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View Full Version : Old Cat Fading Fast - Help me prepare Dd for the inevitable please!!!




Curious
01-22-2006, 08:46 PM
Dd is 4-1/2. If Dd has to witness death, I would like her to see the dying loved one treated with love and dignity, and die peacefully. Our cat does not appear to require euthanasia and I'd like her to die, nurtured in the comfort of our home. Please tell me what you have learned from your experiences. What do do??? What to say????


If you want more detail about us, here it is ---



We've talked about death. The discussion started in response to looking at pictures and answering questions about where is that Grandpa?

We are Waldorf homeschooling, and my mentor said, tell her he died. Waldorf believes in reincarnation (consistent with my beliefs) and my mentor said that Dd, having just been born recently, was close to that realm and would be able to process that statement to some age-appropriate level. It worked well, and more discussion followed when Dd heard a radio announcer talk about playing a particular song on the anniversary of the singer's death. Dd led me into an extensive conversation and she figured out that 83 year old Grandma was worth being concerned about.


Now our 14 year old cat is fading fast. The cat's story is that she was an indoor/outdoor cat before we moved to our current house. Our house now is too close to the road and has many egress points in the basement. So the cat went to live with my mother, but got neurotic from being indoors.

In the meantime, we purchased a rental property. We took the cat to live at the rental property, which has a lovely yard and access to the basement where we set up a little cat-lair by the furnace. My neurotic old lady cat turned into an ebullient kitten. Just this summer she was leaping great bounds across the yard, chasing butterfles, and pleasing our renter by keeping the home free of mice. Sometimes we see the cat daily and other times a few weeks go by, and our renter feeds her and sees the food being eaten.

The cat had a sudden decline over the past two weeks. She is not eating much and I tempted her finally with some special treats, but she vomited most everything. I can't be sure if she is drinking from her water bowl but she would not let me feed her water from a bulb syringe (I had another cat who did this for several weeks and stayed around for awhile with progressive renal failure). She is not able to walk well - first I thought it was a recurrence of arthritis in her hips that was diagnosed 10 years ago (she got it young), but then I started thinking it was from dehydration (happens to renal failure cats) and that was when I tried offering the water by syringe.

She is gaunt, not grooming, very scruffy looking - you get the idea. Though she appears comfortable, is happy to see me, and enjoys attention from me and Dd.

I do not want to force feed her if she is going to vomit, or even tempt her with treats when it will just make her miserable.

The other cat died very peacefully of renal failure/old age. I did not feed her once she turned away from food, and I stopped syringing the water when she vomited afterward. She spent a lot of time communing with me, and a day or two later she feebly crept onto her favorite pillow and fell asleep...and that was it.

I would like this other cat to meet a similar end. Before anyone suggests euthanaisa, let me say that as long as she is comfortable, I know this cat well enough to know that I do not want to make her last moments on earth ones of being captured, taken for a car ride, and be handled by a strange human.

What I would rather do is take her back to our house, make her a nest in a large box (since she can't get around well), and care for her until she dies. I have to talk to Dh about the logistics of this, but I prefer it to leaving her at the other house when she no longer gets much out of the great outdoors. She hobbled out to the garden a few days ago but now I think she is to weak. The one thing she really seems to want now is the company of her loving people.




Curious
01-23-2006, 08:52 PM
Hmmm, I seem to be the only parent of a child and a dying cat. No ideas??

Should I have posted elsewhere?

Well our cat's in our home and taking water now so she's not fading quite so fast. she looks a lot better now that I've washed her face. And on her own, Dd has somehow surmised the situation and is finding her way with it. She is enjoying caretaking and the cat snuggling in the sling I used for her first few months.

Well, that's what we've come up with. Other thoughts?

QueenOfThePride
01-23-2006, 11:05 PM
You seem to already be doing what I would tell you. Just be honest about the process, cry openly if you feel so inclined, and let your dd grieve in her own way.

You have already told dd about death honestly, but just for the readers... don't use the euphamism 'putting to sleep' or 'falling asleep and not waking up'. That is an impossible concept for small children to grasp. When I was very young, and our cat was 'put to sleep' I was literally terrified of going to sleep in case I wouldn't wake up.

Trinitty
01-24-2006, 03:33 PM
Hi there,

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that you're losing your cat, they are very special to our family, and I know how hard this can be.

I think you're handling it very well, just be honest and gentle and explain as much as you can, different creatures have different life spans, etc, I wouldn't use the term "going to sleep" either.

Let her have some role in the "funeral" proceedings, I know that it helped me when my pets passed away.

I really feel for you.

...................

For the future, (since you have had problems with it in other cats) there are some methods to avoid renal failure; There is some infomation on these websites:

www.felinefuture.com
http://www.catnutrition.org

Most renal/kidney/bladder problems are caused by dehydration due to commercial cat food.

Good luck!

KBinSATX
01-24-2006, 03:45 PM
I hope this is not an inappropriate response (since it's posted on parenting rather than pets) but I find 14 to be quite young for a cat to die and if she was mine I would probably be worried she was getting into somthing that was making her sick (snail poison, etc.)
Have you considered having the cat checked out?

Snowbaby
01-25-2006, 11:17 AM
I agree that while 14 elderly, it is not necessarily the end. The sudden decline that you describe concerns me, as that would be more of a sign of illness or the cat having gotten into something bad for her. We have an elderly cat but his decline has been very, very slow (as is the aging process). He's just lost weight in the past two years and has slowed down a bit. He has his youthful moments but tires quickly. However, he hasn't stopped eating or drinking or become lethargic. He's just an old man -- 16 years old. While we know he won't be around for a long time, it doesn't feel as if his death is imminent.

Maybe take your kitty to the vet to get her checked out?

As far as your DD, sounds like you have done a good job at discussing death.

Curious
01-25-2006, 02:58 PM
Thanks for the responses and interest on behalf of our cat.

I have had several cats, and I've worked with several holistic vets in the course of my career in a related fleld, so I feel pretty well in tune with what is going on. I have been in contact with one of them, regarding our situation.

Based on past experiences with veterinarians in other places and in my area, with both her and other cats, I do not see taking her in as an answer right now. I opt not to elaborate.

She is actually looking much better with some of the holistic things I've been doing, which are not offered by any professional locally.

I don't know if I have her in hospice care or intensive care, but Dd is taking it in stride, in the way that 4 year olds may. I told her a story about a snowman today for homeschool, and she became very sad that the snowman might melt. She cried for a long time and I took it as a response to worry about the cat. I am letting her take things at her own pace, based on her own senses, and time itself will tell for all of us here.

Jish
01-27-2006, 09:37 PM
We lost both of our cat's within the last year. The first started to fade while we were out of town. She stopped eating and drinking and it turns out that she had cancer in her mouth. The vet said that it can come on very fast. She was so bad by the time we were able to get her to the vet, we talked to the vet about the quality of her life until she died. It was not a good picture and we decided to euthanize. We didn't expect him to do it then, but that's what he did. The boys were with us and we didn't know what to tell them. The doc took her to the back room and brought her out in a box in the pet carrier. We told the boys that the vet took Abby to the back to give her some medicine to make her feel better and while she was back there, she died. I didn't feel comfortable lying (which I don't feel we did) but I didn't want them to know that we made the decision to basically kill her.

When the second cat became ill, it too came on pretty quickly. From the time we started to notice whe wasn't well to the time that she died was about a month. The last week was really hard because she couldn't move anymore. The boys had seen her go from normal, to unable to move the back half of her body, to unable to move at all. We explained that she was old and sick, and that she was going to die soon. We told them that she didn't seem to be in any pain and that they could pet her and talk to her. The last couple days were really tough, and we debated having her put down because she just seemed so miserable. We had made a bed for her in the livingroom. The night before she died it was hard for me to go to bed because I didn't want her to die alone, but I didn't want to move her at that point. Much to my surprise she was still awake that next morning. The boys all said goodbye to her before we left for school, just in case she died, and we used the word "died," there's no reason to avoid that word. Dh came home for lunch and the cat was dead. He kept her wrapped in the blanket and placed her in a box. When I got home with the two younger boys, the then 4 year old wanted to see her so I took him to the box and he looked inside and gave her one last pet. The older ds did the same thing when he came home.

Then we put her in the deep freeze until we could bury her. :lol Yeah, the boys knew we did that too.

We are Catholic and we have always explained that our bodies are simply the pretty wrapping, and that it isn't what or who we are. That is why our bodies stay on earth when we die and our souls go to heaven. Our souls are what makes us who we are. It is what makes us kind and loving. They really seem to grasp the idea of our bodies being like the box that the present is in and our souls being the gift. I know that this isn't your belief, but I'm sure that you could twist it to fit your beliefs.

Our kids have lost three pets (not including a batch of sea monkeys) and several great grandparents that they remember. While they don't personally want to die, they aren't afraid of pets dying, or of what happens if a person dies. While we don't talk about death everyday, it does come up every so often and they are so comfortable with the idea of what happens to us when we die. The scariest part for them was the loss of their body. Once they understood that their bodies weren't what made them who they are, they were much more comforable. We used the same explanation for the cats. They helped us bury them last spring.

katsam
01-28-2006, 11:58 AM
Sorry your kitty is sick. I was just going to say that a book called "The 10th Good Thing about Barney" deals specifically with the death of a cat and a little boy.

Susannah M
01-30-2006, 01:29 AM
My FIL died this summer and a friend had to explain death (again) to her 3 year old (who knew my FIL and knew my dog who had died 7 months prior). This great mama explained did she remember their sunflowers that were in their garden that had died? Well, Angelo now had died like they did and we were not going to be able to see him anymore. This DC thought for a few minutes and then asked her mama "so Angelo turned brown like the sunflowers"? Okay, so not exactly what mama meant. . .
At any rate, it has been nearly 8 months since FIL died and this child still asks every time she comes to MIL house about Angelo - is he going to be there, etc, etc. Amazing how she still remembers him even how young she is - they don't really talk about him I don't think.
-Susannah

Curious
01-31-2006, 06:54 PM
We are Catholic and we have always explained that our bodies are simply the pretty wrapping, and that it isn't what or who we are. That is why our bodies stay on earth when we die and our souls go to heaven. Our souls are what makes us who we are. It is what makes us kind and loving. They really seem to grasp the idea of our bodies being like the box that the present is in and our souls being the gift. I know that this isn't your belief, but I'm sure that you could twist it to fit your beliefs.

This is EXACTLY what my mother told me when I was small - we're Jewish. I wouldn't say I need to twist this to fit my beliefs, though I have expanded on it a bit.

Our cat is doing incredibly better. Not her kitten self, but stronger, eating, drinking, wanting to explore. Still, I think Dd is sort of waiting for something to happen, maybe too afraid to believe the turn around. Each day that passes I feel more confident talking about letting her back outside when Spring comes (she tried to run outside as soon as her leg strength improved), yet there is the lingering question in the air.

I spend lots of time with cat in the sling, Dd stroking her, listening to her purr, and asking, does she purr because she feels how we love her?

That's the best I can do.