teenage boys & bf'ing [Archive] - MotheringDotCommunity Forums

aisraeltax

01-28-2006, 05:19 PM

spin462002

01-29-2006, 08:10 PM

I personally would not feel comfortable b'fing in front of teenage boys, however discreet I may be. You could keep a scarf handy to cover yourself and the baby or just talk to your son and ask him to not hang around with his friends when you are feeding.Or you could always say generally "not now guys, you are distracting ....." and make it about the baby, not them.
Explain this tactic to your son so he is not put in an awkward position.

I would not have been comfortable knowing my son was being put into that situation at his friends house, so I am sure the other parents would appreciate your discretion too. Boys are full of testosterone, many do not have memories of siblings being breastfed, so a breast is just a breast to most of them, a sexual object. Thankfully your own son has the advantage there!

Using a simple strategy can avoid embarrassment and maintain a respectful attitude towards you.

all the best
L

TiredX2

01-29-2006, 08:25 PM

katebleu

01-29-2006, 08:34 PM

agcj

01-29-2006, 10:33 PM

I would try to be discreet, but I think they should be exposed to a baby being breastfed. Otherwise, all they see are Hooters and playboy. Another thought, many of these boys may have been breastfed. They may be less likely to think of breasts as only sex objects. They may not feel negatively about it. Have you thought of calling parents and letting them know your delima? Sometimes it helps to sound parents out. Maybe it is differnt with older teens, though- and boys. My daughter is a young teen. I bf infront of her friends- all girls and mostly breastfed, themselves. However, I use a wrap baby carrier often, though, so often no one really can see what I am doing.

One more thing, They might think of a 16-year-old's boobs as sex objects, but would they really think of a 30 or 40 something mother's breasts as sex objects? Doubtful! Most likely, they will just think, uggh- that old person must have had sex at least twice-uggh :lol .

LizaBear

01-30-2006, 06:09 AM

I haven't really thought about it - I've nursed both of my kids in front of my teen-age BIL without comment from him or my ILs. I don't see any reason why I shouldn't.

jenniey

01-30-2006, 06:24 AM

Intruiging...
I have to say, I have been bfing for 4 years now (3 boys) and nip all the time. And I am always a bit more uncomfortable around my nephews: pre-teen, and full-teenage boys. But, I do it anyway. For the reasons already mentioned. If I treat it normal, they will see it normal, and down the road, treat it normal themselves. I do be extra discreet around them though. If I'm going to nurse and they are in the room I simply say, I'm going to nurse the baby now. That way, they can leave if they want.
But I also have to say in general, there are some people I just don't nurse around because of sexual-comfort issues.

spin462002

01-30-2006, 06:35 AM

I think if you read the original post you will see what the issue is. This teenage boy is embarrassed and feels awkward when his friends see his mother's breasts.
Breastfeeding should never be an issue with siblings or close family members. (which it isn't with this boy) It is natural and healthy and the best for the baby. No one has suggested this is not the case.

As an older mom, with a 25 year old married son, I can assure you ladies that teenage boys are full of testosterone and they don't care how old the woman behind the breast is! If you are still having babies, you are young enough to have interesting breasts! I am certainly not talking about siblings or close family members! I am referring to the situation above. Covering yourself while feeding to preserve your modesty and avoid anyone being embarrased is still setting a good example of mothering and caring for your baby. (and your big boy too)

As for breastfeeding in front of girls, that is oh so different. Girls are not usually sexually stimulated by the sight of a breastfeeding baby. Their brains are not usually wired that way. They are usually curious and interested and eager to see what happens and that's the way it should be. I remember following my aunt's when they went into the bedroom to feed their babies (it was the 60's and I was around 5/6) and watching with great interest and fascination. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and I still do!

I extensively breastfed my four children, the younger two until they were five years old. My son was the eldest and was 13 when his youngest sister was born. He accepted breastfeeding as the norm and has been a great encouragement to his wife in the last four years, especially in the challenging early days with their first baby. Their children are 4 and 1 now, the younger one still breastfeeding although mom works full time and dad is at home with the children now.

If you have a close relationship with a teenage boy, of course feed in front of him. If your son is embarrased when his friends are around, maybe you need to consider his feelings and modify your behaviour. The baby gets fed either way, which is not negotiable of course!

Lynn

agcj

01-30-2006, 01:57 PM

katebleu

01-30-2006, 02:10 PM

I misread the post then. Of course the boy is embarrassed- I thought mama felt uncomfortalbe. Kids that age often feel embarrassed of their parents. I don't have a son that age, so I don't know about attraction to older women- maybe so.

i misread the OP too. but i also agree that at 15 mom causing embarrassment is going to happen even without bf-ing. mom just having a baby at all is pointing out in an uncomfortable way that parents have sex. that's embarrassing.

i would have a frank talk with my son about bf-ing, the advantages. find out ways that both mom and teen can feel more comfortable.

agcj

01-30-2006, 02:26 PM

I just thought of something although I do not know if it would work for you, but Have you thought of using a baby carrier for nursing (if it works for you). It would not always work because sometimes you are nursing when the boys walk in, but I use a wrap baby carrier, and I nurse at stores, at Disney world, while walking, all sorts of things, and NOBODY KNOWS WHAT i AM DOING. We nurse in the wrap and people actually walk up and ask to see my sleeping baby (sometimes they start to reach for the material). When I tell them he is nursing, they pull back very quickly and are surprised! Here is a picture. You can get instructions for nursing in a wrap carrier and for making your own out of homespun, cotton crinkle gauze or hemp/cotton jersey from http://www.wearyourbaby.com (http://www.mamatoto.org)
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b198/agcjae/IM000398_edited.jpg

It takes some learning, but it is very worth it.
Good luck

Ruthla

01-30-2006, 03:16 PM

IMO, if we want nursing to be accepted as "normal" we need to treat it like it is. I think that, in a lot of ways, teens are more accepting than adults and if you can demonstrate the ease of nursing *now*, think of how supportive and accepting will be when it is their wife/girlfriend deciding to nurse.
ITA!!!!

Nobody is "wired" to think of breasts sexually- it's learned. Yes, men are "wired" to be more visually stimulated than women are, which IMO makes it even more important for them to view BF as "normal" and "non sexual."

I would not have been comfortable knowing my son was being put into that situation at his friends house, so I am sure the other parents would appreciate your discretion too. Boys are full of testosterone, many do not have memories of siblings being breastfed, so a breast is just a breast to most of them, a sexual object. Thankfully your own son has the advantage there!I'm saddened that you think this way- that the OP's DS' friends are "being put into that situation." There's nothing shameful about nursing a baby, no matter who's in the room!

lilyka

01-30-2006, 03:31 PM

I was a youth pastor when I had my second child. Almost all my kids were boys. I felt it important to use discresion. both for thier sake and for mine (I so didn't want calls from parents.) I would nurse openly in front ofthe girls no problems but made sure to be as discreet as possible around the boys.

if you knew ds would be bringing a crew home i would just have a blanket handy for quick cover before you sat down to nurse. for example if you are sitting down right before he usually walks in.

at the same tim I wouldn't worry about it too much unless someone complained.

Mallory

01-30-2006, 03:58 PM

The kids in my family are 27, 26, 13, 10. So when #3 was born my brother and I were 13 and 14 and when #4 was born my brother and I were 16 and 17.

We had friends over all the time, and while my mom wasn't especially blatant about it, she also didn't hide in the bedroom or under a blanket.

When my kids were born, my BIL and SIL were teens and I didn't cover up around them (we even lived with them for a while).

I think it is important not to make a big deal about it. I know lots of women use a blanket to cover up, but I am never going to and if I only did around teenage boys then I would think that would be making a big deal about it.

I hope that if my boys ever see an infant sitting in thier moms lap eating it is from her breasts, I would be much sadder if they were in a situation where a baby was only fed formula.

aisraeltax

01-30-2006, 06:33 PM

i have tried bf'ing in a wrap but havent mastered it yet.

agcj

01-30-2006, 11:58 PM

It takes time to learn how to use one. It took me a while before wrapping felt not frustrating. I practiced with a stuffed animal, at first. I just wanted to let you know about it just in case because the wrap is what I use when I am in a situation where I don't know how people will react to breastfeeding. Of course, I also use it so I can eat during baby's growth spurts. I did not discover it until my 3rd baby, and it has changed my bf life. Where are you? Your state might have a babywearing group with meetings that can help.
Here in Washington, we have a big one. Feel free to pm me.
Hugs

mothragirl

01-31-2006, 12:07 AM

if they get too nervous around you just squirt them with breastmilk, that always breaks the tension ;)
(j/k)

i would take this as an excellent opportunity to educate them about the real purpose of breasts.

ErikaDP

01-31-2006, 01:05 AM

Hmmm, I feel a bit differently about it.

When DD was born, BIL was 17 and I happily nursed in front of him and his friends (teen guys). And you know what? He (BIL) became a vocal advocate of Bfeeding & NIP.

IMO, if we want nursing to be accepted as "normal" we need to treat it like it is. I think that, in a lot of ways, teens are more accepting than adults and if you can demonstrate the ease of nursing *now*, think of how supportive and accepting will be when it is their wife/girlfriend deciding to nurse.
I completely agree with you too TiredX2.
And I have a story to tell that is a little OT but relevant.
I was in the car with my 20 year DS. We were listening to a radio program where two guests were talking about the war in Iraq and how there are mothers of young infants in Iraq while their babies are left behind with relatives.
One of the guests said that some of the babies were as young as 4 months old but that their mothers had made a commitment and that he thought that it should be honored. The other guest argued that to separate a young infant from it's mother was very wrong.
At that point my son reached over and turned off the radio. He was very upset. I asked him what was bothering him and he said that the radio station had gone too far. He said that there couldn't possibly mothers of young infants in Iraq. He said that the war was wrong, but the way to change things there is through telling the truth about it. Not by making up terrible stories. I told him of course there were mothers leaving young babies stateside, in fact that there are some families where both parents are in Iraq.
He looked so confused. And then he said again that there couldn't be mothers with young babies in Iraq because the young babies would starve without their mother's milk.
I looked at him stunned. And then I told him that there are companies that make baby formula for infants who's mothers can't breastfeed. At first, his face was filled with disbelief. And then he was amazed by that fact.
And that's when it dawned on me, he had never seen a young baby in real life being bottle fed. It just wasn't in his collected experience. Not by his friends mothers, not any of my friends, not any of our family. For him, breastfeeding was the only option! :thumb
Isn't that great? I was so proud of the way he feels about breastfeeding! :love
It affirmed for me that we can raise sons as well as daughters to see breastfeeding as the norm!

Take Care,
Erika :hs:
"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail..."
"Knowledge without compassion is useless"-SCW
"I am learning all the time, the tombstone will be my diploma"- Eartha Kitt

agcj

01-31-2006, 01:51 AM

ErickaDP What a wonderful story.

Chicky2

01-31-2006, 03:25 PM

Nobody is "wired" to think of breasts sexually- it's learned.

Recently I watched a documentary on Showtime (wish I could remember the name!) about breasts. It had a whole section about the fact that the U.S. is one of the VERY few societies in this world who look at breasts as a sexual 'fun toy'. Just thought I'd throw that in.

I will nurse my babies anywhere, in front of anyone, at any time. I hope the world sees and learns! :thumb

orangefoot

01-31-2006, 06:15 PM

I fed dd in front of my son's friends without any nrevousness or embarrassment. My son is a pre teen at 12.5 but I will also feed this child we are expecting and friends round or not he or she will be fed and not in hiding either.

I bf him and his brother and they are upset when they see other mums with bottles and think its not 'right' they are both bf advocates in their own way 'Oh yeah my mum did/does that/fed us' or 'Your baby brother's getting boob isn't he?' We haved several friends who are currently bf babies witholder siblings around and it hasn't been an issue.

ITA with the pps who say that we need to show the world what is normal - both at home and in public. I am not ashamed to do that in any way I can becuase it is acknowledged that women with supportive partners are more likely to bf and bf for longer. Our boys are the partners of the future and I don't want to see my grandchildren being fed formula.

ErikaDP

01-31-2006, 07:07 PM

ITA with the pps who say that we need to show the world what is normal - both at home and in public. I am not ashamed to do that in any way I can because it is acknowledged that women with supportive partners are more likely to bf and bf for longer. Our boys are the partners of the future and I don't want to see my grandchildren being fed formula.
Thank you Orangefoot for stating so clearly in your post why it is so important for our sons to see breastfeeding as normal. For I too want my grandchildren to be breastfed.
Recently I watched a documentary on Showtime (wish I could remember the name!) about breasts. It had a whole section about the fact that the U.S. is one of the VERY few societies in this world who look at breasts as a sexual 'fun toy'. Just thought I'd throw that in.
And Chicky2,
If you ever find out the name of the documentary that you saw on Showtime, can you please post it here? I would love to see it.

Take Care,
Erika :hs:
"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail..."
"Knowledge without compassion is useless"-SCW
"I am learning all the time, the tombstone will be my diploma"- Eartha Kitt

doctorjen

01-31-2006, 08:52 PM

My kids are 17, almost 11, 8 and 2. My 17 yr old ds was almost 15 when his littlest sister was born. I have nursed her, and continue to nurse her whenever needed regardless of who's visiting. We don't make a big deal about breastfeeding around here - it's just the way the babies eats and the toddlers get comforted and connected to mom, and that's just how it is. Now, I wouldn't take my shirt off around ds's friends, but I don't make an effort to be extra discrete either. I also don't make any announcements. In my experience, many teens don't even realize I'm nursing, and if they do, if I'm calm about it, they usually are, too.
It helps that my ds is pretty unselfconscious about the whole thing, too. He is very non-chalant about his sister's nursing and was kind of shocked that some of his friends didn't feel the same. All his friends are used to it now, and don't bat an eye, either. I don't restrict visitors or hide when dd wants to nurse. I've nursed while playing board games with teenagers, or talking about school, or cooking together (although, honestly at her age I mostly nurse her sitting down because she's just too long and too heavy to multitask much with anymore!)
If it did bother ds, I would probably talk to him and try to get him to see that his own embarrassment makes it more of a big deal than if he was just casual about it. You know "Don't go in there, mom's nursing the baby!" makes a big deal out of it, instead of just nursing the baby without comment wherever you need to.
I also, wouldn't think a thing of him being at another nursing mom's house, and wouldn't see it as any kind of "situation." I don't think my ds or any of his friends are the least bit "turned on" by my breastfeeding. I don't think they find the idea of breastfeeding, especially when looking at my old self snuggling a hungry baby as anything sexual. If anything, they are initially a little stunned since some have been conditioned to think of it as a private thing, but when they see how unconcerned I am, they usually lighten right up. Several of ds's friends have felt comfortable to ask me questions and make supportive-type comments, too. My lactivist ds has actually sort of enjoyed selling his friends on the "breast is best" concept. He was initially horrified to find out that his girlfriend didn't intend to ever breastfeed, and he came back and forth to me multiple times for good selling points and comebacks to use in their discussions, finally reporting to me with satisfaction that she said she'd at least try when she has a baby some day (which better be hundreds of years down the road!) I wasn't sure I wanted my baby talking to some girl about how she was going to feed her own babies, but there you go. . .
I totally agree with a PP who said if we want breastfeeding to be the norm, we have to act like it is the norm.

Chicky2

01-31-2006, 09:06 PM

ilovemyavery

01-31-2006, 10:13 PM

My sister is a teenager and often at my house. I nurse DD in front of her boyfriend and her guy friends, although I am much more discreet when they are around. It has been very interesting to watch her boyfriend, who was intially very uncomfortable, learn about the benifits of breastfeeding and become an advocate for breastfeeding. My sister had listened to 9 months of my soap box preaching about breastfeeding and knew that it was important to me. One day, shortly before her BF was due at my house, she asked if I was going to keep nursing. I simply said Yes, but I'll cover her up if YOU want. And she did, so I did. But I stayed in the living room and carried on a normal conversation. After several months we dropped the blanket... I agree that you need to be respectful of the 15 yo feelings but you also need to establish breastfeeding as a norm and not a hush-hush thing. A few weeks ago, my sister mentioned to me how "weird" it was that our family friend doesn't nurse in front of any of us (she always leaves the room). She was so use to me and my friends NIP that she didn't understand why anyone would leave. This from the girl who thought she would DIE when I nursed in front of her boyfriend. Good luck!

MOM2ANSLEY

02-01-2006, 09:15 AM

My brother(18) moved in with me shortly after dd was born, I nursed in front of him...even pumped with him in the room, but he never brought over male friends, I probably would have nursed in front of them too, if anyone was uncomfortable...THEY could go elsewhere...jmo.

Lizzo

02-01-2006, 12:56 PM

I'm 17 and DP recently turned 18, so a lot of our friends are teenagers and a lot are boys.
I NIP whenever DS is hungry, I nurse him around whoever. I really don't mind and I think if I appear comfortable and at ease about it, so will others (for the most part! you know how some people are!). It's normal, it's natural and my baby is hungry.
It's interesting b/c our guy friends have never minded so much, but my best friend who moved to Philly while I was pregnant came to visit her dad in May and I went to see her and her dad at her house. DS got hungry adn Iw as about to feed him when she said "NO! WAIT! Let me get you a towel to cover up with!" and ran upstairs, got a towel for me to cover up with. She looked at our other friend and said "That always makes me SO uncomfortable!" I was kind of shocked.

aisraeltax

02-01-2006, 09:54 PM

the reason that i posted this question in the first place is because i have feelings similar to EVERY response on here.
i dont feel like i should be less comfortable in my own home when bf'ing than i am in public
i do want to be a part of advocating bf'ing, esp. to young boys
i want to respect my son's feelings
i don't want my son to have friends not be comfortable coming over

i think i need to have another discussion w/ my son re: this and explain to him why we should not be overly cautious of bf'ing.

thanks everyone

ErikaDP

02-01-2006, 11:07 PM

http://www.socalnaturist.org/moviebuff/bustingout.html

ErikaDP....here ya go! I *really* enjoyed it!

edited to add link...

Look! It's going to come on this week!

http://www.sho.com/site/schedules/product_page.do?episodeid=125407&seriesid=0
Thanks Chicky2! :thumb

Take Care,
Erika :hs:
"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail..."
"Knowledge without compassion is useless"-SCW
"I am learning all the time, the tombstone will be my diploma"- Eartha Kitt

hellyaellen

02-01-2006, 11:42 PM

My dh's two best friends are over at our house all the time so I have nursed in front of them. (ETA: they are both about 6 or 7 years younger than me which makes it somewhat similar to the op. Neither is at the stage of life where they are thinking about babies) And I think they were a little uncomfortable but they've never asked me to stop. (not that i would've) And honestly sometimes I feel a little uncomfortable, but i think it's sort of my job to advocate for the rightness and appropriateness of bfing. So I just make myself do it. And they have just gotten used to it. They have asked some questions and I've answered and maybe they'll be supportive husbands ne day!

Like many people here i haven't gone out of my way to be modest nor have I gone out of my way to flaunt what I'm doing. Although over time (ds is 4 mos. ) I have gotten better at being discreet easily. I have had people ask to see the baby not realizing i was feeding him.

orangebird

02-02-2006, 01:12 PM

I have just gone on as usual with my breastfeeding when my DS's teenage friends are over. The only thing I do different is I make sure I have a shirt on lol! When it is just the fam I am topless alot, when DS is going to have his friends over I make sure I am dressed. But I will nurse in front of them. Although usually I just stay in another room because I don't really like hanging out with 13 year old boys, but if we are in the same room I have no problem breastfeeding in front of them.

If my son told me this bothered him or one of his friends I would be sensitive to that and make sure I left the room to breastfeed. But so far no one has seemed to care.

I like them to see that bf is normal and not sexual. I think it's good for them so unless someone is uncomfortable with it, I'm not going to act like there is anything wrong with it, yk?

Raynbow

02-02-2006, 01:17 PM

My son is 12 and my nursling just turned three. My approach to this situation was that if I was in my home, I would nurse how and where I wanted - if one of his preteen or teen friends saw my breast, well, I'm nursing, suck it up. If I was somewhere that was focused on the preteen/teen boys (like my son's Boy Scout meetings), I would nurse, but usually face away from the boys (like sit on a bench behind them facing the otherway...
Places like Burger King, etc, I nursed - discreetly, I guess - I mean, I didn't wave my breasts at anyone or squirt anyone *lol* but never "covered up" or anything like that - anyone who didn't want to see needed to look somewhere else! :)

HelloKitty

02-02-2006, 01:28 PM

I have a 16 year old and a 12 year old so I know just what you are talking about. I think it's important that kids this age seeing nursing as normal and natural but I also don't want to make my sons feel uncomfortable. I'm not going to change my habits or go into another room and my sons know this. My 12 year old could care less actually, he's a total lactivist. But my older one is more worried about his friends getting a glimpse of my boobage. :lol What has worked for us is this - my son will come into the room first - if he notices I am nursing he will walk back and say to his friends, "My mom is nursing the baby to sleep right now so we'll come back later." It works for him and at least his friends know that I'm nursing and that it's normal.

kkiolbassa

02-02-2006, 08:31 PM

I had to think about this a bit before I answered. When my now 4yo was an infant I nursed her everywhere (church, cub scout meetings, school board meetings, well, you get the idea) I was always very discreet and no one could usually even tell I was nursing. I got a lot of comments on what a beautiful shawl I had (it was my maya wrap :lol ) My youngest is only 2 months and a preemie so we haven't really been taking her out - so no nip yet except at the doctors office. I have 2 teens and when they have brought friends over (only a few times since the new babe) I keep nursing but more discretely. If it's just my family or even neices and nephews (even teenage nephews) I'm not as careful. My sister nursed my her youngest till he was 4 so my nephews are used to it just as my kids are ;)

irinam

02-02-2006, 10:21 PM

I have so been in your situation, LOL (Just look at the age of my kids in my siggy)

And yes my BFing made my teen son uncomfortable and yes I respected that. I may have insisted not too (because I do not see anything wrong with BFing in public at all, but then I do not see anything wrong with many things that would make other people uncomfortable - like nude beaches for example) IF I had to go through great inconvenience to cover up or go to another room.

But 1) it was not hard for me to do 2) DS usualy would tell his friends "Mom is breastfeeding in this room" and they will not enter (on his/their own accord)

ImoKit

02-05-2006, 12:17 PM

I was 13 when my sisters were born and my mum would breastfeed infront of my friends and their parents (they were all girls for the record). I had no problem with it, but I remember when one of my other friends (a boy), who knew my mum was breastfeeding said to me "wouldn't it be embarrassing if you walked in your mum and she was feeding". This sparked a lengthy lecture from me on how it was normal adding that Miranda and Katy had seen my mum feed and didn't have problems with it.
That summer my cousin who was 2 at the time started breastfeeding her toy bunny rabbit because she had seen her aunt do it.
My mum still breastfeeds when my sisters want it (they're 2 on sunday) and if any of my friends have a problem its their fault for looking.

Anglyn

02-22-2006, 03:36 PM

Man, can I relate to this issue! DS1 was eleven when dd was born and he never had a problem then. He knew he had been bf as had his cousin. My exinlaws use to make a fuss about it, one time a cousin was over and had to borrow the guest bedroom to bf and ds wanted to go in and get a toy (he was like eight then) and was told no, he asked why and was told cuz she was feeding the baby to which ds said SO? and was told, "she doesnt bottle feed" (they wouldnt even use the word breast) to which ds again replied, "so?"

Anyway, I was made uncomfortable by one of his friends once, he was jsut waaaay to interestedin my boob,not the baby or the breastfeeding, myboob. But mostly I consier myself here to educate, lol, dh's young nephews and cousins have had such reactions as, "THE BABYS EATING YOUR BOOB" and "ON NO<SHES BITING YOU".

But ds1 was 13 when ds2 came along and before he will even invite a friend over he asks if Im bf. It annoyed the hell out of me at first, but now, tandem nursing, I gotta tell you, there is no discreet, I have a one and three year old who will kick off any covers and shove up my shirt, and ds2 wont stay latched on, he likes to look around, so Im often totally exposed.

When ds1 has friends over, I either go into my bedroom or thiers (dd adn ds2 that is, not ds1) OR, in the evenings, I stay in the livingroom and ds1 will check and either I will attempt to cover up as they come through, or they go out the back. Its not secret, but I try not to flash all his buddies. To be honest, I was never uncomfortable nursing one infront of god and everybody, but I feel a bit more exposed nursing two at the same time.

Flor

03-02-2006, 10:35 PM

Dss is 11. I nurse where ever in the house and around his friends and if he feels weird, he can reroute his friends into another room. I nurse anywhere EXCEPT around my students (small town, see them everywhere). For some reason, I am ok with dss, his friends, other teachers at a staff meeeting,the whole town in general, but not my 7/8th grade students. I just don't want to be branded as the teacher who showed her boobs.

natrowmum

04-12-2006, 11:10 PM

my neighbor recently came over to apologize because her DS popped off at the playground and every boy (including mine) in the neighborhood got a look at her boobs. now mind you she has the largest boobs in the neighborhood and they all (most under 8) stared probably because of size. now the playground on our court is surrounded by the houses and there is at least 1 teenage boy in the neighborhood that i know of who could have seen. she had come charging out of her house because some kid was hollering for help and she was sorting out what the hollering was about (none of the kids involved were hers, so i'm just thankful she cared enough to check) and she didn't notice her shirt was hiked up or her DS son was watching the show. she was worried that people would think she was some kind of pervert flashing all the neighborhood kids and was trying to head of malicious gossip. it made me sad to think that anyone would even care, considering what she was doing. i will say that the response of most people i talked to was laughter and poor thing, we know she's not a pervert. but at least one was worried that the teen (not hers) might have seen. we shouted her down but still. i think she's wrong. how are boys supposed to learn to be decent dads unless we show them things like breastfeeding? i wouldn't shove it in his face (and i don't think you are or would) but i certainly wouldn't hide it or warn anyone about it either and i would deliberately try to set up opportunities for dialogue

aprons_and_acorns

04-12-2006, 11:47 PM

i have x-posted this in bf'ing but thought i may get more responses here....

i am pretty open about bf;ing and have nip a few times since Ethan was born (early Jan.) but i am having a delimma w/ my 15 yo and his friends. my 15 yo is fine, but he has a ton of friends over and sometimes i am not in the position to cover myself up, etc. I really don't care myself but these are my concerns and im wondering what you mamas w/ teenage friends over do while bfing. my concerns are: 1. it makes my teenage son uncomfortable if one of his friends sees my breast (i dont go out of my way for this to happen and try to prevent it); 2. i don't want any calls from other parents criticizing me for allowing their sons to see my boobs.
so, my question is, if you were in my situation, or if you have been in the past, wwyd??
tia,
rach

I am about to go to bed so I haven't read the entire thread, but I wanted to respond to this.

My husband used to work with teenagers, and I often volunteered at his agency, stopped by to have dinner with him, and otherwise was around when the teenagers were there. I breastfed our son around them, and they were very mature about it. I used to wonder if maybe I would get in trouble for it, and I used to tease dh and say "I DARE one of their parents to complain about my bf'ing." However, no one ever did, and those teenagers were WAY more mature about it than many adults. One of my dh's responsibilities as an "at-risk youth" counselor was to model appropriate behavior. What is more appropriate than being a supportive partner in parenting, right?

Anyway, I guess my point is that it seems like you have a teachable moment here. I would just tell my son that we are a breastfeeding household, and anyone who is uncomfortable with that needs to decide for himself whether or not that means they need to not come over, or be around me when I am breastfeeding. I certainly should not be expected to curtail my daily activities because other adults (or in this case, teenagers) may feel weird about breastfeeding. I think this is a great lesson for a teenager (or anyone) to learn. You may find your son is a budding lactivist among his friends.

Panthira

04-14-2006, 02:20 AM

I haven't had a chance to read the entire thread here, so forgive me if I repeat anything someone else posted.

I've actually worked with teenage boys, and I know how to relate very well with them. Much better than teen girls for some reason. The best thing you can do, IMHO, is to be very frank and blunt with them.

When your son's friends are over and you need to nurse, I would suggest you state out loud and clearly, "I have to nurse the baby now." Give the ones who are uncomfortable time to leave the room, and then nurse the baby. If any of them, including your son, gives you any guff about it, you tell him the baby has to eat, that's what boobs were made for (the media made boobs a sexual thing and is he brainwashed? lol), and it's natural. If it bothers your son, you are sorry he feels that way, but there's nothing you can do about it, he'll have to come to terms with it.

My 14 yr old dd has friends over and I never say a word when I nurse the baby, but I figure they are girls, so I shouldn't have to say anything.

aisraeltax

04-14-2006, 07:25 AM

it has been less of an issue than it was before, but i think thats because he's had a few months to adjust. if he has friends over, they usually dont hang out in the room i am in (nature of teen boys) and if they come upstairs to his room (ours is across teh hall from it), he will shut my door on his way to my room...
when he's alone and the baby's nursing, he has been much better at kissig the babe's head even while im nursing, so i know it doesnt bother him as much now.
i think it was really important for me to stand my ground on how natural it is with him and how i am not going to delay feeding his brother b/c he has friends over. he has found ways "around" it so to speak, so thank goodness that is not an issue i have right now. too many others, but thank G-d not that one! lol!

mimi_n_tre

04-14-2006, 11:03 AM

I think the whole idea of nip has became increasingly common within the past few years, as I never noticed it while in my younger days.

I worked in a restaurant, and was more *in tune* with the guys than any of the girls. Well, a few times the guys would comment about a girl and such. The one thing that did in fact shock me though was a woman who had just had a baby, and was going to nurse. I am a woman, but I think in public it should be polite to cover up so that your body is not just out there for everyone else to see I guess. Well, she just lifted up her shirt and let her boobs out right in front of the guys. Lets just say that the guys weren't very productive for quite a few minutes, but then they finally left it for what it was, she was feeding the baby.

I don't think it would have been a big deal if she would have had a cover, or at least turned around so that not everyone in the restaurant could see, but it happened...

As for the whole boy issue. I say, similar to another person said, that boys don't really see the age behind the boob. The guys at work were constantly talking about one of their moms who had just had a boob job. She had five children and none of them seemed to care. But man, look at her boobs...:lol

I think as long as you are covered, it doesn't matter where or when, but if not covered ask for some privacy, or maybe ask for a blanket...

Mary

aisraeltax

04-14-2006, 02:36 PM

i try to nurse discreetly when NIP but i am one of those that consider a cover offensive. i have one in my closet that they make for that purpose and have plenty of blankets, but i don't use them...i try to get E to latch on discretly but heh, if he misses or pulls off, thats life. until we start seeing bf'ing as normal, i don't think we are going to get anywhere with it.

Zyla

04-14-2006, 08:34 PM

My eldest son is 17, the younger ones are 6 (weaned a year ago) and 4 (nursing). I have always treated breastfeeding as completely normal, no coverups etc. My son's friends are here a lot, and I have never felt embarrassed, nor has he. If they have we haven't been told. I would say most if not all of his friends were breastfed/have younger siblings who are or recently were breastfed -- many of their mother's are/were LLL leaders.

On my refrigerator is one of my favorite photos: in it I am very obviously (within an hour of giving birth) tandem nursing my newborn and my 2yo. I recently asked my son if he thought the photo shouldn't be there, given his friends and he seemed taken aback and said, no -- he doubted they'd ever noticed.

One of the single most influencing factors regarding me 'always' knowing I would breastfeed my babies was all of the women I knew growing up who breastfed, comfortably, in public, in our home or theirs and so on: friends of my mother's, or mothers of kids I babysat for, or the women in my mother's LLL groups.

abclan

04-16-2006, 11:02 PM

I don't have teenage boys in my house yet - DS is only 8. But one day he'll be a teenager and I hope he sees other women nursing freely. Wouldn't that be great?

One day his friend asked "what's your mom doing?"
DS: "Nursing the baby."
Friend: With her boobs?
DS: Well, how else do think babies eat?
:lol

aisraeltax

04-17-2006, 10:33 AM

my 8 year old is great and a big advocate! never said a word!

jeanieloz

04-17-2006, 10:46 PM

Well I asked my son about it, and what he would say to friends who might have an issue with breastfeeding. I used the example of seeing a young woman NIP at the mall, and he's hanging out with friends, the friends say something rude or crude (like boys will) to eachother about the woman NIP, and what would his reaction be. He would tell his friends that breastfeeding is normal, in fact they may have been breastfed too, and it really is the way babies should be fed.
I think having an open dialogue with my son helped him have the knowledge to educate his friends, and when his friends come over, they are well aware that I will nurse Ace if need be. I am VERY discrete, out of respect for my son, and his friends. At times Acelin gets a little acrobatic in nursing, so I just go to my room and nurse him. I don't mind leaving the room, it is distracting to Ace, and me with the extra people around.
Jake did get nervous one time when I was nursing Cameron at the mall, I find it funny that it bothered him more when he was 12 than it does now at 14. As for my 10 yr old son, he could care less...
Donna