The dating thread returns!

[Jilian]

I thought I'd start up another dating thread so we can share our exciting single-mama dating adventures all in one thread.

So mamas, how is dating going for YOU? :lol

:lurk:

[BelovedK]

I just posted a profile on an internet dating service :blush :bag: :blush

So far, nothing interesting...We'll see what happens. Hopefully I can take part in this thread. Does seeing an ex count?? bc i have been hangin out with an ex (friend first-then we became involved) we have alot of history as friends which is where i want to stay (i even told him so- that i needed to date and have my freedom) He told me that he *sensed* that we would end up together oneday...it never will happen for many reasons, but i still value his friendship.

I let him buy me dinner the other night (well, i had dessert for dinner~the DC weren't ariound) only bc i bought him dinner the last time...well that is him on the phone, gotta go...

[MissSavannahsMommy]

So mamas, how is dating going for YOU? :lol

:lurk:

Woah ho ho, single moms are supposed to be venturing out in the dating world? :duh Someone didn't send me that memo!

I haven't dated very seriously in a very long time. I hope to change that soon but the only socialization i get outside of my daughter is at school and unfortunately in nursing school 95% of the students are female.

Jumping off this thread... if you are dating someone, how and where did you meet? I need some ideas! All my friends are married with kiddos of their own so i'm not really into the dating scene anymore :innocent

[BelovedK]

It's like a big trap, I think it happens by chance meetings, or taking a class on something you enjoy, or internet dating...i mean , the bar scene??? no thanks

I wish it would happen to me, though i'm still doing alot of work on myself and wonder if i'm truly ready. This ex is really into me, i can't seem to stop his flirting :irked: I've been honest w/ him and all, but now i'm in a pickle bc i still want to be his friend

[MissSavannahsMommy]

It's like a big trap, I think it happens by chance meetings, or taking a class on something you enjoy, or internet dating...i mean , the bar scene??? no thanks

i'll have to keep that in mind because by no means am i fending off the guys right now. LOL I wish! :wink Then again i'm not really looking either. I'm young and most young guys i know LOVE the bars and people that don't have children. Not saying they don't exist, but they are rather few and far between. Like you said, i've got a lot of things to work on myself before i start working on a *gasp* relationship. Relationships scare me!

Sorry about the friend. You know what they saayyy... love is friendship set on fiiirree! :lol At least he's persistant right? That's a good quality in a guy! :thumb

[StephandOwen]

I've been *alone* for over 2 years now. Not one single date. I recently put my profile up on eHarmony (but can't afford the membership so I'm just looking around) and singleparentsmeet.com. That one I did get a 1 month membership and, well, am having fun laughing at all the 40+ men who are sending me messages telling me that age doesn't matter and it's what's on the inside that counts. :lol I guarantee if I change my age to 65 and my pic to an older women they wouldn't feel the same :shake

[RockStarMom]

Dating is nonexistant for me. :lol Hazel is only 3.5 months old so I can't leave her yet- I'm a full time mom and part time (online) student so I literally don't have time for a relationship right now. It would be nice though- I wasn't with DD's father so it's been a really long time since I've actually been in a relationship.

[Kierdan'sMom]

Just a suggestion, but coffee scenes work pretty well for meeting people. It's where I met my SO while I was preggers...it only took us anohter 15 months to end up dating :lol And he's only 21 and has no problem with the baby (even when DS named him Daddy on our second date :blush ). And my best friend seems to have luck with online personals (yahoo is her fave). She's met one she's very serious about and he's fine with her 3 young children. Other than that, I wouldn't even know where to begin trying to date :lol

[boomingranny]

stephandowen - I'm a over forty mom and when I've done internet dating the guys who send me e-mails are 55 - 65. I was wondering who my peers were hitting on. If age didn't matter I'd get more responses from guys my age. I found internet dating a drag and not ez when you're a single mom to a child. I was overly paranoid since I was the one who had to make sure he was some pedophile looking to get to my kid. So, I'm waiting for the universe to provide. Meanwhile - let's have fun and try to be present with our kids.

[Jilian]

I've had some crazy adventures in dating. I joined singleparentmeet.com and got to know the senior citizen crowd via e-mail. I did end up getting a nice e-mail friend in Canada. I talked to him via e-mail for months and it was a shame he didn't live closer because I think we had a connection.

The first time I dated it was a "friend of a friend", yeah, bad idea. He was my age (I usually date older) and it turned out he was a ladies man, he was dating all sorts of other women at the same time. It defenitely wasn't what I was looking for in a man so I let him know and left that situation.

Then, for some unknown reason, I decided to date a younger guy that I was working with. He seemed nice enough, but he was 4 years younger than me. I was apprehensive at first but he asked me out twice so I figured I'd give him a shot. He ended up being a mama's boy, and had to ask his mom permission to go out on dates. Being a mom I thought it was cute for a while. FOR A WHILE. Then he became hot and cold, he'd tell me how much he REALLY liked me then not call me for a week. I told him we'd just be better off as friends. I was right.

THEN, I decided to take a break from dating for a long time. I stopped agreeing to go on dates and stopped looking for someone. A guy I had been really good friends with for about 5 mos pulled me aside one day and told me how much he liked me, he pointed out all of our similarities and said he thought we'd make a great couple. I never really thought of him that way, but his talk got me thinking. He was right, we've been dating for a year now.

[BelovedK]

THEN, I decided to take a break from dating for a long time. I stopped agreeing to go on dates and stopped looking for someone. A guy I had been really good friends with for about 5 mos pulled me aside one day and told me how much he liked me, he pointed out all of our similarities and said he thought we'd make a great couple. I never really thought of him that way, but his talk got me thinking. He was right, we've been dating for a year now.


That is a perfect example of how it usually happens, the universe really does provide when you are ready.
Since i am trying internet dating and communicating via email, i have discovered how many 'unmatches' there are out there...i see it as getting my feet wet in the dating world, i know i'm not ready for a relationship...i'm doing alot of work on myself, but i want to have a date and some good adult conversation once in a while . I've 'met' a WAHDad through Yahoo, he seems nice, but not my physical type, though it's hard to tell from a pic. He is only a little older than me and has time during the day to have coffee (my favorite, a short 'date') I'm not sure if i will even agree to meet up with him until there has been alot of communication via email and then maybe a phone convo or two (though i don't really feel comfy about giving out my #)

I'm still not sure about what to do about my 'friend' that is more interested in me in a romantic way when all i want is our old friendship back. Do I have to just cut it off with him...at least i'm being honest with him and i *do * enjoy his company (sometimes it is uncomfortable when he does something like grab my hand and linger a little too long) He loves my children, but i don't let him see them. I wonder if he considers us as a *dating* couple (Yech!)

[Jilian]

Kelly I have been in a similar situation with a friend who wants to be more than just friends and I don't feel the same way. We have actually maintained a friendship for 7 years now. It took a while for him to realize that we were never going to be more then friends, but to this day he is still one of my best friends. Just be clear with him, and do not lead him on. Friendly kissing sends a bad message, TRUST ME on this one :lol If you enjoy him as a friend don't cut him out of your life completely, just be clear about your boundaries.

[BelovedK]

Friendly kissing sends a bad message, TRUST ME on this one :lol


Yuck! :gross We hug goodbye and hello, but that's where it ends...even then, he likes to hug a little too long for my tastes. I guess I'm just irresistable :lol :run :wink

[mystic~mama]

That is a perfect example of how it usually happens, the universe really does provide when you are ready.
Since i am trying internet dating and communicating via email, i have discovered how many 'unmatches' there are out there...i see it as getting my feet wet in the dating world, i know i'm not ready for a relationship...i'm doing alot of work on myself, but i want to have a date and some good adult conversation once in a while . I've 'met' a WAHDad through Yahoo, he seems nice, but not my physical type, though it's hard to tell from a pic. He is only a little older than me and has time during the day to have coffee (my favorite, a short 'date') I'm not sure if i will even agree to meet up with him until there has been alot of communication via email and then maybe a phone convo or two (though i don't really feel comfy about giving out my #)

I'm still not sure about what to do about my 'friend' that is more interested in me in a romantic way when all i want is our old friendship back. Do I have to just cut it off with him...at least i'm being honest with him and i *do * enjoy his company (sometimes it is uncomfortable when he does something like grab my hand and linger a little too long) He loves my children, but i don't let him see them. I wonder if he considers us as a *dating* couple (Yech!)


I totally relate to your posts BelovedK...I posted on craigslist a few weeks ago for the heck of it and got quite a few replies. I ended up talking to 3 guys on the phone. I met one who is a lot younger because we clicked and talked a lot online...we are friends, I knew that before we met both knowing most likely it would be a friendship connection, which it is. I talked to a few others and ended up telling them I wasnt ready to date. One of them I found very attractive judging by his pic but the phone conversation although good, I wasnt sure..a week or so later, despite feeling unsure if I am ready I replied to an ad on CL and we have been emailing and talked last night...its another unmatch I'm feeling..although we have some things in common. Its nice just to have someone to talk to, a male specifically ;)

I was reading the other thread about relationships and someone said that before starting something with someone new it is good to heal from your last relationship and I'm not even sure I have anything to heal from that or not :innocent I know I have lots to work on in myself so I totally relate to your post and I'm loving this thread because this is on my mind a lot lately...my relationship w/ dd's father was over 4 years but a non relationship most of the time so I reallllly want to meet someone to share things with and its on my mind so much.

[MsChatsAlot]

:lurk:
I'll just read and live vicariously through all of your experiences.
I won't be dating right now....
a. No Time
b. No Energy
c. No Interest (okay, well an ever so tiny bit of interest until I think about a. and b.)

[BelovedK]

:lurk:
I'll just read and live vicariously through all of your experiences.
I won't be dating right now....
a. No Time
b. No Energy
c. No Interest (okay, well an ever so tiny bit of interest until I think about a. and b.)


:lol :lol

[kirei]

I want to be dating someone. :( It drives me crazy sometimes!!

I've found that I am very unapproachable, and I guess thats my problem. I'm shy, and when I see guys on the street, I immediately refuse to even make eye contact!! Its compulsive at this point, and a huge struggle to stop doing it.

It still frustrates me though, because I feel like..... what, am I so ugly that NO ONE is interested?? I'm a 32DDD, 138lbs.... WHYYYYYYYY can't I find a guy?! LOL... sorry to be so shallow, but come on!

[BelovedK]

kirei, Have you ever thought of doing something like eharmony? The way I see it is there's no stigma attatched to things like that anymore and people are too busy now to go out and meet someone. You are likely to find at least a few dates (after viewing many frogs) and maybe a lasting connection, who knows?

You can write in there up front about how important your DC is to you and something on your general views so you weed out alot of the ones who would not date, or not love children. From what i understand, eharmony really does good background checks on their members, so i think it's worth a try. I plan to join as soon as my D is final. Right now I'm doing Yahoo personals and so far have only met one SAMDad (or WAHDad)...He may be geeky, it's hard to tell from the pic, we are emailing back and forth. he seems intelligent and very devoted to his DC.

Anyway, it's worth a try, let us know what you think :thumb

[Jster]

Okay, I'll sign on to this thread! I haven't dated yet, but I'm ready to give it a try. My biggest barrier is going to be, well, I have my girls all the time. And don't really feel comfortable with a babysitter. And don't really want to introduce them to someone until it's serious. HA! So, I've got hang-ups that need to be balanced out somehow. Anyone else struggling with this?

I did a trial membership to match.com and, in the measly three days, got three possible people. Okay, only one looks really very interesting...he's liberal (very important to me) goes to the same kind of church I do, and seems intriguing. So we'll see...I may extend my membership, but I want to try out these folks first.

Good luck all!

[mystic~mama]

I want to be dating someone. :( It drives me crazy sometimes!!

I've found that I am very unapproachable, and I guess thats my problem. I'm shy, and when I see guys on the street, I immediately refuse to even make eye contact!! Its compulsive at this point, and a huge struggle to stop doing it.

It still frustrates me though, because I feel like..... what, am I so ugly that NO ONE is interested?? I'm a 32DDD, 138lbs.... WHYYYYYYYY can't I find a guy?! LOL... sorry to be so shallow, but come on!


I totally relate to this.....well,,,except for the 32DDD part ;)

[emmasmominar]

no major dating. Emma's dad and I still see each other everyonce in a while. I did meet a wonderful guy over the weekend, and we hung out friday night, saturday for lunch and saturday night and I stayed untill Sunday around noon (NO WE DIDNT DO ANYTHING) then I saw him yesterday at the mall. We will see, he is very nice and has wonderful manners and loves Emma

[BelovedK]

Hmmmmm :lol

[kirei]

I totally relate to this.....well,,,except for the 32DDD part ;)

lol.... preach it, sister! :lol

But, seriously, I think I'm decent looking, at least (if not... pretty? Maybe? :innocent ).... and I hear of lots of people being approached by guys, asked out on dates, blah blah blah.... but me? Never. It just drives me crazy! I am working on being more approachable, but... I still wonder if that will really help.

Anyway, about eharmony.... I actually took the time to go through the whole stupid profile thing -- and it told me that I was not the sort of person they could match with anyone. :irked: Even eharmony thinks I'm not date-able!!!! :irked: :( :irked:

[Jster]

Kirei, I know what you mean about feeling un-approachable. I'm not shy, but I've found I'm shy lately around men. Just the other day I was at a fruit stand, and there was this cute looking guy who started chatting with me as if he knew me, and I bet I could have talked to him long enough or given him the right vibes...but I chickened out and went back into my cave.

I'm think, for me, there is just a big fear of WHO someone is and whether I feel I could trust them that makes me hesitant. Do you know what might make you shy?

That's good to know about eharmony, perhaps I won't bother going back and finishing my profile.

I did a trial to match.com, and found two interesting men to email. Actually, one seems really intriguing, he's got two girls he loves, but they live with their mom almost all the time "because I know they have a great place there and that's the best thing for them." And they go to a waldorf school. And, we just seem to have a similar playfulness, so we'll see where that goes. And we both just acknowledged that neither of us has done really any "dating" so it feels nice to have someone I'm on more of an equal footing with who won't be concerned about rules and games.

So, who has experience with internet dating protocol? What's good to do? Pace? And how strange was it when you met the person in person (I imagine a bit less so when you haven't communicated as long...am I write?) I might call him on the phone tonight...if the girls settle well and I get all my homework done. And I work up the courage :wink

[BelovedK]

Anyway, about eharmony.... I actually took the time to go through the whole stupid profile thing -- and it told me that I was not the sort of person they could match with anyone. :irked: Even eharmony thinks I'm not date-able!!!! :irked: :( :irked:


:yikes: I didn't know that was possible. I did the profile and they told me that they don't accept, or match up seperated people (only divorced) Was that it? Otherwise, I'll go with Match.com.

[BelovedK]

And I work up the courage :wink


Oh, just go for it sister :wink

[Jilian]

Actually, one seems really intriguing, he's got two girls he loves, but they live with their mom almost all the time "because I know they have a great place there and that's the best thing for them." And they go to a waldorf school. And, we just seem to have a similar playfulness, so we'll see where that goes. And we both just acknowledged that neither of us has done really any "dating" so it feels nice to have someone I'm on more of an equal footing with who won't be concerned about rules and games.

So, who has experience with internet dating protocol? What's good to do? Pace? And how strange was it when you met the person in person

He sounds like a nice guy, good for you mama! I've met someone from online once. I used to play spades in an online club way before DS was born and had a regular spades partner. I talked to him online as a friend for over a year before we met in person. The meeting was kind of awkward but after I stopped being nervous it was ok. He was the same person he was online. BUT he certainly did not look much like his pictures, he was about 50 lbs heavier. There was no romantic chemistry but I still chat with him a few times a year online.

The first call is usually pretty uncomfortable, you may want to come up with a list of things to talk about in case the conversation stalls. But you'll be able to tell pretty quickly weather or not there is any kind of interest. Let us know how it goes!

[MsChatsAlot]

So, who has experience with internet dating protocol? What's good to do? Pace? And how strange was it when you met the person in person (I imagine a bit less so when you haven't communicated as long...am I write?)

The more time you spend communicating first (via email, messenging or on the phone) the better idea you'll get about the person. The liars, will start to forget what lies they've told you and you'll find inconsistencies within a few different emails. The guys who only want sex, will get bored if you're not going to meet immediately.

I like to do a little online stuff first. Then the phone calls give me a better sense of what the person is like.

It is a little awkward meeting. If you've been looking at a picture, it's amazing how different they look when you see them in person. Plus, when you're used to writing online, you have more time to formulate things. I found it a little backwards....but it can still work out really well.

[Jilian]

But, seriously, I think I'm decent looking, at least (if not... pretty? Maybe? :innocent ).... and I hear of lots of people being approached by guys, asked out on dates, blah blah blah.... but me? Never. It just drives me crazy! I am working on being more approachable, but... I still wonder if that will really help.

Anyway, about eharmony.... I actually took the time to go through the whole stupid profile thing -- and it told me that I was not the sort of person they could match with anyone. :irked: Even eharmony thinks I'm not date-able!!!! :irked: :( :irked:

I'm guessing that you are giving off an "unapproachable vibe". I had that problem in high school, I was very shy and avoided eye contact with people and a lot of people later told me that they just assumed I was a snobby bitch :( I'm really not :shy So I worked really hard on making eye contact with people (even if for only 2 seconds) then giving a quick half-smile. It's they shy way to say hello to someone. Then if they are interested they feel as if they've been given an invitation to come over and say hello.

Kids scare a LOT of people away too, but only the types of people you don't want to be dating in the first place. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you are fairly young (say 20 ish) you may have a hard time meeting someone that age who is ok with the responsibility of you having a little one. Most guys are going through their "party phase" until about 23, not all, but most IME. Just try not to look, and take baby steps towards being more friendly and approachable. You'll find someone. Most likely when you stop looking. You are attractive and seem like a nice person, there is someone out there for you. Let him come to you.

[BelovedK]

It is a little awkward meeting. If you've been looking at a picture, it's amazing how different they look when you see them in person.


What about the guys who pose with no shirt on? :laugh:


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:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol

[mystic~mama]

lol.... preach it, sister! :lol

But, seriously, I think I'm decent looking, at least (if not... pretty? Maybe? :innocent ).... and I hear of lots of people being approached by guys, asked out on dates, blah blah blah.... but me? Never. It just drives me crazy! I am working on being more approachable, but... I still wonder if that will really help.

Anyway, about eharmony.... I actually took the time to go through the whole stupid profile thing -- and it told me that I was not the sort of person they could match with anyone. :irked: Even eharmony thinks I'm not date-able!!!! :irked: :( :irked:


i could have written this too :lol

exactly the same thing happen to me with eharmony and that questionaire took forever! :irked:

I'm guessing that you are giving off an "unapproachable vibe". I had that problem in high school, I was very shy and avoided eye contact with people and a lot of people later told me that they just assumed I was a snobby bitch I'm really not So I worked really hard on making eye contact with people (even if for only 2 seconds) then giving a quick half-smile. It's they shy way to say hello to someone. Then if they are interested they feel as if they've been given an invitation to come over and say hello.

Kids scare a LOT of people away too, but only the types of people you don't want to be dating in the first place. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you are fairly young (say 20 ish) you may have a hard time meeting someone that age who is ok with the responsibility of you having a little one. Most guys are going through their "party phase" until about 23, not all, but most IME. Just try not to look, and take baby steps towards being more friendly and approachable. You'll find someone. Most likely when you stop looking. You are attractive and seem like a nice person, there is someone out there for you. Let him come to you.

great post....I can relate and found your advice very helpful :thumb

[morgainesmama]

Mostly I browse here once in a while ... came today specifically to read about y'all dating ... I'm venturing out this week for the first time and wow! I'm really nervous ... I feel like I don't tknow the rules, etc.

Like, I'm meeting this one guy I've met on myspace.com (free site good for lots of things including dating ... I have found a lot of my local match.com guys are also on myspace, saves me the money :lol ). Then seeing this wonderful guy I actually met at a bar NYE and we hit it off really well ... good phone conversations since then ...

But I just don't even know like, what the "rules" are, yk?

I also know for a fact that having three kids puts people off ... they don't get it. Um, hello? My kids aren't even going to know you exist unless things get serious ... But for example, the work friend of a friend of mine said, "Who is she? She's really cute!" and she said, "Oh, yeah, she's divorced, three kids ... "He cut her off. "Oh. Kids. Never mind." Gah.

The thing about eharmony is THEY match you up only with certain people, and the fees are high -- people on eharmony generally are looking to get married ... match is less expensive and you browse profiles and pick what works for you ... I dunno.

So what are the rules? Generally, I mean? Like, of dating? I've been in serious relationships only since I was about 16. :blush I'm really looking forward to NOT getting serious, but don't know how???

~Kristi

[Jilian]

What about the guys who pose with no shirt on? :laugh:


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:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: It is so funny that you mention that, my ex is one of those guys :rotflmao 3 days after I told him I wanted to seperate he set himself up with an account on Adult friend finder.com (read: sex finder) and put up a picture of himself without a shirt on. How did I find out? He asked me to check his e-mail for him (I always did while we were married and answered all business e-mails for him) and he must have forgot that they e-mailed him his new account name and password. I logged on to read his profile and nearly fell off my chair laughing. Of course I printed out his profile and gave my friends a few laughs too :lol The things he said in it were just too funny.

[Jilian]

I also know for a fact that having three kids puts people off ... they don't get it. Um, hello? My kids aren't even going to know you exist unless things get serious ... But for example, the work friend of a friend of mine said, "Who is she? She's really cute!" and she said, "Oh, yeah, she's divorced, three kids ... "He cut her off. "Oh. Kids. Never mind." Gah.
That is a good thing, who would want to date someone who thinks like that anyway? I think having a child helps weed the jerks out. That is why I usually tell people right away that I have a son.


So what are the rules? Generally, I mean? Like, of dating? I've been in serious relationships only since I was about 16. :blush I'm really looking forward to NOT getting serious, but don't know how???
I've never been one to follow the rules. I think sometimes they are silly. Except for the rules reguarding safety, those are important to follow. I hate the "don't call back before 3 days, never accept a date for the same night, etc" I think it is all BS. Dating with a child or children is hard but it helped me to cut out the BS. I let people know up front that DS is my main priority and that I wasn't interested in just a fling or playing games. I didn;t have much time to date so I didn't want to waste what little time I had dating a jerk, KWIM. Just be honest. After a few dates if you find yourself really liking the guy then let him know. Don't be afraid to ask where he sees the relationship going. Be yourself and be honest. Most of all, have fun!

[mystic~mama]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: It is so funny that you mention that, my ex is one of those guys :rotflmao 3 days after I told him I wanted to seperate he set himself up with an account on Adult friend finder.com (read: sex finder) and put up a picture of himself without a shirt on. How did I find out? He asked me to check his e-mail for him (I always did while we were married and answered all business e-mails for him) and he must have forgot that they e-mailed him his new account name and password. I logged on to read his profile and nearly fell off my chair laughing. Of course I printed out his profile and gave my friends a few laughs too :lol The things he said in it were just too funny.

:lol how funny

the guys that pose with their shirts off gross me out :Puke

my ex joined Adult [sex] finder soon after dd and I left....I checked his email out of curiosity.

[BelovedK]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: It is so funny that you mention that, my ex is one of those guys :rotflmao 3 days after I told him I wanted to seperate he set himself up with an account on Adult friend finder.com (read: sex finder) and put up a picture of himself without a shirt on. How did I find out? He asked me to check his e-mail for him (I always did while we were married and answered all business e-mails for him) and he must have forgot that they e-mailed him his new account name and password. I logged on to read his profile and nearly fell off my chair laughing. Of course I printed out his profile and gave my friends a few laughs too :lol The things he said in it were just too funny.



For some reason the smilies won't work, I was going to say YIKES and then many laughs. I have been cruising on Match.com and it's amazing how many men do that (your X :lol ) I'll bet you got a lotta laughs out of that one...Does he know you know? I don't think I could keep it to myself.

[meemee]

you know as much as i want a man (i think its my 'body' speaking) i really dont have time for dating - unless ex takes dd for periods of time on a REGULAR basis not last minute when it pleases him. i wish there was a place where one could 'meet' both sexes just to be friends. i could do with some good conversation. i really feel i need more friends than a relationship. i love talking and sharing my opinions. have tried out a few groups - mom related - and i know there are sports groups out there but with a child hard to join them. it would be so nice to hang out at a coffee joint with kids playing around (my dd loves coffee houses) and have the adults locked into an interesting argument.

but i am off to asia next week to figure out what the heck is going on with my mom (on the verge of a nervous breakdown living the life of a loner). had to fight ex to take dd. hope i meet someone nice on the flight to have a good conversation with and some nice people who will entertain my dd.

[Jilian]

I'll bet you got a lotta laughs out of that one...Does he know you know? I don't think I could keep it to myself.

Yeah, I spilled it one day when he made me mad. I said something along the lines of "Well at least I'm not joining porn sites advertising myself as long and thick and in search of a hottie who likes sex" He was floored that I knew. The look on his face was priceless. :lol I wish I had taken a picture of his face :lol

[skj474]

Mostly I browse here once in a while ... came today specifically to read about y'all dating ... I'm venturing out this week for the first time and wow! I'm really nervous ... I feel like I don't tknow the rules, etc.

Like, I'm meeting this one guy I've met on myspace.com (free site good for lots of things including dating ... I have found a lot of my local match.com guys are also on myspace, saves me the money :lol ). Then seeing this wonderful guy I actually met at a bar NYE and we hit it off really well ... good phone conversations since then ...

But I just don't even know like, what the "rules" are, yk?

I also know for a fact that having three kids puts people off ... they don't get it. Um, hello? My kids aren't even going to know you exist unless things get serious ... But for example, the work friend of a friend of mine said, "Who is she? She's really cute!" and she said, "Oh, yeah, she's divorced, three kids ... "He cut her off. "Oh. Kids. Never mind." Gah.

The thing about eharmony is THEY match you up only with certain people, and the fees are high -- people on eharmony generally are looking to get married ... match is less expensive and you browse profiles and pick what works for you ... I dunno.

So what are the rules? Generally, I mean? Like, of dating? I've been in serious relationships only since I was about 16. :blush I'm really looking forward to NOT getting serious, but don't know how???

~Kristi


Hey Kristi, just wanted to let you know that I live in the next town from you!! :D

Havent been on a date since Sept 2004!!!!!!! :lol Think I need to get out?? ;)

[nursemummy]

I'm getting ready to start dating again. :innocent

I came out of a five year relationship about seven months ago. My ex has long since moved on (oddly enough with the woman that caused all our initial problems) and I am struggling to deal with that.

I read somewhere that for every five years you were in a serious relationship you should give yourself a year to heal. (So ten years married, two years off, etc.) Anyway, the closer we get to spring - the more I'm looking forward to getting out there.

I'm terrified though. My ex was my first boyfriend (like - first kiss and everything) so I have no idea how to go about this. I have a three year old daughter, and between her and school (I'm a nursing student) I barely have time to breathe.

But I do think it's time for me to at least consider socializing with the opposite sex once again. I have this disconcerting "don't talk to me vibe" currently going on that I have to work on though.

:lol

[StephandOwen]

Havent been on a date since Sept 2004!!!!!!! :lol Think I need to get out?? ;)


Got you beat :wink I left DS's dad Thanksgiving 2003 and haven't been on a single date since. How sad am I?!? :lol :nut

Zoesmummy- you and I sound a lot alike. My DS's dad was my first, like, everything (from kiss all the way up to first child :wink ). I have never been with another man, never even kissed another man.

Writing that makes me sound like such a loser :innocent I swear I'm not ugly. I don't even smell bad (well, except with my darling son pukes on me :p ).

:flipped

[tekslilbrat]

Jilian....I too joined singleparentmeet.com and found that alot of the guys were really on there for only one reason so I got a little discouraged. There were a few who were on there to find someone they were compatible with, but I found no interest. After about 2 months, I recieved a message from a guy about 2 hrs awayy from me and we started talking by email, then AIM, the phine and then finally after a few months we met. Well I got my happy ending. I moved into his house with him and we have a 20 month old son to add to the three boys he had and the two gorls and a boy I had. I just want everyone to know to not get discourage because you will find someone and I truely believe now that there is a happy ending out there for everyone. I ccouldn't imagine being with anyone else and I had a few rocky relationships before him including with my ex-husband.

[bu's mama]

Yeah, I spilled it one day when he made me mad. I said something along the lines of "Well at least I'm not joining porn sites advertising myself as long and thick and in search of a hottie who likes sex" He was floored that I knew. The look on his face was priceless. :lol I wish I had taken a picture of his face :lol

:laugh:

[StephandOwen]

Thanks for the happy story Andrea!

I'm on singleparentmeet.com also but have found mostly older guys (like, way older guys). I did find one guy who seemed cool. We've been doing messages for a few days but I came on today to find his answer to my simple question. I asked something along the lines of if you had a weekend free to do anything what would it be. His response? "Spend it with you" :Puke :lol Kinda cute but no. I wasn't sure how to take it (he so far hadn't seemed to be only interested in sex so that one threw me for a loop) so I just mailed a little blush smilie. Next step is his.

[tekslilbrat]

StephandOwen, I found that the guys were pretty blatant when they wanted sex. I never got an answer like that. I hope all goes well for you. I think guys are more complicated than women and not the other way around cuz you never know whats on their mind :nut

[meemee]

Got you beat :wink I left DS's dad Thanksgiving 2003 and haven't been on a single date since. How sad am I?!? :lol :nut

Zoesmummy- you and I sound a lot alike. My DS's dad was my first, like, everything (from kiss all the way up to first child :wink ). I have never been with another man, never even kissed another man.

Writing that makes me sound like such a loser :innocent I swear I'm not ugly. I don't even smell bad (well, except with my darling son pukes on me :p ).

hah!! got u beat. went for my last happy date with ex in sept 2001. got preggo in dec 01. stopped being frisky march 02 as it was too painful. and nothing since. no dates NOTHING!!! and guess what. the higher power i feel was having a laugh on me. everytime my dd nursed even today i feel uhmm frisky. so i got u beat steph. though i think mschatsalot is the queen here in this matter. though i havent exactly been looking either.

and my ex was my first too - even kissing. neither have i been with another man or even kissed another man. and i am 41. how sad is THAT!!!

and the worst thing is i feel like a loser because i get attention from the wrong people as if i have freaks welcome written on my forehead.

[StephandOwen]

LMAO! Okay, you win for now meemee. Once MsChatsAlot shows up we'll see if she can beat you :wink I'm feeling a little loserish (hehe... think I made up a new word tonight) because the only guys who seem to be attracted to me are at least twice as old as I am. One was almost 3 times as old as I am :bolt :lol

[meemee]

LOL steph. arent we such losers comparing who's been the longest without dates. at least u dont attract the drunks, drug addicts, without jobs guys (havent done anything online - just around in person). its one thing to be given a compliment which i welcome even from homeless guys. its sweet no mattter who is giving it. but when u have those scary looking guys whom i would NEVER trust around my dd - u wonder what's going on.

[Jilian]

You mamas aren't "loserish" you're just taking time to heal and to deal with what is most important to you right now, your DC. I think it is respectable when a woman saves herself for the right person. You mamas rock!

[StephandOwen]

at least u dont attract the drunks, drug addicts, without jobs guys

You just described my ex :lol But I'll give him a little credit- he does have a job and has had the same job for over 3 years now. Unfortunately he told his mom last week he thinks he's going to get fired because he's a drunk. I swear to you if he gets fired I will personally kick his ass because I CANNOT afford rent/food/etc without the child support.

I think I'm just so paranoid since I had Owen that I think any guy who even looks at me the wrong way is a serial killer :innocent I know, I need to loosen up. Maybe someday.

[StephandOwen]

That reminds me, Jillian, where did our abstinate thread go? Must search that one out and bring it back up :thumb

[meemee]

I think I'm just so paranoid since I had Owen that I think any guy who even looks at me the wrong way is a serial killer :innocent I know, I need to loosen up. Maybe someday.

:lol about ur ex. :( about CS. hope it doesnt come down to that.

for me the thought is child molestor if he is in anyway wierd in my books!!! u know evil wierd.

[StephandOwen]

for me the thought is child molestor if he is in anyway wierd in my books!!! u know evil wierd.

For me it's not so much that, because I know I would never ever leave DS with someone else until I really truely knew them (like, after we were married). I'm just paranoid like that. I don't leave DS with anyone outside of family though, only my mom once for less than 5 minutes (not that I don't trust my mom but she's got 2 other young kids and is pregnant so it's not like she can chase around my DS), my dad a handful of times- no more than an hour or so, and my sisters once for like an hour (they made me go to Toys R Us! LOL!). And, of course, his dad when he shows up (which is rare and never for more than 3 hours). Man I'm going to have a hard time when he has to go to school :bawl Wow was that off topic. :W

[meemee]

my fear is what if i am one of those gullible moms who dont see the molestor in him and marries him and doesnt discover teh molestation till the teens. not good fear for dating!!!

[StephandOwen]

True. So true. I think we can all agree that dating is much harder after you have kids. Before you only had to worry about you (and if you were like me you didn't even really do that). Now you have your kids to worry about.

[morgainesmama]

skj ... I'll take you out! :)

Or at least, we should get together sometime.

meemee ... craigslist has a "purely platonic" or some such thing where you can seek out both sexes for friends. My brother uses it and likes it a lot.

Jilian ... thanks. :)


AAAAND .... someone from myspace messaged me this morning and we chatted a while ... and my book group met tonight at a place he'd mentioned he frequents and so he said he'd been thinking of going by anyway, and we made plans to meet after the group, and we talked nonstop for like 90 minutes. :love

I feel like a 16 year old, which is probably a good thing. Not a date, precisely, but we'll be getting together again, and I really enjoyed his company. :down I'm a dork but it made me happy. Dating sounds like a lot of fun ... not at all wanting a relationship for both practical (time) reasons and emotional (need time for me) reasons, but it makes me happy to feel like someone "likes" me. :)

~Kristi

[kirei]

BelovedK (I think thats who I'm responding to :lol) ... I have never been married, so that was not what was wrong with my profile! Also, I WANT a relationship that has the potential to be serious, and lead toward marriage... so I would prefer to use eharmony over match.com or something. :( I don't know what was wrong with my profile! They don't even tell you... they just reject your profile!

Thanks for the support, everyone. I'll just keeeeeep trying to be more approachable. I bet everyone thinks I'm a stuck up b***h too. :innocent I'm really not, I'm just SO..... socially anxious or something.

To the person who asked about why I'm shy: um...... I'm really not sure. A lot of people didn't like me in elementary school.. maybe that has something to do with it. I've always known that I'm shy, and lived in my sister's shadow sometimes. When I see people with the potential of meeting them? I freeze up, COMPULSIVELY. Thats the worst of it. It is a huge effort to make eye contact sometimes. On the other hand, I have no problem speaking with a cashier while I'm buying something, or asking an employee a question in a store... I donno.

And about my age: I'm 22, so yeah.... I'm sure my baby usually scares guys off. :( It really sucks (although I'd be happy to find an older guy.... ;) :D)

[skj474]

Kristi~ how does this myspace thing work? Can anyone see your profile/space?

Oh and that one date in Sept 04, well that was the only one since Aug 03... :lol

[Jster]

Hiya ladies! I agree we're not loserish even if we aren't out in the world! But hopefully we'll all have good luck.

So I got the courage to talk to the guy from match, we'll call him M, on the phone last night. It was pretty nice...we have a lot in common and similar values/perspectives. I'm especially glad to hear more about his kids and relationship. His daughters go to a Waldorf school!! And they had homebirths and cloth diapered, etc., so I think there's probably other similarities as well (like extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc.) That's really reassuring to me. He also says he'd never move far from his kids, and seems to really value how his choices effect them, also important to me. One thing that bothered me a bit is his divorce isn't final yet...and I don't know quite how I feel about that. But apparently they've been separated a year. What do you all think?

The thing I'm most nervous about at this point is: we've both had a similar relationship history (starting seeing our exes young, got serious and immersed ourselves in the relationships immediately, haven't really dated much outside that...and both our marriages ended.) and I don't want to follow the same mistakes. So when he said he'd be busy tonight because he has his daughters and is celebrating ones BIRTHDAY, I tried to stress that he shouldn't worry about talking to me...just enjoy it. But then he said, "Well, after they go to bed I don't have much else to do..." So we'll see. I think I'll clarify this concern to him in an email.

eharmony...well, after you ladies talked about it a bit, I decided to check it out. It seems, well, pretty conservative. Or perhaps traditional would be a better word. They did accept my profile, but I don't really like the info you get about potential matches. For instance, I'm somewhat a Christian, but only a very liberal/non-literal sort, so when someone they thought I was a match to writes, "I want to be with a woman who submits to God and her husband," I'm :yikes!!!! NOT what I would be interested in AT ALL. So perhaps they don't understand us very well...

I'm trying to stick with the free stuff/free trials, because I don't want to invest any of my very thin cashflow on this...I'd rather save it for babysitters if it gets to that point. And I'd hate to feel that I (or anyone I contact) is seeking a return on their investment, kwim?

[mystic~mama]

It has been so helpful and entertaining reading this thread ;) And I have deecided that I am done browsing and talking to men online...not just that I'm done "looking" for a realtionship period.

Why I have been going against my instincts that tell me I am not ready, I dont know but writing it here helps it be concrete to me that I promise myself, I am not going to spend anymore energy on this. Not that I wont be reading about your dating experiences :wink :Peace

[Jster]

I hope I'm not killing this thread...

Mystic mama, do trust your instincts. It's so important to listen to yourself. And I read your post on the celibacy thread, and it seems like a peaceful and healthy choice.

Umm...so...yesterday, I got a christmas card back in the mail from my old friend, the address was bad. So I called him up (glad his number was still good!) and we talked for...three hours. And could have talked all night. Or all year. This is the person who, when we were 13, was so amazingly mature that he scared ME away! And the best lover I've ever had. And, well, I've never said this before, but when I was about to get married, my ex and I were having a big trouble over last names, we'd previously agreed to share a new sort of combo name, and his family went ballistic, threatened to boycott the wedding. So he decided to follow their lead, it was take his name or keep my own, but the kids better have his name. I felt so scared by it all, I mean, it was just too much to take, his family being more important to him than me. And I almost called the whole thing off, but my aunt talked me into going ahead (gee, thanks...I listened to her perhaps because she was the only one still married in my family, but she ended up getting divorced on the same day I did, imagine that :rolleyes:). But all the while I was thinking...the only reason I really am absolutely opposed to taking his name or hyphenating is because of his family, I didn't really like them in their relationships, didn't really want to be a part of them. And I kept thinking all the time about this other man...the one I'd been so passionate about at 13 (and later in high school when we had a sort of reunion). I admitted to myself that I had always felt so much more connection to him, but went ahead with getting married.

So last night, talking, the connection is still there. Some of it might just be familiarity, or the fact that he stimulates my mind and expresses so much respect for my perspective. And lust... But some of it has always been a feeling there might be a soul connection that's undeniable, which keeps us coming back to each other. Of course, he lives in NYC, so it's not like we'll go anywhere. But boy, do I wish we could!

I'll still be in touch with M from match.com, though...gotta at least try things out.

So what do you all think? Anyone believe old flames can rekindle successfully? Or that it's even worth thinking about when he lives so far away?

[MsChatsAlot]

It has been so helpful and entertaining reading this thread ;) And I have deecided that I am done browsing and talking to men online...not just that I'm done "looking" for a realtionship period.

Why I have been going against my instincts that tell me I am not ready, I dont know but writing it here helps it be concrete to me that I promise myself, I am not going to spend anymore energy on this. Not that I wont be reading about your dating experiences :wink :Peace

You know, I have been exactly there at times too. I sign up because I feel lonely or like I'm missing "something" - knowing full well that I'm not in the space or don't have the time to be dating right now anyway. But, for some reason, I've still done it. I do listen better now.

[MsChatsAlot]

LMAO! Okay, you win for now meemee. Once MsChatsAlot shows up we'll see if she can beat you :wink

Thanks Steph for inviting me to come to be the "biggest loser" :lol :lol :lol But you have forgotten that I have gone on a few dates in the past 2 years!!!!

But, before that, I hadn't been on a date since the mid 1990's!!!!!

[MsChatsAlot]

So what do you all think? Anyone believe old flames can rekindle successfully? Or that it's even worth thinking about when he lives so far away?

Well, there must be something in the air! Yesterday I got a call, out of the blue, from an ex. We dated about 15 years ago when I was in college. Then we always stayed in contact and were buddies for a long time (not to mention that if we ever needed... :wink, we would help each other out!)

We hadn't talked in about 3 years. But when he called, we just picked up where we left off, talked for over an hour and later chatted on msn. It was funny!

I don't know if he's just looking to say hi, if he's looking for a little :wink or what, but it was nice to hear from him again. I know we are done dating, but having a male friend like that again might be fun too!

So, to answer your question, I think that old flames can re-kindle. I think a lot of the success depends on why you broke up, how each of you has or hasn't changed, etc.

[BelovedK]

I'm still not sure about what to do about my 'friend' that is more interested in me in a romantic way when all i want is our old friendship back. Do I have to just cut it off with him...at least i'm being honest with him and i *do * enjoy his company (sometimes it is uncomfortable when he does something like grab my hand and linger a little too long) He loves my children, but i don't let him see them. I wonder if he considers us as a *dating* couple (Yech!)

The weirdest thing has just happened. My 'friend ' just told me that he has connected with another woman and is in the infatuation phase , all giddy and stuff...My heart feels so heavy now. It's not like I wanted to be involved with him , but...I don't know?? I feel sad now, even though I have a date set up for next week with someone I met from Match.com (it sorta takes the excitement edge off of it for me, I guess I thought 'friend ' would always be there...I suppose this is for the best, but :(

[Katt2005]

I know what you mean. Its nice to be *liked* by someone, wheather you like them back or not. Oh well, atleast this person feels the same way for him, that is good for him. He needs to be *liked* too.
Atleast you have the new dude from match.com!!! That sounds like it could be something good!! Good luck!!

[Jilian]

So what do you all think? Anyone believe old flames can rekindle successfully? Or that it's even worth thinking about when he lives so far away?

That is very exciting! I do believe that old flames can reunite. Keep talking to him, maybe the feeling is mutual. Things happen for a reason. Maybe you just weren't ready for that kind of relationship back then, it is a sign that he's come back in to your life. I'm excited for you!

[Jilian]

The weirdest thing has just happened. My 'friend ' just told me that he has connected with another woman and is in the infatuation phase , all giddy and stuff...My heart feels so heavy now. It's not like I wanted to be involved with him , but...I don't know?? I feel sad now, even though I have a date set up for next week with someone I met from Match.com (it sorta takes the excitement edge off of it for me, I guess I thought 'friend ' would always be there...I suppose this is for the best, but :(

Well that doesn't sound good. If you're not interested in him in a romantic way then you need to let him go so he can move on. Otherwise you are holding him in limbo and that isn't fair to him. It sounds like maybe you were just keeping him around just to have someone there. I know how that is, I went through that myself, just needing someone there. It's like putting a band-aid over a moajor cut and never allowing it to really heal. The alone time is what really helps you to heal.

Maybe I'm just reading too much into your post but it sounds a lot like what I went through. I'm just trying to save you from what I went through and offer a "been there done that" perspective. Are you sure you've healed enough from the loss of your marriage and you are ready to try out dating? If not it could end up being very emotional for you.

[Natalya]

Ditto to what Jillian just said. My bf and I have known each other awhile and he told me he's wanted me ever since he's known me... I kind of sensed it but we were never in the right place at the right time. (Esp. emotionally) Now all of a sudden things are happening and it's crazy. Sometimes we'll say we wish we had gotten together long ago but we both have realized that we weren't ready for each other. We had to go through all these hard times and experiences before we were perfect for each other.

You guys, I am ready to marry this man! Is it stupid to be so fast about it (we've been dating 3 weeks :bag: )? I've never had anything like this (flowy/natural/perfectly loving each other)!! We have a one year plan... :yikes: but I'm so ready now! Am I insane? :o

[Natalya]

PS What is going on... I don't visit MDC for a few days and all of a sudden everybody's dating! It's not even spring yet!!!! :lol

[morgainesmama]

I totally think old flames can rekindle. For me, it's always been a bad thing, but that's because I ended up in really dysfunctional relationships. I think if you follow your heart and do what you feel is right, you'll know if it's working or not.

Course I'm pretty inexperienced so what do I know ... :innocent

MYSPACE.com ... here's the scoop. You sign up (free), make a profile (you can make it private but this doesn't suit dating purposes), decide if you're there for friends, or more, and use it as much or little as you want. It's a whole online community ... I blog, have lots of crunchy mama friends, but also am working toward dating too. The blog prolly doesn't help, LOL, but I've met 2 guys from myspace and am seeing one again. I've also got 2 ex boyfriends, and some old high school friends, and lots of thebabywearer.com members as well as a few other friends and my brothers on my list. There's a "Browse" feature which allows you to browse for local users (within x miles of zip code ...)

Here's the link to my profile, so you'll have an example. I like it because 1) it's free and 2) you can find out a lot about a person by reading their comments, see who their friends are, link to their friends' pages, etc. Mine: http://www.myspace.com/sun_sea_and_stars .

Soooo .... my dating week. :shy :p After not dating, like, ever, and not even flirting really since I got married, I decided on Jan. 1 (divorce final after 9 months of fighting in court) that I wanted to date ... wow! When it rains ...

I had arranged a date today with this sweet Serbian Harvard post-doc I met New Years Eve in a bar of all places. THEN this guy who myspace messaged me, and who I've been IMing with, asked me to go out with him Thurs. and I accepted that too. THEN on Wednesday another guy from myspace messaged me, we imed for a while on Weds, then I said I had to go because I had a book group in a local cafe ... he said he'd been thinking of going down there to draw ( :down ) so I told him to say hello if he spotted me ... (photos) ... well, we met up and really hit it off and have plans for next week. I also set up a second date with the guy I saw today.

I feel like I'm 16 and boy crazy. :lol Though all three were totally innocent, not even a kiss on the lips yet. I sooooo don't want a "relationship" right now, so I guess seeing a couple guys is a good thing? I don't know ... I've never done this before! LOL. I'm so glad I can share with you guys; I love crunchy single mamas. :heartbeat

~Kristi

[meemee]

PS What is going on... I don't visit MDC for a few days and all of a sudden everybody's dating! It's not even spring yet!!!! :lol

:lol not me. havent been so lucky yet.

[MsChatsAlot]

Not me either.

Although it's not spring, I have read that the end of January can be a very busy time for ending and starting new relationships.

[BelovedK]

Well that doesn't sound good. If you're not interested in him in a romantic way then you need to let him go so he can move on. Otherwise you are holding him in limbo and that isn't fair to him. It sounds like maybe you were just keeping him around just to have someone there. I know how that is, I went through that myself, just needing someone there. It's like putting a band-aid over a moajor cut and never allowing it to really heal. The alone time is what really helps you to heal.

Maybe I'm just reading too much into your post but it sounds a lot like what I went through. I'm just trying to save you from what I went through and offer a "been there done that" perspective. Are you sure you've healed enough from the loss of your marriage and you are ready to try out dating? If not it could end up being very emotional for you.


Thanks Jillian, I know you're right. I do want to try out daating again, but keeping it light. This experience with my friend has left me with a few realizations; I do want/like to have someone interested in me, it really is not fair keeping people in limbo, I hate to be there myself, why help put another there, so i realize it is not fair and only self serving. I was completely honest with my friend about wanting to date others and my freedom though. I told him that I wished him well, and I mean it...Why shouldn't he be happy??

I think a little light dating could be just what I need unless things start getting too convoluted , I guess early spring is in the air. BTW, I don't think X is still seeing his gf as much, I know now that she is not his gf, he may occasionally see her though...I called him tonight and wished him well and apoligized for getting so upset that he decided to date, I guess that's another example of my desire to keep him in limbo :bag:

Boy, it's hard to face your own shadow

[Jster]

morgainesmama, how do you find the time?!?!? ;) Sounds like fun to be social and try people out...I think in some ways that's what I need, too, but finding the time is difficult. So how do other mamas do that? Do you only date when your ex has the kids? Are there others in my situation, where the ex doesn't have regular visitation, and what do you do?

Also, I like your myspace profile a lot. I just started looking at that site, then my old friend/old flame had a space so I went to peek at his pictures. Keep us posted on all those dates! What characteristics are you finding most attractive?

BelovedK, sounds like you're doing a good job of understanding yourself. There is a lot that we have to learn in this process...I think that's helpful for me, sounds like it's been helpful for you, too. And I'm still not completely certain I'm "ready" to date but I don't think I can fairly analyze that (having NEVER dated as an adult) until I try it. Good luck Kelly letting go and moving on!

I talked to M from match last night. This is so hard, getting to know someone. I feel on the one hand like everything I say is being weighed and measured, and on the other like I'm not asking the right questions to really know what this new person is like. Also, yesterday morning he sent me an email saying that he wants to be really positive, live life with no regrets, etc, and that positive people have success. But then last night I tried to express my own similar (but differently termed) understanding, involving luck/resiliance/outlook, and I felt a bit cut off by him saying, "I don't believe in luck." Also, for someone who was supposedly really positive he was actually rather negative last night...I guess he's admitted one of his faults is not being very goal oriented, whereas I always have a sense of what I might like to be doing in 20 years, and so that's a bit of a conflict. Plus he's a night person and I'm a morning person... Ahhh... Well, I think I might keep looking a bit.

The other problem I have is that this is taking a lot of time up :bag and I don't really have that much time, or won't soon when school heats up again. I haven't done a speck of homework the last two nights and won't be able to.

And finally, can I admit it to you all?!? In March the girls will be with their dad for a week for spring break. Honestly, I'd like to enjoy that time with someone, being social. But as for time before then or after (until summer anyway) my time will be more limited. So I'm trying to decide if this is fair or realistic. It's not that I want to exploit someone during that time, it's more that I want to take advantage of it because I normally DON'T have much free time without the girls.

At least M is very understanding about that, and because he puts his kids needs first (or says/seems to), he's pretty sympathetic. So we might meet for lunch sometime this week (the girls will be with my mom). It does feel like it's going a bit fast, but maybe I'm just nervous about being viewed :bag

Have a great weekend ladies, and thanks for all the commiseration, support, and light-heartedness!

[Jilian]

Thanks Jillian, I know you're right.

Boy, it's hard to face your own shadow
It's really good that you are able to see behaviors that may not be healthy. I was worried that maybe my post was too harsh but wanted to be honest because I've been there and it only harmed me in the long run. It sounds like you are making steps towards moving in the right direction. It is such a long and painful journey.

[morgainesmama]

morgainesmama, how do you find the time?!?!? ;) ... Do you only date when your ex has the kids? Are there others in my situation, where the ex doesn't have regular visitation, and what do you do?

I didn't date at all til this week, but I do all my social stuff while ex has the kids. I've never been social, outside of being mama, and was more than happy with that arrangement, but in NH half custody is standard, so it took several thousand dollars to fight down to this custody arrangement. I'm just making the best of an imperfect situation. I run an online business so my schedule is flexible. I get most of the work done while ex has the kids, but I can also work at night, etc. Also, my dd has been asking me since a month after ex moved out (when they started spending all his time with her gf and kids) "Mommy, when will you get a new HUSBAND?" and has suggested about a male friend of mine, "Well he can just break up with his [live-in] girlfriend and you can marry him!" So I really don't want her to know I'm dating right now.

Also, I like your myspace profile a lot. I just started looking at that site, then my old friend/old flame had a space so I went to peek at his pictures. Keep us posted on all those dates! What characteristics are you finding most attractive?

Thanks. :) How cool that you found your fiery friend on there! I've been really surprised at how many people I've found ... aside from browsing you can also search by name or email address.

TBH I don't expect to date like this for more than a few weeks ... it's just something I've never done. I always slept with first/got into a serious relationship with the few boyfriends (um, and husband) I've had. So for me, it's fun to date people with the idea of only dating, right now, knowing I don't want a relationship just now, per se. It's empowering to break old habits.

Right now though I'm attracted to any guy who can carry on an intelligent conversation, respects kids, and doesn't expect to meet my kids. People who have matured past "Interests: FOOTBALL AND BEEER AND HOT GRRRRRLLS." :lol And, people who can flatter me gently without going out of their way to be cheesy about it.

It's not that I want to exploit someone during that time, it's more that I want to take advantage of it because I normally DON'T have much free time without the girls.

I dunno ... I think if you're up front with people, it's not exploiting them. As long as you're not leading someone on to think you're looking for more than whatever particular comfort level you have.


It does feel like it's going a bit fast, but maybe I'm just nervous about being viewed

I have friends whom I've told, respect yourself enough not to sell yourself short, but respect yourself enough to listen to your heart. Don't NOT do something because you're afraid, but don't do it because you feel you have to.

When I first separated from ex, I put HUGE pressure on myself to MEET SOMEONE, to be in a relationship -- looked at him and his pregnant girlfriend and felt unloved and unworthy, but with the help of friends realized that really I just wanted to get to know myself again. I would say, go have a good time, but don't be afraid to back away if things are not going how you want/need them to.

[morgainesmama]

I wanted to add that I so applaud all of you mamas who know you need your space. :thumb I know that for me at least that was so hard, because sometimes I just desparately wanted that validation from somebody else. Being true to oneself often isn't easy!!!

[meemee]

I wanted to add that I so applaud all of you mamas who know you need your space. :thumb I know that for me at least that was so hard, because sometimes I just desparately wanted that validation from somebody else. Being true to oneself often isn't easy!!!

i didnt voluntarily want the space. i was forced into it. i remember feeling so incredibly lonely and alone during my pregnancy. i was soooo sad. all i wanted was a hug or just that i care. but instead i saw this man in my house who i no longer knew who was straying even further away from me.

it was incred. hard with him there. but when we separated it was like a breath of fresh air. all the torment, aloneness, just went away. and then i realised how much fun it was not having to fight for time btw partner and child. its was neat to not feel pressured to have a bed time for dd so partner wouldnt feel neglected.

and today i have so much fun with my dd that sometimes i feel a relationship will be an intrusion into our now perfect world. which is why i really mostly long for friends where i can take dd along. but boy oh boy what i wouldnt give for some intelligent conversation.

its like i either want THE man or none at all. and i dont want to go thru few men to find THE man. esp. if it takes away time from my dd.

it is so funny my dd wants siblings. and i told her either i need to win teh lottery or find another daddy. so she has been doing the same thing. points to all her fav. dad's in ps and asks why he cant be my dadddy. and then once in a while she will make up oh so and so mommy died, can jason now be my daddy. whenever we are at the store she makes a beeline for the scratcher machines :bag:

[BelovedK]

I just wanted to say that I went swing dancing last night (the most fun *adult* that I've had in a long time) and there were several attractive men there...Swing dancing is a great way to meet others that share your interests..it may not be your cup of tea, but I urge you to try it, it was more fun than i thought it would be.

[Natalya]

I second myspace. It's how I started to talking to current bf. This is my profile... it's def not as pretty as yours morgainesmama! myspace (http://www.myspace.com/qb23). jster- zane's father has no visitation rights, so it's just me and zane. i'm not very comfortable asking my parents to baby sit for me, and plus I've never been much of a "dater" (I find dating puts me and the man in pretty superficial/out of the ordinary circumstance, and I'm more about finding out what he's really like.) So, my bf and I just hang out with Zane around. we do stuff geared towards him and usually have time for good conversation. I really like that because it is so pure, we really get to know each other and share thoughts before we get physical. (geez, it's been so long since I've done that :bag: ) And then the physical-ness is that much more precious. ;) This works for us because Zane is so young still... I don't know what I would do if he was older.

meemee, i hear you about THE man. That's my thing, B4 bf I was like "I'm not dating unless I can't even resist the man!", you know?

BelovedK, I was reading your post and kept picturing SQUARE dancing! :lol I was picturing you slapping your knee etc. Which I'm sure would be fun... but swing dancing sounds way more cool.

[CookieMonsterMommy]

lol, that's funny....

I was just about to ask if I could lurk here...see, I'm not dating, but I am talking to a guy from myspace. :blush I was too embarassed to post that--glad I'm not alone!

Kelly

[CookieMonsterMommy]

actually, I'm talking to him now. It's SO not anything even remotely close to serious, but it's nice to be talking to a guy who's 1st sentence is "I know I said I'd have the CS money for you today, but...."

But it's been so long, I don't kow how to talk to men, yk? Any tips on that? exDP and I were together since I was 15, so....not like I have a whole lot of experience......

Just wanted to post that. :shy

kelly

[BelovedK]

BelovedK, I was reading your post and kept picturing SQUARE dancing! :lol I was picturing you slapping your knee etc. Which I'm sure would be fun... but swing dancing sounds way more cool.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[Jster]

Hehehe, I really think there oughtta be a support group for the "in my 20s and never dated as an adult group." I think there's a lot of us out there.

Sounds good that myspace is working out for you ladies as an outlet to the world. It looks something like a virtual meeting space...very interesting concept. The world sure has changed, hasn't it? And especially many of us have been using the internet for so many years, that it's just an integrated part of life. Let's hope we never lose electricity for good, huh? :lol ;)

Natalya, sounds good that you're comfortable with your bf being around your son...I probably would be too if they were younger (or the older one was younger :)) But as it is she asks sooooo many questions and is pretty keen on more kids in the family, plus has a big thing for marriage, soo... I don't think I'd even be comfortable having someone come over after the kids are asleep, because they might wake up (and I certainly wouldn't want them to think I'm sneaking men into the house at night :bag). As it is I'll stick to the few breaks I've got for now, and plan for some more in the future. And if things go well with this guy perhaps we could set up play dates for when he's got his daughters (if he's interested in that) because I'm sure they'd all have a blast together (mine are almost 2 and 4.5, his are almost 4 and 6). I must admit, that's actually a big attraction to me...kids!

RE: my internet dating experience up to this point...I'm still emailing/talking to M, and we have a date :blush planned for tomorrow lunch. Sheesh, am I nervous! I guess I'm most nervous he'll take one look at me and run away, and I know that's silly but still. I'm not a skinny person, probably qualify as "a few extra pounds" but my *image* of myself is average...I'm just very comfortable with myself. So I guess I worry now that I shoulda checked a different box on match.com. And I'd like to think that I'll be accepted for who I am, with the areas I'm hoping to improve on (I'm just now cutting down on sweets and trying to exercise more, I would like to be a bit more toned) just like I'm willing to at least give him a try even though he has one definite no in my book, smoking, because he's trying to quit and acknowledges it's a nasty habit. Sooo....Any suggestions ladies? We've had some great phone conversations and emails, and are on the same page about a lot of things. Though there are some on-going concerns I have about how his marriage ended and whether he really worked on it, or just got fed up and left (he says some very negative and some very positive things about his ex, I know that's normal, but sometimes he seems to blame a lot. And heck, even though my ex just up and had an affair and left, something I couldn't even try to really work on, I still DID try in what I could do and still DO recognize that I was inflexible in some key parts that might have made our relationship better).

Gee, I think I should get a word limit...sorry for always going :blah :blah

Have a good one ladies, and enjoy where ever you are in life!

[morgainesmama]

Jster -- Have fun! Can't wait to hear how it goes ...

I'm so glad to learn I'm not the only one who feels like I don't know how to date.

Re: kids, I wouldn't mind having a date around the baby. But DD ... well, she's just desparate for me to get married. I don't want her to have any idea I'm dating! :wink The refrain throughout was, "Are you and Daddy divorced YET?" "Not yet. Why?" "Well, I just REALLY want you to get a new HUSBAND." "Who would I marry?" She'd make suggestions. I'd point out that the various men I know are either related to me or with someone else -- she'd suggest that the attached ones break off their relationships. :p Then, "Well, you could just marry your BOYFRIEND." "I don't have a boyfriend." "Well, you should really just GET one." LOL. She's 6.

Kelly -- I still feel like a total dunce at talking to men, but 1) I rehearse acting confident and like, how I'll act when we first meet, and 2) Make lots of eye contact, try not to fidget, and try not to prattle on nervously as is my habit. I ask questions and then try to relate my own experiences in ways that connect, and I notice if they ask questions, and what kind of questions they ask. Asking questions about the kids and really seeming interested in the answers = BIG bonus points in my book. :D

Really though, I find that when I do all that, I feel more confident and even a little bit smooth. Um, in my big one-week of dating experience and few other encounters with men. Then again, if I'm out and a guy is making eye contact and seems interested, I blush and hide in a corner. :down

Re: online dating ... I though it was only for geeks til I started asking my little brother (big stud and a GRAND catch for whatever woman he lands with) and he said, "Well, I meet a lot of girls through match.com and craigslist." He seems like such a ladies' man that I was surprised, and suddenly online dating seemed like a better option. (For the record, he dates lots of single moms.)

lol -- I'm another :blah . I think it comes from working at home and homeschooling and etc etc etc craving adult interaction!

~Kristi (who's looking forward to seeing a very sweet guy from myspace this week ... )

[Shonahsmom]

I've been dating the same man since October 2004. I know I've posted here and there about it and him. He is the total cat's meow. He is smart. ambitious, kind, gentle, stable, incredibly thoughtful, an amazing father to his own children (he has two) and wonderful to my dd. We moved super slow and I guess in a way we still are. We knew each other for about six years before we hooked up.. mainly as friendly acquaintances. His oldest child and my daughter went to the same daycare for a couple years and he lived in my neighborhood. We hooked up very unexpectedly.. I had honestly previously never once considered him in that way. We agreed in the beginning that neither of us was interested in anything serious.. I couldn't picture him being someone I wanted to get serious with because I had never felt any interest in him before and I knew there had been a lot of drama with him and his kids' mom. But, over the last year and a half we've become incredibly good friends and have built up a bond that I've never experienced with a man before. About nine months into it, we started spending time with each other's children. They already knew each other well, but we are just both very, very protective over our kids being involved or a part of our dating lives. As in I had never, not once, even introduced my daughter to any man I ever dated. I just feel strongly that there's absolutely no point in it unless that person has become a very trusted and significant part of your life. Anyway, we now spend A LOT of time with the kids and a lot of time together... but we remain in this weird limbo of him not quite wanting to move forward just yet. He was with his kids' mom for seven + years. She is the woman he first kissed, lost his virginity to, etc.. And they broke up about a year before we started seeing each other. He is scared of ending up in another bad relationship and he's not ready to make any plans about moving in, marriage, etc... I'm okay with it 99% of the time. I feel like, he's very honest with me, he doesn't play me, he treats me with absolute respect, we completely ga ga adore each other and he's good to me in the ways that really matter... but then about 1% of the time, I get impatient and frustrated. The last time that happened I broke things off... which also happened to coincide with it being five days after dd's father committed suicide and I was an utter wreck... note to self: do not make major life decisions when dealing with trauma. I totally freaked out about something pretty trivial. We gave it a few weeks... during which he was still being my friend and being very loving and supportive of the things I was going through with my daughter's father's death. He was still kind and thoughtful and present, even though he was totally heart broken. After a few weeks we got together and talked for hours about us and how we are at different places in what we want right now, but we concluded that even though we aren't at the exact same place we make each other extremely happy and have progressed hugely while we've been together.. He has progressed way farther than he initially thought he was capable of and that we are headed in the same direction, he's just a few paces behind me. Its hard basically just letting go and just being in the moment with someone and just trusting that whatever is meant to be will be and being okay with that. A lot of the time it feels really good being that way. It feels good not being hung up on ifs and whys and hows and whens.... to not view him as someone I want to possess in some way. Other times, it’s a challenge because I feel like what I've found in him is everything I am looking for and then some. He's every reason I stayed single for five years.. he is what I was holding out for. Our moral, social, parenting, and political principals match. He borrows my books and then reads them! We have actual book discussions. Whenever he's in my home (which is a lot... as in enough to have his own toiletries in my bathroom cabinet, has a set of keys, etc.) he's extremely helpful and thoughtful.. helps with meals, takes out the trash, picks up after the kids, etc... He always, always comes through when he says he's going to, never cancels on me, sends me loving, beautiful emails daily. He matches me intellectually (which, not to sound arrogant, I believe is the first time I've ever dated someone as intelligent as I am. Actually, he might be a tiny bit smarter.. just a tiny bit). He's told me that being with me has made him a better father. :throb He doesn't like sports. :love He loves indie films and documentaries. And just gotta say... best sex EVER, like we need to write our own version of the Kama Sutra. In general, we have just have a blast together. So of course, with him being this man that I feel epitomizes everything I want, I want to plan a life with him. But he's just not quite there. And please, say it if you want, but I don't believe this is a case of "he's just not that into you," just because he's not ready to commit. I do think its possible that two people can love each other deeply, want to be together, but progress at different paces. That's my story and I'm sticking to it... for as long as it feels right to do so. :lol

[tekslilbrat]

I agree that two people can be deeply in love :throb , but also at different places. My boyfriend and I both have 3 children from our marriages and a son together, but decided early on that we would wait a while to get married. I think partly because we both had horrible marriages and partly because you have that fear that the second will go sour as well. I am fine with putting off the marrying part until I get my degree and stuff, but sometimes I get nervous that he is afraid to commit to that. Not necissarily getting engaged or what not, but just remind me every so often that you still wnat that commitment. He is my opposite in some ways, but my equal in alot of ways and for the first time, I really cannot picture mysef without him in my life. :love That is a feeling I never had before. Unfortunately you can't force the issue so you just have to take things one day at a time and hope for the best. I know I am.

[Shonahsmom]

I agree that two people can be deeply in love :throb , but also at different places. My boyfriend and I both have 3 children from our marriages and a son together, but decided early on that we would wait a while to get married. I think partly because we both had horrible marriages and partly because you have that fear that the second will go sour as well. I am fine with putting off the marrying part until I get my degree and stuff, but sometimes I get nervous that he is afraid to commit to that. Not necissarily getting engaged or what not, but just remind me every so often that you still wnat that commitment. He is my opposite in some ways, but my equal in alot of ways and for the first time, I really cannot picture mysef with him in my life. :love That is a feeling I never had before. Unfortunately you can't force the issue so you just have to take things one day at a time and hope for the best. I know I am.

Do you live together? Holy house full of kids if you do batman! :love

[Jilian]

I can't wait to hear details about the dates you mamas are going on :lurk:

Nothing too exciting going on over here.

[BelovedK]

OK, Here goes...

I just went out on a date with the guy I met on Match.com.

He is a nice guy and we had fun together and connected on many levels. He seems like a well balanced person. We had coffee and bagels, then went for a long walk in a beautiful place...then we went for another cup of coffee (skipping lunch) and we talked so much that the time ran away and I was actually late for my counseling appt :lol

I turned out to be very comfortable around him, not at all nervous.

We share similar spiritual values (an important one for me---I'm not religous, but very spiritually aware) There were no awkward things between us (boy , I'm hungry--remember, I skipped lunch) It takes a special guy to make me forget to eat :down

That's what's going on here...I'll keep you posted, we made another date for Fri night (i don't have DC)

[fek&fuzz]

OK, Here goes...

I just went out on a date with the guy I met on Match.com.

He is a nice guy and we had fun together and connected on many levels. He seems like a well balanced person. We had coffee and bagels, then went for a long walk in a beautiful place...then we went for another cup of coffee (skipping lunch) and we talked so much that the time ran away and I was actually late for my counseling appt :lol

I turned out to be very comfortable around him, not at all nervous.

We share similar spiritual values (an important one for me---I'm not religous, but very spiritually aware) There were no awkward things between us (boy , I'm hungry--remember, I skipped lunch) It takes a special guy to make me forget to eat :down

That's what's going on here...I'll keep you posted, we made another date for Fri night (i don't have DC)

Yay, I'm glad it went well! :) It's good that you spent so much time together, that really helps to get to know someone because I think people let their guard down after a while. And taking a walk is such a nice way to get to know someone, since you aren't staring at eachother over a table.
Keep us posted on the Friday night date!

[Jilian]

I'm glad your date went well Kelly. I hope you have fun on Friday night too!

[bu's mama]

Kelly - sounds like a great date! Have a good time Friday, too!

[Jster]

Well, it's almost time to get the kiddos in bed, but wanted to post a quick sharing of the date...

It wasn't really so exciting. At least I got my "first date as an adult" over with. But I just got the feeling that he wasn't very genuine...he didn't make eye contact much at all while we were eating (and it felt pretty weird that he was looking almost anywhere but at me). I didn't know if that was a quirk of his or just happening with me? Also, I realized he didn't seem very interested in me, didn't ask me many (any?) questions. So now I'm trying to think back...and maybe there weren't too many he asked. And he smokes, something I really don't like but was willing to put up with if he's trying to quit (says so). But when we went on a walk, and I had about 20 minutes before I had to leave, he almost lit up a cigarette! To me, that was just poor judgment. So overall, I felt that either he's not really ready or just not very right for me.

Also, after the first 20 minutes or so, I kept thinking, gee, don't I have better things to do?

So, in general, it was an unimpressive first date, but got me passed the jitters. And now I know a few more things to ask about!!! If I even spend time on it...now that the school year's picking up I'm just very busy, not much time to worry about dates and men. Oh well!

Hope no one's vicariously disappointed ;) And Kelly, glad things went well and hope you guys have more fun on Friday!!

[morgainesmama]

Jster (I don't know your real name :o ), I think getting the jitters out of the way with a guy who's not really "worth it" is probably not a bad thing! And you learned a lot about what you don't want. :wink

Kelly, I'm so glad things went well!

I met with my myspace boy again tonight and had SUCH a good time. We decided to go to Friendly's and come back here for cribbage ... we know enough people in common that in conjunction wiht the validation of myspace world I felt really ok about that.

We talked all night long, and he was so sweet and full of constant surprises -- not big surprises, but little ones like a quick card game he thought I'd like to pass the waiting-for-dinner time, and a card trick when we were setting up the cribbage board ... little things like that. And he's very good at dating, if that makes sense ... it's like dancing wiht a good partner when you don't know how. :lol He asked questions but not too many and talked a lot but not too much. He was very polite and very sweet and wonderful to talk to and I can't wait to see him again. :)

(I'm nakking, and my son is blowing raspberries on my nipple as if to remind me that HE's the only real man in my life right now, and that he's enough. :down Which is of course true. Except for his brother. :love )

~kristi

[BelovedK]

Kristi, That's great, I've heard so many great things about 'my space' It sounds like you really hit it off, I'll have to visit. I have a friend who's made so many new friends there.

Jster, He sounds like he was so nervous...I would be uncomfortable, I like a more laid back man. Glad you got it over with though, it really helps you to narrow down your search when you run across a 'dud' (that may not be fair) I'll call him 'Nervous Man' from now on, that is his name :lol (just being loopy bc I'm so tired)

Well, off to bed for me. :zzz

[aprilmae]

I'm getting ready to start dating again. :innocent

I came out of a five year relationship about seven months ago.

I'm terrified though. My ex was my first boyfriend (like - first kiss and everything) so I have no idea how to go about this. I have a three year old daughter, and between her and school (I'm a nursing student) I barely have time to breathe.

But I do think it's time for me to at least consider socializing with the opposite sex once again. I have this disconcerting "don't talk to me vibe" currently going on that I have to work on though.

:lol

We have a lot in common! I came out of a 5 year marriage 7 months ago now, and my ex was my first boyfriend (first kiss and everything too). I have a 2.5 year old son, and I'm a student, getting my bachelor of english... This is a bit scary... LOL

I have been thinking about the whole "getting out there" thing lately, cause it's REALLY lonely around here sometimes, but have been having trouble making eye contact with guys. I think the thing that I'm the most worried about is some married guy is going to think I'm coming onto him... :lol I know that sounds silly, but that really freaks me out...

April

[morgainesmama]

The other cool thing about myspace, I frequent a babywearing board and hooked up at myspace with a lot of mamas from there. It's a fun mix of my online dating space/crunchy momma friend space. :lol Not so conducive to finding dates, maybe, but it weeds people out ...

[Jilian]

The other cool thing about myspace, I frequent a babywearing board and hooked up at myspace with a lot of mamas from there. It's a fun mix of my online dating space/crunchy momma friend space. :lol Not so conducive to finding dates, maybe, but it weeds people out ...

That sounds like fun. I set up a myspace a while back but never really kept up with it. Maybe I should.

[Natalya]

Kristi- how do you find the boards? and i'm so glad you had a good time!! let us know what happens with him.

Also, after the first 20 minutes or so, I kept thinking, gee, don't I have better things to do? aw man. not a good sign. are you going to give him another chance?

shonahsmom- your relationship sounds so great. this is what i am working towards for myself.

things are going well here. bf is prob coming up for a last minute visit tomorrow :throb . It'll be nice that I'll have someone to help me move, and geez, i miss him like crazy. he lives 2 hours away, and while i enjoy a lot of things about a long distance relationship, sometimes i just want to run to his house and cuddle, you know?

[tinyti26]

Are single mom's supposed to date? Do we actually have time to do this? j/k anyways... So far I have found that very very few men want anything to do with a single mom, and I work full time (military) I get out of work in the evenings and in the evenings get so little time with my DS. The only real time I have for him is on the weekends. I tried doing one of the internet dating things, and all I found from that is a lot of 45 yr olds wanted to date me! Not what I'm looking for. So... I don't drink and don't like clubs and bars, where do you meet people? Just like everyone else here, it gets frustrating being alone. I love my DS more then life itself, but sometimes it is nice to feel that electricity in the air when you are with someone.

Jenn

[tekslilbrat]

Do you live together? Holy house full of kids if you do batman! :love

Yes, We do live together. It's crazy at times when all the kids are here, but most of them are older so we can lock ourselves away in our room and watch a movie if they really get on oour nerves. :bouncy

[Shonahsmom]

Yes, We do live together. It's crazy at times when all the kids are here, but most of them are older so we can lock ourselves away in our room and watch a movie if they really get on oour nerves. :bouncy

Wow. And here I was feeling all impressed with myself that SO and I were handling three kids under one roof so well (we don't live together but we often spend Friday through Sunday together). Then again, its is three kids under the age of six.

[morgainesmama]

Well I've been hanging out a ton with one of the myspace guys I met up with. Very casual, and well, I say "a ton" I mean in relation to my child-free time, but I'm really enjoying his company.

It's so much fun to have somebody who's so into making me smile! :love

Anyway, who knows what if anything will come of it, but I've decided to go with it for now. With my no-meeting-of-children policy there's no way to take it anything other than slow, which in my book is a really good thing!

Anyway, just wanted to share .... :)

[CookieMonsterMommy]

My myspcace friend wants to get together for a few drinks or something, but I'm so nervous...I think I look pretty in my myspace pics (well, 2 of them), but I'm afraid he'll see me and be like "Uhhh...I just remembered...I told my sister I'd babysit her kid...gotta run!" yk? :blush Plus god knows that after birthing a 9pounder and BFing, my body isn't nearly up to par with other young 20ies girls, yk? I know it's my insecurities, but damn!

I also don;t know wtf we'd talk about. I mean, we get along well on the phone and AIM and all that, but in person is a whole other ball game....I dunno....I keep putting it off...

ugh....

Okay, just wanted to air that out I guess...any advice? I feel like I'm socially stunted when it comes to guys...

Kelly

[Jster]

Kristi...how exciting! It's nice to have some companionship, at your own pace, and attention! I think that's what we're all looking for on some level. Glad you've found someone to fill that niche!

Cookiemonstersmama...I read your post, and was trying to think of what to reply, when I got to your siggy...Trust your instincts! Though it's hard to tap into our dating instincts when we're so rusty, try to find the direction inside you...are you worried about being rejected because you think this guy is overly concerned with appearances? Or that you'll have nothing to talk about because you've gotton a vibe? Or is it just stress and internal struggle? Any reading on the internal compass?

(and I can totally relate to this: " Plus god knows that after birthing a 9pounder and BFing, my body isn't nearly up to par with other young 20ies girls, yk? I know it's my insecurities, but damn!" I'm right there with you!)

Hope all works out well!

[Danae]

Dating? Yeah...um, not currently. I did however have a 3 1/2 month little dating thing during the summer and it was nice. It was the first time I had dated since my husband left (mid 2003) and it was refreshing to have someone interested in me and the whole sex thing is nice..hee hee

Now when I look back at it I just can't figure out how I had the time to date someone! I guess it was somewhere in between classes, work and mommy-ing?

So anyway...a little long-winded today...no, not dating right now. :)

[morgainesmama]

Plus god knows that after birthing a 9pounder and BFing, my body isn't nearly up to par with other young 20ies girls, yk? I know it's my insecurities, but damn!

I can SO relate to this! Three little ones, 9, 8.5, and 10 pounds, and over 6 years of nursing/tandem nursing ... I, ahem, um, haven't gone too far with the new guy, but he doesn't seem to mind so far. I'm not as self-conscious as I thought I'd be.

I also don;t know wtf we'd talk about. I mean, we get along well on the phone and AIM and all that, but in person is a whole other ball game....I dunno....I keep putting it off...

Well for me what I'm finding is that if I think hard about questions to ask, and listen to the answers and think about more questions, then it sort of becomes easy. It starts out basic, how are you, how was your day, and then that usually leads into talk about the person's job, which leads easily into the person's hobbies, etc.

I am approaching dating as practice right now ... like, this guy I'm hanging out with, I really like him, but also I'm sort of thinking that if it doesn't work out, I'm learning a lot about dating anyhow ... he seems to have a good handle on the process, if that makes any sense. ??? I think that when I took the pressure off myself to find the "right" guy it helped me relax.

Just relax ... if you feel like you're ready to date, don't let your fears stop you. If you are afraid because you're not ready, well, listen to that too.

It's been a long day; I'm kinda rambling. ???

[BelovedK]

I have to tell you about my dates that i had with my match.com friend

We get along great as friends, in fact , we got along so well that hours went by without notice.

The second time we went out he got a little too, well, shall we say 'trying to seduce me' like. He was persistant...not that i didn't want to (it's been a while) but i think i just want to get to know him for a longer time.

The next time i saw him i told him how i felt, and he kept getting so 'kissy' with me, yet telling me that there was no pressure :irked:

Now, i like this guy, but he's gonna ruin any chance of us seeing what the relationship is all about if he doesn't back off a little. I sent him a direct email, i hope that gets his attention. If he stops being so 'kissy' with me i think we could be great friends (possibly) bc we get along so well and have so much in common from kids right down to musical taste.

sigh, oh well :(

[Shonahsmom]

Just some thoughts on feeling insecure with our birthing, nursing bodies... I know this is such a mom-ish thing to say, but a man that is right for you is going to embrace your stretch marked, saggy-breasted, tummy pooched body and make you feel like a sexy goddess. A man that is turned off by such goes into the same category of man that is turned off by dating a woman with children: not for you. I am a bit overweight, my breasts definitely ain't pointing north and I have stretch marks damn near everywhere. My SO makes me feel like the sexiest woman alive... :throb and that's poured over into my whole being.. I feel sexy all the time.. If you walk like a sexy duck, feel like a sexy duck and think like a sexy duck, you, my friend, just might be a sexy duck. Or something like that. :lol

[Jster]

Okay, Shonahsmom, you tell us sisters! I'm feeling like a sexy duck!!!

:lol That's cute, true, and makes my heart feel all warm and fuzzy. Thanks!

[Natalya]

CookieMonsterMommy-
I say go for it! Face your fears, and I bet it will go better than you thought it would. I felt the same way dating again... but it was worth it.
Belovedk- ugh. maybe you're so hot he just can't resist you. heheh.

Oh yeah, about the whole mom body thing, bf and I made love and later we talked about how insecure I was with my body and he called me his African bush woman!! :lol and he said he loved it and is all about me being a good mama so can appreciate my body. Oh man, i found a good one. :throb Yeah shonahsmom, you're so right. don't settle for less, there are good men out there!!

[MsChatsAlot]

You know I just look at it as the guy is really getting a better deal now. Sure there's some extra flab on my belly with stretch marks to make it more interesting. And I definitely have to lift up my breasts for them to even resemble "perky" -- but the guy who I meet now, gets a more self-confident, happy, easy-going woman. I think when you weigh the two, he gets a MUCH better deal.

I know I was a little surprised when I first dated and realized that someone could actually think that a "mom" could be sexy. But you know what. I am sexy. And he never noticed (or ever said he noticed) any of the above.

[pranamama]

living vicariously :lol

[Jster]

Well, here's a bit of an update on my not so exciting adventures in dating.

1) My old flame called me a few nights ago, he had been drinking and was really upset because he'd lost his job, his ex girlfriend was involved with a good friend of his, and just down on life. I was glad he called me and that I could help...just made me feel like an appreciated old friend, you know? And I think he was surprised at some of the things I'd never told him (that I once got close to suicide, for instance). He seems to be doing better, and it's just a good feeling. (Part of me wishes he lived closer so we might "try it out" again, and part of me is glad of the distance...so we can be friends/supports without the other complications.)

2) I've been emailing a guy from eharmony, he seems so, well, nice! Single dad, full time to a 3yo boy. He's in the police academy and working towards becoming an officer...goal oriented, responsible, etc. Also...um...he works out, A LOT! Like hours a day it sounds like. And, well, I don't! :lol It's funny, he's another one in the "never dated as an adult" category...was with his ex for 12 years! A sad thing, he said that soon after his son was born his ex just drifted away, staying out all night, etc., just left him to care for his son. He took his son and left when he found her cheating. Makes me feel for the son and dad, so lots of sympathy points. He just asked if we can meet (in a tentative, I don't know much about this internet dating protocol sort of way). Unlike the other guy, I have no idea if his parenting is similar to mine...but he seems like an honest, nice guy, so I figure I'd like to give it a chance. Oh, and one other thing, in his profile he said he doesn't like people who get angry, yell, bottle it up (it was a box to click). And, well, I do all those things sadly. Just how I grew up. But I don't know how I can say that, or if it's worth saying, or what.

So, just thought I'd give another update. Now that I'm getting to the "O" part of my cycle, I'm definitely looking around with lusty eyes, so perhaps not a good time for this!

[BelovedK]

Now that I'm getting to the "O" part of my cycle, I'm definitely looking around with lusty eyes, so perhaps not a good time for this!


WATCH OUT WORLD :lol

Seriously, watch out, I went further than i should've gone with my 'match.com' date . I was also in the O part of my cycle, now he thinks he can kiss me any old time...in public, too passionately, Yech!

I've now decided that I am just not ready to date to the point that we kiss like that...who knows where that could lead :wink

I have so much healing work , detatchment to outcome kind of work, feeling more self esteem, etc. to do bf I can really commit myself to it.

I had been excited about this man, but the way he is treating me (like he owns me) is really turning me off, plus, i don't like the way he kisses, it hurts :lol

This Fri, he wanted me to come over for dinner with his 3 kids there and i think it's too premature for me to be meeting his kids (It's like meeting the parents) I initially said yes, then sent him an email telling him that i feel uneasy about it, now he is meeting me for a cup of tea and a long talk.
(his DC are older)

He is just too presumtuous, he even told me that he didn't want a serious relationship, but would agree to remain monogamous if we became sexual :yikes: Wh