Need Advice - Asked to be in Wedding!

[mountainsun]

OK mamas...here's the story and I need your HONEST advice! My youngest brother is getting married about 4 weeks after the baby is due to be born! Awesome, I am SO happy for him! And his wife-to-be asked my sisters and I to be bridesmaids........

So, the history is - I was in my youngest sister's wedding (matron of honor) when ds1 was about 6 weeks old. It was TOUGH. It really was and after we got through it I breathed a big sigh of relief and told myself "you will never have to do that again!" :lol It was tough on dh, too. DS would not take a bottle, it was our first baby, just stressful. But we got through it.

Fast forward 2 years.......I am asked to be in my brother's wedding. And they asked dh as well, and they want ds1 who will be 2 1/2 to be the ring-bearer. Phew! WOW! Honored, yes we are - but I think my gut is telling me to decline. I just do not know if I have it in me, and the baby will be SO young, it's out of town, it will be rough. But I really do not want to let my bro down. On the other hand, I think it would be more beneficial to not be in it so that ds1 can be in it and have my full attention and support if he needs it, kwim?

Tell me, am I being a total baby and blowing it out of proportion or should I go with my gut and decline? Your honest advice, please! And if you got this far, thanks!

[coco4cloth]

I would decline. Your babe is only going to be 4 weeks old at the time? Not an ideal time to be traveling. Plus, if this is your second, you don't know how your first will be. Sometimes it takes a family awhile to adjust as I'm sure you know. Your brother with hopefully understand. For me the thought of having to put on a dress at 4 weeks pp would talk me out of it :lol

[earthmama369]

I think you made a telling statement there -- your gut says to decline.

The math is what would concern me most. (This is the math I've been doing in my head regarding our annual summer vacation.) If the baby comes unexpectedly early and has medical needs as a result, the wedding won't be far enough along for those issues to have resolved. If the baby decides to hang out until 42-43 weeks, or your EDD is a bit off, you could have a one week old and still be physically recovering from labor.

Where there's a will, there's a way, and if this is something you really want to do, it could be done, but I think it's a big commitment to make without knowing where you'll be in the continuum at the time.

[mountainsun]

For me the thought of having to put on a dress at 4 weeks pp would talk me out of

yes, this is an issue :lol and the last thing i want to do right now is go and get fitted :D

Your points are all well taken! The hardest thing is, it is something I really want to do, this is one of my favorite siblings ;) and we are pretty close and I know he will understand, it just kinda stinks!

you could have a one week old and still be physically recovering from labor.

yup - this worries me too.

thanks, mamas! And, I am the only one of my sibs that has kids (so far) so no one REALLY understands........

[freya6903]

I m in a similar situation, I have to be the Maid of Honor in a friend's wedding 8 weeks after bebe is due. I just got fitted for a dress (now THAT was horrible!) which was of course much larger than my usual size. Does anybody have any tips for me on how to handle it? The weding is out of town and I will be heading ther for a week and a half prior to the wedding.

I feel your pain! It is a little scary, but I had promised her from teh time I was 4 years old that we would be each other's MOH's!

[BundleFishMama]

Well, since you asked for honest opinions - I will play devil's advocate here :mischief Of course this is totally just my opinion, so don't listen to me :lol

I would go for it, definitely. I did almost the same thing - I was matron of honor in my best friend's out-of-town wedding about 6 weeks after my 2nd DD was born (DD1, who was just turning 2, was the flower girl) and it was great - a few little challenges, but all in all I was SOOOOO glad I did it, we had TONS of fun and the photos of our whole, newly-expanded family all dressed up together, and Maddy in her teeny little dress were sooooo adorable....anyway I would have so bummed to have missed it, I never even considered not doing it.

I just don't see what's so hard about it. But like I said, that's just me. I tend to recover really fast from my births and to be back to my usual routine really quickly anyway (which, incidentally, I think helps the older sibling(s) - to see things going on as pretty much normal so they don't think that now that the baby is here, everything is different and they have to sit around the house and be bored and miss their "normal" activities while you care for the baby...IYKWIM)

A couple of caveats though - I am assuming that the baby is welcome to be with you at all parts of the wedding (I wouldn't do it otherwise) and I'm assuming that your brother would be OK with you accepting on the condition that everything goes pretty much as expected with your birth (i.e. he'd be OK with having a backup plan in case, God forbid, any of the scenarios mentioned happened - like the baby being premature and having unexpected medical problems. If he or your SIL-to-be is the type who would hold it against you if you had to back out at the last minute due to circumstances beyond your control, then that would be different.

The way I see it, being an AP-style parent makes all the difference, it's much easier - what do you really need for an out-of-town trip except clothes and diapers? No formula, bottles, portacrib, etc. to tote - as long as I had my breasts and a sling it didn't matter whether we were at home or in a hotel, at a local restaurant or a black-tie wedding banquet. In fact it was better - our family bed at home is only a queen and the hotel bed was a king - LOL!

So, Maddy was great, I nursed her right before the procession into church and she slept in DH's arms through the ceremony and then I nursed her again right after before heading to the reception. So the only "problem" was that we were always running a little behind and everyone else was waiting for us for photos, etc. But I had explained all this to my best friend beforehand and she was OK with it. Anyway Maddy just nursed and slept in the sling (I did treat myself to a silk Zolowear one to match my silk gown!! It looked so pretty!) I gave the MOH toast in front of 300 guests with Maddy napping in the sling :love Teresa had a blast, too, getting to have fun, special "big girl time" in her flower girl dress, and show off her new baby sister to everyone too.

Oh and yeah, I admit the dress thing sucked! :lol It was hard to fit and I ended up looking huge anyway. Ugh. BUT at least my best friend was considerate enough to pick a two-piece gown which made it *slightly* easier to nurse in!

Like I said, just my perspective - but don't listen to me, you need to do what's right for you and your family. Just wanted to throw another perspective out there! Good luck with whatever you decide to do....

[afishwithabike]

Yuck! Four week pp trying to look stunning. A babe who needs you. Chances are you'll still be bleeding having to stand there forever. I'd for sure decline. Sorry if it's not what you're looking for but it sounds like you already know what to do.

[TortelliniMama]

If you feel like it's going to be an ordeal, then I don't think you're likely to be able to provide the support and celebration that your brother is looking for anyway. But I did want to offer one suggestion that could help things be smoother, if you do want to be in the wedding. Could they have you do a reading of some sort (rather than being an attendant)? I'm thinking that that way, you'd be part of the wedding, but if you couldn't make it, it's not the end of the world (either have someone else read it or just skip it), and you'd also be able to sit until it was time for you to get up and do your part (and then sit down again).

[L'lee]

Hmm, do you think he'd mind if you wore the babe in a sling and stepped aside if you need to breastfeed?

[mountainsun]

Thanks for all your input :love

I seriously keep going back and forth between "I can do it!" to "no way in he*l!" Mu bro would be totally cool with anything unexpected coming up, he is very go with the flow. But then speaking of flow, yeah, umm, gross but true. PP bleeding is NO FUN! :lol

But then I imagine a gorgeous sling matching the dress and everything just going great, when I was in the first wedding, we did just what bundlefish said, nursed right before and right after but it was still tough. Because ds did not sleep through the (very long) ceremony. He cried the whole time :(

Maybe we can devise a plan that we will be in it with the caveat that we will all not stay with the bridal/ groom party, be a part but a small part ........man!

freya6903 - wow! I feel for ya, and having to be out of town for that long. well, i am a relative homebody, and it sounds like a REALLY good friend, but yeah. I feel for ya!

hmm, I'll keep ya posted, plan on talking to my bro this weekend!