making the switch from SAHM to SAHD

[rype]

I am about to start a ten week course that I'll be attending 8:30-3:30 (not including driving). Currently my husband is laid off, so he's going to have to become a SAHD and I'm a bit worried! I know that I can't make him grow-up before then, but is there anything you all think I should do to prepare him? I'm planning on writing down my schedule, as well as making lists of breakfast and lunch ideas. I have to a different class tomorrow that I am only doing Tuesday and Thursdays so he'll get to ease into it sort of. He's been home for a month so you'd think I'd be less nervous about this.

Anyone else make this switch? Should I be posting this elsewhere? Any ideas?

[Rigama]

How old is your dc?

About a year and a half ago my dh was laid off and i was forced to get a nanny job. I was welcome to bring my ds, but I thought it'd be good for both ds and dh to spend one on one time together. I was a little anxious, after all, we have 2 different parenting styles. But I let go and just let him do it the best he could. And it was fine. He told me that one thing he absolutely hates is the expectation that dad's don't know how to parent. He sees comercials with overwhelmed fathers wondering where mom is and it ticks him off. Yes he did things I wouldn't have done. Or he didn't do things I would have, but he's the dad. He should be trusted to be able to raise his son.

I would suggest that you ask your husband if he'd like food/schedule suggestions and then just let go. Your dc will be fine and you may discover that a bond between dad/child develops and deepens.

Rigama

[rype]

Well Rigama I would like to say I could trust DH, but I can't. Anytime I leave DS with DH I come home to a crisis. Yesterday I was gone 8:45-1:45. When I got home DS was wearing only his PJ top and a diaper that had been changed only once since he'd woken-up. It's cold here in PA! DS had been fed once, cake no water. The house was literally 5x messier then when I'd left. The TV was on and DH had brought the computer downstairs and was playing a video game. He didn't even let the dogs out once! The messy house isn't what bothers me, it's when there is so much stuff on the floor that DS can't walk around freely without slipping. All of this is normal, it wasn't just this last time. This is how it is every time. DS was crying and sad with a red mark on his head from falling. DH was saying, "I don't know why he's crying, he just started when he saw you." I know there is a bond between them that I would like to see grow deeper when I am gone. I feel like DH acts more like a babysitter whose just waiting for the parents to come.

[Rigama]

I was thinking about your situation last night, and I'm really very sorry that you feel you can't trust your husband to be in charge while your gone.

Is there anyone nearby who would be willing to help out?

What about a big long heart to heart? Tell him your concerns and fears. Tell him that you're going to school to put your family in a more financially secure situation and that his help is totally non-negotiable. Ask for his needs and concerns as well.

Another thought I had may seem kind of drastic (and I don't know that I advise it, but it's a thought anyway). Since he's currently laid off, how bout you draw up a "contract" and list his responsiblities, along with schedules/feeding. Be sure to add in diaper changes, toy pick up, and anything else you think he should be responsible for. Make it perfectly clear that THIS is his job for now, and there will be no slacking. I dunno. In a way, it seems like a terrible idea because I wouldn't want him to think that he's only "ON" during specified contract hours and it seems to me that a father should be able to step up and be the pinch hitter if necessary. But the reality is, he can't. And you need to find a way to feel safe leaving your dc while you're at school.

Good luck to you, Mama!
Rigama

[MommyMine]

Do you really think that would continue when he faced day after day of alone without you for 8 hour stretchs?

I would think that he would find that as awful as you do.

I would think that nessesity being the mother of invention he and his kid would figure out a way to be togehter that works.

I would layout expectations as to what your and his role is regarding housekeeping.

I think once it is his job he will change how he does it.

[Sharlla]

DH was a SAHD for 6 months when DH was about 1 and again for two years when DS was 4. It was a pretty smooth transition, esp when I was already working (opposite days than DH) anyway. I told DH what had to be done and made sure that he did it. For the most part he took care of most of the parenting stuff (I worked nights so I would get home, go to bed, wake up in the afternoon to run some errands, then I would make dinner, do bathtime, stories etc. with our son.

I did the majority of the housework as well. I would once a week do a deep cleaning after work on Fri mornings, and the rest of the week I just did general pick up, although DH was really good at keeping things tidy.

I plan on DH becoming a SAHD again, but I would rather wait until DS2 is at least 2 and this in contingent on me getting this particular good paying job that I am interested in getting. I actually preferred working and having DH home, he was more selfless and more willing to do the things that I wanted to do, and I was happier too because I was staying busy.