Kicking, hitting, scratching...me! Please I need help!

[Danae]

I am so at the end of my rope and I don't know what to do...

Liberty is 27 months old and is extremely strong willed and a "spirited" child. She has always been very independent and doesn't usually want my help. Recently she has been treating me like her "litter mate" in that she treats me in ways that she doesn't do to anyone else.

All day yesterday she kicked me, hit me and at one point when I stood up from the futon she grabbed me around the neck, scratched my neck and pulled back so hard that I was seeing black & white spots before I could get her off. I went down my checklist...she had eaten, wasn't tired and had been very active. Towards the end of the day I just started crying because I couldn't figure out how to stop the behavior or even just deal with it. I will remove myself from the situation, remove her from the situation, offer her a chance to make a different choice...eventually when the behavior continues I will give a real big consequence like removing a toy that she especially enjoys for a very specific amount of time (1 day) or she will need to sit down away from me for 2 minutes.

None of this worked yesterday and I ended up having over 5 major panic attacks. Finaly last night when she wouldn't stop hitting me in the face I gave her the choice to either stop or go to bed early. She hit me even harder so I put her to bed. This morning I woke up to her kicking me in the head. I am so upset. I don't know what to do and I have been given more advice then I even know what to do with but, none of it feels right.

I really really need some input as I just feel like sitting in the closet and hiding (!) from her.

[lovebugmom]

Your Liberty sounds like my Haley, she just started to do this about 3 weeks ago. To dh and I. She tends to do this when dh gets home. Which makes me think she is doing it for attention. Because at this time I am usually busy trying to get dinner ready, some laundry done that I can't do during the day when Dh is at work because it is in the basement and we are on the second floor, as I can't leave the baby and my toddler alone to do it. Also DH tends to just veg out in front of the tv. Sometimes I try to settle her done by reading to her which works and sometimes I can get Dh to spend more one on one time with her and that works also. I am getting more creative. I am new to this forum and site. Like an idiot I let my ILs' arcaic mind set ceep into my parenting style. When I first had my oldest DD I vowed never to spank or yell at my child. My dh is an only child, so we were spending like all of our weekends there and then grandma would come get my older DD for the day once a week. And stupidly once she hit the stage where she wants to do everything herself and is strong willed, I was so lost at what to do that I have spanked her, which of course did not work and it not only hurt her but me also. It was a horrible cycle which my inlaws enabled. I can't believe I was so weak. I am currently trying to work on other methods of discipline. So i hope someone's reply to your post will help me also. I have since stopped talking to my inlaws for 2 weeks now over the fact that one my fil was yelling at me for still breastfeeding my toddler, and that my mil and fil for some reason have to control every aspect of my dh's life. These two weeks of not seeing them have had a positive effect on my parenting skills. Every day is an improvement and I see my toddler turning into a beautiful child. I enjoy being a mother again. So I hope they can help us.

[Piglet68]

That must be really rough. :hug

My DD started getting a bit physical with me a few weeks ago. Whenever I sat down she'd start jumping on me. The more I protested the worse it got. I would tell her "I won't let you hurt me" and walk away, but then she'd explode into tears. Finally, a wise mama told me that when her DD did that it meant she wanted to interact with her mama, preferably physical play. So, we started a game called "Kissy Monster" where I basically attack my DD with kisses. She LOVED it and started asking me to be the Kissy Monster all the time. That's when I knew there was a need there that wasnt' being filled. Now, I'm not really into physical play, but I did it and the whole issue just dissolved away. Now if my DD gets physical like that (which hardly happens anymore) I know she is wanting to wrestle.

You should read "Playful Parenting" by Lawrence Cohen. He discusses in detail the importance of physical play, play-wrestling, and understands that it's not usually high on a parent's list of fun things to do, but it is important.

This is your child trying to express something or some kind of feeling or desire, and she is unable to do so effectively. The best way to end it is to meet the need she has. Start with some play wrestling. If she isn't into that, she may just want some of your attention. Drop what you are doing and ask her if she wants to read a book, or pick some other favorite activity of hers. Yes, it can be a real drag if you are in the middle of making dinner or doing some other chore, but I can assure you that if you can do this it will help a LOT and soon your daughter's "cup" will be filled and she won't act this way.

[tracilicious]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time! My ds loves reactions more than anything else, even negative ones. Sometimes if he's being especially physical I have him give me the hardest fives that he can a whole bunch of times. It satisfies his desire to hit while keeping me safe. We also invented a game called ouchie kisses. One day I was asking him to give me different kinds of kisses (soft, butterfly, etc.) and I asked him to give me an ouchie kiss. He kissed me and I yelled OUCH! very dramatically, but in a way that was clear I was playing and immediately asked for another. He loved it! We give each other ouchie kisses a lot now. He gets the reactions that he wants and I get more kisses! It's a win win situation.

Reading your post I couldn't help but think, "Well, you did name her Liberty." ;)

[PreemiTwinSupermom]

I have the 2 magic words:




BECKY BAILEY



get the :" Easy to love difficult to discipline" book, or the "I love you rituals" books, it DOES work!>

I'm a pre-K teacher and I use it in classroom, it works, period.

[Danae]

Okay, I have some suggestions to go on. Thank you mama's! This whole parenting thing, while I wouldn't trade it for the world, gets a bit draining sometimes. Plus, it has really made me look at some of my issues in order to do things that to others may be second-nature...like playing or wrestling.

I am so not a physical person and I am always afraid I will hurt Libby when/if we wrestle! When I was growing up I always thought that was the dad's job and since I was raised by a single mother I never got that. So, in turn as a single mother I guess I am kinda continuing the tradition, huh?! :o

Well, never too old to learn new things...I also really like that kissy game too!

Tracilicious - Yeah, I think the next one will be named Patience or Chastity!