My kids reactions to my miscarriage...

[karenpl]

I hadn't told the little ones about my other miscarriages, since they all were so early. But this one was supposed to work out, and I had my first prenatal even, so I told them about this baby. Which meant that I also had to tell them that the baby died.

So now we have conversations with Kate (almost 4yo) like
'Is your baby dead?'
'Yes, she is'.
'Wil she come out?'
'Yes, she is coming out'
'Is there blood????'
'Yes, there is some blood'
'Then I am going upstairs, I don't want to see all the blood!!!'

Even although I explained to her that she wouldn't see it and I would be ok, but she still went upstairs...

Or
'Is your baby dead?'
'Yes, she is'.
'Wil she come out?'
'Yes, she is coming out'
'Will you get a new baby?'
'Yes, we are hoping that we will get a new baby soon'
'Well, next time get a lovely baby from the castle!'

And Tara (6yo) has told me that the baby won't die the next time. 'That just doesn't happen two times in a row!!!'

Karen, in the middle of that stupid miscarriage still

[moongazer]

I didn't tell my 5yos because they are still dealing with my mother's death a few months ago. When they see that I am upset, they assume it is because of that. But my 10yo has been asking a lot of questions.
It is hard because you are helping them with their grief too. And sometimes just when you are managing to be OK for a few minutes, that is when they bring it up. But there are also a lot of times that I would be overwhelmed if it wasn't for their *normalness* They just go right on making me laugh. Like when I first told ds about the m/c...I hadn't even told him that I was pg. So his first question was "so did you and daddy really DO that stuff we talked about to make a baby?!!" LOL
Take care of yourself. I'll be thinking of you and your family.

[KatherineinCA]

Karen,

It is hard to grieve yourself and then help your children through it, too. I did find a good book at the library called "When Children Grieve" by John James. I liked it so much I bought it, and then bought the book for adults called "The Grief Recovery Handbook." The best thing we can do for our kids is to let them talk about how they're feeling.

One of the funnier comments we've had was after Kevin's funeral. Each of the kids had put a stuffed animal in the casket with him. After he was buried, three year-old Kyle said, "I miss Kevin. I miss my baby. I want my kitty back." We assured him we could buy him a new kitty, but, unfortunately, he couldn't have his kitty back.

Hang in there. I'm sorry this miscarriage is taking so long. I'm sure you are so ready for it be over!

Love,
Katherine