Can't "envision" homebirth for some reason...

[maybebaby]

I had a homebirth last time, with my third, and I was totally sure of my decision and never looked back after switching to my mw's.

This time, I'm using the same mw's and everything, but I'm full of doubts about whether I'll really get my homebirth.

Part of it is my backup care (that my hb mw's want me to have since they're an hour away from me and they've never worked with my local hospital)...while I like the CNM I'm seeing, it's much more medicalized and I leave the office with more doubts and fears than I had before. When I leave my hb mw's office, I feel fantastic, ready to take on the world!

I'm having issues with my blood sugars...my hb mw's are fine with them even though they're 10-15 points over the "goal". The CNM has discussed this with the OB at her office and they want me on insulin now! :irked:

But the biggest problem I have is that I can't "see" myself having the homebirth I want. I have this feeling I'm going to end up in the hospital for whatever reason (and really, the only "reason" I could see is that I might get risked out of hb due to my blood sugars if they go up at all...)

I'm wondering if I'm having an intuitive feeling about something that's going to happen...or if my fears are going to make it happen (like a self fulfilling prophecy).

Argh! Just confused and worried...anyone else dealt with these kinds of fears and were able to overcome them?

[alegna]

It sounds like you're being undermined by the medical establishment. I refused all glucose testing.... if you don't test, you can't be labled (I don't think GD is really a condition after reading up on it)

I would talk to your homebirth midwives about dropping the CNMs. Sounds like they're no good for you. IMO I'd go unassisted if my midwife couldn't make it in time.

:hug

-Angela

[UmmBnB]

It really sounds like the medicalized care is doing in your confidence.

[hojobj]

The hard part of doing something "out of the box" is that we're taught not to trust our own instincts and to go with science.

My FL midwife taught me with my first 2 births that we as women can do anything we want and even things we didn't think we could do!

Friday night, I delivered my own son, totally by myself because I was in labor for 2 hours and the roads were icy so my midwife couldn't make it on time. I always said unassisted wasn't for me, but once it was inevitable, I just went on my instincts and everything turned out fine. I have a thread started on my whole story.

You might want to take some time to think about it and decide what you want and only see the people who make you feel good about your decisions. In OH, medicaid doesn't support HB so I opted to not sign up for it because I didn't want medical intervention. I have no regrets!

Good luck! And remember to trust your own instincts! They won't steer you wrong!

[maybebaby]

Thanks for the support guys...

I'm going to talk to my hb mw's about possibly dropping the backup. I do think they're causing me more worry and confusion than necessary. My hb mw's want me to have it in the case of a transport, so I'd have something "on record" with a local provider/hospital.

And Angela, I do agree about GD. I've done massive amounts of reading on the research and theories in this last week and I'm not doing insulin, no matter what. It doesn't improve outcomes and it just medicalizes things more. And I didn't have the GTT, I started doing finger prick testing because I'm at higher risk of regular diabetes (father had it, I'm overweight, big babies, etc..) and my numbers are higher than "normal" but not so much so. I probably shouldn't have even mentioned it to them :( my mistake.

Again, thanks! I really do think it's this backup that's causing me to doubt myself. I didn't have backup last time (not sure why they changed their stance on my having it or no...though I did have a huge posterior baby last time and maybe they're worried about some malpresentation issues or something? dunno) but I think that's why I was so sure of myself last time. I had no one undermining my confidence, yk?