Let's Talk About Preparing Other Children for HomeBirth or Seeing the Birth

[Mom2Adam]

Hi Mama's


I wanted to see how others were preparing their little ones for Homebirth or for seeing the birth in the hospital/birthing center.

Now that 3rd trimester is looming (next week for me!) - I feel like DS, who is 2.5, is ready to start talking about the birth. We did not want to start too early, because it can seem like forever.

We are having a home, water birth. I have a friend that has several homebirth books (illustrated) geared for children that she got somewhere in Germany or France. She is loaning them to me this month.

We also are starting to talk about where some babies are born (I have 3 friends pregnant now that will be delivering at a hospital), and that our baby will be born at home.

He goes to each midwife appt. with me.

We will look at birth pictures together and talk about them. We MAY practice sounds so he has an idea of what I will sound like...or we may just talk about the hard work I will be doing.

SIL will be on hand if it is too intense for DS.

I can't think of what else I have planned so far....what are other mama's doing?

Traci

[luckylady]

Mine will be a hospital birth but I do want DD to be there. We have been doing the same things as you. Someone even suggested a birth video so she can see it beforehand. I am also hiring a doula so DH can focus his attention more on her. She's actually getting quite excited about it!

[tomtemama]

We are having a home birth and have been talking about it for a long time now. We read "Welcome with Love", an Australian children's book about home birth, often and dd really likes it.

I will also be hiring a doula so dh can focus on dd during the birth.

All in all she is VERY excited, loves our midwife (we're using the same one so I think she is even more enamoured of her since she knows that it is the same woman who caught her) and wants to cut the cord. Oh yeah, and she "giving birth" to imaginary babies every day. I have to come catch them :love .

I can't wait to hear what everyone else is doing.....

[Mamabeakley]

Right now I'm mostly thinking about what I want to do because we are still unpacking/finishing renovations on our new old house and the holidays and . . . I've just been too busy. However, what HAS happened is that DS's (23 mo.) aunt had her baby at home last week. Her older daughter is DS's best friend and we were there for the birth - except DS and his cousin weren't *there* for the birth because his cousin was kinda demanding too much attention from her mom and they were both tired, so grandma took them for a car-ride to go down for their naps at the crucial time. They slept through it. Which was the best possible thing in this situation.

However, DS has a totally different personality & approach to life than his cousin does and our family situation is different. I'd like DS to be there, but there will be somebody (my mom, my DH's mom, or the aunt who just had the baby) there to keep him occupied elsewhere if he gets overwhelmed. I don't think he's likely to get upset at me being busy - I work part time and do lots of household stuff while he plays with his dad or those other people, too, so he's used to dealing with the fact that sometimes Mama is not available. But I do think he doesn't really like emotionally overwhelming situations and might rather be somewhere else when things get intense.

Okay, I'm babbling. I do have Welcome With Love and he loves it - however it is packed right now! I'd like to get some videos and see if he's willing to watch them. We also got a book called What's Inside? which shows what the baby looks like (in illustrations) inside the Mama, which he took a while to warm up to but now likes. And he is very interested in the new baby at his cousin's house.

I think it'll all work out. One way or another!

[purpleheather79]

I'm considering letting my 3-year old son watch the DVD of a twin homebirht to help him understand exactly what will happen. I'm not sure if it will be too much for him though... We are having a homebirth and he has made it clear that he wants to be there when his sisters are born. He understands quite a bit about the process of birth but has never actually witnessed it before.

[busybusymomma]

My kids have watched the Gentle Birth Choices video a few times... dd insists I should have a waterbirth :lol which I'm planning anyway since ds was a wb @ home. I should say dd watches it, ds kinda runs in and out of the room doing his own thing.

When you buy the Gentle Birth Choices (for $13~) book at Amazon.com it comes with the video on DVD now. :thumb The hairdos are terrible but I still cry at the births, they're so touching. Granted, I don't care for one where the MD at the birthing center pulls on the baby while the mom is pushing. It has homebirths, birthing center births and waterbirths. There is one birth where the cord is around the baby's neck so tightly that they cut and cord and do immediate neonatal rescucitation but it's not too scary for my kids to see IMO.

So otherwise, we've just talked about the baby but I'll step up the discussions as we get closer to 34 weeks or so.

[Heidi Jo]

My dd will be 4 1/2 when this little one is born. She comes to all the midwife appts and loves them. She asked one if she was going to get the baby out of mama's tummy. We took the opportunity to explain that mama was going to get the baby out and it would come out her vagina and the midwives will be there to help. I remind her at least weekly that our baby is going to be born her at home because we watch the discovery health stuff alot. I am glad that she won't always think of birth as something that happens in hospitals.

I don't really know what else to do until we get closer. We are just 22 weeks. I think it is so funny that we spend sooooo much of our pregnancy planning for the birth and it is over so quickly. (not that I want a 2 week labor). I cannot stop thinking about it.

[newmainer]

We originally weren't intending on our dd being at the birth...she pretty much interacts with us or others all the time. she is a major chatterbox and i think it will be confusing and frustrating for her to have me not able to pay attention to her. likewise, i want dh to be paying attention to me. so, we had planned on my mom coming and taking her until just after the birth.

but recently i realized that having her go with my mom will only work at certain times. if i labor in the night, i certainly am not going to call my mom and come have her taken away in a dead sleep. i am totally psyched at the thought of dd being there when the baby is actually *born*, just not when i'm laboring.

sooooo... we'll be planning for any situation. if she is awake and i go into labor, most likely we'll have my mom come and take her and then return for the birth/shortly after. if she's asleep, we'll leave her sleeping and just deal if she wakes up to the action.

we've been talking more and more about it, and she's pretty weary of the whole new baby thing. she's informed me that it needs to live at Nana's house :lol I think i'll definitely show her a video or two and get _Welcome with Love_ among others. she's ready for it, as the baby is becoming less and less easy to ignore with my gargantuan belly :D. She has been to one midwife appt. and is coming to another next week, but usually she doesn't because again, she requires fairly constant interaction and conversation. not conducive to nice, relaxing chatty midwife sessions (and our midwives are chatty! :lol )

[zonapellucida]

JME I birthed with a full house last time and none of the kids wanted to be in the bathroom although there was plenty of room. Prior to the birth my now 9 wanted to watch but changed her mind. I guess Disney was far more appealing than remaining in the room with an extremely loud me..... The invitation will again be open this time and I will leave it entirely up to the children when the time comes. I honestly could care less either way ;) for, while laboring, I am not focused on anyone but the baby being birthed.

[dharmama]

i just bought a new baby book for my dd, who will be just under 2 at the birth, yesterday (the dr. sear's one....baby on the way or something like that)!! that book doesn't talk much about the birth but ot shows the baby in utero and talks about breastfeeding so i thought it was pretty cool.

we're having a hospital birth but intending for dd to be there (if possible...depending on time of day). my mom will be there to care for her and bring her in and out of the room as needed.

i think lil will be ok with the whole experience....she's very close to my mom and will be well-supported but i'm wondering what the experience of having her there will be like for me. :o i had a really short easy-ish labor with her and i was very :blah until the final stage when i totally disappeared into laborland. during my 45 min of pushing i couldn't deal with ANYTHING....talking, touching....NOTHING but focusing on what i needed to do. so i wonder how dd will react to me being completely unavailable to her for a bit?? :shrug

[maybebaby]

Haven't done too much yet :blush

I'm worried a bit because there is no one I can think of that I'd like to be there to take care of the kiddos. My oldest will be 10 at the time, Maddie is 7 and Mace will be 3.5. Obviously, Gage and Maddie have experienced this before so they kind of know what to expect. It's Mace I'm worried about.

I do need to do more talking with Mace about what the birth is going to be like.

I know usually during labor I tend to go inward and I don't necessarily need my dh right there with me until around time to push, so my theory is that he could attend to whatever they needed most of the time, and then when necessary Gage and Maddie could help Mace get a video on, or occupy him in some way.

lol that's the plan, but you know how that goes. Maybe I'll labor in the middle of the night and he'll sleep through it :lol (riiiight! lol)

[Xiaguan]

I want to thank Michelle for the Gentle Birth advice~ I ordered it today so my 5yo DD & almost 8yo DD can be more prepared~ I also ordered the Welcome With Love~ They are the only 2 of my 4 who really want to be in the room when I deliver this babino:~) My 13 yo DD is mortified that i am having another baby~ I think it is more she is embarassed that her mom & dad actually do what you have to do to get pregnant:~) My 10yo DS is just not into the whole baby coming out of mom thing:~)

Warmly,
Melissa

[Ksenia]

My ds is 27 mo. We have been talking about "the new baby" for quite a while now. Now that my belly is getting bigger it is probably seeming more real to him. I would like to involve him in the birth to the extent that it is possible. He is very intense and wants 100% of our attention all the time and constantly wants to talk. It's hard for me to imagine him being there during the labour/birth, but I'm keeping an open mind. We have a close friend on call to help with him if needed, but I want to avoid excluding him if possible because I've heard so many birth stories about the benefits of the toddlers being involved in the birth, especially for preventing sibling rivalry issues. I've shown ds some unassisted birth videos and he really likes them. I've explained that the mama makes loud noises to help the baby come out. He seems to be OK with this explanation and quite interested in the process. The videos are neat because there often is a little toddler running around in the background - watching, commenting, or "helping". I think that helps ds to relate to what's going on. My midwife says that mothers often subconsciously delay their labours until their toddlers fall asleep. She strongly recommends against waking toddlers up to see the baby being born because they often get hellishly cranky a couple of hours later when everyone is ready to go to sleep and get some rest.