"Thank You"?

[boysrus]

Do you make your kids say thank you? Do you see it as basic ettiquette, or is it coersive to insist they say Thank You?

[scatterbrainedmom]

i don't make my kids say thank you, but I do remind them that it is polite to say it. if they chose not to, and we are in public and someone has done something to warrant a thank you, i say it and usually ds will follow up with his own.

[annakiss]

Moved to Gentle Discipline.

[aira]

Oh Lordy, I can't believe I'm reviving this:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=379910


Read at your own risk! :lol

[WuWei]

Here is a 16 page discussion/debate regarding the teaching and imposing of manners: http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=379910&highlight=manners

Everything you never wanted to know, and then some. :lol


Pat

[aira]

Ahh, the memories! :lol
:champagne

[boysrus]

heehee you both posted the same threaad! must be a good one

[aira]

Well, you've been warned. :mischief

[boysrus]

aira, you and I are on the same page with this issue :)

[WuWei]

I want the champagne icon!!! Where do you get this stuff? :D I can't even open the "more" link to get to all of the smilies. :irked:

Pat

[dharmamama]

Basic etiquette.

Namaste!

[aira]

Pat, I'll share my champagne with you!

Sorry MDC is being stingy about it...


boysrus, wow! You read through all that? I think you should get a prize! :D I hope you found what you were looking for! :wink

[btlsmum]

I'll read the HUGE thread some day when DH has the kids out of the house. For now I'll post knowing that my opinion is probably unpopular. LOL

I model good manners for my children. I say please and thank you to them from the time they are itty bitty, with the hopes that it will become a natural thing for them. And, I'm pleased to say that for the most part it is. But at times they forget and I never hesitate to remind them to use good manners. They also call adults Mr/Mrs/Ms Last Name, hold doors open for people, etc. Not saying they aren't wild kids at times and that they don't do tons of things they ought not, they aren't little robots that's for sure. But, manners are important to us. Manners are part of basic kindness IMO and we definately stress kindness and respect for humans, animals and the Earth.

[boysrus]

no, not the whole thread. I have gotten through the first page and a half, but you were pretty vocal about your opinion ;)

[captain crunchy]

Ahh, the memories!

:lol :lol :lol


hilarious!

Will I make my child say thank you? In a word? No.

Read my many many many many thoughts on the issue in that thread posted :lol

[maya44]

I don't know if this is "making" them do it but I:


1 Model this behavior

2. Tell my children I expect it of them in certain circumstances and explain when and why

3 I remind them them of it by using a "code" phrase so that no one knows that this is what I am doing.

4. If they still don't do it, remind them later that saying thank you in that situation was the right thing to do and that they should do it the next time.

[water]

To reiterate what I'm sure other people posted, no I don't force my child to say "thank-you", and if we are in a public situation (where my child is not likely to even speak to another adult) I will say thanks for him/us, and trust that one day he'll do it onhis own.

[writermommy]

We don't make our kids say thank you. They do say it for the most part. They learned it by dh and I modeling it. We say thank you to each other, to people outside our home and we thank our children when appropriate. We've never really discussed saying thank you with our girls. They learned by observing us. I really think that's how children learn best anyway. If mom and dad are polite, eventually they will also be polite. (They usually do what you do, rather than doing what you say) I never found any direct instruction to be necessary.

[aira]

I'm just going to plead the 5th on this thread.

You can read my prior testimony into the record if you want it! :wink

[Jish]

I made it to page 6 of that thread before I got tired of hearing what seems to be the two schools of GD thought here at mdc hash it out. :lol

As for my kids who range from toddler to elementary school... I don't expect them to always say thank you or please, etc. They don't need to tack that on to every request they make of me during the day, I certainly don't remember to tack in on to every request I make of someone.

When I do encourage it is when they are asking something of someone else. For example, if we are at a restaraunt and my ds would like more to drink, I hope that he will ask politely with please or thank you. My toddler will almost always tack it on, as did the other two as toddlers -- but school ruined the older two. :lol Peer pressure seems to set in, and if their friends aren't in to please and thank you, it somehow gets deleted from their vocab. Anyway, back on track. In the restaraunt I do feel that they need to be polite. If they forget I will say "please" or "thank you" to the waitress with a slight question tone in my voice while looking at my child. It is enough to remind them without nagging, or embarrassing them as many people seem to think that outward prodding would do. The waitress thinks I'm thanking her, but my kids know the tone and will then show appreciation.

I've explained to my kids that if they aren't polite to others when making requests of them, people aren't going to want to do what they are asking of them. I explain it to my oldest son by comparing it to how I might ask them to do something. If I demand, "clean your room now!" -- he certainly isn't going to want to jump right on that, he understands that. However, if I say, "when you finish your game could you please pick up your room." it would make him feel much better and more likely to be willing to help out. Demanding a waitress "refill my drink!" might get you some spit along with a new drink. People don't deserve to be disrespected and might not be very happy to fulfill your wish even in situations they have to comply.

[Christine&men]

I am making a point of saying please and thank you to my DS (21 months). And he says something like "tschou" which I greatly encourage since it's so cute. Don't know what I will do when he gets older and maybe "unlearns" this...

[SAHMinHawaii]

I remember that thread..i am going to re-read it though.

I also agree that modeling good manners is the key. My youngest dd is only 21 months old and on her will always say; please, thank you, welcome(your welcome), i'm finished..excuse(for may i be excused). We have never made her say any of this but she sure did pick up quickly. :thumb

[fek&fuzz]

My friend makes her 3 year old say thank you. I find it annoying, whereas I don't find his lack of thank you annoying at all.

[BlueStateMama]

I model and gently reminded him (started when he learned to speak.) Now, at 2 1/2, "please" "thank you" and "you're welcome" are automatic....so we're good to go. :) Manners (yes, as manifested by the outward trappings thereof) are really important to me.

And yes, I know I'm in a small (and silent, I think! :lol ) minority of the verbal reminding parents at MDC. ;) I was discrete and quiet about my reminders, though, because I would never shame my child, I just wanted gently nudge him.