fit into the poll categories, though I voted that I work because I enjoy it. I also have thought about staying home, especially since I am now pregnant with #2. It is not an absolute financial necessity for me to work--my parents got by on much less than my husband makes--but it would be very difficult for me to resume my career if I completely left for any long period of time (more than 6 mos or so). I really love the work I do and see myself wanting to stay in the field for a long time. So even though we could get by on my husband's salary for some period of time (since we have savings and could be more frugal), eventually I would need to resume contributing and I couldn't do that if I stopped completely. I'm lucky that I can work for myself and choose how much and what kind of work to do.

Beth

[Ocean]

Unfortunately, I voted that WOH is a financial necessity but I don't like my job. My dh was laid off 15 months ago and has only worked periodically since then, so I am the primary income provider. But even if my dh when my dh was working full time, he doesn't make enough to support all of us, so I would need to work at least part-time. It's hard on me because I spent so much time and money in college and grad school to get where I'm at in my career, and I don't really enjoy it. The worst part of it for me was when I returned from my maternity leave at 7 weeks pp and everyone kept saying things like "oh, you must be so happy to get out of the house and get back to work!" I felt like screaming "No! I want to be with my baby and I don't even like this job!" What are you supposed to say to that? When a baby is nursing every hour, it seems to me that its mom shouldn't be gone for longer than an hour. It felt awful to be gone for nearly 12 hours in a row.

[gretasmommy]

I am a WOHM, and I enjoy my job very much - but I'd love to work less. Like Benjismom, I cannot leave my job for any length of time, or I wouldn't be able to return to it, so I work. It would have been wonderful to have the first two years at home with DD, but we have the next best thing - my sister cares for her while DH and I are at work.

Ocean, I totally understand about wanting to be at home with your baby. Even though I love what I do, there are so many times every day that I wish i were gere at home instead of at the office. When DD was very young, my sister would bring her to the office at lunchtime if it coordinated with her naps (we try never to wake her!), and I would cry when she left! It was so nice to be able to nurse her in the middle of the day, and the closeness just felt so right . . .I would feel as though a part of me had been ripped away when they left! She no longer visits for lunch, as she eats finger foods and doesn't nurse until after my lunch break . . . sigh . . .I do miss those surprise visits!

Andrea
mommy to Greta 3/14/02

[Quirky]

I answered work out of financial necessity and do enjoy my job but lately I'm on such a rollercoaster I'm not sure what the right answers are. I could stay home for a while, although it would be tough financially. Before ds was born, I did love my job, and the issues are incredibly important to me (I work for an environmental non-profit protecting marine wildlife).

I was able to be on maternity leave for almost 5 months. My boss has allowed me to go to a 32 hour a week schedule, and my co-workers are awesome. Still, I have to drag myself to work every day and I'm getting more and more resentful of being away from ds. Even though it's no picnic being home all day, I'm so tempted to just quit and take care of my baby while I can. Especially because he is *not* a mellow baby and doesn't seem to be adjusting all that well to my absence (it's been 3 weeks now).

On the other hand, I don't know what will happen careerwise if I quit - I've got a good education and 5 years of experience in the field I'm in, but it's hyper-specialized and I don't know if I'll sabotage my career if I leave now. If my boss gets mad at me for quitting, I don't know if I'll be able to get a job in the same field again (it's a very, very small world).

Arghhh - I don't know what to do!:(

[Nik's Mommy]

I answered that I work out of financial need and enjoy it...... which for the most part is true.

My dh lost his job in November of 2001. We lived ok on my maternity leave and his employment insurance. Then my mat leave ran out and his EI soon after and it became a necessity that I return.

The plan (since before we were married) was that I would work till we had kids. (Although I have a great career position with a large company - my true calling is to be a full time, SAHM. It is what I enjoy the most.) We bought our house and did our budget based on one income - my dh's. My income was put into savings and debt/mortgage reduction.

Due to my dh's unemployed situation, that all changed. When my maternity leave was up, I had to tell my employer that I would come back to work. I went back in Aug 02. Currently, we are both working FT (dh got a temporary job in mid Dec), but mostly to "catch-up" till I get pg with #2 (which I hope will be soon). Once dh has a "stable" job - I'm home!!! And I really can't wait for the day!!

I have a great job. I like what I do, but I am currently running into problems with my manager. To put it bluntly - he's an idiot when it comes to managing our contract and other simple tasks. Nice enough guy - but an idiot. "Not the brightest bulb in the pack" :rolleyes:

So now I count down the days..... and hope dh finds something stable very soon!! My goal is December of 03...... that is when I want to be a SAHM.

[Marlena]

Normally I do enjoy my work, but given the ridiculous fallout from turf issues in my new position, I've not been happy at all. I plan to be resolving those issues this week with the heads of my respective departments.

[owen&mama]

Okay, it is a financial necessity, and, yes, most of the time I do enjoy my job....but it is a job and not a passion. Still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up! :)

[teachma]

It is a financial necessity for me, but I would work even if it were not. Dh works 4 days a week from 8:39-5:30, never on weekends, never over time, never a business trip. We "sacrificed" being able to afford to have a SAHM in our family in order to allow dh to work minimally and have a very active parenting roll. (He is actually SAHD 1 day per week). I teach elementary school, and it is my passion. I pursued advanced degrees after college, and I love all of my job responsibilities (except report cards, which I am currently in the midst of). I would not like to be a SAHM because I would feel more responsible for doing all the house chores and the meal preparation, which I absolutely despise. This way, dh and I share those responsibilities, too.

[ufogirl]

K, thought I might reply to my own question.. I voted I do not enjoy my job, and that whole story is in my other ranting thread.. :rolleyes: I was really grumpy yesterday! But, it won't last forever, and hopefully someday I will be able to do something I can actually enjoy.. No, not "hopefully", we WILL make it happen.. Gotta stay positive!
I've also been thinking I would like to go back to school and learn web design or something so that I might be able to WAH eventually..
But for now, I just have to grit my teeth and keep telling myself "this won't last forever"

By the way, it is great to see that so many of you who have voted enjoy your work! :)

[mirlee]

I responded with neccessity and I enjoy my job. All true. The only thing I don't enjoy is being the sole provider. After dh lost his job in 2001, he decided that he needed to finish his second degree and obtain teaching certification. He only works sporadically at some very small consulting jobs. That might put gas in the cars each week.

I love what I do and have a very successful career. I get tons more done as a WOHM than I ever would as a SAHM. If we really didn't need a second income, dad would love to be a SAHD. Unfortunately, only one income is very stressful. I don't have issues with time off or leaving in the middle of a workday to take care of a sick child or to stay home with a sick child. For this I am grateful.

[busybusymomma]

Originally posted by owen&mama
Okay, it is a financial necessity, and, yes, most of the time I do enjoy my job....but it is a job and not a passion.

Ditto... I couldn't have said it better! :D

ALL of my paychecks from now until ds is born (10-14w from now) are going to pay the credit card and the midwife. After that, we're going to have to live on dh's income because I'm quitting work. We'll be making less than we ever have been, not to mention that dh took a 30% cut in pay last April when he was downsized and had to find a new job. :rolleyes:

It will be hard, but I hate being the b!tchy, grumpy wife that I am when I have to work too many hours. Lately I've been averaging 30hr/wk and that's more than I can really handle right now.

The thing that makes it doable is my mom watches her while I work, so thank God we don't have to deal with daycare... no way I could do that (and I don't make enough $$ to pay for it either).

[EFmom]

I do like my job and have no desire to be a SAHM. As for the "necessity" aspect of it, I'm not sure. If I quit working, we might be able to barely survive on what dh makes as a teacher, but it sure would be touch and go. We would have to sell our moderate house in an excellent school district and have to rent in a lousy school district. We would also have to give up the idea of saving for our children's education. Personally, I find good education to be a necessity, and I would not homeschool our kids.

I would like to have a part time job though, rather than full time. Even if I could find one that paid a decent wage (not likely), trying to find part time child care that coincides with the work hours is a nightmare, according to those I know that have tried it in my area.

[hulamama]

EFMOM--it was like I wrote that myself. Dh and I are both teachers....there is no way we could live on only one of our salaries--college loans for one thing and the other is medical.....Medical would take half of dh's salary.....

I do enjoy my job, and that makes it a tad easier to leave my dd, but some days, as you all mention, it is painful, painful, painful. Most days. I feel bad sometimes because I sometimes daydream and wonder what if dh had another profession and could take care of us? And that hurts to say, because being a teacher, I know it is something he really enjoys and would hate for him to be in a job he hated just so he could make more money and 2) I hate how antifeminist that wondering leaves me. I don't necessarily want to be taken care of...it would just be nice to have one of us (well, yes, HIM) in a job where we could even entertain the idea of me staying home...but if it weren't for that darn insurance....

[Lucky Charm]

hulamama...i know exactly what you mean!

no, i am not a teacher, but a nurse. and yes, i love my job, so it makes it easier. dh does well, but insurance is astronomical at his place of business....and at my job its $150 a month for all 5 of us, including dental.

i do not think you are anti feminist because you would love to stay home with your child, and have dh work. dont let anyone make you feel something less than you are because of your desire to stay home. your husband i guess would be "taking care of you", but in doing that it allows you to care full time for his child, both of yours home, etc.

we need good teachers though. i for one am glad your're out there.

[teachma]

OT, but..insurance for 5 that costs $150/month?! Wow, you are lucky! Through my teaching job, I pay $280/month for my son only! (Mine is free, and the policy wouldn't cover dh at all.) And I found out just last week that it doesn't cover dental for ds.

[Lucky Charm]

teachma...yes, $75 bi-weekly, for the whole family, including dental, life insurance (a small $20,000 policy) and short term disability. and this is me only working 2 days a week. it would be even less if i worked full time! thats why i wont quit, between decent pay and excellent health insurance, i would be foolish! to be insured under dh work would cost us abot $500 a month. crazy!

i work at a hospital that has many facilities in the west, keeping premiums down.

[jingwen]

I kind of fit into the financial need category, but really the reason i work is because dh is an independent contractor and does not have benefits. i work because of the awesome benefits we get from my job. i do enjoy my job.....at times..
luckily i only work 20hours to get bennies and with my son who was an icu baby the cost of the bill was about 200,000+. none of which we paid :D

P.S. i looked into getting our own insurance if i were to be SAHM and for the 3 of us is hold onto your undies $400 a month, that's california for ya. :jaw

[Foobar]

I work 3 days a week. It is part financial and part sanity. I stayed at home with dd for the first 15 weeks. After 10 I needed to be with other adults on a one to one basis. What I have found is that when I am home with my dd, I have a much better time with her. We cuddle and play and hug much more. We both aprreciate the time more.

She does go to day care, but she seems to love it there. She is always smiling and such. The providers are great about discussing my concerns and issues. They are so for the gentle disapline (no spanking, no time outs, no humiliations). I really like that.

I also like what I do, sort of. I am actually in the rounds of hunting down another job in the same work place, but I have made it clear it would be for 3 days a week. I need to spend the time with my child!

[comet]

Not sure how to answer it. Tricky.

I enjoy my job now, bcs I arranged to do more research than teaching. That will last another 1.5 yrs. Then will have to do double the teaching that I do now.

I have thought of quitting to become a sahm, but it would require major changes. We would probably have to move to another town or even state. We're both physicists and the only job in our small town is at the university. My husband won't work at the univ (btdt, won't ever do it again), so in order for him to find a job in physics, or something else that could use his background, we'd have to move somewhere else. He is teaching now, but really hates it and is going to quit after this semester and be a sahd.

I know it sounds confusing that I say he has no career now, but he is teaching. I consider a career to be something with long-term goals and evolution. He is just doing one year of teaching, as a fill-in for the university, with no goals of exploring teaching methods or building a research program, etc.

I think it would also work for us if I was sahm and he worked, but he has been out of a career for so long (almost 8 yrs) that it would take some real shoving to get him to do it. Yes, he has it really good ;) We lived apart for 6 yrs, both trying to get a job in thesame place which never happened. Then one year we both went where the best job was, and it happened to be mine.

I've been thinking lately, though, that maybe it's time to switch roles and let him be the main breadwinner for awhile. I keep bringing it up, but he points out that I have it really good right now. I do. So, maybe in 1.5 yrs we'll switch - when my current arrangment for teaching/research runs out.

[Foobar]

Comet-

I hear you on the 2 body problem (as we call it!). I actually ended up at the same institution as my Dh because we decided to follow his career not mine. He's the brighter of the two of us (he's an astrophysist too) so we decided his career should lead our family. I am happy with that choice, but I DO understand how hard it is.

[asherah]

I work because it is financially neccessary, but I like working and I would work even if I didn't have to.. I would just work part time instead of full time.

[MamaDeLiana]

Working is a financial necessity, but I really enjoy my career. It used to be a grand passion, however, but now it's less so.

When I was pregnant I didn't fully believe a co-worker who said that my priorities would change dramatically after the baby was born, but she was right. I still enjoy my job and want to do it well, and I still appreciate the organization and want to do right by it, but I'm less willing than I used to be to shove my personal life to the side when things get a little hectic at work. Much to my relief, my co-workers are wonderfully understanding and supportive.

[owen&mama]

Originally posted by MamaDeLiana
When I was pregnant I didn't fully believe a co-worker who said that my priorities would change dramatically after the baby was born, but she was right.

Oh, yes....I think of this often. Sometimes I wonder if I would have made more conscious decisions in preparation for my post-baby career (off-loading projects, delegation, etc.) , knowing how drastically my priorities would shift. :)

[yogamama]

I didn't vote. Here is my situation. I worked full time for one year after baby #1 was born - hated it, cried, etc. Then I telecommuted for one year - working from home two days and in the office 3 days. I still hated it, but less so. Then I worked part time for one year - 3 days a week in the office, two days off. That was best, but I still dreaded the work.

Now I have been on leave without pay since Sept to see if we can do without my income. I intend to fully separate from my employer in mid-Feb. We just refinanced our house and we are using equity to pay off student loans, etc. It seems that we will be able to make it work financially. And now I am 5 months pregnant with baby #2.

My work was a career, but a career that I was tired of. Leaving it all together basically means leaving that career and all of its earning potential (I was making great money, even part time, and had great benefits), because I worked for a government agency that is hard to get into. I worked there for 11 years and now I will need to start over if I choose another career path.

I like being at home, but I don't love it everyday. A week at home with a sick child makes me long for an office job with personal space and lunch breaks.

Honestly, I think we will be okay without my income, but the unknown is scary. I was always the major breadwinner in our household. I know that once I give this job up I will be cutting my earning potential for the long run. I estimate any other full time job I could take in the future will pay about 1/2 what I was earning. That is scary.

Also, I was at a point in my career where I could coast, and a new career will mean ALOT of work and starting over.

Hard choices, eh?
Blessings.
Kathleen

[DiaperDiva]

I will be WOHM because it is financially neccessary right now. I know I will lvoe my job, because I love child care and being a nanny :)

We'll be using my salary to pay off bills! WOOHOO!

[M&Mmommy]

I'm not sure how to answer it either. I am happy with the arrangement I have, although it has taken me about 8month pp to get it this way. I remember hearing about the change in priorities while pg too, but I thought I was different (LOL). The minute I met my babies outside of me for the first time, I went into a denial about ever going back to work! The cocoon of maternity leave was entrancing me :) ! I felt so betrayed (by myself), confused, and guilty going back to work.
Today, though, I feel fortunate to have the mostly the best of all worlds. I work FT while DH stays home with my twin 8month old DDs. I have a specific and timelined plan for how I spend the next several years, resulting in my ability to consult with other companies anywhere on my area of expertise. Meanwhile, I can work from home up to 3 days per week, in the office for 2. And, my pet project, an after school program I'm developing, is how I plan to exit to be with my DDs once they are in school. All of this is part of the plan to be able to live anywhere and still earn a good living while being with my DDs and feeling personally fulfilled.

All in all, motherhood has been a perfect focusing tool. I never knew I'd want to make the world better for children and working parents (my pet after-school program project)... and I've never felt so in love with life and with my DH and amazing DDs.

And, BTW, thank you for a chance to talk to WOHMs.

[delighted.mama]

Thought I'd jump in since this is a topic that often plagues me, day and night! Like many other posters, while prego I thought I would be different and not mind going back to work after dd was born. Everything changed during my maternity leave. I was able to get 3 months, paid, leave, but it was not enough. I also felt betrayed by myself, hating to go back to work but knowing that I had to.....dh was unemployed and I was the only breadwinner....we had nothing else to fall back on at the time. I feel that it has taken me the last 8 months to reconcile myself with being a career WOH mom. The operative word here is "MOM". I realized that although my job was great, my co-workers were great, the pay was very good, the hours were decent, the fact of the matter was that I was irreplaceable as a mother to my dd. Although someone else could step in and do my job and the world would continue, nobody could replace me at home with dd. The time I missed out with her was, simply put, time lost forever. Going to work with that knowledge made me crazy. I literally spent days simply sitting at the computer and going through parenting web sites and boards in an effort to console myself and to feel connected with dd. Work definitely became less of a priority and more of a necessary evil. I cut my hours to the barest minimum, without getting in trouble. Fortunately, I work in a small office with good co-workers and a wonderful boss who was very understanding.

Well, dd is now 12 months old. I feel slightly better about working and juggling motherhood. I think my ideal situation would be if I could work part-time. That would be nice. Right now, that is not an option. However, our goal is to get to a position where I can go to part time, at least, by the time #2 comes.

For now, I run home for lunch just about every day to either nurse dd or simply to see her. It is a strain, since I work about 20 minutes away, but one that is soooo worth the stress. I also stretch my arrival time in the morning and ditch the office as fast as humanly possible in the afternoon. I am the Queen of leaving earling and have been known to simply sneak out on occassion. Do I regret it? How can I when I walk into our home and dd has the biggest smile on her face when she sees me!!The :love :love :love

Because I couldn't stay home, and we didn't want dd in dc, we made a huge financial sacrifice to have a woman come to our house and care for dd. That way, dd gets lots of one on one care and is in her own environment. Also, dd works out of home and is in and out of the house during the day. That way, she sees him and he is able to keep an eye on what is going on. Most days, I am gone a total of 7 hours....not too bad considering this includes transportation to and from work as well as coming home to see dd during lunch.

I think the key is finding a balance that works for you and your family. I am still working on it, but I think I am getting close. I don't know if it is possible to have a perfect situation, but I guess you can strive for one that is best for you. Good luck to all of your WOH moms!!

Libby


:)

[Myboysmom]

Here is why. I'll try to keep it simple!

Dh was in a business partnership. I started working for him part time at home when he expanded into an area I had a working knowledge of but he didn't. (He is a physical therapist, adult re-hab, and landed some small pediatric contracts.) It was supposed to be temporary. Last year he bought out his partners and we own the business. I am still "working" because it is our families livelyhood and I feel it is in our best interest for many, many reasons.

But if I listed them, this reply wouldn't be short!

I'd rather be a Full-Time-Stay-At-Home-But-Do-Lots-of-Volunteer-Work Mom.

[amymarie]

I voted other...we don't need the money I make,but it helps pay off bills. I enjoy my jobs because they're part-time.I work 2 days for my dad answering phones...my dd is at her grandmas those days. I work 4 nights at a music store...I enjoy it and dd and daddy get special time together.

[Quirky]

bump

[sohj]

My situation is a little different from the ones I've read here. I came to my current career a little late in life and really really wanted to pursue it. I found out I was pregnant when the pregnancy was already 2.5 mos. along and it was a BIG surprise, let me tell you. (I'm 36, sloppy with the birth control since 28) So, had the little one, had a very difficult recovery period due to midwife from hell ( I MIGHT post that story here sometime if I was certain that it wouldn't appear to be libel ... maybe one of the lawyers reading this might be able to tell me the limitations of that? ) and episiotomy at hosp. that was from a deeper circle of hell, so my six mos. off stretched into eight and I was really really happy to get back to work. I was happy to be healthy enough to and I wanted to return to my job.

Almost all of my take home pay goes to pay for a terrific nanny, but our sunny little boy loves her and I'm thrilled he is getting exposure to more adults than just husband and I. (Family is all in other areas of country.)

Ideally, I would like to work for myself, but not possible right now. This was my ideal before I ever knew there would be a child and the child hasn't changed that. I did work for myself, too, but in slightly another field than the one I'm in now. Really, I would like to be able to take my son to work. I spent my afternoons after school in kindergarden and 1st grade under my father's desk at work and had everyone in his office building as potential role models. It was very educational! (And fun.)

I got really bored just staying at home, but of course I was physically shot, too. Being sick is dull. I'm really efficient, so times when I have been doing the purely domestic thing, I invariably start a business (or 2! It happened once with a double header!) I'm afraid that I'm not a terribly attentive wife ... when dating (um, uh, well, that's a euphimism, all right!) I used to say "marriage?!?! Are you crazy? You can say you knew me when!" And, guess what, I don't feel the least bit guilty about it. I've always been perfectly up front and it's not my fault if he didn't believe me.

Child is a little different. I don't feel any guilt though. He's great fun to be around, but I know he has a great time without me and I'm not jealous of his friends or of him.:) I think it'll be ok. We'll see in a few years. :wink

There's more to my story, but then again, I get the feeling that there is more to everyone's story here. Too bad we can't all sit in a big circle yacking.:D :D :D :D :D

[ufogirl]

Since I started this thread on a day I was feeling particularly grumpy about my lousy job, I am pleased to report that I QUIT! And am now working in a small deli (for slightly less $, and less hours too, but my schedule is perfect now! yay!) and I love it! I am soooo relieved.. It is amazing how draining working somewhere you really dislike can be.. Now if only I could change my vote... :D

[busybusymomma]

Originally posted by esplynn
Since I started this thread on a day I was feeling particularly grumpy about my lousy job, I am pleased to report that I QUIT! And am now working in a small deli (for slightly less $, and less hours too, but my schedule is perfect now! yay!) and I love it! I am soooo relieved.. It is amazing how draining working somewhere you really dislike can be.. Now if only I could change my vote... :D

COngrats on finding something that works for you! :D

Michelle- soon to be SAHM

[Ocean]

Stephanie, that's great that you found a better job so that you could quit the job you hated. I was very surprised that only 12% of the people responding to the poll said they do not like their job. Unfortunately, I'm in that group. I think you're right that it is draining to be a job you don't like. I've been at my current job for five months now and I took it out of financial necessity. I don't like the work I do and it's a very stressful, demanding job. I realized this week that it's really taking a toll on me. In the short time I've been at this job, I've had four colds, strep throat, and an awful case of mastitis. I feel like my job is literally making me sick. My dh has been encouraging me to find a new job, telling me that most people don't hate their jobs, and based on this poll I guess he's right. But dh has had trouble finding work since he was laid off 15 months ago so I can't really quit my job and finding a new job when I've only been at this one for a few months is not very realistic. I'm hoping that I can stick it out for another year or so and then look for something better.

[owen&mama]

Originally posted by Ocean
...and finding a new job when I've only been at this one for a few months is not very realistic. I'm hoping that I can stick it out for another year or so and then look for something better.

Ocean, just wanted to encourage you to at least put some feelers out, regardless of the time you've been there. I don't work in your field of expertise, so I probably don't really know what I am talking about, but as someone who has interviewed and hired several people that had been at their current position for only a few months, I know that there are many reasons why one would decide to leave after such a short time. Maybe you would be surprised.....Life is short, so if you are unhappy, go for it! :) Good Luck, whatever you decide!

[patnrose]

I voted for other. I do have to work, and I do like my job, but I also would keep working even if I didn't have to. I'd go down to PT though. :)

[GrenouilleVert]

I work because I have to. Fortunately I like my job.

I have to work because I am the sole income in my household which consists of just me and my three kids. I think that if I had a choice I would SAH, but I am not 100% sure that is what I would choose if I really did have the choice. (I think I would be dazed and confused if someone gave me the choice actually...it's so far from reality to have that dream lol).

[happyinmtmom]

I voted that i work because it is a necessity and I enjoy it. I generally enjoy my job working for a national conservation group. But I would quit in a second if we could really pull it off.

But, like someone else commented, we made choices about where to live. We moved to a community with great schools, and expensive houses. My husband got a new job, that is exciting and rewarding for him, and even pays more. Yet jobs in non-profit conservation are not the most secure these days. Until he's been there a while, and the economy looks better, we feel that my working part time is a necessity.

Could we get by on one income, take the risk? Yes, probably.

But for us, "necessity" is a bigger picture than just dealing with the monthly bills. Its about finding a balance. We need health insurance, which my organization pays a big chunk of. We feel that good schools and a clean, safe environment are important. We strive to eat organic and whole foods. Trying to stash away a bit for college and retirement are needs too.

So we try to negotiate with our jobs to have flexible schedules and do some work at home. Find the best sitter/nanny possible to come to our home when we're gone.

And try to focus on loving our child [and each other] as much as possible!

[Very Snoofly]

Is working a financial necessity? Frankly I've never sat down and done the math--I've just assumed that it is. We have massive debt--both student loans and credit card (purchases we made before the child was born when we weren't thinking about the future). We chose to buy a nice big house in a lovely neighborhood to be close to family and good schools, but that comes with a big mortgage payment and high utility bills--plus fairly long commutes, which means we spent a lot on gas each week, too. So it would be extremely difficult for my husband to pay the bills each month on his income alone, and have any money left over to eat!

Plus, I get great benefits at my job; I pay very little for health insurance for myself and my daughter. If I were to quit, another large chunk of my husband's income would have to go for our insurance. Not to mention that I'm also contributing some of my salary (a very small amount, but some!) to a 401-K plan, and if I quit I wouldn't have those savings adding up.

On the other hand, we're very fortunate in that we're not paying much for child care. I work 4 long days a week; Mallory is in daycare on Mondays, with her grandmother Tues-Thurs, and with me on Fridays. Putting her in full-time daycare would be about the equivalent of paying a second mortgatge, and I'm not sure if that would be worth it. If my mother-in-law ever decides she doesn't want to tend to Mallory anymore, we're going to have to do some re-evaluating. Ditto that to having a second child.

Do I like my job? I voted that I do, and in some ways that's true. It's low-pressure, the hours are flexible, the people I work with are great, and most of the time the work is interesting. But, like many of you, I spend a large part of my day procrastinating, reading these boards, and dreaming of my daughter.

If it were possible for me to quit, I'd do it in a heartbeat with no regrets. I guess that answers the question!

--Krista
Mama to happy Mallory, born 12/02/01

[maighdhlin]

I didn't vote because I'm not sure I can. LIke some of the other posters, I'm afraid that if I get out now I may not be able to get back in and unfortunately I'm still paying off my post-college school loans.

And really, sometimes I think my DH and I see what we can afford and what we can't afford very differently. I think I could make a lot of sacrifices in my lifestyle that I couldn't ask of him. I grew up a lot differently than he did. Do I love what I do? Maybe? It depends on the day you ask!

Plus his schedule allows for more flexibility than mine so he can do some of the schedule juggling that I can't - if I'm going to continue working, it's just something he's going to have to handle.

But how do you all handle the GUILT? I feel guilty that I do work. I'd feel guilty if I didn't. If I make financial sacrifices to be with her now, do I jeopardize my ability to send her (and any future siblings) to college? What about retirement? But what about if she takes her first steps when I'm not there? What happens if she starts having separation anxiety? I already see a little bit of that on the rare occasions I have to work late a few nights in a row. How do you know you're making the right decision?

[Indigo73]

Okay, it is a financial necessity, and, yes, most of the time I do enjoy my job....but it is a job and not a passion. Still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up!

I have to say ditto to this too!

I have the steady job for now. Dh hasn't had the best of luck sticking anywhere. So...

I hope to get back to school soon - want to finish my degree and work with my passion - literacy.

[mnnice]

I put other. I like being able to save for retirement, I like that my child spends time with other kids, and I know that I have up to date credentials/skills if dh lost his job, got hit by a bus, or other minor or major and I would need to support my family by myself.

[battymomma]

financial necessity, but i do enjoy it (most days...)
i was SAH when DS was born. i had been teaching and left at Christmas break and he was born mid-Jan. we lived in NYC in an apt and DH's job wasn't the most $$$$earning thing, but it took care of things. but as time went on, i noticed we were just making it paycheck to paycheck.
then i got preggo w/ DD. we moved to MN, to be closer to family and friends. living w/ MIL for a yr, we payed no rent and things were ok, except that we were living in someone's home.
so we got a house, and i went to work at a local childcare center one morning a week, bringing both kids and actually working in the infant room with DD.
then we realized that that extra bit of money made no real contribution, so i started working 20 hrs a week 3 months later.
except for HATING my coworker, things were better.
but then upon further financial reflection, it was still a struggle. so in Dec i started FT, in the toddler room, again with DD since she is now that much older.
i just had the opportunity to cut back 10 hrs and have a 4 day weekend, but then DH said he'd get a second job to cover the money we'd lose.
so, financial would be the reason.

[GoodWillHunter]

We need the cash and this job is going to pay for me to go to nursing school, so when I become a labor and delivery nurse, I'll spread the word about AP and EBF and CDing everywhere!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha :firedevil

[lilyka]

I don't work often since I had my baby but when I do work it is because we own a biusinsess and cannot afford real employees so when we are short that means me because I don't have to get paid. I do enjoy it and I enjoy being able to go to wrok and actually get something done and talk to adults but I think I would really resent it if there wasn't so much freedom.

[Patchy Dragon]

Well, I don't like the type of work I do but I have to work as I am a single parent~

Maybe one day I will meet mister right and find a better job!

[gossamer]

I WOH because it's a necessity. My husband is unemployed and has been for a couple of years now. He is an attorney and he had a solo practice but it was draining our finances rather than adding to. SO we closed that down and he has since been looking for a job. Unfortunately in this economy, his blindness has become more of a handicap than we originally anticipated. Of course it its ellegal for anyone to discriminate against him because of his blindness, but there are always a dozen other reasons why he wasn't offered the job. SO in the meantime I am working at a job I enjoy for the most part, but I would give it up in a heartbeat to stay home with my baby.

Gossamer

[remynyc]

definitely a financial necessity. i wouldn't say i dislike my job, but since having a babe, i'm not looking forward to going back. i'm a lawyer and it's pretty tough finding a flexible or part-time job. i'm not looking forward to going back to work, even though i enjoy the work, i would prefer to be at home for at least a year or two.:(

[Threefold]

It is a financial necessity for us, but I do like it. OTOH I would quit in a heartbeat if my dh could support us. Unfortunatly, my dh still doesn't know what he want to be when he grows up and this makes earning a steady income tough for him. But, despite this, I have taught part time (shared contract) since ds was 8 months old, and though we have not made it financially (amassed a good deal of debt and had to aks for periodic help from FIL) once my income was reduced, there is no way I could've taken anyother path.

[Ivanhoe]

Financial necessity but do enjoy my job. At least that's the option I voted... I don't know, my job is quite decent (marketing manager for a cable tv channel) but I would certainly enjoy more time at home... My dream job would be part time or from my house. I would love to be a wahm...but that's not possible when you work with a corporation :(

[mama2mygirls]

It is a financial necessity for us, but I do like it.

I've been a RN for the last 13 years. it's been one of the most rewarding things i have done with my life,( 2nd of course to my beautiful girls and dh) and sometimes the most stressful.
i enjoy working. i love being with my kids, but i enjoy getting out and going to work too.

and i've been part time now for the last year. which is new to me.
and i really like it, i will probably always work at least part time. i enjoy getting out of the house

Even when i was full time my schedule was done so that the kids were either with my dh or my mom, i'm proud to say they have never been to a babysitter or daycare.

:hippie

[Alenushka]

It is something I always wanted to do. If I take my kid out of preshcool, we can do wihout , probably. However, it would make it difficult to pay off my college loans ans I think it would be unethical to dafault on my college loans because my sons will depend on them too, years form now. Lucky for me, I was able to find a part time job. I feel that I have best of the both worlds.

[rsps]

I was able to go part-time when DS1 was 9 mo. old. Work is a financial necesisty since my husband also only works part-time and his job does not include insurance coverage. But I do enjoy my work -- I am a librarian.

[sisotowbell]

I don't know if I really count, because I'm mostly a SAHM and work just a few hours a week. It's not financially necessary - in fact, kind of counterproductive financially, because my husband cut his work time to 4 days a week and he earns much more than I do. But I really enjoy getting a little time out of the house and interacting with adults. Plus, I would like to qualify for social security benefits and disability; I have never worked enough to qualify. (!)

[becoming]

My reasons are mostly financial. Since my husband left, I have $640 of bills to pay each month and an income of around $1000, which includes $420 child support. I only work 27 hours a week so that I can spend as much time with my child as possible, so I only make about $580/month from my job.

I also like my job most days, though. I don't really care either way about what I'm doing at my job, it's just that my best friend since I was 7 years old now works in the same office as me, in the very next desk actually, so it's like visiting with a friend all day pretty much. And I can't see myself staying at home all the time. Now if I had the money to not work and still be able to take Chase out to do things (shopping, movies, etc.), I'd do that in a heartbeat.

I did stay home with Chase until he was 8 months old, though. It was rough financially, but I am so proud of that decision and hope to be able to stay home with all of my babies until at least that age.

[Katana]

I just went back to work outside of the house about three weeks ago, after being a WAH mom for 4.5 years.

It was for financial reasons, but I do enjoy what I do. It also helps that dh is there with my two kids while I am working. If I had to leave them in daycare, it would be much harder for me.

I miss the kids, but it's not as huge of an adjustment as I thought it would be. They do get to see dh more, which is great, so I think it's all balancing itself out.

My dream is to be just a SAH mom. No work out of the house or even at home. Just 'mom' work. Hopefully that is somewhere in our future.

[Danesmama]

I work because I have to (for money) and DO NOT enjoy my job.

Actually, I feel a guilty that I do not enjoy my job more. .. I have a master degree in structural engineering, but have found that I enjoyed the school a lot more than the work. I live in a small town and found an engineering job where I can work part time, so I should be VERY grateful. Although lately I have been working nearly full time and some occasional nights and weekends (when I can manage) because we are so busy at work and I feel guilty only working 20 hours a week when everyone else puts in a lot of time. I dread going in to work every morning, hate dropping ds off at daycare (in the year that I have been at work he has cried every morning except for 7 when I drop him off :eek ) and wish that I could be at home to prepare more food and just be a better mom. I am exhausted and feel like I am being a bad mother (buying pre-packaged food and just not having the energy to be there for my ds). I often daydream about getting fired (which would be terrible, but would mean that I got to stay home!).

I know that I am very lucky to have the job that I do (usually part time, flexible boss and good pay), but some days I feel like going to work at my job is like trying to wear someone else's clothes . . . It doesn't fit quite right!

My dh is a medical student doing his rotations, so we have another year before he can start earning money. I am counting the days! We are ttc #2 and I am looking forward to the time when I don't have to work.

[veggiewolf]

I was an only parent (divorced, DS' father is absentee) for the first six years of DS' life, and so I had to work to support us. Then, when DS was six, we met now-DH.

When we all decided (DH, DS, and myself) to be a family, we also decided that since I had the potential to earn more income (based on my line of work), DH would be the SAHP, and I would be the WOHP. It has worked very well, and I can say that I've enjoyed all but one of the jobs I've had in the past four years. So, we get the benefit of a stable income, and DS gets the benefit of having an at-home parent who not only loves him, but is "in tune" with all that boy-stuff.

DH does do some work from home, freelancing, but he considers himself a homemaker, and it proud of it.

[Paddington]

i do bring home the higher salary and the insurance is under my name but for the most part my dh and i are kind of equally split--we couldn't survive on either one of our salaries alone. i do enjoy work though and always have. i think that is from my independence.

i also have that fear of not working and then never being able to retire because i haven't saved anything. my dh's mother didn't work and is in her early 60s and hoping she can retire at the end of the year and my mother always worked and plans on retiring precisely at 55. she already has the years of service... she just needs to reach the age..... my fear is of the retiring thing as well as not being able to keep up with all the advancements and not be able to go back to work very easily.....

[deb_n]

Well, I am really somewhere between hating and enjoying my job, depending on the day. But I loved my career, which began in healthcare as an RN, then moved into clinical information systems to fulfill my geek drive. When I became pregnant with ds, I was travelling 100% for a large software company implementing systems. But after maternity leave, I was told to get back on the road or leave. And for me, there was only one choice...imagine breastfeeding by Fed Ex?? I actually did think that I could cut back my travel to occasionally if I could switch to another division, but I never knew how that bond would change me....I can't imagine a night without my ds, 20 months later!

After a few desperate months, I went back to work FT while dh has been struggling to find a decent job. I married him for his kind and nurturing soul, not his drive to succeed, alas! I found a local job doing the same thing, but can only give so much now, and would leave it in a second if the finances ever allow...I love every minute with my ds!

[tracymom]

simply because right now we're spending what we make, though I'm not convinced that we COULDN'T find a way to make it on one income. I just resigned as director of our local office because I just could not handle the stress, and I'm already missing THAT nice fat paycheck, but it was definitely a lesson in "if you make more, you spend more." Boy, was that ever true for us.

At any rate, I was lucky that my boss values me enough to create a position for me which utilizes my teaching and mentoring talents a lot better than the human resources/client stuff which was taking up so much of my time before. I was definitely out of my comfort zone and much of the stress is relieved, which makes for a far better home life now.

Still, I've been working full time for 15 years, since I was 22, (with only one 18-month interval of PT work after second DS was born) and I'm frankly a little tired of the juggling and sometimes wish to go back to PT so I could do more "mommy" stuff, particularly now that oldest DS is in school. I'd also like to get back to writing, which was so important to me all my life and which I essentially abandoned after DS #2 came along and there was NO time left for me. If I'm honest, I have a lazy streak a mile wide and sometimes just want to indulge it. Guess I gave all that up when I became a mommy, though! :)