SMBC Thread

[klstomi]

Hey all! I thought I'd start a SMBC thread. So many of the single parent threads seem to be about custody, dating & divorce - how 'bout us mammas who signed up solo! My son is the product of IUI. Though I haven't ruled out expanding the family unit we're good right now.

I don't really tell most people since I now teach in a smaller, conservative southern town. I'm still trying to fend off the gobs of invites to church!

My family is on board - mostly because they love ds. It wasn't always so. I think half think I'm gay, my grandmother tsked me initially, and others didn't know what to say. I magine the fuss over such a joyful event. You'd think I'd been arrested!

DS is almost three. He hasn't really clued into the fact that there is no daddy at the house. Soon enough. I'll just have to handle it in an age appropraite manner.

The life is hard sometimes but I cannot imagine it without him. He is my joy - even when I sigh the relief after he's gone to sleep!

So let's share our SBMC stories!!

[Jilian]

I am not a SMBC, but most days I wish I were. I respect SMBC because they don't settle for a less-than-perfect match, just so they can start a family (which is what I did in some ways). I think it is very courageous to be a SMBC. I've considered it for future children, my mother thinks I'm absolutely insane. How do you deal with the not-so-nice comments? Did you tell your family before you got preg? What do you say to people who ask questions about "dad"? Sometimes strangers can be so nosey, I get dad questions sometimes and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Hope you don't mind me posting here since I'm not a SMBC.

[klstomi]

Hey jillian! I don't mind you posting here at all. I just wanted a forum to deal with SMBC lives & day to day stuff.

Thanks for the courageous comment. I actually made the choice out of neccessity. My mom had just died. I was 36 and it was a wake up call. The next year I realized I wasn't getting younger, had no relationship & none in sight. Doing the math I realized I would have to "fast-track" one to have kids. I wrestled with the question of kids for awhile. Finally I knew I would regret it if I didn't have at least one child. I was able to afford SMBC (which is NOT cheap - even IUI). I think you could say my 'courage' comes from realizing these are the things I would just have to do to have what I wanted.

I see you're considering it. The way I felt about nosey people was if they felt entitled to info I would give it to them. Not that they deserved the truth :wink . I made up a story & fed it to them. This satisfied them & off they went to spread it. My friends knew the truth. I also told my brother and one aunt. My grandmother found out somehow & made some rotten remarks. I informed her that we would not have those talks & she could be happy about it or not involved. She loves ds so much now she wouldn't dream of doing it again.

I know this is lengthy :blah & hope it helps. I do have to say that SMBC has given me the courage to not care what anyone thinks!

[MsChatsAlot]

We've had several smbc here over the years. Not sure if they've moved on or not.

[fek&fuzz]

I'm glad you started this thread. I asked once if there could be a SMC sub-forum (since sometimes the issues here seem to be ex-centric), but that was nixed. I'm in the thinking stages still, but I'm glad you came out of the woodwork. I hope others do to.

[AmyAngel]

Thank you for starting this thread!!!!!!!!!!

Warning, long post ahead! :o

I'm in the "getting life in order" stage at this point, but definitely will be a SMBC within the next 2-3 years or so. I'm hoping sooner. I'm almost 32, so I still have time, but menopause comes early in my family and emotionally I am way more than ready.

I had decided to adopt from China, but life has taken a few turns and hit a few bumps, and right now I'm leaning toward using a donor, and considering adoption for the future, possibly. My best friend is TTC with her husband and has had no luck yet, even though it's still pretty early going I'm kind of wondering if maybe the universe wanted me to do all that adoption research for someone other than me. I'm researching banks and options right now, and trying to figure out how to afford to both get things in order so I can do this and still afford a child!

I looked at a house today that I would like to buy - it's at the high end of my price range, but is nice and small and has character, and is in a good neighborhood for kids. If I choose to buy this house, my sister will probably build one on the lot next door - that would be great!

When I choose to do this (I'm planning to start charting as soon as I get into some sort of home where I don't have a nosy housemate like I do now) my plan is not to tell anyone until I am pregnant - preferably not until I'm at least a couple months along. I don't know if I'll be able to stick with that, but that's the plan!

I think both my sisters will be supportive, because they've both (independently) mentioned offhand that they would consider going with a donor if Mr. Right hasn't shown up when they are a bit older. My grandmother has told us several times "Don't get married! You don't need a man to have a kid these days!" so I think she'll be supportive - she's had a stroke recently though, and isn't quite "right" anymore. I worry about her. I think my dad will just shrug and be supportive, as he just kinds of goes along with whatever we do. I have NO IDEA how my mom will react. I think she'll be great with the baby when she/he arrives, but may not know how to react to the pregnancy. I'm sure my older aunt will gossip and wonder about my sanity, but the younger one MAY be cool about it. (I expect her to show up with a U-haul full of toys and stuff that her 9 year old has outgrown. She's been on us to come up with a baby for years now.)

I think that some people in my church may think I'm nuts, but they had an official church-wide baby shower for the girl whose boyfriend ran off after she got pregnant, so surely they can at least be nice to my face!

My mom asked today if I was going to make the 2nd bedroom in the house an office. I just sort of shrugged and told her I'd probably put a sofabed in there, and wouldn't really need an office with a laptop and wireless internet(using it for the first time right now. It rocks!), just a place to put the printer. In my head I was like "No, that's the kid's room!" :lol

I have to admit I don't visit the single parent forum as much as I probably should, because so many posts don't really relate to me at all what with no ex, and the accompanying headaches. I think single moms who didn't plan it that way are super strong - I can't imagine having to deal with all the extra stress AND raise children! I'll make sure to check in - I'm glad I didn't miss this thread!

[jenaniah]

I'm not a SMBC yet but will hopefully be in the next couple years.

Kls - could I ask how much IUI cost? I am in the researching phase right now.

[meemee]

i wouldnt mind being an SMBC mom but frankly i cant afford caring for the child by myself. dd adn i are living on the edge so no way would i want to add another baby without a father or the lottery.

but i know one mom who just used a syringe without the catheter. what i enjoyed most was she had a little ceremony/ gathering celebrating the new journey seh was going to start on. her basic cost was just the cost of thee semem. but i loved the celebration. now that her son is 3 she is considering another one.

i think u guys should try again to start a SMBC sub thread and see if it will be approved this time.

[klstomi]

Glad everyone likes the place!! Jeneniah (sp? - I am horrible) my cost was roughly 5,00. That included 1 round of shots (test run), numerous vaginal ultrasounds pre & post-shot (please don't bring your dignity with you), shot round 2 & IUI. The reason I went shots is because I was 39, had enough $ for 1 go, and it HAD to work. The most reputable bank is Fairfax in VA. They have loads of info on the net. They even offer a photo matching service if you like. I was lucky, my family's genes overrode everything but the Y :lol . The semen costs about 500-1000 (mommie memory issues). That is for multiple samples so you don't have to ship again. They ship overnight, dry ice, etc. Loading up on multiple samples saves you about $70 on reship.

Sometimes I feel like the SMBC route can't be comprehended by others unless you are gay. Women that get preg after a one night stand with a guy from a bar are better understood/tolerated than women who plan it, WANT it, and achieve it. How did THAT happen?

[jenaniah]

Wow!!! That is almost $4000 cheaper then anywhere else I have found! I hope you don;t mind if I think of anymore questions if I ask you...you are the only person I "know" who has actually done IUI to become a SMBC

[klstomi]

Jen,
I'm pretty sure I remember that as the ballpark. I think IVF at that facility went for $10,000 a try.

[AmyAngel]

I'm planning to do ICI, at home. I'm hoping to go with a bank that seems reliable and up-and-up, but also has low prices (comparatively) and will ship to you without a doctor's permission. I could get a doctor's permission, but I already have a clean bill of health so I don't feel that is necessary unless I'm doing IUI which requires a doctor. (Who else needs a doc's permission to get pregnant? I understand the logic of permission, but don't want to "need" it.)

If the first few tries don't work, then I'll go the doctor route. I just really feel strongly at the moment that this is something very private that I don't want to share. I'd have to find another doctor, too, as I'm sure my current doc doesn't do inseminations.

I'm expecting the costs to be less than $1000 a month - probably more like $700, assuming the numbers I got were correct.

[jenaniah]

Wow...you can do it at home??? I had no idea! (I told you I was just starting research) Huh...I'll have to look into that as well. The things you learn!

[Dragonfly]

Not a SMBC, but I'm lurking with interest. I'm seriously considering having a second as a solo in a few years. :)

[tracey_r21]

I am also a SMC/SMBC. I always knew that I wanted to have children but when I had not met the right person to share my life with my the time I was in my mid to late 30's I decided to become a SMBC. It is a decision that I have never regretted. I am so glad that I did not marry the not so perfect person for me just to fulfill my dreams of being a Mom.

DS was also concieved with IUI. And for those you looking at prices my RE charged $950/month and that included all needed ultrasounds to know the exact time of ovulation and the actual IUI. I also spent an additional $65/month for a trigger shot. So including the price of the vials, I spent about $1250/month and it took 3 months (I was very lucky).

My family has been VERY supportive of my decision right from the start. I don't think my Dad really understands and my grandmother used to refer to DS as my "artificial baby" when I was pregnant!! But they both love DS very much and respect the decision I made.

I am currently trying to decide if I should have a second child. I still have vials left over so there is a good chance my children would be full biological siblings. I am very lucky because my Mom will help out and watch both kids for me during the day so that I do not go broke paying for daycare!!

This is already longer than I had planned so I will stop rambling :blah but I am looking forward to "talking" with other single Moms!! Because as we know the more support you have the better!! :thumb

[klstomi]

Glad to meet you Tracy! I love this forum. It is the only place I have actually met other women who have undertaken this or are contemplating it.

[CalebsMama05]

I had considered doing it myself but everyone told me that i was stupid. now of course i'm broke and my husband hates me and i've got a kid and one on the way and I have to deal with HIM too. shoulda just done it myself.

I think in about 6-8 yrs i might do it myself for another baby or two depending where i'm at. :)

great idea for a SMBC thread ;)

[griffin2004]

I'm a SMBC via adoption. I looked up in my early 40's, saw that there was no Mr. Right waiting in the wings, so I finally took charge of my own destiny. DD arrived at age 1 and that was 2 years ago. What a ride it's been!

As hard as solo parenting is at times (ok, pretty much all the time for me anyway), I marvel at how coupled parents have any time for each other. Between DD, work, dog, house, etc., I hardly have time to change my undies much less nurture my relationship with another person.

Thanks for starting this thread. I don't visit the singles forum very often anymore since I don't have ex issues.

[klstomi]

Glad to meet you Trish. I hear you re: solo parenting hard. Sometimes I think it must be so much easier for couples. Then I think of the stories of women who talk about their partners as their other children. It's easier when I just do it & don't dwell on it. I have however become the perpetual motion machine. AT any given moment I am tasking at least 3 things. My hands may be full of: dirty training pants, a toy to put away, a sippy cup & junk mail I can shred! :lol I'm sure all mothers feel this to some extent. I think the difference may be thinking, "If I don't do it noone will" & KNOWING, "If I don't do this it doesn't get done!" :nut

[klstomi]

Trish - read your tea blog &just noticed you live in the most gorgeous place in the world, THE OLYMPIC PENNINSULA :kewl Soak in all that beauty for me!

[griffin2004]

Trish - read your tea blog &just noticed you live in the most gorgeous place in the world, THE OLYMPIC PENNINSULA :kewl Soak in all that beauty for me!Thanks for reading my poor neglected blog!

And "soak" is the right word. I swear it's rained for a hundred days here and we all ought to be building arks. Depending on how hard it rains tonight, the water MAY just be over the road I take to work in the morning. Wouldn't that be a shame if I were forced to stay home...

Here's proof that we are well over our rain quota. A few weeks ago, DD and I were coming in from the car in the evening. It was an oddly dry night with a few clouds skittering over the sky. DD pointed at the moon and said, "what's that?"

Everybody chant "rain, rain, go away, ..."

[Satori]

:wave another SMC here:D dd was the result of a relationship but I haven't seen him since I said "I'm pregnant" and he wants nothing to do with her. I had his parental rights terminated this summer after ignoring every lawyer in town who said it couldn't be done by a single woman:) This new bean is the result of ICI and donor sperm at home. I think I paid the least out of everyone, cycle one costs $545 for ICI at home, got prego but lost the baby at 8 weeks (didn't know till 12 weeks). Try #2 was even cheaper, $350 and i'm just shy of 6mo prego now:) Depending on the route you take getting prego can be cheap or expensive. I charted my cycles, used OPK's, my intuition and a bank that didn't require a Dr's signature. If you go the full intervention route your looking at about $1200 month. Done at home by yourself it can be as cheap as $350 cycle:)

[klstomi]

Hey Satori - good to meet you. I have a kinda indelicate question if you don't mind. How old were you when you got preg with :belly ? Curious because I've been flirting with thought of #2 but age is probably inhibiting factor to sucessful (& inxpensive) ICI. Thanks!!

[Satori]

Hey Satori - good to meet you. I have a kinda indelicate question if you don't mind. How old were you when you got preg with :belly ? Curious because I've been flirting with thought of #2 but age is probably inhibiting factor to sucessful (& inxpensive) ICI. Thanks!!

24 the first time, 29 the 2nd, I'll be 30 in a couple days :yikes: :lol

[fuller2]

There are definitely people who do do-it-yourself donor insemination (you chart your cycles so your timing is right, friend masturbates into a cup, get out the turkey baster and voila!). There is actually a little bit of DIY activism out there for this, which says that the takeover of insemination by clinics is mostly a power/money thing, and also a way to get people to think they can't do something as simple as insemination on their own. Check into the way lesbian couples do it & I bet you'll find some good information.

I can see you wanting to do it 'scientifically' if you just spent $1000 on sperm, but if you get good at knowing your cycles then it might not be that big of a deal. If you're in a fertile period you can get pregnant anytime over the course of a day or two, I think (maybe even three?), so timing doesn't have to be down to the hour or anything.

Not a SMBC yet, but by divorce...but I would like to have another one in a couple of years and am considering the options and the pragmatic reality of whether I should do this or not. The big issue for me is that my son is very, very close to his dad--and it would seem terribly unfair to have another kid without a dad, who would see #1 be with his father all the time.

[MissLotus]

Ooo, count me in among those considering it! Gotta get some things straightened out (stbx, finances) - then will seriously look at these options. I am so glad these options exist. Thanks for all the info...
RL

[peacefullone]

I'm planning to do ICI, at home. I'm hoping to go with a bank that seems reliable and up-and-up, but also has low prices (comparatively) and will ship to you without a doctor's permission. I could get a doctor's permission, but I already have a clean bill of health so I don't feel that is necessary unless I'm doing IUI which requires a doctor. (Who else needs a doc's permission to get pregnant? I understand the logic of permission, but don't want to "need" it.)

If the first few tries don't work, then I'll go the doctor route. I just really feel strongly at the moment that this is something very private that I don't want to share. I'd have to find another doctor, too, as I'm sure my current doc doesn't do inseminations.

I'm expecting the costs to be less than $1000 a month - probably more like $700, assuming the numbers I got were correct.


So are you saying that you don't need to go to a doctor's to do this? One could just order from the place...have it shipped to you and get pregnant that way? Is that safe? So do they test to make sure the semen is safe?

Holly

[jenaniah]

So are you saying that you don't need to go to a doctor's to do this? One could just order from the place...have it shipped to you and get pregnant that way? Is that safe? So do they test to make sure the semen is safe?

Holly

I was wondering about that too (well not the safe part...everywhere I have seen goes through multiple tests) Where did you find a place that you didn;t need a doctor though to order for you or at least register? I have been searching and haven;t found one yet

[peacefullone]

I was wondering about that too (well not the safe part...everywhere I have seen goes through multiple tests) Where did you find a place that you didn;t need a doctor though to order for you or at least register? I have been searching and haven;t found one yet



Where would I find out more about the meanings of the abbreviations? Like SMBC? and SMC?

thanks,

Holly

[jenaniah]

SMBC is SIngle Mom By Choice...I'm assuming SMC is the same thing

[peacefullone]

Cool! Thanks :thumb

Holly

[peacefullone]

Jenaniah,

Would this be your first child of your own, if you do get to SMBC soon?

Holly

[jenaniah]

First living...I had a m/c at almost 5 months pregnant when I was 21

[fuller2]

There must be a way to get frozen sperm yourself. Can't they just ship it to you?

Just did some googling for "DIY insemination." Nothing exhaustive, just a quick look. This bit came up a bunch of places--how to do it.
http://www.infertilitybooks.com/onlinebooks/malpani/chapter54.html

longer version, with suggestions that you buy their equipment also :) They do say you can do it with frozen sperm if you just thaw it yourself first, so there must be a way.
http://www.drmalpani.com/infertility-sexuality.htm

And found this: Supplies, including a sperm freezer (if, say, you want to have 6 kids??)! Probably none of it is very necessary, but what do I know...
http://shopsite.nwcryobank.com/page2.html

[Satori]

Yes you can order it without a Dr and yes the donors are fully tested. The only bank in the US that does it without a Dr's auth is NW Cryobank http://www.nwcryobank.com

[peacefullone]

What do you all think of the free places?

[Satori]

What do you all think of the free places?


I would avoid them and i've heard from many who offer AI only to demand "natural" at the critical moment. I look at it this way, if you can't afford the banks maybe you can't really afford the kid?

[AmyAngel]

So are you saying that you don't need to go to a doctor's to do this? One could just order from the place...have it shipped to you and get pregnant that way? Is that safe? So do they test to make sure the semen is safe?

Holly

Yes, and I was reffering to NW Cryobank as Satori referenced. I've researched a lot of places online, and because of pricing and the doctor thing (which really in my case has to do with cost) I'll almost certainly go with them. They do all the same testing as the other places, and have an active discussion board as well. I could afford to go with another bank, but I'd be able to afford fewer tries. I also am a non-confrontational person and I have a feeling there would be a DISCUSSION with most doctors, because I am single and I look younger than I am.

When I went to do the paperwork for the mortgage on my new home, the questions they ask for the forms the agent fills out include "are you married?" and "Do you have any kids?" I answered no to the first one, then answered no to the second one as well, and didn't add "not yet" like I sometimes do. The woman said "That was the right answer." I wasn't sure whether she was referring to "right" as in "the answer the lenders want to hear because it means you have less expenses" or "the right answer because you are single". I chose to believe it was the first one, even though I know there HAD to be at least a bit of the second one in there. :irked:

She said it was all good, though, so the home inspection is Tuesday, and if all continues to go well I'll be closing Feb. 28!!!

[peacefullone]

I would avoid them and i've heard from many who offer AI only to demand "natural" at the critical moment. I look at it this way, if you can't afford the banks maybe you can't really afford the kid?


What do you mean "natural"?

[Satori]

What do you mean "natural"?

As in sex.

[peacefullone]

As in sex.


:dropjaw YIKES!

[klstomi]

As in sex.
:yikes:

Wow! I had no idea that happened. I was lucky & had one of the SE best 'infertility' clinics across town at the time. They were totally professional & if they has any thoughts they kept them to them selves.

[MountainLaurel]

Just wanted to drop in and say hello as well as thanks for creating this thread. I was planning on becoming a SMBC after I completed graduate school, but then I had to go and get married. :lol But I'm still interested in the topic.

[goindownhill]

Hello all! I'm Katie and I'm a SMBC to a beautiful baby boy.

So glad to see this thread! It's just so nice to see others out there. DS will be 1 in another month and a half and I can honestly say it was the best decision I ever made. Changed my life in so many wonderful ways. Some I anticipated and others not so much.

I'm lucky enough to be able to work from home so I get to spend my days with him. I would love to do it again in a few years. I don't know if I would even consider having a child with a partner at this point. I've had plenty of relationships and not even the best of them could touch the kind of joy I feel watching my son.

I'm not going to make any firm decisions in that area for now, though. I assume the universe will point me in the right direction as it always does......

[klstomi]

:wave

Hi Katie! I agree 100% that becoming a SMBCwas a life changing, excellent decision! I actually know someone who desparately wants a child and a limited fertility window due to cancer. She is going to pass up the chance of motherhood because she's not married. I wouldn't mind having another and/or a relationship but I already know I will struggle with the notion of sharing my ds. Who knows? Stranger things have happened!

Right now we are potty training. I don't buy that garbage that a one-parent household is detrimental to children. As long as the parent you have is loving isn't that better than two parents that are disinterested, distant, abusive......fill in the blank with any term.

My ds may not have a father figure now but he's more loving & sweeter than the other boy 2's in his daycare. Some are constantly in time out foe hitting! I think at this age I'll take sweet little boys with no father figure over rough & tumble 2 year olds.

[AmyAngel]

Just checking back in, and wanting to share a story. I closed on my house Friday, and as they didn't tell me how much the check had to be until late Thursday, I made a quick run to the bank Friday morning to get it. I told the lady helping me that it was for closing on a house. Partway through the transaction she was getting ready to print out the check, and asked "would you like your husband's name on the check?" :lol

I paused for a second to decide how to answer that, and could only come out with "I'm not married, just me." It made both me and my mom giggle a bit. She was an older lady, and I look young for my age, so I guess she just assumed that I wouldn't be buying a home by myself!

Today I saw some friends of mine, who I've known for probably going on 15 years (they're like a second family). Many of them are nearing retirement age, and others are around my parents age, and are mostly pretty traditional people. One of the ladies (age 63) was just GUSHING about how proud she was of me and my sisters for being "independent women" because two of us own houses and the other is building one "all on our own!" :) Another lady in the group told me a few months ago that a single friend of hers had adopted a child from China and that we shouldn't wait on a man to have children if we wanted them. It made me happy to have that support.

[Elowyn]

Hi all! I just thought I'd chime in. I'm a SMC, trying for #1. I started out trying at home with sperm from NW Cryo (the insemination process is *very* easy) for 3 cycles. I was having some weirdly long luteal phases, so am now seeing an RE. Going for IUI #3 (total try #6) this month. If this doesn't pan out relatively soon I'll probably move towards adopting.

For anyone wanting to do home inseminations, I recommend charting for several months (and using OPKs) so you can determine when you O, whether your LP is long enough, when your + OPK is in relation to your ovulation, etc - all of these don't matter so much initially when TTC with sperm straight from the tap & free, but when dealing with expensive swimmers that only live for 12 to 24 hours, timing becomes critical. Best of luck to everyone!

Oh, and Amy - I bought a house "on my own" last winter, and started TTC in June. It was great! Of course I wish I was pg by now, but it will happen soon, I hope.

[AmyAngel]

...Oh, and Amy - I bought a house "on my own" last winter, and started TTC in June. It was great! Of course I wish I was pg by now, but it will happen soon, I hope.

That's so awesome! I have been SO scared about buying this house (the payment is $40 more than I was paying my sister, and now I have utility bills too), but I really think it was the right thing. I feel so "grown up" now! Which is silly, considering that I'm 31 and should have been grown up long ago!

Buying the house was the first step in my "getting life in order so I can become a mom" plan! I'm going to see how things go, learn to be more frugal (try to prevent myself from buying tons of stuff for the house) and see how the finances work out each month, and then (assuming I feel I can still afford a child, which I should be able to) TTC basically the same way you've been doing. I do also have a piece of land I will probably sell that will be enough to pay off my car and credit cards (built up a bit when I was between jobs), leaving a bit left over for TTC and/or a "cushion" for living expenses in case of emergency.

I'd like to get to the TTC phase soon, but I'm thinking realistically it will be at least a year. Oh, well. Plenty of time to chart, get healthier and try to lose some weight.

Best of luck TTC! I hope it happens soon, and you have a healthy pregnancy, baby, and wonderful birth.

[BidingMyTime]

I'm thinking about maybe becoming an SMBC....after about 4 years if i havent found mr right by then, its my plan B.

If i go that route, two things scare me
a) having ( then raising) boy babies ( much harder than raising a girl, atleast in my head)
b) telling society that you planned this, down to the last detail

they would probably deal with it much better if you told them you did'nt plan it, that it just happened. And that kind of lying sucks, but if it makes your life easier, would it not be the better option?

On a side note i'm also thinking about gender preselection, one option is the ericcson method, but i have major doubts about wether it really improves the odds a particular gender choice.Any body thought of/ tried this?

[peacefullone]

I'm lucky enough to be able to work from home so I get to spend my days with him. I would love to do it again in a few years. I don't know if I would even consider having a child with a partner at this point. I've had plenty of relationships and not even the best of them could touch the kind of joy I feel watching my son..

Katie, how do you get to stay home with your son? I'd love to hear your story on this, even if you pm me. thanks

Holly

[CalebsMama05]

on a...well I have two baby boys and I adore them. girl babies scare me! :o on b...well both my boys were planned and no one knows it. they know that Jacob was planned but I told them that we changed our minds about him right after he was conceived.

who cares what the real *story* is. your baby won't be less real because of how s/he is concieved.

please don't be scared of having a boy...they really are loads of fun...and i'm sure that you have male friends/family to do the puberty talk to him.

[BidingMyTime]

lol the baby wont be any less real no matter what people think about her, but i'm kind of thinking about society's reactions to me ( and later this baby)

My family will be supportive but you cant say the same of everybody else out there , to a lot of poeple the idea of becoming a SMBC by DI is pretty unpalatable. Life as a single mother is hard enough by itself, why take on the burden of battling the small minds of society with that?

[AmyAngel]

I've been thinking about "What to tell people" too. Unless my life really changes a lot between now and TTC, people who know me are going to be really shocked when I turn up pregnant. I'm also thinking I'm not going to tell anyone at all (except on the internet, probably!) until I'm at least a few weeks along, and only tell family and my best friend then (and the boss a little later). Everyone else can figure it out when I start showing, and then the grapevine will start... I also think waiting a bit to tell may help stave off some of the "when are you due?" pressure. If I'm vague enough from the outset ("how far along are you?" "A few weeks.") it's harder for them to guess the due date, and then I will just go with giving a month, or saying "Spring" or whatever.

I think I'm just going to be honest. I haven't had a boyfriend in ages, I've not really dated anyone, and frankly, I'm just not that interested in doing so right now. Maybe that will change, but right now I'm happy with just me, and not willing to put off other things to go out with the intention of looking for a boyfriend. I think many people will assume (correctly) I went to a sperm bank. I want the child to know the circumstances, so it doesn't bother me much if others know too. I won't go around announcing it, but if someone asks they'll get the truth. (Unless I'm in a very sarcastic mood or something, then I may make up a wild tale - "Ever heard of midichlorians?" might work with some people!)


I don't know anything about sex selection, except that presorted sperm is offered at some sperm banks for quite a bit extra! I REALLY want a girl. I've always seen myself parenting a girl. I'm one of 3 girls. My mom is one of 3 girls. I have girl names picked out. I've taken care of boys at daycares and babysitting and really loved them, though. In fact, now that I think about it, my "favorites" were always boys. Everyone I know personally who's had a baby in the past 3 years has had a boy. One had twins, a boy and a girl, and she's the only girl baby I know of! I'll be thrilled whichever I have, but really, really want a girl.