Is this all there is???

[mamaofthree]

Just to preface... I love being home with my kids. I feel really blessed to be able to be home full time.... :love :love

BUT! I am sick sick sick of dishes and laundry and yard work and shopping and cooking and and and... I feel like all I do is take care of stuff here and take care of the kids and take care of DH and then I have nothing left for me. We all got sick about 2 or 3 weeks ago. I ended up with pnuemonia and plurisy ( :( ) I felt horrible for 2 weeks. I got ONE DAY! of care from my family. One day that I got to lay around, nothing got done, but I got to lay around. Now Dh has been hanging on to a cold/flu for a week or so and has been no help. I don't know. I feel a bit under apprecated (sp sorry about that).
Right now I have about 5 loads of clothes that need to be folded and a sink full of dirty dishes and a dishwasher full of clean dishes. And a house that needs to be cleaned and a bathroom that needs cleaning. BUT I JUST DID ALL THAT! I am always cleaning! :( :irked: :angry
I feel like I have nothing else in my life.
OK I am having a pity party! Sorry. :(

H

[mamaofthree]

OH, and another thing... since I am a SAHM I suddenly have all this "extra" time to do other peoples' dirty work. DH's brother has to go to the bank once a month and drop off money for MIL. (We also do this). He wants to have me do it for him because he and his wife have no time to do it... the are both so busy with WORK and all. He wants to write me a check and then I cash it at my bank and then go to MIL's bank and deposite it. HELLO I have 4 kids, like I want to go to two banks! :irked: :angry
Ok, this issue just came up resently it is still fresh! :lol

H

[Rhiannon Feimorgan]

:hug

I feel that way to sometimes.

[Drummer's Wife]

:Hug I feel the same a lot of the time. It's even harder when you're sick and there's no one to take care of you. As much as I hate the never-ending pile of laundry and dishes I really am thankful that I am able to stay home and raise my children. I couldn't imagine getting up everyday to go to a job I hate only to miss out on my children growing up.

And I hear ya on the family and friends thinking because you stay home you have all this free time. It is so much easier to run an errand on your lunch break or on the way home from work then it is to drag 4 young children out and about. Some people just don't understand.

[USAmma]

I'm really sorry you are having a hard time right now.

I had to let dh know a long time ago that SAHM doesn't mean clean home and gourmet dinner unless the kids are set in front of TV all day. It also means that when I'm too sick to care for the home, he just needs to ignore the mess or better yet, pitch in and help clean it up!

My dd1 is starting to do regular chores. I am about to make assignments: everyone who is old enough to clean in this house will be in charge of their own personal space, as well as one "public" area of the house. I am hoping it will help with the tidy aspect. Of course laundry and dishes still need to be done . . .

[LeosMama]

sounds like you really need to have a chat with dh. he needs to be pulling his weight. if you have four kids, you shouldn't have expectations outside of the home, either. tell your BIL that when you have time, you'll do the checking. then wait for a moment, as you're thinking about your schedule, and tell him, sorry, i won't have time this month.

i work out of the home full time and i get tired of work ALL THE TIME. it's dull, it's tedious, it can be stressful. but every single day i have to do it. and it's the same thing all the time, there's never any less, it's never any different, and no one appreciates it at all. it sucks and i wish i could stay home and clean house and play with my kid.

[MommyMine]

I have the flu today too and I know what you mean...when you are sick it is hard to see the big picture. It just feels like you are queen of a land of people who take and take and take you get nothing...NOTHING. You just give and give and give. No break, no respit...just need...a bottomless pit of need!

But then you get better and it gets better.

[thorn]

DH and I talked about this when I was pg and I let him know that if we had Catie in daycare, they wouldn't be washing dishes, doing laundry, or cooking his dinner. my "job" is to care for her physically and mentally. We still split the household chores the same way we did when I worked.

I know how disenheartening it is when you are sick, my advice is to just forget about it for a few days and take care of yourself. Let your kids watch an extra movie or two while you nap ;) Special circumstances, yanno?

[mamaofthree]

Well today we (the kids and I) picked up the house, I did the dishes and we went to the park. It was so nice to be OUTSIDE. The temp was a nice mid to high 60's. The kids played with friends, I chatted with my mama friends, I came home and DH had folded all the wash! :thumb Of course the hamper is full and the diapers need to be washed... :lol Oh well.
Most of the time I am OK with doing and giving, but some days... IT IS a bottomless pit of give give give. And chores chores chores.
The funny thing is, I have resently given all the kids (OK except the 16 month old) they vacuum, dust, wash the windows, clean their rooms, unload the dish washer, etc. But since we were all sick it sort of got forgotten. Anyway we will get back into the swing again.
Part of the problem is ME. I feel like because I am home that the house should be spotless and a homemade dinner on the table everynight. If not I am not pulling my weight. That is my thing, that I need to get over. It is twisted and messed up! :(
Well thanks for listening to me. It is nice to know there are other moms out there with the same problem. :p

H

[joandsarah77]

:Hug I have days like that. In fact today I have a headache and a head cold and I am not cleaning. My house is a pigsty, and guess what, it will all be there for me tomorow!

Maybe this sounds really bad to dedicated crunchies, but if you can ignore the house, take a day off. Watch tv with the kids, use disposables nappies, and eat take away of plastic/paper plates. :bgbounce ducking the :tomato

[Stayathomemommy]

OK if you were out of the house working and the kids were in daycare all day you may have a little less dishes (lunch dishes is all) and less toys to pick up because your kids would never be home to play with them. but other then that wouldnt you still have all that work but even less time to do it. laundry wouldnt change, and if you were working and the kids going to daycare, looking nice would be more of a priority so laundry i would think would be more stressful!! dinner would be a nightmare! Can you imagin, tired from a long day at work, picking up kids that are tired and over sencitized and just want your attention, coming home to a dh that is equally as tired, and then having to cook dinner, get the kids to bed, clean?? that sounds like a nightmare. And still no time for you.

I know what we do is hard but the alternative sounds so much worse!!

[Hazelnut]

I feel like this a lot lately. Dishes, laundry, pick up, repeat. Some days it's breezy and I feel energized by keeping a home cozy and in running order, some days I'm less stringent, and some days it's just hard. Especially when I'm tired.

I do think sometimes it's easy to take it for granted that some things are easier because I'm at home. But it is a lot of work, any way you slice it. Even if the spouse pitches in. Some days the chores are just endless and menial to me, and that's on top of childcare.

[mamaofthree]

I am feeling like I might have to defend myself here... I am completely aware that I am blessed to be able to stay home. I love that I get to stay home full time. This is the first time in 11 years. (I have been home full time for about 6 months now). DH and I worked our schedules for years so one of us was home with the kids. That meant I worked the night shift at the hospital, that meant I got maybe 4 hours sleep for about 11 years. :lol As busy as I was in the ICU and ER it was still the same day after day (or is that night after night) except maybe a differant person to care for.
I am not for one minute regreting that I am home. I love being home with my kids and I love homeschooling. And most of the time I love taking care of my space. I am also human, and sometimes I get overwhelmed with the CLEANING that is a constant in a 1100 sq house with six people living in it.
I did take joandsarah77's advice, we popped in a move (Pete's Dragon) and I made Hamburger Helper (ACH! :blush ).
On a positive note this evening I worked with dd to get her room organized (something that has been a struggle for about 11 years. LOL She is 11). She is happy in her new clean space and I am happy that I can walk in her room without killing myself. And as a plus... NO PILES! (a serious pet peeve. I hate piles in my house...)
Anyway thanks for listening today. I am feeling better and my house is tiddy thanks to serious team work. :nut

H

[CerridwenLorelei]

I homeschool with chronic illness and everything is still *my* job
though the kids have their chores too. But dh doesn't do anything but go to work.
( he does however do vomit duty for me and that is a big ol plus in my book and for his big plus I do accidents and injuries)

we have six people and two BOxers in 950 sq feet. I can soo relate to the pile thing.

you can come over for tea sometime! :thumb

[kidsrus]

I know what you are saying and you took the words right out of my mouth
lol :thumb I have five kids we just built this big beautiful new house and
I thought I was going to love cleaning it but I am sick of never getting any
help :flipped I have no me time and if I did I would end up feeling like I should be doing something. :grouphug

[sunnysideup]

It's crazy like that around here sometimes too. It can get really overwhelming. Sometimes I get jelous of dh because he can take an hour long lunch all by himself. ;) One thing that helps me is, I make sure I find time for something I like to do every day (a little reading, a walk with the baby, taking the kids to a museum...). I'll never be "done" with cleaning and laundry, so I don't stress about it and just do what I can do.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

mamaofthree---I think we all feel this way--no need to defend.
However, I read your second post--boundaries are needed--do not under any circumstances take on other peoples' work or issues. You have enough to do!
Tell them no,gently but firmly!

[cjr]

When dh or the kids do something to help around the house, I do something fabulous in return for them. This Saturday dh cleaned the whole house and did the dinner dishes so I could visit with my parents. He did more cleaning on Sunday and took our dd to her soccer game. So, after dinner last night I made him a great lunch to take to work today. He loves it when I make his lunch, so to him this is a big deal. When the girls do some laundry then I take the time to do something special for them too, perhaps I pick them up after school and take them out for a treat. It shows them that I appreciate the help and that helping is not all work without reward.

It also helps to find something for yourself. Take a correspondence course that interests you. I have decide to get my Nursing degree one course at a time until I can return to school full time. I don't have a lot of time to study, but taking one course gives me just enough to feel like I'm still taking care of me and my needs and wants.

[Tori Gollihugh]

I was sad to read that you felt like you needed to defend yourself. It seemed that the PPers were really just trying to help you remember (in case you forgot) how nice it was to be home. I know I need the reminder sometimes! I just remember the miserable days of leaving my girl and it helps me cool the distress and frustration fires! I'm pretty certain, though, that we ALL feel ya!!!! I hope everything is feeling quite a lot better, though! :D

[mamaofthree]

Things are alot better. Everyone is better and that helps alot. It sucks being stuck inside for days and days. Makes me a bit nuts after awhile :nut .
In fact we are doing great. I have reinlisted the older kids services, and things are smooth again.
:love
H

[Jenlaana]

I love my daughter and wouldn't want anyone else to take care of her... but this is a thousand times harder than my job that I left was. My house is a disaster and there are ALWAYS tons of dirty dishes and dirty laundry. If I was putting myself first and not thinking about my daughter, I would be back at work in a heartbeat. But this is whats best for her, and she is really thriving and happy, and thats what keeps me going when we have our tough days.

[Rigama]

Not sure if this quite fits or not, but I've been feeling a lot of that "is this all there is to life" stuff myself and since I deal with my stuff by reading...well I'm currently reading Perfect Madness Motherhood in the age of anxity by Judith Warner. I'm not sure what I think about it yet, since I'm not quite 1/4 through, but so much of it is ringing true with me. All the pressures we moms have to be/do everything. The expectation that we will put our personal needs on hold for the sake of sacrificing for our families, the extreme pressures of being the one solely responsible for our children's emotional, mental and phyiscal health, their education and their "sociaization". It's exhausting and overwhelming! And though I don't "get" some of the issues that are brought up by some of the mother's interviewed (all upper middle class, so different worries for them!) I do get a lot of it. So far. There are also a lot of things that I willingly do because I WANT to that are listed as examples of stressing/sacrificing (EBF, Co-slept, homeschool), so I take what I can and leave what I don't need and am placated in the knowledge that I'm not the only woman out there who feels frazzled and "empty" from all the giving. Neither are you. Guess that's just a long winded way of saying "I hear ya, sister!":hug Sorry if that was a hijack :innocent

Rigama