Did you feel confused during transition?

[Nosy]

I am trying to make sense of my DS2's birth... with my first DS, I remember feeling confused right about the time my doula was telling me I was in transition. She asked me what position I wanted to be in, and I kept saying I didn't know. She and my nurse helped me get into a few different positions that helped me get ready to push ( I supposedly had a lip). I completely relied on the nurse & doula because I felt too confused to make a decision...luckily they helped me instead of recommending interventions. DS was born about 1.5 hrs later after a three day induction & 12 hours of pit (so not an easy birth).

With DS2 I got to 8 cm after about 12 hours of active labor. About an hour later I wasn't feeling the urge to push and was about 9.5 cm again with a "lip". I let the mw break the rest of the water (I had been leaking for about 12 hours), which turned out to be mistake #1. She wanted me to start trying to push and tried to push the lip out of the way a few times w/her hand. I pushed on hands & knees, on my side, on the birthing stool. At some point during this I did feel like pushing. After about 3 hours of this, the baby hadn't come down & I still had a lip. I felt very confused and was unable to tell the mw how I wanted to labor. I told my DH I wanted to rest, and the MW suggested an epidural. DH & my doula knew I was opposed to pain meds of any sort (this was in a hospital birthing center on a separate floor from L&D so pain meds weren't available). DH said "no way", but mw, doula, & nurse were all saying, "go for the epidural" (thanks doula for sticking with my birth plan). I felt very confused and just went along with the epidural because at the time I just felt confused & didn't know what to do. My normal self would never have agreed...I don't know why I lose the ability to make decisions during transition (which is where I assume I was w/DS2 when the epidural suggestion was made).

I eventually had a c-section b/c I couldn't get the baby down & everyone gave up on me (including me). I'm just trying to make sense of this horrible experience, so please no judgment. I know there were many costly mistakes made.

Does anyone else have experience feeling confused during transition?

[kate~mom]

absolutely. i had an unmedicated hospital birth with a midwife - and i was perfectly with it until my water broke - at that point, from my recollection, i seem to have lost the majority of my mental functioning and was barely even able to follow directions - which lasted for about a half hour to an hour after ds's birth. and this was my second, so i was somewhat familiar with the process. :lol

samples of my conversations:
mw: "here, do you want to reach down and touch his head?"
me: "huh? his HEAD?"

after birth --
dh: "here, take him and nurse him."
me: "nurse him? oh...."

:nut

i think that feeling that we both had is fairly common, and why many women who decided that they wanted x y and z during their birth end up with a b and c if their doulas or partners are not helping with that.

:Hug to you. it can be tough processing through a birth that didn't go as you expected. i don't think i really "forgave myself" so to speak for the decisions that i made during dd's birth, until after ds's birth - then i stopped second guessing myself.

[gemelos]

I felt that way both times during transition. In fact with my first birth I even thought I was going to die! Not from pain but I just felt out of control and scared. After 30 hours of natural labor (28 at home) and being fully dilated for 3 hours, I agreed to pitocin and epidural. Six hours later ds was born. I felt like such a failure for years everytime I thought of my birth and it was hard not to cry. I was also mad at my doula for not encouraging me to let things happen naturally. Oh well! But yes, I did feel very confused.

My second birth was awesome! I had a home water birth with my twins and that really brought a lot of healing and closure from the first birth. I felt pretty good and calm for most of my labor. Then my midwife checked me to see if I was fully dilated yet (I was) and my bag of water burst. From the second the water bag broke and Jazmin's head began to descend, I totally freaked out. I cannot even explain it. I just felt like I lost control and I start making wailing noises. I couldn't think straight and I kept asking "what do I do? Should I push? Tell me what to do." I was so glad to have had such awesome midwives around me supporting me. So even though I got the birth I wanted, transition was still a scary/confusing time. Don't ask me why, but it was. I am just in awe of ladies who have UC births because I don't know what I would have done without my midwives talking me through it.

[NaomiLorelie]

:hug to you! I'm so sorry your birth did go the way you wanted for it to

With both of my labors I didn't feel as much confused as cloudy. Does that make sense? Now with #1 my MW told me to start pushing before I felt ready and I freaked out, and I did then feel confused. The second time I had a wonderful uninterventive midwife who never once told me to do anything. The closest she came to telling me what to do was to say, "You sound pushy (as in needing to push, not being pushy), why don't you try your hands and knees." So while I still felt cloudy and not in reality, I didn't feel that confusion. For me, I think the confusion comes when I am being told to do things that my body isn't telling me to do. heck, that is confusing. Truthfully, I don't believe that your MW was right in trying to push away the lip of cervix. my first mw did that and I just felt that it was wrong. I practically jumped out of the bed when she did that.

[danav]

I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience! :( I've had three births (natural/unmedicated) and have experienced both utter confusion and total clarity.

With my first labor and birth, I definitely was confused/disoriented during transition and even pushing. My memory of the labor and birth was so fuzzy that I had to sit and talk about it for hours with my sister afterwards to fill in the blanks. I totally relied on my doula (my sister) and midwife for guidance about what to do during the labor and birth.

During my second labor, I was totally clear and alert throughout right up to the point of pushing...then I got seriously cloudy. It was INTENSE, I was making sounds that I could not believe were coming from my own mouth (low, deep, loud moans), and the baby was surprise breech and things went crazy when the midwife realized that. I didn't know what was going on as she rushed out of the room saying something about "ambulance" and the nurse and doulas were telling me not to push. I became very disoriented and thought that the baby and/or I was going to die. When he was finally out, I would have sworn it had been an hour, hour and a half maybe - I was stunned to find it had only been 15 minutes since I started pushing! It was not only scary to have his birth be so traumatic (he had to be resucitated and transferred to NICU) but also to be so out of control and out of my head...

With my third, just 2 weeks ago, I was completely clear through the entire thing - it was amazing! I was still laughing and talking when we arrived at the birth center and I was 9 cm. When I started pushing I was telling the midwife what was going on ("I felt pushy at the end of that last one..." and "My water just broke with that one"). He came super fast - I only pushed about 3 minutes - so maybe that helped me stay clear-headed, I don't know. But it was the only birth story I was able to sit down and write entirely on my own without having to ask everyone else there exactly what had happened, because I remember everything completely.

It's pretty amazing how different each birth can be!

[fourlittlebirds]

During transition and second stage especially, the functioning of the primal brain supercedes that of the neocortex -- the relatively new part of the brain that is responsible for reasoning, conscious decision-making, and verbal interaction. The hormonal process relies on the functioning of the primal brain to be normal. That inability to make decisions or assert yourself is a sign that your body is doing what it is supposed to be doing. But when you don't know that and people are acting like you should be lucid and you literally can't respond in the way they expect, it's naturally going to be confusing and distressing.

No one should ever speak to the mother in the last stages of labor unless it is absolutely necessary.

[fourlittlebirds]

With my first labor and birth, I definitely was confused/disoriented during transition and even pushing. [...] During my second labor, I was totally clear and alert throughout right up to the point of pushing...then I got seriously cloudy. [...] I didn't know what was going on as she rushed out of the room saying something about "ambulance" and the nurse and doulas were telling me not to push. I became very disoriented and thought that the baby and/or I was going to die. [...] With my third, just 2 weeks ago, I was completely clear through the entire thing - it was amazing! I was still laughing and talking when we arrived at the birth center and I was 9 cm. When I started pushing I was telling the midwife what was going on ("I felt pushy at the end of that last one..." and "My water just broke with that one"). He came super fast - I only pushed about 3 minutes - so maybe that helped me stay clear-headed, I don't know.

In normal birth the primal brain is always in charge, but this can look and be experienced different ways, depending on how the mother feels. My theory is that the more stimulation or stress, the more the brain attempts to shut itself off from the environment so that the primal brain can continue to do its thing unimpeded by the neocortex. So mothers with more to avoid automatically go deeper into "labor-land", if they can.

[Dreaming]

I never felt the urge to push so I was pretty lost. My labor with DD felt kind of endless and much more intense than I had expected.
My MW ended up having to direct me to push and suggested a few positions.

Honestly, I just wanted to wait until I felt "ready" and my MW thought I was taking way too long so who knows. Part of the confusion may come from the laboring woman *knowing* what's going on with her baby and her body and everyone else *thinking* they know.

[fourlittlebirds]

Part of the confusion may come from the laboring woman *knowing* what's going on with her baby and her body and everyone else *thinking* they know.

<nodding>

[PerennialMom]

I agree with the confusion thing. Transition the first time for me was subtle, barely noticed. The second time I was so confused that I was IN our bathroom, felt like I had to throw up so I left the bathroom (the toilet I was sitting on) and went to the bed to get my DH to get me the garbage from the laundry room so I could throw up. There was no logic to that at all. When transition ended and I started to push, clarity set in and I felt virtually no pain at all, just hard work.

[applejuice]

With baby #1, I just remember shaking alot, with a cervical lip, overwhelmed by pain, and the midwife telling me to how to lay, with my posterior baby and move to get rid of my cervical lip. I had no idea that I had to push or how to do that, but I was tired, confused, and just wanted out of the situation. But I did succeed in having the baby at home with my DH and the doctor's wife holding my legs and rubbing them.

For later labors, transition was easier; I barely noticed it. Baby #2, had a posterior, deflexed head and pushing was extremely painful, but I succeeded at home again.

[DesireeH]

I was a tad confused right before pushing both times.

The first time I was in a hospital (pit induced posterior babe) and after 18 hours I got an epidural. When I was 10 cm they told me to push and I remember thinking "how, what? I dont know what to do!" I felt nothing so I felt like I was doing it totally wrong.

The second time was a home waterbirth and I never was checked for dilation the whole labor so I remember at the end feeling pushy (like I had a mega impending bowel movement coming) and being confused and second guessing myself. I wanted to push so bad but I kept thinking "what if I am not 10? What will happen? What if I just have to poop?" The midwife told me to do what my body was telling me so I just pushed and her head was right there.....the midwife put a mirror in the water and asked if I wanted to see my baby but I said "no!" HAHA I mean of course I wanted to see my baby but at that point I couldnt think of anything else than what I was doing.

[aisraeltax]

:hugs

i was very confusd, since i never felt the urge to push and they kept telling me "now is teh time". like, how did they know? i kept wondering!!! lol!

i lost faith in myself after about an hour of pushing..i didnt think i could do it, but at that point, there is no turning back, kwim? this was a birth center, not affiliated w/ any hospital. i had 2 c/s's...i told them i just didnt know how to do this...my body didnt (this was only during the pushing stage, which lasted about 2 hours).

so....don't be so hard on yourself. if it werent for my mw's and my dh believing that i could do this (they knew there was really no choice anyway), i would never have succeeded. thats why mw's and dh's are so important! kwim???

try to put it behind you and enjoy the beautiful baby. i understand mourning the birth you couldnt have (for whatever reason) but you have a beautiful baby in your arms, and thats the impt. thing.

having said that, i know c/'s sux and are not easy to recover from. give yourself alot of credit for going the distance that you did...you did all you did for your baby and are a great mother!

[2+twins]

I've never experienced transition (well, I didn't notice it if I did), but confusion is like the #1 sign of it! I wouldn't beat yourself up over it - what you were going through in those moments is totally normal. It's just too bad that your doula, etc. didn't help you stick by your plan that time.

[lilyka]

I didn't feel confused but all of my labors were fast.

could exhaustion have played into your confusion? It is one thing to deal with that kind of pain when you are perky and fresh (I had really short labors that pretty much consisted of "transisition" and short pushing) but I cannot even imagine trying to deal with it when you are already spent. if i had been in hard labor for that long i don't know how I would have lived through transition. I could se someone becoming very confused and disconnected if they hit transition without anythign left to give.

[Nosy]

I just realized I never posted back here. Thanks for your responses, it made me feel better than I do not have some sort of mental shortcoming in labor. Maybe exhaustion did play some part in it.

Fourlittlebirds, that is so interesting about which part of the brain is functioning during transition. It makes sense!

Aisraeltax, congratulations on your vbac! How inspiring!