i need a hug, too

[radicalmama]

I had to go into the hospital on Thursday night because I was having really really painful contractions on top of each other. They gave me drugs to stop the contractions and sent me home. I rested the next day, but continued to contract some. Yesterday, I got up and drove to a baby shower for my partner's good friend. I had a zillion contractions at the shower, drove home, called my midwife, who put me on bedrest, and thought I would just spend the evening relaxing with my partner and trying to calm down, because I'm really upset about the bedrest, particularly because I am in school full time and have to be in order to get the aid money we need to be able to live.

Suddenly my partner gets a call that a friend has an extra ticket for a concert in a half hour. My partner is a musician, and hasn't worked in awhile, and he likes to try to use such things for networking. I was really bummed, and still contracting and scared, but told him to go (secretly hoping like an idiot that he would say, no you are having a rough time, and might need to go to the hospital, I will stay).

He tells me he'll be home at 10:30-11 at the latest. Okay, fine, I'll be okay by myself for a couple hours. But after he leaves I get ridiculously depressed. I decide to just try to go to sleep. I call him to tell him, I'm going to sleep. At midnight I look at the clock, he's not home. I call him,and he says it just ended and now he's going out to eat with friends.

I just lost it. "I screamed, "No!" and just started sobbing. He got really upset, and basically said he couldn't deal with it. He didn't go out to eat, came home, but we said nothing to each other, and have said nothing to each other yet today.

I'm anxious and bummed and....accckkkk. I dunno, just sad and scared about everything.

[alexisyael]

:hug :hug :hug

[Brinda]

Awwww... I can totally relate, mama. Being on total bedret for 2 weeks now, I have been getting depressed. I'm allowed out twice a week, thank goodness, and those have been my saving graces. I feel helpless, worthless, and more like a parasite than anything else. Maybe he thought he could go out to eat since you were supposed to be sleeping, anyway? Big hugs to you!!

[SpudinPhilly]

Big hug to you!! Now, I will share my own experience and see if it will help you in any way - if you find my advice useless, please ignore it and I don't mean to offend your sensibilities.

The thing is men cannot read our minds, and sending them mixed messages like, "go ahead to the concert" and then freaking out with "no" at going out for a bite to eat after the concert even though he said he would be back at a certain time (at least he told you what he was planning to do even though you refused it). Maybe next time be a little more open about your expectations, so he's clear. Men can be like little children sometimes, and they just need it all spelled out clearly to them. Maybe you should have a chat with him about your feelings about bedrest, pressure of keeping up with school for the purposes of keeping your loan that supports you both, fear, depression, etc, and owning up to him for not being clearer with him in the first place as it wasn't fair to expect him to be a mind reader, I would say. I know, it's not really your fault, but it's good to take some responsibility about how the communication goes between you two.

The thing is I was getting pretty angry/sad/frustrated with my husband for being too involved with work lately and not really asking me how I was etc. and feeling all alone for the past 1 month or so in my pregnancy experiences. And then I just realized that maybe he cannot read my mind and I brought all my thoughts/concerns to the table, without laying blame. It made a huge differece, and he's been more nurturing and participative in the pregnancy even with his busy schedule.

Also, can't you talk to your school about any special exceptions? I'm sure if you talk to them about it they would understand and it will not affect your loan. Just ask them if you need any proof - maybe a doctor's note? so that it's all been documented in your file, and they cannot go back on their word either.

Best of luck, and it's best to keep the communication open, or to have the courage for one of you to break the ice so that there's no bad vibes and misunderstandings festering.

[ent_mom]

:Hug So sorry you are having such a rough time. I can sure see why you would be feeling scared, bummed, angry, geez a gazillion different emotions. I hope your contractions have subsided by now. :hug

Ya know, I do the same thing with DH all the time - expect him to be a mind reader. It always seems so obvious to me that he should "figure it out," but when we finally talk about it, he just didn't see it. *Sigh* I keep telling myself to stop doing that and just be direct! It's so hard to, but shouldn't be. :nut Just wanted you to know that I can totally understand the scenario that happened with you and DP, it sucks! But hopefully you guys will talk about it (soon) and come to a better place about what you are going through.

:Hug

Hey something that works for me...after such things I usually can't find the words to get started, so I just go over to him and give him the melt-in-your-arms kind of hug. (or DH does it first) Then we are able to talk it out. :heartbeat

[Happypants]

i'm sorry you had such a bad night. it can be so scary when things aren't going perfectly with pregnancy, and then to not get complete nurturing from your partner can make it that much harder, especially when you don't have any other company.

i hope you can work it out between the two of you, b/c relationship difficulties only add to the stress! and that's the last thing you need more of right now. :hug

[dharmama]

:hug mama!!!

have you had a chance to talk yet??

[Sadiebug]

I'm sorry. I do the same thing being pregnant or not. I hope you start feeling better and can talk to your partner. I'm sending big hugs your way.

[zonapellucida]

Oh (((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))) for you!!!!!!!!!!

[luckylady]

(((hugs))) I agree - men are terrible psychics. LOL.

And I HOPE your contractions haved stopped!!! I have also had LOTS of BH contractions and they do hurt. :(

[KBinSATX]

I am sorry. Sounds like a really stressful situation all around. I hope thinsg get better soon.

[boingo82]

I hope you feel better! For what it's worth, my DH isn't much of a mind reader either.

[Unreal]

:Hug

I'm another mama not married to a mind reader...

And then dh gets mad when I am not clear enough
when 1/2 the time I don't know what I want!!!

I think pregnancy is a really scary time for us mamas. I mean, when all goes well, it is great
but even then, there are the never-ending what-ifs lurking around everywhere

I don't think guys go through that as much. Sure, my dh is anxious about us having a homebirth
but he doesn't stress over the aches and pains and what they can mean...
and is that a BH contraction or a real one....and am I getting enough protein....and OMG have I felt the baby move yet today??

That is always going through our minds--maybe not in a stressful way (although often it is)

Add in *bedrest*
which automatically puts the fear of ____ in me
That my laying here doing NOTHING is vital
and if I do too much it could hurt the baby

The baby that we are already so connected with in ways someone who has never been pg can never fully understand

to have that much responsibility is freaky scary.

and I don't think most guys get it.

and how can they--we have to keep so much of this to ourselves, just to keep ourselves together, kwim?

I can't spend the whole day afraid of picking up my *43* pound toddler (UGH!!) I just can't.
But I am.


:Hug
:Hug
I really hope your dh can start to understand that when we are scared, sometimes we need our support more than we thought we did.....

[HollysMom]

:hug :hug :hug I hope things are going better!

[radicalmama]

Things are a bit better. We talked, and realized that we both had things to work on...

I should have communicated more clearly, obviously. Its just sometimes with the flood of fear and hormones, I turn into an idiot.

I went to the doctor today. Am on oral terb. as of this morning, and am having MORE contractions since I started it. GRRR...

I am so perplexed. I am in school full time, taking four really difficult classes, and need to stay in to get the financial aid money we need to survive. But now I'm supposed to be off my feet. I don't know what to do. Bedrest and then be forced to have a hospital birth cuz we won't be able to pay the midwives, let alone rent. Or school, and have the money we need. I feel like I'm going nuts. Plus with school, I have to finish a month ahead of everyone else because babe is due before the end of the semester.

[Brinda]

So sorry, mama! Obviously your stress is playing a lot into it, stress alone can cause PTL! Maybe the rise in blood pressure/pulse is contributing? If you continue to have more, perhaps ask about a different med. I try to opt for Procardia first because I have panic attacks, and the increase in pulse/blood pressure certainly doesn't help. Procardia is actually a blood pressure reducer, and I found it has lots less side effects. It does give me headaches, but I'd rather that than the shakes and stuff terb. does to me!

Take it easy, and big hugs for you!

[Unreal]

:Hug

okay--speaking as someone who has taught and has taken classes while pg--
Go talk to your professors NOW.
It is early enough in the semester for them to help you set up independent studies so you don't have to take a medical withdrawal.
For me, it would impress me the most if a student came in with everything planned out--how they will submit assignments, how they will make up for class participation (submitting a summary of the readings would be good, imo), how they could get copies of lecture notes--or get someone to tape record the lectures...basically didn't make too much extra work for me between coming up with options and stuff...
Or if they came up with some new project to take the place of everything...
I taught philosophy classes, so probably would have been okay with someone doing extra papers or doing a website that covered the course materials and demonstrated a certain level of understanding....

If they won't work with you, talk to your Financial Aid advisor.
After a certain point in the semester, you can usually drop classes and still keep your financial aid.
You might have to wait a bit to 'get the paperwork together' on your withdrawal from school (a medical withdrawal doesn't count against you in the same way as others might, depending on your school) and submit the paperwork after the last day to withdraw from classes for a refund...but then you are still paying for the classes you aren't taking, and that stinks.

Ideally your professors will work with you (and honestly if they don't, you can complain higher up, since you have a medical reason for needing 'special treatment')
Even if only one or two of them will work with you, those are classes you can cross off the list, kwim?

If you need any help or ideas or anything, please feel free to pm or email me.

[StrawHatBrat]

Im sorry. They don't get that we neeeeed the extra attention. You need to relax somehow. Don't try and do anything you aren't supposed to do. if you're supposed to stay off your feet, you shouldn't be up and going to school. I'm sorry, but it's your babies life you're dealing with.

[mimi_n_tre]

I think for the financial aid, you have to go through 60% of the classes. I go to CSU, and that is what it is for me. I agree with the previous poster and talk to your teachers. I am in the same situation. I am due in July, and my last class gets out in the middle of June. My babies usually come early though, and so hopefully I will last that long. Just make sure to talk to them, and seriously, if all else fails, keep the class and you can just fail it... It isn't the best idea, but you will keep your financial aid, and you can do a grade repeat so that the "F" grade will be dropped.

Mary

[Unreal]

well.....you can do a medical withdrawal at any point in the semester--so you wouldn't need to take an F.
Kind of like if you were in a car accident the last 2 weeks of class--no one would expect you to take an F.

But, I wouldn't do that unless it were a last resort...just because I'd hate to have paid for classes and not get the credit for them, kwim?

I'm REALLY hopeful that since your profs were already willing to let you finish the semester early, they are open to some other changes as well.
If they seemed hesitant before, I would probably try to approach them with something as close to the syllabus as possible.

And if they were open to adjustments before--I would get as creative as I wanted ;)
I had real problems with papers when I was pg with ds2, but could do shorter, smaller projects without a problem--so I did a lot of extra 'little' projects for classes
I ended up having to drop one class when the prof just couldn't deal with my performance or requests for change (I'd had classes with her before, so she knew what I was capable of and seemed offended that I was doing such cruddy work)
But I worked things out with my other classes...

Finding a way to stay in school should not be a stresspoint for you (I mean that to be the school should help you find a way to stay in!)

Take it easy--get rest--email or call your profs to explain what is going on...and ask if you can try to meet with them in a week or two (or when your MW says you can)

Don't try to tackle this now--focus on you and the babe and your family for a while.
Keep up with your schoolwork, but don't stress over getting on campus!
Even if you have a prof that is a complete jerk, you can do a medical w/d later (actually, I could be wrong, but I think you can even get one after the semester is over and grades are reported :lol Check your student handbook guide thingie, it should have info there)

[busybusymomma]

:Hug mama! Hang in there hon and keep us posted.

[mamacatsbaby]

:hug :hug :hug Great big giant hugs for you mama. How are things going? Will your professors agree to compromise?

[radicalmama]

Thus far three of my profs have responded to emails saying they'll be flexible. The fourth (with THE hardest class), hasn't responded at all.

Urrg. This sucks. Plus, I realized its the meds that are making me into a total raving bitch. I feel like I'm going to pull someones teeth out by the roots. My poor DP, rescued a histrionic me last night, be suddenly lighting candles, putting on a chant CD, rolling out the yoga mat and declaring, "We should sit in easy pose and breath together for awhile." (He's never done anything like that before, but it actually really helped).

Anyway, I am having less contractions, although lots of pain from mister hanging out so low he's in my crotch, but I think I'm gonna try to go to one class tomorrow and see how it goes. Just don't tell my midwife.

I can't let this money go. And my school, which is private, says I have to stay in twelve units the whole time to keep my fin aid.

Thanks for all the support ya'll.