My apt is tomorrow, and I'm a bit nervous

[Kellie_MO4]

And I don't know WHY! Before my apt I am having lunch with my dad (and my 3 kiddos), and that's stressing em out a little, because I've chosen not to do the AF-whatever triple screen test, and not to do the GD test, and my dad is trying to talk me into doing every available test out there that's available... He's also trying to talk me out of homeschooling (he's VERY main stream and materialistic, and cares a WHOLE lot on how people percieve (sp?) him, and since that's how he raised me he is curious why I'm not the same way (yes, I care what soem people think of me, but I'm not gonna change who I am to please them, ya know?)

Anyhow, so I have that before my apt, and I'm hoping he just doesn't bring any of it up, but then at my apt I am planning on talking to my dr about not using drugs this time, and actually making out a birth plan and everything (mainly for myself, so I can learn what it is I *really* want, and try to use that during L&D)... Now, I don't know WHY I'm so nervous about talking about this with her, she's an awesome lady, very nice... I think I'm just not used to bringing things up like this, since my last 3 I was induced for 2, and had an epidural for all 3 maybe I'm afraid she won't get why I want to try natural (Okay, I'm just *REALLY* not good at confrontation with people I like... people I don't like, I'm great at confronting them...lol) but I don't really see this as confrontation, Agh, I don't know... I swear I feel like a FTM again....

Just had to get that out.. sorry :blah

And FTR, I want to try natural this time because this is #4, possibly our last (but I don't think so :wink ) and I just want to know what it's really like... Funny thing is, my dad is All for me having no pain meds or anything.. thinks it'll help keep us from having more (my whole side aside from my sisters thinks we should have only had 2, since they were a girl and boy, and are *very* into materialistic things and $$)..... Okay, I'm done now...

[2+twins]

I'm always very nervous bringing up something to my midwife if I'm not sure how it will be received (also not so good at confrontation, plus I think I'm nervous that my stance might offend her if she's accustomed to doing things differently, kwim - and I love my mw!). I think the most important thing is to just do it, see what her geniune reaction is, and then decide if she's going to be the right care provider for this particular pregnancy & birth. Be prepared to find someone new. Don't make the mistake of thinking that you'll change her views on birth.

And I'm sorry your dad is like that. My parent's totally don't get me but they (for the most part) keep their mouths shut. But then I think its b/c they fear me getting mad and revoking grandchild rights or something. :mischief

[Sprucen]

I'm with you there. I've been putting off telling my ob that I DO NOT want to have an episiotomy this time around. I would rather tear. I also think that me getting the epidural last time limited my options quite severly in the epis and forcepts area.

So I'm nervous about telling him. And I do like him. But one thing I don't like is his "birth is a beautiful thing, and you don't need to be in pain for it" attitude. It's the whole "there's no reason to be a martyr" argument that doesn't sit so well with me. Not that I am much of a martyr or anything, but! kwim? Can't there be something beautiful about childbirth even if you don't take the meds?

Anyway, so I understand. I think it's because I feel like I won't get heard and he'll do whatever he wants when we get to that point anyway. So I'm working on grooming dh to be a vocal advocate for me. Someone else has to help me express what I wanted while I was still sane!

And your dad, well that's too bad, but it's also about impossible to pry the materialism out of most people, that and the "what would so-and-so say/think" way of life. So try and use the "ignore and mute" button as much as possible and don't let it get to you! :hug

[Kellie_MO4]

I think it's because I feel like I won't get heard and he'll do whatever he wants when we get to that point anyway.

Yes! I think that it's that I'll have this all worked out in my head how I want it to go, I'd have spoken with my dr and everything, but then once I get to the hospital and am in pain, they'll kinda ignore my birth plan and offer drugs, and I'd be too weak to say no... DH is sort of the same way, in that if he knows there's a way for me to get out of the pain, he'd tell me to do it. Thats' why I'm going to ask my sis if she'd be there and help me out. She's been there for my last 2 births, and was SO great with support and helping me through everything. She's had 2 natural child births, too, so I think she'd be a great Acting-Doula (now I just need to ask her!)

With my dad, he's slowly been getting this way since marrying my Mother (she's my step mom, and they married when I was 9). When I got married at 18 and moved to AR, I had DD#1 there, and moved back (missed CA too much) and since then I've felt that basically we're not "good" enough for them, because we aren't rich enough, don't have brand new Mercedes, and are more into having a loving family than top of the line stuff... Just something I'll have to learn to live with, but it *is* hard...

So, tomorrow I plan on asking her if many people actually write birth plans, and how she (and how she thinks the hospital staff) recieves them, if they actually read them and how their taken....

Regarding episiotomies, with my first (and everyone after) the only real thing I tol dthem before actual delivery was that I didn't want to be cut.. she just smiled and said she doesn't do that anymore (so I lucked out there)...

Anyhow, thanks for the sympathy! It's nice to know there are others who *get it* :thumb

[L'lee]

I realized that I was feeling like this, too - like I could tell my midwife whatever I wanted, but that when it came down to it, it would be too easy to have interventions that I didn't want, since I was planning to give birth in a hospital. Well, my answer to that was to switch to an out-of-hospital, midwife-run Birth Center which doesn't use drugs for births. I am much happier, and feel like I am getting care from people who listen to me and care about how I feel. I know I'm lucky to be in WA, where the laws give midwives more rights than many other states, and I am also lucky because my insurance covers this care. However, one thing to always remember is that you have options if you are not comfortable with the care you are getting. Good luck!

[Kellie_MO4]

I'm back, and everything went great! I think she may have sensed I was a little nervous about something... When she came in (after some small talk) she asked if I was planning on doing the AFP, and I said "No, I don't think we're gonna do that one this time" she said "Great, that's completely fine"... and then I brought up that I was considering going natural with this one, and she was completely supportive of that. She suggested that when I got further along seeing one of the CNM, because they were very knowlegable and helpful with natural births (which means I get to see the same Midwife who delivered my last 2, and after takling with their business office I found out that she's just as covered as the dr's, because they all bill under the medical group name, and not individually! Yaay!) so she was so nice, and totally put me at ease with everything.... ugh, I don't know WHY I was so nervous! :)

[Sprucen]

I'm so glad to hear that everything went so well!!! :thumb

It sounds like you've got some positive support from your doc/midwife. I imgine that's got to be a huge load off your back... for now :lol Until you get to the actual birth... But seriously, if you are prepared going into it, I think you'll make it through more or less like you want to.

I suppose I should take heart and talk to my ob when I have my appointment next Thurs, sigh.

To reply to a pp, if I had the choice of midwife and birthcenter, I would really go that way, unfortunately that's not a possibility here. No such thing in town, and the insurance won't cover the midwife or a doula, sigh. So we're kind of stuck with the provider we've got.

btw, did you get any feedback on birthplans? From what I have noticed around here (I asked the ob about it last time and he just kind of waved it off), it doesn't seem to hold much water. So, the best that I can do is have a non laboring advocate with me, which will have to be dh, since there's no family anywhere near us and I don't know that I want any of them with me at the birth anyway. :D

[L'lee]

YAY!! Glad it went well!

[Kellie_MO4]

btw, did you get any feedback on birthplans? From what I have noticed around here (I asked the ob about it last time and he just kind of waved it off), it doesn't seem to hold much water.

Actually, I completely forgot to ask about birthplans! :irked: Dang preggo brain... lol
I think I'm just gonna write one up, and make sure the midwife sees it beforehand, and give a copy to my sis (who will hopefully be there to help, she's awesome!) and DH, and give one to the nurses when we check in.... I'm just kinda afraid they'll look at it and laugh at me :o we'll see!

[Jish]

I've given birth in a hospital three times and aside from the last one where my water broke and labor didn't start and I ended up in a pitocin nightmare with an epidural (and let me tell you, I have never been happier to have an epidural as an option after two natural births the first two times) the first two were great. I had a birth plan for the first and I'll tell you what I did.

Wow, I'm suddenly really dizzy and realize that I'm really hungry so I'll be back later and fill you in on what worked for me. Gotta eat. :lol

[Kellie_MO4]

LOL.. what a tease! :wink

I've had pitocen with #1 and 3, and an epidural all three times, though I barely remember the first (a GREAT reason to stay away from the stadol and all those other drugs.. made me pass out in between each contraction, but BELIEVE me, I felt them when they came! And then I got an epidural that worked on my left side, not the right, and then DH accidentally stepped on the cathater bag and pee went EVERYWHERE! Baaaad first L&D experience.. but that was in AR :innocent ) With my 3rd I was 6 cm right before the epi, and 8 right after, so it was really weird to actually FEEL the urge to push, since I never had before... I'm *really* nervous about going drug free, but also really excited... something new! lol

[Jish]

I am a tease, aren't I. :lol Sorry, I got busy and getting back downstairs to get on the computer isn't always easy.

Okay, so here's what I did with my birth plan because I was afraid I wouldn't be taken seriously. I told my doctor at one appointment that I wanted to talk to her about my birth plan at my next appointment and did I need to request a longer appointment. She was fine with that and told me she was looking forward to hearing it. As far as my birth plan, I tried to be as non-"holier than though" as possible. I didn't want the nurses to laugh at me or give me that "I told you so" attitude if I caved and asked for the epidural. What I put in my birth plan was not that I didn't want pain meds, but rather that I didn't want pain meds OFFERED to me. I told my doctor that I didn't understand why at the first sign of pain the nursed jump to offering meds and she said that it is really hard to see people in pain and it is natural to want to take that away for someone. I attended a friends birth and, wow, did I want to make things better for her. I almost suggested the epidural at one point because I was almost in tears watching her. I almost think it's harder to be the one watching the laboring woman that it is to be the laboring woman because you have absolutely no control over her pain and really can't make it better.

I also put in there that I didn't want an episiotomy offered to me because I was afraid I would cave and take it if it meant a few minutes off the pushing stage. Those two things were my big issues so I focused on those. I know I had other things in there, but they were mostly minor. I figured that if I just focused on the biggies, they would me more likely to honor me.

Thankfully, my doctor was the doctor on duty when I delivered so she knew exactly what I wanted and didn't She agreed that keeping it simple was the way to go and that my wishes would more likely be taken seriously if I focused on my main issues.

BTW, I know a girl who was a L and D nurse and she said that the nursed would just laugh when someone came in and said that they didn't want any pain medication because they knew that most of the time the moms caved and took meds. She agreed that saying that you don't want the "offered" to you is much more likely to be met kindly that stating that you don't want any medication or that you are going to do it without meds. They see so many people who say that and fail, that they don't necessarily take it seriously. I'm sure that some nurses are better than others.

My second med free birth was wonderful. Much less painful than the first. I stayed home as long as possible and when we got to the hospital it was 7:05am. My ds was delivered at 8:05 am. If you don't arrive at the hospital to early, you can miss the chance at meds and then it isn't an issue.

[Kellie_MO4]

Thanks for the advice! I'm hoping to be able to stay home as long as possible when I go into labor, and hopefully be at *least* 6 or 7 cm when we do go in... Which should only be a few hours laboring at home (1st labor was 12 hours, 2nd labor was about 10 hours, and 3rd was 5 1/2 hours, all with about 15 min of pushing (well, more like 45-60 with #2, but he was my 11 lb toddler/newborn..lol) but I was also walking around at about 3 cm for the last few weeks of pregnancy, so I didn't have *as* far to go as someone starting from 0 or 1...hoping for the same situation!

I don't want the nurses to think I'm some hard *** who has the thinking of "this is what I want and nothing else will do no matter what", because I *do* know every pregnancy is different, and situations can arise that I have no control over, but I do want them to know what I would Hope for, and would like to achieve if possible...

Ahhh.. well, I *do* still have over half my pregnancy to figure it all out and have it finalized...lol

Thanks again!