I'm not too sure its PPD...now i think it UnEDH!! (vent!)

[its_our_family]

UnEDH= unemployed dh

My dh started a new job this week and he has been out of the house for hours at a time. Tracy and I play all day and do housework as we get to it. I have been feeling absolutely wodnerful lately. Just like my old self! I'm just as tired (being a mommy I guess) But i'm on the move and doing things and cleaning and doing laundry! I've been so excited that I'll be in a house where these things will be easier to do (convenience wise) I LOVE my house and we have room for pretty much everything.

WELL, dh came home from work early yesterday. He got me for lunch and then we ran errands for his job. By the end of the night I wanted to smack the snot out of him! He was so critical of everything I did or did not do. He was aggrivated that when he came home there was more of a mess than when he left and that I didn't do what I said I was going to do. I mentioned that he got home 5 hours early and I still had then entire day to do what I was going to do. Then he told ME that I needed to get in a better mood! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! So, I left the room with Tracy and did my own thing.

I think he's the one with the problem not me. He has been under a lot of stress and I don't think he realizes how hard he is on me. My mom said its because he is still young (22) and that my dad was the same way. I'm starting to think I'll never meet up to his expectations half the time. I'll talk to him about it tonight. I was doing so good...he even commented and one day I don't do what he wants and he freaks out.....even though if he had come home 5 hours later it would hav been fine!

Well, thanks for the vent! We've only been married for almost 2 yrs. And went from newlyweds to parents in a yr. We're still learning about each other and the things we need to work on....it's just a little harder when there is a 9 month old involved!

[mamaduck]

Even if it had been five hours later, and you hadn't done what he wanted, it would still NOT be okay for him to treat you that way.

Partners should not be giving each other orders, or critisizing how much gets done in a day. The single hardest thing about being a SAHM is loosing that sense of "accomplishing things" or "finishing tasks." It is hard to adjust to a frame of mind that permits you to "just take care of the baby." For someone to come home at the end of the day and attack you for incomplete tasks is SO insensitive and really touches a hot spot. It is entirely innapropriate.

After all, you don't critisize his day's work, do you?

[frogertgrl]

So sorry to hear of the struggles with your unemployed DH, Megan! It can be really hard on everyone when the breadwinner in the family is out of work and has alot of time to analyze everything around him/her. It will be so good, I imagine, when your DH has his own things to focus on, instead of all you are doing!

And you are doing a ton of work, as you well know! It's not easy at all.

Good luck!

(edited for mamaduck. It was not a critcism whatsoever. I will PM Megan with the other issues in her posts and refrain from discussing those here.)

[mamaduck]

...respectfully want to suggest that sometimes we use that sort of language when we are "venting" to those people who support us and not so much in our daily interactions with those people we take care of. While I think your point is important -- Megan probably doesn't need *more* critisism right now.

:(

[Foobar]

Megan-

Sounds like a valid vent! Talk with him. Just see how he was doing. Maybe he was frustrated with his day and was suprised that what he wanted (quiet time, house done) shook him up.

Remember that men mature much slower than women and it does take time to get used to all of the responsibilities of life, family and children (plus a new job)

Hang in there. Remind him that SAHM does NOT mean SAHH (stay at home house cleaner!)

:hug

[Jish]

My dh (as wonderful as he is) tends to forget that it is much harder to get things done when there is only one adult around. He can get tons done on the weekend because I am the one watching the kids while he works, cleans, does laundry, etc. Or he will turn on the TV. Sure, if I turned on the TV, I could get loads of stuff done also.

Thankfully, we both agree that my job is to care for our kids, not to be a housekeeper. All the rest that I get done while he is at work is just gravy.

I'm a very lucky girl.

[beckylou]

I can sympathize. My dh (we've been married 12 years) is finishing his MBA in a night program and working full time. Every time a new semester begins or ends he seems to get uptight about what I'm doing. :rolleyes: I'm not patient enough. I don't plan enough activites for the children. I can't keep the up with housework. Blah, blah, blah.

With two boys 2 and 4, I can't even find time to shower some days, let alone please everyone.

There does seem to be a transition period where we sort of adjust to the new routines. It gets better and then we start all over again. I can't wait until he's done in November! Hopefully you'll see an improvement, too, when stress level subside.

If you ARE experiencing ppd, a grumpy dh can make it all the more difficult.

jbcjmom--You are so lucky!

Good luck IOF!

[Jish]

Becky, trust me -- I know!!!