Need Queer Mama Help!

[Charles Baudelaire]

This is a little OT since it doesn't precisely concern parenting, but here goes:

Through various long-story issues, I'm going to be the new faculty advisor for the gay-straight alliance club at the school at which I teach.

The problem? I'm not gay.

What do I need to know? Here are some questions I had and if you can help me, I would be VERY grateful.

1. What should I know?

2. If you were a member of a club like this in your high school, was it a good experience? A bad one? What made it good or bad?

3. How can I help the kids have a good experience in this club?

4. What should I NOT say/do, other than the absurdly obvious?

Thank you for your help!!!

[lunadoula]

Baudelaire - I applaud you for stepping up for this! If your heart is in the right place, I'm sure you will do fine. Gathering info is important though, as you're doing. I helped run GSA in the public schools. Listening to the kids is obviously the most important. Empower them and let them take the lead.

Some helpful resources for you:
http://www.gsanetwork.org/resources/start.html
http://www.glsen.org - fantastic org - join if you are not a member, they have conferences and lots of resources for you.

Also if you google "gay straight alliance" you'll find lots of resources.
Don't worry or stress that you are not gay. Straight support if *vital* to GSAs. If you follow the kids' lead and support them, you won't go wrong.

[karuna]

Wow, that's like my dream job. Hope you enjoy it!

Anyway, those resources lunadoula posted are excellent. I don't have time to read through them all (or to answer all your questions in sequence), but I want to just share a couple of thoughts that came to mind: I was in the newly formed GSA at my high school WAY before I came out. About 90% of the active members claimed to be straight, and then most of us came out in college! Hee hee. So, don't assume that the kids are gay, or straight, or at all willing to even label themselves... and don't assume the kids who say they're straight don't also need support (they might be scared, or testing the waters, or whatever). I guess, tread lightly is what I mean to say :) .

Also, a major source of support for queer kids in my Boston suburb was the two large LGBT youth groups in the city (where are you located?). Make sure you get them the information about the nearest LGBT center, and any youth organizations, so they can check out the queer scene outside your town. It also would be fun to try to take them to Youth Pride (usually the week before the big Pride celebrations)-- basically any safe opportunity for them to meet other queer kids, see the larger community, find dates, whatever!

For your group meetings themselves, I assume you'll be doing things like showing movies/documentaries (don't forget the Trans experience-- there's an amazing new documentary about Trans college kids you should try to get for them to see called "TransGenerations"), having discussions, etc.? Find some books, or a reading list (wish I had a link to one right now) of books they can borrow from the library... I remember being so hungry for anything I could get my hands on that echoed the feelings I didn't know how to admit to myself. Especially fiction and autobiography and poetry. Maybe a fieldtrip to the local gay bookstore??

Anyway, good luck!

[Charles Baudelaire]

Oh, what AWESOME resources!!! The legal stuff is SO helpful -- our principal (now our former principal) is rather conservative and had the name of the club changed to something less descriptive. Now under our new principal, not only will I request a club name change to something less euphemistic, I'll actually have the knowledge that this is the kids' legal right.

Thank you SO much.

Baudelaire - I applaud you for stepping up for this! If your heart is in the right place, I'm sure you will do fine. Gathering info is important though, as you're doing. I helped run GSA in the public schools. Listening to the kids is obviously the most important. Empower them and let them take the lead.

Some helpful resources for you:
http://www.gsanetwork.org/resources/start.html
http://www.glsen.org - fantastic org - join if you are not a member, they have conferences and lots of resources for you.

Also if you google "gay straight alliance" you'll find lots of resources.
Don't worry or stress that you are not gay. Straight support if *vital* to GSAs. If you follow the kids' lead and support them, you won't go wrong.

[Charles Baudelaire]

For your group meetings themselves, I assume you'll be doing things like showing movies/documentaries (don't forget the Trans experience-- there's an amazing new documentary about Trans college kids you should try to get for them to see called "TransGenerations"), having discussions, etc.? Find some books, or a reading list (wish I had a link to one right now) of books they can borrow from the library... I remember being so hungry for anything I could get my hands on that echoed the feelings I didn't know how to admit to myself. Especially fiction and autobiography and poetry. Maybe a fieldtrip to the local gay bookstore??

Anyway, good luck!

I love the book list idea! Can you suggest titles?

All I can think of off the top of my head right now are Sappho and Oscar Wilde and Adrienne Rich, but I would lovelovelove other suggestions -- fiction, poetry, whatever!

[kate~mom]

hi - i am sorry for completely jumping into this forum, having never posted here before :shy - but in a class i took a few semesters ago, i created a resource guide for creating safe schools for GLBTQ students. if you would like, i can forward it to you - pm me with your email if you're interested!

[lexbeach]

The faculty advisor for my g/sa was straight too. It was never an issue. We also had a support group specifically for GLBTQ students, and that one had a gay faculty advisor (though I think she just let us use her space, she didn't actually attend the meetings). There were several "out" teachers, and I think a straight teacher was chosen to advise the G/SA on purpose, as part of the proof that the g/sa was NOT just for GLBTQ students. Most of our members identified as straight too (though I wouldn't be surprised if some of them have changed that identification by now). Personally, I definitely felt like everyone would know I was gay if I went to a meeting, but I don't know why I thought that. I didn't start getting involved until after I'd already been OUT for a while.

Our g/sa would occassionally do a film screening, and we organized to go to the youth pride march in boston, and did fund-raisers to send students to the glsen conference. The g/sa had been well established for a long time, so we decided to help start a g/sa in a school that didn't have one yet. It was a fun outreach project, and gave us something to do (not really sure what we'd have talked about at our meetings otherwise!).

I think adding a book group aspect to the g/sa would be a GREAT idea. I know that at that time I was desperate to read about kids like me, and that doing so would have made me feel less alone (as I said, almost everyone in the g/sa identified as straight, so even though it was a supportive group, I was still lonely as a gay teen). And for the straight allies, reading books could help them understand the "gay teen" experience. Some book ideas:

Am I Blue?

Annie on my mind

Keeping you a secret

Luna


Good Luck!

Lex



ETA: totally OT, but karuna, did you ever go to BAGLY meetings? That would be funny if we'd both been there at the same time. . .

[karuna]

Lex-- I graduated h.s. in '94 (Watertown... where are you from?). I didn't come out until college, so I never went to BAGLY mtgs when I was in high school. I got involved in GLASS towards the end of college, doing safer-sex outreach work, and hung out with some BAGLY kids, but was mostly involved in my university's LGBT org. But, I think we know someone in common from here, at least!-- Larin and her dd Maddie (I hung out with them when we lived near Albany), and I remember her saying she knew you! Ah, I love little lesbian network.

Baudelaire, add Audre Lorde to the reading list: poems and Zami.
Oranges are Not the Only Fruit, by Jeannette Winterson.
Rubyfruit Jungle, by Rita Mae Brown.

Movies:
Beautiful Thing (British boy-boy teen love story)
The Incredibly True Adventures of 2 Girls in Love
Ma Vie En Rose (little trans kid, not teen but they'll like it)

so many books and movies, but my mind's blanking.

[lexbeach]

I grew up in Cambridge and graduated hs in '98. I think most of my BAGLY adventures happened in '96. Those kids kinda freaked me out, so I didn't last long, lol.

I can't believe I forgot about Rubyfruit Jungle and Zami! I must've read each of those a dozen times as a teen!

I can think of a bunch more books and movies, but none would really be appropirate for a school-sponsered event!

HTH!

Lex

[Charles Baudelaire]

Thank you folks so much! Keep the ideas comin'!!!

[Kincaid]

There is a good movie about a girl coming out in high school and the support of her teacher, it's called "The Truth About Jane." It is very made-for-tv movie and I believe it would be appropriate for viewing on school grounds. FYI - I don't think "Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love" would be allowable on school grounds in my state because of the rating.

The sites mentioned above are GREAT. Also take a look at the Human Rights Campaign site, they have some educational materials.

Only word of caution I would advise. If a student comes to you and is strugging emtionally, I would recommend having another person (such as another teacher or a student that you trust) present during conversations. Sometimes students have a way of "falling" for a teacher they feel accepts them, and there can be misunderstandings and projected feelings. Sometimes teachers and advisors get blamed of impropriety when there is none there - by parents, homophobic students, or teachers who are against such inclusivity (you know I mean "recruiting"). I would strongly advise you to talk to someone who serves as a counselor to get some ideas of how you will establish boundaries, etc. I hate to bring this up, but some of us have been badly burned by students we thought we were helping.

[pdxmomazon]

I saw a great edition of the PBS series "In the Life." It's funny- I was camped out in the living room with our newborn, trying to let my wife sleep. We don't get cable and I rarely turn on the TV unless I am looking for something specific. But it was 11pm, a Friday night, and the baby needed to be bounced! So, in deperation, I turned on the TV, flipped to the PBS station, and listened as this pretty blonde teenager talked about her Christian faith. I was pleasantly shocked when five minutes later she started to talk about the intersection of her faith and her sexuality- her church made her give up leadership roles when she came out as a lesbian. Wow! So, it was a neat show. I would've appreciated it when I was in high school!



Ani DiFranco, the fabulous bi singer/songwriter/social change artist was the host, and it featured gay and lesbian teens. (not sure if trans/questioning teens were involved since i tuned in late and by complete chance...) Anyhow- you might be able to tivo the program, or convince your library or the club to buy a copy of the program.

"In the Life
The Principles Of Youth
Episode: #1504, 56 minutes, STEREO, CC

This episode, gives voice to members of our culture often lost in political debate and explores the trials and triumphs of being young and gay."