"But CIO is good for him..."

[the2amigos]

I went last week to see a "therapist", it is free through my work. I've never been depressed in my life. But have been struggling lately with just everyday demands and though I could talk it out with someone. I mentioned that DS has a health condition that requires oxygen, which he won't leave on, so essentially I lie next to him (co-sleep) and have to hold the end of the tubing under his nose. If I doze and drop it or he moves his alarm goes off that his oxygen is too low...so I readjust. This happens usually every 20-30 minutes every night. So the sleep deprivation is taking it's toll. DH is great by helping for a bit every night, but he has an hour commute and works 10-12 hour days, so I can't expect him to be up all night. And we've racked our brain trying different things with no luck. So I've learned to try an accept this right now. Then I mentioned that getting him down for naps during the day can be a struggle (I think he's working on dropping his morning nap - arg!!). And she said, "well, put him down and let him cry to sleep, he has to learn to self-soothe". My BP went up about 30 points and I calmly said that my DH and I don't believe in CIO and would never do that. She said, "well, they do need to self soothe you aren't doing him any favors if he doesn't learn that, he needs to cry". I told him that my DH and I felt that babies don't learn to sleep by crying and that they only learn that they people they trust most in the world won't come when they ask. I even told her that their has been research out there disputing the CIO approach. She said, "Probably nothing from reliable sources." I changed the subject and left, I wasn't going to see her again but do want to send her some info.

I am going to send her the Harvard paper and some stuff by Dr. Sears. Any other "professional" sources out there. This just pisses me off!! She doesn't have any kids of her own by the way. Just mentioned when she was babysitting her nephew and he started crying she left him for a while "because I knew that was what was best."

ARGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Sorry so long!!

[kalirush]

You should have told her (perhaps still should tell her!) that you weren't there to argue your parenting decisions with her, nor were her opinions on the subject welcome or relevant. It was really inappropriate for her to go into that with you. You were there to talk about your situation and ways for you to cope, not for her to tell you how to parent your child. Is this a therapist with an MD, btw? 'Cause if not, she's singularly unqualified to say anything to you, and that really borders on an abuse of the patient-therapist relationship. Not that having an MD means that she knows what she's talking about, mind.

[ajsgirl]

just wanted to drop by to say this:

:duh

[mamagirl]

Not that having an MD means that she knows what she's talking about, mind.

:rotflmao laughup

Who asked her? The issue was your troubled feelings, no? I'd like to know how a decent therapist could suggest CIO. Has she no empathy? Whenever I think of how it must feel to be so tiny and helpless and left to sob until you puke it just makes me feel hopeless :(

Send her the papers and hopefully she'll stop moonlighting as a lay pediatrician!

[Pepe]

OMG! That therapist sounds like an idiot--not just because of her sadly uninformed opinion (and this from someone who specializes in human bahavior and psychology!), but also because of the way she seemed to feel like such an expert. What about *asking* you why you do things that way, or asking you to think of some other options? It sounds to me as though she was not giving you much credit.

I also wanted to add that it sounds like you are dealing with a very challenging situation with your babe. Best of luck with that. We're all here rooting for you!

[Calidris]

Well quite apart from the whole mainstream CIO nonsense - did she actually recommend CIO for a child with oxygen issues??? I don't know what your DS's health issue is, but surely sustained crying wouldn't be good?

or maybe he just needs to CIO a bit to develop his lungs (note dripping sarcasm here)

[InochiZo]

I know there is some good information on the physiological responses to crying. Brain responses mostly but crying can't be good for a child with oxygen/breathing problems. I wish I had it at hand. Hopefully, another momma will pop in with the info. I too find it hard to believe that people trained to be listeners and caregivers believe that children should be ignored when they NEED comfort. :(

[termasan]

Check the stickies in this forum for good resources.

What a dodo for not asking you questions, but actually straight out giving advice after you made it clear that you had thought it thru and gave reasons for why you chose this...and she was insulting by saying that you didn't have reliable sources.

I do think you should go back and have a session (since it's free), present her with your research info, and tell her you were insulted/offended/whatever you were feeling that you came to her trusting that she would be a safe place to vent. I only say this because it felt by your post that you want to get it off you chest, and what a better venue for this that a therapy session!

Hugs to you for doing your best (sounds like hard work) by your son and dh. What a great mama!!!

[aira]

Our Babies, Ourselves comes to mind...

I recall there being documentation about the effects of abandoned crying. Lots of good stuff about actual normal human sleeping patters and needs.

[shoshanna]

Forgive my ignorance, but what is "The Harvard Study"? Where can I get a copy?

[juju's mom]

Well quite apart from the whole mainstream CIO nonsense - did she actually recommend CIO for a child with oxygen issues??? I don't know what your DS's health issue is, but surely sustained crying wouldn't be good?

or maybe he just needs to CIO a bit to develop his lungs (note dripping sarcasm here)


I was thinking the exact thing! I would drop her like a hot potatoe and find someone who can help you. Besides us of course :lol