VENT: DH is so good, then so not

[amygoforth]

How can I gripe at him when he does so much to help with the babes? I honestly have a deep respect for single moms... I don't see how they can do it alone. I'd lose my f*&#ng mind!

Anyway... DH is incredible with the boys -- especially Evan (who says his daddy is his best friend). It means so much that I don't have to do it all (as my inner control freak is inclined to do). That said, I feel like he still does the dumbest things!!! And most of the time it means an extra, unnecessary mess I have to fix or clean up. :cuss

Example: Usually Evan goes to bed right after his bath, so his nighttime diaper is fine until morning as long as he's not up drinking a ton of h2o through the night. But we let him stay up a little later than usual the other night so he could watch the basketball game on tv with us (read: we didn't want to stop watching the game to put him to bed. GO HOOSIERS!!!) Anyhoo, sweet dh put Evan to bed after the game was over. I relaxed with Drew on the couch. BUT... he didn't put a fresh, dry diaper on him for the night! So, when I woke up the next morning, both Evan and his bed were SOAKED! Who cleans up the mess? The Mama, that's who. Not to mention poor Evan had to lay in pee for lord knows how long (yeah, he was sleeping and blissfully unaware, but still...) DH had already left for work, or I would have put his stinky tush on pee detail.

Okay, am I a horrible shrew or what? Be honest. I can take it.

[allnaturalmama]

Okay, am I a horrible shrew or what? Be honest. I can take it.

:lol Absolutely not! You're a hormonal, postpartum mama! :D

It's perfectly normal to be frustrated with DH -- mine's done a couple of things like that while he's trying to help. It makes me feel guilty to be frustrated with him for trying but doing it wrong!

Anyway, try not to dwell on it. Frustration is not your friend. If you can focus on the positive, it'll help you enjoy your DH during these precious days with a newborn in the house.

I know, I know, I sound like Pollyanna, but with DS1, I spent most of his first few weeks really annoyed with DH over every ineptitude and oversight, and now it makes me sad to look back on those days and know that they could have been so much sweeter if I just had an attitude adjustment!

[aisraeltax]

dh drives me crazy sometimes too (like when he says "im going downstairs" at 8pm when he knows that is the most stressful time of my day...i have a hard time getting my 7 yo to bed by himself - i coslept way too long - and w/ the babe screaming, eating, etc.).
i do try to keep myself in check though b/c i dont want to look back on these days like my first son...which is the same as allnaturalmom....i was a total control freak and critical of everything dh1 did...but he did so much MORE than dh2 (dont tell anyone i said that).
hang in there...sometimes i think its just hormones, but then again, maybe not. dont know.
rach

[spiralmg]

These poor guys. They just don't have it all together as well as we do.

Hmm. Am I joking or not? I'm not sure myself. DH does so many things that just seem so odd to me. I am constantly wondering why he does things the way he does or why he doesn't think things through more before he does them or why he doesn't do things more efficiently, etc.

And I get SO IRRITATED.

But in my better moments, I remind myself that men just can't think in gadzillion directions at once like we HAVE to do. Then I get all mad again, because I think, well, if he HAD to, maybe he would, just like I do. Then I get conciliatory again and think, well, he just can't help it.

I don't know. You are not crazy!

[Jenne]

Totally stumbled in here tonight but on a weird coincidence I was looking at research today about men and women and evidentally the whole cause and effect thing does work the same way for men as women...not excusing biology with this...just had to :lol that it would be blatantly obvious to put a fresh dipe on a babe before bed for most mamas but not most dads and that it goes back to being cavemen :nut

Jenne

:blah Uh...the biological connection is that if they could foresee getting their heads split open by the other caveman's club they wouldn't macho up and defend their cave instead they might invite the other caveman over for tea to discuss childrearing... :)

I hope this was somewhat coherent and on-topic...

[hunnybumm]

Ugh, I so understand how you feel! My DH is always telling me it takes me FOREVER to do anything. He likes to point out that he got DS ready way faster than I do. He also points out that it took me a long time to put dinner (read: frozen pizza) in the oven. I try to explain to DH that when I say I am going to go pee or put the pizza in the oven, as I am walking to my destination I pick up the dirty sock and toss it in the hamper, I wipe off the counter, throw (DHs) food wrappers that are on the counter in the trash, toss the dirty knives into the sink, kick a few toys from the kitchen floor into the hallway (which I will later kick into DSs room on my way to the bathroom), etc. while I put the pizza in the oven. He just doesn't seem to get this concept. He has what I call 'male tunnel vision'. He sees the pizza and the oven... and thats it. Where as I see the gazillion other things that need to be done in the vacinity of the oven.

It really is frustrating. But I also don't know what I would have done if I were a single mom with a newborn and a toddler. As much as my DH doesn't do around the house.... he has helped so much and made things so much easier. Now that he has gone back to work I realize that I took for granted that I could just say "Here take this (the baby) for a minute so I can go pee/make dinner/get something to drink".

Men... Hate live with em... can't shoot em. ;)

[amygoforth]

So it's true that most men simply cannot multitask. I thought it was just mine. It just kills me how I can be doing 8 things at once, while DH can do only one thing at a time. Wait, he can read the newspaper while he's on the pot. That's as far as his multitasking skill goes. Come to think of it, the man can do EVERYTHING while he's reading the paper! Make dinner, walk the baby, play with the toddler. Whoa! What's up with that?!

[IncaMama]

i am so with you...but i'm learning to let go of my control issues...dh has told me many times recently that it's condescending when i remind him to change ds's diaper before bed, etc...and i think it was starting to backfire...dh told me that he needs to remember those things for himself. just like i learned the hard way that ds will leak through, he needs to too. by me constantly telling him what to do and how to do it, he was going on autopilot and not really learning how to read his cues, etc...he is pretty much in charge of DS when he's around bc dd still just needs boobs. LOL

but all of these revelations still don't eliminate all of my bagging and don't make him as good as i am at this stuff. LOL!!

[aisraeltax]

can we add the "funny" things our dh's do?
my example right now...i am holding the baby getting ready to put him in teh shower w/ me (im dripping wet by this time...having just finished w/ my shower). i ask dh to put down my towel on the floor (older one im not going to use that night) and then Ethans towel...then to put the robe on teh counter. he puts Ethans towel upside down (didnt notice this until i was getting out of the shower w/ Ethan), so that the little hat part couldnt be used. so, i have to turn the towel around while dripping water all over the place and holding a wet baby!!! :irked:
is that funny or what? and dh doesn't understand why its "important".