witnessed 3 year old niece being abused by my sister and BIL

[paeck712]

You ladies were so great with the advice you gave me last time I posted, I thought I would get your input on another bad situation. My sister and I are not close. We live in the same town, but only see each other when my dad comes to visit, or if we both happen to be visiting him (Christmas, 4th of July, etc.) Well, my dad happened to be in town this weekend, so we got together yesterday. My sister and BIL have three kids (13,8,and 3 1/2). I am really concerned with the way they are treating my 3 1/2 yr old niece. She has alot of problems, that have never been diagnosed. She is developmentally delayed, she has trouble talking, didn't walk until she was 2, just started eating solid food and recently got off of a diet of infant formula,etc. My oldest DD is 2 she is at about the same level as my niece. My sister and BIL have never sought any help for her. I think they are in denial. My niece is a sweet little thing, but she has alot of trouble communicating. We spent yesterday with them, and my BIL and sister screamed at my niece the entire time. They kept telling her, you're naughty, you're gonna get a spanking, we are mad at you, etc. If she is hungry or needs anything, she tries to tell them and they scream, "what do you want!" at her, and then they don't give her what she needed in the first place. If she gets hurt and gets upset they say, "you're fine." If I ask her if she's alright and give her any attention, they tell me she is just faking it. Last night we went over to their house for dinner. I was holding my 8 month old dd, and my sister came up to her and asked her if she wanted a crinkly (my sister's name for beer). I said no, and pulled my daughter away. My sister said, "why not? I give Laura crinkly's all the time." She them asked my niece if she wanted a crinkly, and my niece said "yah, I want a crinkly, and tried to get the beer my sister was holding." I was so shocked. After dinner, I saw my niece had a medicine bottle. I told my sister that she had it and she just ignored me. My niece was taking big gulps out the thing. My BIL saw and said to my sister, "what are you doing?" and my sister said, "I just want to get her to go to sleep. I let her drink it out of the bottle all the time. It's not going to hurt her, even if she drank the whole bottle it wouldn't hurt her. It's just Tylenol". We got the bottle away from my niece and I quickly got my kids all bundled up and we left. I was so upset I was crying. I couldn't believe the way my niece was treated. I am still so sick about it. I don't know what to do. I talked to my Dad about it today, and he didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal. I'm sorry this was so long. I'm just so angry about this whole situation, and I wanted to get some ideas about what I should do.

Thanks,
Amber

[Moochie Mamma]

Wow- I'm so sorry that your neice is being treated this way. I know it sounds rash but I would call your local child protective services. Tylenol can absolutely kill a child if they are given too much!!! Especially as it sounds as if she gets large doses frequently. Her little liver cannot handle it. I'm so sad and to hear this I wish I could help you more.
:crying

[CalebsMama05]

I would call cps. They absolutely should not have that child.

[RootBeerFloat]

I would start by talking to your sister about your concerns about how your niece is treated. If she's not receptive, I would also call child protective services. Tylenol is absolutely fatal if given in too high a dose--I had a friend in high school who od'ed on it and died. So this is seriously an issue of life and death.

[boongirl]

You will do your sister and her family a favor by calling your local child protective services. Or you could call the police. The adults need to be in classes to teach them how to be better parents and their youngest needs to be evaluated for tylenol poisoning and developmental delays. And the children need to be in a safe place until all of this can take place. Perhaps they could live with you or your father while your sister and brother get their act together. I hope they all get the help they need and soon.

[Stephanie L.]

WOW!!

:(

You hear/read about all kinds of awful stuff, but when you witness it you can really feel affected. I would not hesitate to call CPS. I would NOT discuss it with your sister. She sounds too deep into this to listen and be objective.

I thought I have heard that if you suspect or witness any form of child abuse or negect you have a responsibility to report it. This is suggesting that ignoring it is a form of contribution. Perhaps that's just something I picked up as a social worker's daughter or from our preschool.

Anyway, you're not doing anyone, especially your neice, any help by ignoring the situation. I know I couldn't sleep at night!

[angelpie545]

Wow- I'm so sorry that your neice is being treated this way. I know it sounds rash but I would call your local child protective services. Tylenol can absolutely kill a child if they are given too much!!! Especially as it sounds as if she gets large doses frequently. Her little liver cannot handle it. I'm so sad and to hear this I wish I could help you more.
:crying


I agree! Absolutely call CPS. Right NOW! Keep in mind, I am NOT a person who takes CPS lightly, but in this case it is very necessary. Too much tylenol can and does kill children, and can cause permanent damage, and unfortuately, if your niece has been subjected to that for some time, she may already have liver damage. In this case her life is in danger, and that warrants a call the authorities, in any situation. When a caregiver recklessly puts a child's life in danger, there is no question that that person should not have children in their care, PERIOD! Your sister is playing with fire at her child's expense. Please, please take action.

[Mama2Bug]

:bigeyes

I usually hesitate to call CPS, unless the child is in obvious, immediate danger. This child is in such a situation. Imagine if your sister gave her daughter a "crinkly" and then followed it up with a large dose of Tylenol. It would probably kill the child.

Call CPS now.

[moppity]

As a nurse who has worked on a paediatric liver transplant unit...

Call CPS now.

Sorry you had to witness all of that.

[Storm Bride]

I've had really bad experiences with the Canadian equivalent of CPS, and have never advised anybody to call CPS. So, you can believe I'm serious - call them. Your niece is in danger if your sister is letting her drink Tylenol and beer.

[phathui5]

Can you get your whole family together and sit them down for a talk?

[flapjack]

I'm with the PPs: the time for talking is long gone. I'd call CPS.

[NaomiLorelie]

:dropjaw I know it has already been said but call CPS! And the very least ODing on tylenol WILL cause liver damage! We were just discussing it in my nutrition class and my prof is a dr. She said she's seen tylenol od's three times in her life and they were all three the most horrible situations that she has ever seen. But tylenol aside, the yelling, the giving her beer (which by the way if drunk with tylenol WILL kill her) should be reported anyway.

[boston]

That is terrible. I would call CPS. If it's as bad as you say, there should be intervention. At the very least, they can get your sister some parenting classes.

[A&A]

Beer plus tylenol will kill her liver. I'd call CPS NOW!!!!!!!

[psyche]

Call CPS.

I knew someone who died from liver failure years after ODing on Tylenol (and a lengthy hospital stay when she ODed). I can't imagine what constant high doses would do to a little liver. :(

[Christine&men]

Well, I guess they have not seen a doc on a regular basis for the little girl or else the doc would/should have picked up on the delay (talking/eating). That's neglect. As for the beer and tylenol, no adult in their right mind takes medicine with a swig of alc. Sorry, but I think you should call someone with authority (preferably CPS). :(

[Zach'smom]

Please call CPS now!!!! That poor child needs help now!

[wawap]

:( Wow. That poor, poor baby. I can't help but wonder if her delays are due to the fact that she is given beer and Tylenol....

ITA with the others - I'd call CPS right away. This is not a case of parenting differences at all. That child deserves better.

[afishwithabike]

I refuse to give my DC "regular" doses of tylenol due to the damaging affects it has let alone a half a bottle or however much she was DRINKING. I usually grant grace in situations like this but in this case I would try to find some type of intervention for these poor DC. It hurts when it is family. I hope all goes well and these poor DC are placed into a much better situation.

[meowmix]

Oh my, I have to agree with everyone to call CPS. I normally don't chime in on these types of threads as everyone usually has better advice than me but reading it just makes me so nervous and heartbroken for your neice! How do they treat the older two? Please update us, I will be keeping her in my thoughts. :(

[~Megan~]

If I were in your situation I'd definitely call CPS to find out what could be done. Obviously they are in need of some parenting classes. I don't know if I'd advocate taking their children away but the things they are doing seem really off to me.

[iamthesmilingone]

Yep, call cps ASAP. I doubt very much will happen with you talking about it. FYI, it is not unheard of to have one child become the scapegoat in the family and either take all the blame or/and get very little attention AND it doesn't help help if she is dev. delayed. It makes her a good target.

[Jilian]

I agree with the others, your sister is HARMING this poor child, please help her! Call CPS, you're niece will thank you for it one day, Could you take her in if they take her away from her parents?

[flyingspaghettimama]

Dude. I read your other posts too, it sounds like abuse and ignoring abuse is endemic in your family. Time to report to CPS and move far, far away from your family. Very far. I don't see a lot to be gained for your own self-worth and care to stick around people who suck you dry in every way and then blame you for it. Do you want your children to know these people? Probably not. Scrape and borrow, but you gotta get FAR. You can make new family from the friends that you make, they'll probably treat you better and be better role models for your children.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but BTDT, and you've got to put your kids first.

[paeck712]

I took everyone's advice and called CPS. I told them that my niece is developmentaly delayed and that my sister and bil are verbally abusing her. I also told them about the Tylenol and alcohol. I also expressed my concern that my sister is an in home daycare provider (I forgot to mention that in my last post). The woman I spoke to told me that they will go over the information in the morning and will decide what can be done. I really hope they can help her. Thank you to everyone who gave advice. I feel really awful that I had to turn my sister into CPS, but I know that it's what is best for my niece. She cannot go on being treated that way. I will keep you all updated on what happens.


Thanks,
Amber

[Ruthla]

My attitude is that CPS shouldn't be called unless a child is in immediate physical danger. This child IS in immediate physical danger- she could die of tylenol poisoning tonight.

[paeck712]

flyingspaghettimama,
thanks for the advice. You're right. My family is very dysfunctional, and they are terrible role models for my children. My husband and I are currently discussing moving to North Carolina (we are in Minnesota now). My husband graduates in the spring, so we will probably move this summer. It just makes me sick that I am related to people like this :( .

[mama_b]

You did the right thing. Drinking Tylenol and alcohol will KILL her. :(

[Melaya]

I'm so glad that you called. I would have probably called 911 right then and there. They can explain to the paramedics or cops why it wont hurt a three year old to drink tylenol and booze. CPS would have definitly been involved that way. But I also understand trying to keep family relations in good condition. Hopefully cps will do something and the family wont know that you called. Then you can try and stay a good role model for them as parents and to the children. I have that child in my thoughts.

[NaomiLorelie]

I've been thinking about this all day. I am so glad that you called!

Oh, and if you move to NC, I live in Greensboro. :)

[PicnicBear]

I let her drink it out of the bottle all the time. It's not going to hurt her, even if she drank the whole bottle it wouldn't hurt her. It's just Tylenol".


Someone had probably already mentioned this, but too much Tylenol (like an adult dose for a child) can cause fatal liver damage.

[afishwithabike]

I took everyone's advice and called CPS. I told them that my niece is developmentaly delayed and that my sister and bil are verbally abusing her. I also told them about the Tylenol and alcohol. I also expressed my concern that my sister is an in home daycare provider (I forgot to mention that in my last post). The woman I spoke to told me that they will go over the information in the morning and will decide what can be done. I really hope they can help her. Thank you to everyone who gave advice. I feel really awful that I had to turn my sister into CPS, but I know that it's what is best for my niece. She cannot go on being treated that way. I will keep you all updated on what happens.


Thanks,
Amber
I am glad you stood up for them. It is very difficult when you enter into a situation like this. It is my hope that the Children get the care they need.

[AmyAngel]

I'm so glad you called CPS, I know that must have been terribly hard for you, but it was the brave (and right) thing to do in this situation, IMO. During college I worked at a daycare, and had a little boy in my class who had permanent developmental delays from being accidentally given adult Tylenol when he was very young (his parents took him to the ER for a high fever, and it happened there!). I have no doubt that high enough doses of childrens Tylenol could cause similar problems - and that's not even mentioning the potential liver damage!

I would consider giving her beer and high doses of Tylenol abuse in themselves, on top of the verbal abuse and neglect (not getting services for her delays - aren't they free most places for kids that young?).

Oh, and NC is a great state - I live there! I like being just 2 hours from the mountains and 3-4 hours from the beach.

[flapjack]

I'm really glad you called.

[mamamelia]

oh mama, i am SO GLAD you called CPS. i was on the verge of tears reading about your niece. i'm not one to turn on family members, but really, if my sister was doing that, i would call CPS on her without even thinking twice about it. that poor little girl. :(

[kidspiration]

ita with all of the pp's regarding this poor girl being in immediate physical harm due to the harmful effects of tylenol and alchohol. even separately they are each an issue but combined? aargh! you did the right thing, mama...that must have been so hard for you to do. hugs.

the other concerning factor is that if your niece has developmental delays, then she should have been receiving services...occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy and/or special education services...this is free in most states and it DOES NOT have to be the parents that initiates the evaluation process. a family member, neighbor, friend could start the ball rolling, many states have a number that you can call to get info about having a child evaluated.

[TigerTail]

i can't help thinking maybe skipping the part that inyo she is developmentally delayed... 'late' speaking & walking are not *necessarily* problems (all kids develop differently- my third walked & talked much later, & is just a seperate person doing things on his own schedule), but the tylenol and alcohol are emergency situations that need to be addressed, NOW.

i've found that even when one feels other things are important & ought be mentioned for completeness, it can dilute the message (esp to an overworked social worker.) from the response they gave you i have to wonder if they didn't hear 'verbal abuse', sigh, & have the tylenol bit go in one ear & out the other. plenty of time to work on parenting skills or alleged delays once they SAVE HER LIFE WHICH IS IN IMMEDIATE DANGER. i am just worried that they didn't grok the full import of what is going on.

'laundry lists' are a communication problem of mine. tmi, literally. 'hi- i was, um, doing my laundry? and my dh- i have told him a million times, but he never listens, even when it is something so vitally important- he never cleans the dryer vent. (and when he does, he leaves it in a wad on top of the dryer. that is so rude! am i his servant?) so i *thought* i had cleaned it, & anyway, i didn't... um, my laundry room is ON FIRE!'

irl i am trying to cut to the chase & get to the 'action phrase' right away, no matter how much i think other stuff ought to be shared... it feels weird to leave out the background, but people one is trying to get help from really can be overwhelmed by an overload of info. 'late talking & they havn't sought government assistance yet!' & 'they are poisoning a baby as we speak!' require two different responses.

i'm not trying to make you feel bad about how you handled it; i'd just maybe call again today & reiterate the immediate vital stuff just to make sure they understand what is going on. 'help, they're poisoning a baby!' makes me ponder a 'we'll talk to them tomorrow' response. (it's possible they don't understand how toxic tylenol is, but you'd think the alcohol would get their attention.)

you did well to call, the baby is lucky that someone cared.

[OnTheFence]

I am afraid I would have to call CPS. Tylenol is dangerous taken in large amounts. Both my boys got Tylenol poisoning, on what was probably a lower amount than what your neice was drinking!
Letting her take medication and giving her alcohol like that will take a toll on her health and brain development. Sounds like it has already.

I am very sorry!

[gabysmom617]

What a difficult situation to have to be in.

:hug :Hug

I think you did the right thing, mama. And I agree, perhaps you should call CPS once more to light a fire under their butts, imho.

[Sydnee]

I'm sooo very glad you called CPS. Those poor kids, and to think she does daycare??? That's sad. I called CPS on a family a couple years ago, as there were 2 small, (like 1 & 2 years old) children walking on the side of a very busy road, so I pulled over, and helped them to find their home. They were filthy, not shoes or socks, and it was about 60 degrees out at 8:30 at night. :( Now, I know that probably nothing was really going on, but I couldn't not call someone just to know that I did my part. What if something HAD gone on?? Ya know?? Anyway, kudos to you, mama!!! :thumb

[chinaKat]

You know, sometimes I feel like people throw the word "abuse" around a little lightly in this forum. So I wasn't sure what to expect when I opened this thread.

My stomach hurt when I read what that poor child was being subjected to. What a terrible situation. I applaud the OP for reporting the parents. It must have been a very, very difficult decision.

:(