Does DH appreciate you co-sleeping with DC?

[Abylite]

Hello!

Just curious...does your DH appreciate the fact that you co-sleep? From day 1....DD didn't like the hospital bassinet, or the home bassinet, crib, etc. for nighttime sleep. She's nap there now though. Anyway...

We both work. I do most of the babycare, daycare dropoffs and pickups,breastfeed,etc. And I take care of her needs at night. She's usually pretty good...nurses every 2-4 hours depending on how long she was in daycare that day, growing spurts, minor colds, etc. But...he gets a good night sleep. I don't. I change positions all night, sometimes have to deal with DD who feels like staying awake and batting at mommy, etc. He doesn't have to "do anything"....

I know I'm her mom...but SOMETIMES....I start feeling like this isn't always fair. We don't have an equal relationship now that DD is here. We both love her and each other... I do enjoy co-sleeping...but sometimes I just want an uninterupted nights sleep too!!!

[mamagirl]

I feel you! The reward is ds's precious smiling face as my first sight each morning, so very worth it, of course! The hard part for me is knowing when to ask for help. I am a SAHM right now, but I still need to function during the day, too. I hesitate disturbing dh at night because I am nursing and have to be awake anyway. I figure why should we both be up?

Maybe that just isn't fair, though. It puts so much on one parent and cuts the other out of the parenting.

I just asked dh and he said "Yeah, why wouldn't I?" Yeah, neither would I if I could sleep the way he does :lol

It is still worth it in spite of laying on one side going numb, that closed-in feeling, and dh shouting "Where's the baby!!" in his sleep once in awhile.

[turtlemama77]

It's funny you should post this, because we just talked about something similar at LLL today. One of the new moms was asking how she could convince her dh that cosleeping was an okay (and even great) idea!

Anyway, I told her that my dh appreciates the fact that I'm not a zombie or a crazy crabby lady during the day because we are cosleeping. There was a stretch of about two months were I just wasn't sleeping and was so frustrated because I thought dh was against cosleeping and I was struggling with dd to get her to sleep on her own. I think dh saw how tired I was and he actually suggested that I bring dd to bed with us and nurse her there.

I'm also of the "why should both of us be awake" mentality, but I sometimes wish dh would step up more on the weekends. We're a work in progress as a parenting couple, most definitely!

[Attached2Elijah]

I do all the night care and have since DS was born... it bothered me in the beginning when he was waking up every other hour and DH would just grunt, roll over and go back to sleep but now that I look back on it, I wouldn't have changed it for the world. He's very attached to me and our co-sleeping relationship is wonderful. DH loves it when DS cuddles up to him at night now as do I because I'm finally getting decent sleep, lol. We all sleep better knowing everything's okay. Especially since my son could climb out of his playpen and crib at 9 months old. God knows what could have happened while I was sleeping if he was in another room. I always hear him the second he wakes up now, whether in the toddler bed next to ours or in bed with us. I never would have slept a wink if he was somewhere other then our bed.

[june'smom]

dh loves it, but I do make him help in the night. If there are diaper changes to be done or if I need water, ect... I ask him to get up. I am a ft student and he works, so we both need as much sleep as we can get. He knows that this is the way to get it.

I think he is getting ready for dd to move to her own room, but then again, when she cuddles with him in the mornings I know he loves having her with us.

Louise

[aira]

DH, much to his utter surprise, loves having DS in the bed! In the beginning, he had thought he'd put up with it (because it was important) for a couple of years. He recently told me that he's not ready to get him his own bed and wants to wait until DS leaves on his own.

Just like Mama said! :love

[mollyeilis]

I answered you over in Life with a Babe, but my own bottom line is: " Co-sleeping doesn't absolve DH of responsibility. He still needs to do his part, even if he isn't actually doing the giving-of-the-milk."

[mothragirl]

It's funny you should post this, because we just talked about something similar at LLL today. One of the new moms was asking how she could convince her dh that cosleeping was an okay (and even great) idea!


i asked the same thing at a LLL meeting when i was pregnant. my bf was anti cosleeping and i knew it was something we needed. i bought a crib to make him happy and then brought her into bed using the excuse that i didn't want to get up to nurse. he loves it now and i sold the crib last week. one thing that helped was a guy he looks up to talking about how great it is to sleep with his 3 yo.

[MonP'titBoudain]

I answered you over in Life with a Babe, but my own bottom line is: " Co-sleeping doesn't absolve DH of responsibility. He still needs to do his part, even if he isn't actually doing the giving-of-the-milk."


uh-huh... if nothing else it keeps me from resenting his good nights sleep. since i do almost ALL the baby care otherwise, he can get up to do the poopy diaper changes ;)

[Ilana]

DH is supportive now but the thing that makes me nervous is that he's indicating that his support has a time limit. He keeps using the example of how if my SIL didn't push the issue her 6yo would stiill be sleeping with her. She never actually slept with her, she had her own crib, but obviously the poor kid didn't and still doesnt' want to be alone at night. Heck, I don't want to be alone at night so why should our daughter suddenly be kicked out because she turns five (that's the age he's limiting all this too)? Makes me sad.

In anycase, he's supportive now but he's never been the nighttime parent and sleeps like a log so all her nightwaking doesn't bug him. So why should he care one way or another? I think that if she wasn't in our bed he'd have to get up with her at least half the time and maybe on some level he realizes that...

[Melaya]

My husband is the reason that we are still co-sleeping. At around 13 months, she became impossible to sleep with. I wanted to teach her to sleep alone (not cio) just so she would know how even if we continued to bed share after that. I thought it might help her sleep better because she loves to toss, turn, and roll (can't do that too much on our bed). My husband refused, he now sleeps with her alone and I sleep on the couch due to morning sickness. I always pick on him and point out how "squishy" he's become over her. He defends himself all manly like and says that she's just not ready to sleep by herself (I don't think she is either, but it's fun to mess with him a little bit). But I know that he's the one who isn't ready.

[BCmamaof6]

Funny...DH was just telling me last night at 4:00 am (when DD was awake & feverish) how much he loves the fact that she sleeps with us. And what a great mom I am. And how he is so glad he married someone who 'knows how to really take care of babies'. :D (He also got a fresh diaper, warm washcloth & glass of water for DD)

Gotta love that! :throb

[flitters]

dh loves it. me too. and, of course, ds too.

dh and ds hold hands a lot while sleeping. too cute.

[Llyra]

Co-sleeping was DH's idea in the first place-- I never planned on doing it, but when DD outgrew her cradle and it was time to move her into her own room into the crib, he said he just didn't want her so far away. So she moved into our bed.

I sleep really soundly and DH doesn't, so he usually woke up before me if DD needed me during the night, and he'd wake me up.

[wawap]

He used to pretend that he didn't like it, but he started to admit that he loved snuggling with DS... Then, as more and more co-sleepers in our circle of friends "came out" with the fact that they do it, too, he's become much more confident in both the practice and more vocal in his support/appreciation for co-sleeping....

[kidbound]

Co-sleeping is always a battle between dh and I. I love it, he says he can't get any sleep because he is such a light sleeper. (unlike me who has to be wacked upside the head with a board to wake up before I am ready). He says dd is flopping around all night and bothering him.

It is hard to have dd keep sleeping with us b/c of his complaining.

But he is really good about "sharing" the duties of parenthood. I guess I should pick my battles.

[The4OfUs]

DS started out in a bassinet, then slept with us sometimes, then he had a several-month period where he preferred his crib, then he wanted to be with us all the time, now he's back to his bed part time and with us part time...DH has been 100% supportive of it all the way :love , and has stayed in our queen-sized bed the whole time, regardless of whether DS is there or not.

DS starts out in his own bed around 8pm, and joins us usually somewhere around 11pm-midnight...we figure when he's ready to sleep the whole night on his own in his bed, he will - until then, he's welcome to join us whenever! There have been a handful of nights that he has stayed in his bed all night, and honestly, DH and I have both missed him and been a little weirded out.

We're expecting our second in June, and this babe will start out sidecarred (both DH and I are not completely comfortable with a newborn IN the bed with us, but DEFINITELY want him/her very close), and then we'll just take however the babe is and work with it, just like we did DS...if this babe wants to be with us, great. If they like their independence, that's OK too. it's all about them and their needs....

I may be in the minority, but I didn't feel the need to wake DH up to get him involved in nighttime parenting when DS was a wee one. I don't feel resentful that DH got more sleep than I did, I figured I was up anyway, why should I wake him to change a diaper if I'm already up nursing, that just seemed weird to me... AND, since I WAH, I am the primary caregiver during the daytime...I'm no martyr, that's for sure, and when I need a break I tell DH he's on duty and he's great...but I don't mind being the majority caregiver in the early years at all.

ETA: This is not to say that DH isn't a good partner...he cooks, cleans, does laundry, shopping, etc. :thumb ...just most of the nitty gritty of early *parenting* in the first year was and will be me...frankly, I like it better this way - I get meals made and dishes washed for me, and I get to be with my babe a LOT! :wink Just wanted to clarify, cause from the above it seems as though DH just sits there and I do everything in the household, which is far from true.

[baby*by*the*sea]

When Alice was first born Dh was on paternity leave for a month so we shared all night time duties...minus feeding, that was momma's job. When his leave was up and he went back to work I was lost. He commutes 2 hours to and from work and gets up super early, on top of that he is in school 2 days a week at night. So with homework and all that commuting he needed his sleep. I understood that, but it still didn't prevent my feeling of wanting to punch him everytime he went to bed and I stayed up with the baby. I really started to resent him because deep down I felt being a mommy was way harder than work and school and commuting. It took one night of tears on my part and me second guessing my mommy skills for him to realize how good of a mommy I was. And even though I am a good mommy, good mommies need help too. We decided that I would do most of the night time duties but if I was having a moment of wanting a break I could wake him up and he would help. He went to work late on many occasions so I could catch up on some zzzzz's. On Friday and Saturday nights I would go to bed and he would stay up with Alice so I could get some solid sleep and he would also let me sleep in on the weekends.( He would bring her to me if she waned to nurse then take her back when she was done if she didn't fall asleep.) It helped me because on a tough Wednesday night, awake still at 3am, I could look ahead and say "2 more days till its my turn to sleep."
Once Alice started to settle into her sleep habits it got way easier. And now at 19 months old, when I open my eyes in the morning she says "HI mum! A hug" and I get a hug from my baby girl....it was all worth every sleepless night. :throb

[Melaya]

I may be in the minority, but I didn't feel the need to wake DH up to get him involved in nighttime parenting when DS was a wee one. I don't feel resentful that DH got more sleep than I did, I figured I was up anyway, why should I wake him to change a diaper if I'm already up nursing, that just seemed weird to me... AND, since I WAH, I am the primary caregiver during the daytime...I'm no martyr, that's for sure, and when I need a break I tell DH he's on duty and he's great...but I don't mind being the majority caregiver in the early years at all.

I never woke up dh either. I had to wake up to breastfeed anyway, why bother him just to grab a diaper? I kept them near the bed and was good to go, but she never pooped at night. He is now making up for all that sleep that he got anyway. He spends all night with Zayla and handles her when she wakes up, gets her a drink if need be (pregnancy dried me up), handles her bad dreams, ect. It kind of hurts, but she actually prefers him at night now. I think it all balances out in the end.

[DreamsInDigital]

I'm a strange one, too. I do the nighttime diaper changes, haul the babe downstairs if I have to go pee or get a drink of water and of course wake up a little to nurse him every couple of hours and I really don't think twice about it.
Of course, he gets up at 7am with the older ones and lets me sleep until 9 and then brings me coffee in bed so it's a trade-off.