DH thinks I'm going to burn the house down...

[msiddiqi]

...if I don't get some sleep fast. I've already lit one of my recipe books on fire while cooking, I leave the stove on, and I always light the wrong stove, I leave the car with the keys in the ignition and the car running....I never used to be like this (i'm like miss uber-responsible). The only thing DH can figure is I really haven't slept since DS was born. He wakes up on average 3 times a nite and likes to move around a lot when he's sleeping so I really haven't slept well in months.

If DS wakes up and I'm not around, then he usually falls asleep with DH pretty quickly...I'd say about 80% of the time. But if I'm there then the only thing he wants is to be nursed.

I've been trying to come up with options... I thought maybe a co-sleeper would help - but DS is 11mo. I don't know if co-sleepers are meant for babies that age...can't they jump out? The other thing is that we have a platform bed...is there anything made for those?

I don't know if night weaning is an option. Not really sure if it's the right thing to do. I feel horrible when DS cries to be nursed, and really can't refuse.

I laughed at my DH when he said he was worried about me because I've become so absent minded, but now I'm getting worried about me - I don't want to do something careless with DS around.

Neways, any feedback would be appreciated.
Thanx

[afishwithabike]

Could you try sleeping in a recliner while DS nurses? I had to do that with my two. It worked pretty well. Or maybe you could sleep with a matress on the floor. I'm not really sure but I do feel badly for your situation.

[alegna]

:hug

Can you sleep while he nurses? If not, why not? That would be my first target to work on. Honestly he's too young to night wean.

-Angela

[red'smama]

Just an idea...

What if you worked out a schedule where you slept someplace other than your family bed for, say, 1 night out of the week? If your DH is able to get your DC to sleep without you, that shouldn't be too difficult. You can always have DH bring DC to you when he really does need to be nursed. That way, you'll be "guaranteed" at least one good night's sleep every once in awhile!

[lauraess]

:hug

Can you sleep while he nurses? If not, why not? That would be my first target to work on. Honestly he's too young to night wean.

-Angela

I disagree, look at the word weaning in it's full meaning and you will understand that gradually you can cut out the night nursing. Your dh can help with this by replacing you for some of the time. Maybe start the night with him giving a bottle of ebm-- that may take a little work too but hey...
and honestly, who -which expert decided 11 mon was too young to night wean? i must have missed something.

All i know is i've been there and had the fire-men at my house once only luckily for smoke from burning oil, but i've done really careless things in my sleep deprived state and while i do think some of it is to be taken lightly at a certain time, at 11 mo we should expect mom to get a little more rest somehow.

[royaloakmi]

Umm, my two year old twins still wake 4-5 times each everynight . . . so obviously I don't have any brilliant ideas. :nut

I did want to say that nightweaning will not ensure that your son becomes a better sleeper (although it might; but there's no way to know). I decided to keep nursing at night at that age simply b/c it was easier to nurse them back to sleep that having to get up, console, rock, rub backs, or whatever.

True sleep deprivation is no joke. What saved me is finding other ways to sleep (e.g. my dh would take them for a car ride for their naps on weekends so that I could nap at home, alone.)

Hang in there.

[lauraess]

Addressing the co-sleeper/ or sidecar : yes you can use it and they might manage to get low enough near your side to get out but usually moms instincts will hear or feel him when he gets close or if he climbs out. The side-car crib allows 3 sides to be covered.
I think that if you get him used to daddy or daddy getting used to soothing him down slowly you can begin to get more sleep when you arent so needed.

[Isis]

and honestly, who -which expert decided 11 mon was too young to night wean? i must have missed something.



You might have missed it ;)

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

Dr. Jay doesn't recommend this until at least 12 months and this is ONLY if you can NOT handle it anymore. In which this case, maybe the OPs feelings.


To the OP: I think if your dc can sleep without you, maybe you need to do what a PP said and switch nights with your dh so you can have a few nights of sound sleep.

[msiddiqi]

Oh wow, I didn't realize so many ppl responded...I didn't get those email alerts for some reason.
Anyways, thank u all for the helpful suggestions. Addressing the sleeping and nursing question...no, I really have a hard time sleeping while he nurses. I don't really know why, but I just can't get back to sleep till DS is done.
I don't think I can nightwean completely yet, my instincts just tell me no, no, no. But I definitely agree that its hard to put an age limit on when a baby can be nightweaned. I think it's important to trust ourselves as mamas. But right now, I don't think DS is ready, or even me for that matter.
I'm gonna try to maybe sleep on the floor next to the bed for a few hours a night so I can hear DS and see if DH can get him back to sleep. I've noticed that as long as DS doesn't see me, he falls asleep pretty easily with DH a lot of the time. If maybe I could even knock off one feeding so I get even a couple hours of straight sleep, I think I'll be ok. Otherwise, I will be investing in some sort of co-sleeper I guess :).
More than anything, thanks for the support. Thats why I love it here, I never feel alone and it makes whatever I'm feeling not seem so bad anymore :).

[lauraess]

You might have missed it ;)

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

Dr. Jay doesn't recommend this until at least 12 months and this is ONLY if you can NOT handle it anymore. In which this case, maybe the OPs feelings.


To the OP: I think if your dc can sleep without you, maybe you need to do what a PP said and switch nights with your dh so you can have a few nights of sound sleep.

Yes, He's encouraging full access all night for the first year- but is very flexible to the needs of the family. He says in several lines that as long as everyone is happy/healthy to continue. Imo that is a bit different than saying to a mom "11 months is Too young to night wean". *** ESpecially when the word 'wean' implies gradual coming away from, meaning one nursing session at a time. This i can see the poster here is in agreement with as well and my further advice did offer the idea of daddys help and a gradual lessening of mommys contstant accessability.
It may seem as if i am debating a bit here but i just think sometimes us well meaning attatched parents take things to the extreme and so i wanted to clarify and support a mom who's dh is in fear of the house being burnt down or other thing happening. I didnt consider her phrase to be one in jest. LIke i said: I've been there, feeling as if i have hardly any rational and clear thinking left ---- It is not easy nor fun nor 'healthy'.

[Isis]

Yes, He's encouraging full access all night for the first year- but is very flexible to the needs of the family. He says in several lines that as long as everyone is happy/healthy to continue. Imo that is a bit different than saying to a mom "11 months is Too young to night wean". *** ESpecially when the word 'wean' implies gradual coming away from, meaning one nursing session at a time. This i can see the poster here is in agreement with as well and my further advice did offer the idea of daddys help and a gradual lessening of mommys contstant accessability.
It may seem as if i am debating a bit here but i just think sometimes us well meaning attatched parents take things to the extreme and so i wanted to clarify and support a mom who's dh is in fear of the house being burnt down or other thing happening. I didnt consider her phrase to be one in jest. LIke i said: I've been there, feeling as if i have hardly any rational and clear thinking left ---- It is not easy nor fun nor 'healthy'.

I agree that's it's certainly not safe is the mama is that sleep deprived. I think what's great about mothering is that we're all attached- just to different degrees. :thumb I don't believe in night weaning at 11 months, that is just my own personal opinion. I think it's too young and I would try other things before that, some have been mentioned. Dr. Jay even mentions that night weaning would be his LAST resort. But, to each his own and I hope the OP gets some much needed rest VERY soon!

[msiddiqi]

Well just a little update..
We tried to have DH put DS to sleep but it seems these last couple weeks he reallllly wants me and only me to put him to bed. So for now, DS is getting exactly that, just me. (I think he's teething, plus the last few weeks he was battling a cold) My next course of action is the co-sleeper.... DS seems to sleep better and so do I when we both have our own space.

So, what kind of co-sleeper would I get for a really low platform bed? Is there a particular kind I need to get? Sorry if this was answered before, it wasn't totally clear to me in lauraess' post. Thanks!!

[lauraess]

What you might want to do is look around for a toddler bed that has sides that come off. That might be at the correct height for your bed. Dont know. If you feel uneasy about the sides and baby jumping out than a crib with the one side taken off and lowered down to it's lowest point Might work- depends on your bed height again. The crib-side car option is good if you dont mind spending the $ only to buy another bed in a year or so . You can probobly find more info if you do a search for 'side-car-crib'. It's important to tie the frame of the crib(or toddler bed) securely to the big bed. Another option is to get a bigger bed - maybe king size- and get it super close to the wall That allows more room for everyone also.
I hope i answered your questions. there might be more info somewhere since co-sleeping is now more popular than when i started.
good luck. Hang in there. Oh and sleep when ever you can ;)