More caregiver issues...

[Snowdrift]

I'm going to cry.
I just got back from my homebirth midwife. I loved them so much when I started out but they are just getting me down so much. It doesn't help that I'm so down these days anyway with the pre-natal depression.

I hate hospitals. I am anti-hospitals. But because I've read the statistics for primips and because s**t happens I am aware that I could easily end up in a hospital.

So I want to be prepared. I wanted some basic screenings done. (bloodwork etc..no triple screen or anything like that, including GBS and possibly GD. Also STD screenings but only bc I am hoping to become a milk donor.)

I want to have records with an ob practice and know someone and have someone who at least a little bit knows me.

My homebirth midwives (two in the practice) have been, um, less than supportive about my quest for parallel medical care. This has a cloud over my last two visits and a couple of phone conversations. I was cautioned not to get a U/S bc they would "spot a problem" just to foce me not to have a homebirth. I was warned that they'd refuse to see me and woudl treat me badly.

My old ob/gyn did treat me badly and refused to see me, but I found antoehr practice. An ob/gyn practice that has CNM's and OB's and will let me see a CNM for prenatal screenings only and switch care to OB if I turn high-rick or have an emergency transfer or even stay with CNM if some non-high-reason for hospital care becomes necessary. I really like them. They have a homebirth/birth center advocacy poster in the exam room I was in! A lot of the women who go to them are homebirthy types who just can't afford to pay out of pocket for a homebirth midwife. We had our US with them. The tech was extremely sensitive and nice and warned me like five times to not get all worried cuz my baby is breech and it feels to me like she has been persistantly breech--this worries me, but again the medical people are reminding me to not worry about it. So, I'm very pleased with my parallel care arrangement. Since I have persistnat problems with depression anyway, it's always good for me to have a foot int eh door with teh medical world anyway--just in case.

But my midwives can't seem to get past it. They are taking it so freaking personally. I though that I'd made it pretty clear to her last time we talked that while we'd taken her opinion under advisement we had made our decision and she had said she would repsect that...just trying to protect me from disappointment-- :blah . I had onyl called to ask her to mail me a copy of my records and hse went off on me, I ended up crying. But by the time I got off the phone she seemed willing to drop the issue.

Today I went in feelign pretty vulnerable and defensive and sure enough..

She askd how the medical stuff went and I said fine..that was it.
She asked if I was going back, and I said yes, one time, for GBS and other tests requiring cervical cultures (I don't do pelvic exams on first visits).

So she asked what I would do if the culture came back positive. I said probably nothing, but I was going to have the reocrds and hopefully to confimr a negative. So she said "If you arent' doing anything then why get the test?" :irked:

Because lady, it's my body and I want it.
Because if I end up in a hospital for any reason and haven't had it they will give me IV abx "just in case" and I react badly enough to abx that I'm not interested.
Because it's noe of your d**n business.
And because if I decide I can't/don't want to work with you at some point, up to and including while I'm in labor, I still want to have options--like firing you and going to hopsital wihtout having to worry about being treated like someone who hasn't bothered to get any prenatal care.

I just feel like all the raport and good vibes I had with/towards these midwives are evaporating because I'm not doing it all their way. I'm sorry, maybe I'm not "crunchy" enough. I'm not organic enough. I'm not activist enough..but stop beating me over the head with it, kwim? Why can't they just let it alone and let me handle my pregnancy the way I want to? How is it "empowering" to browbeat me at every turn bc I insist on getting a couple simple tests?

Just ranting again...
Sigh

[KatSG]

I am so sorry this is happening to you. And I understand that the depression makes it worse. You just want someone to take care of you and support you!

Forgive me...I can't remember all the details of how you got here... if I say something that's already been said or that you've done...

Midwives are not perfect. I found that out in my last pg and had a little rough patch with my current one, though we worked it out. It sounds like you're like me, you do well when you have all the information and THEN you made a decision, rather than hoping you're on the right side of the odds.

Your midwives don't sound like they share this view. And really, it's my understanding that MWs are there to support you through your pregnancy with information and emtional support, which means making sure you know what all your options are and working with whatever decisions you make. Getting diagnostics is perfectly reasonable and I would think it would make their jobs easier.

They also seem to have a fear of doctors. Any reason why, that you know of? Do they have a bad track record?

If I were you, I would call the CNMs and just explain your situation and see what options they may have for you. I'm guessing they can't attend a homebirth, or can they? Or can they refer you to someone else?

And I guess my last question for you is this, and I'll ask gently and know this is coming from another person with a history of depression who has had difficulty communicating at times: Are you sure your MWs aren't supporting you? Have you asked them, point-blank and frankly, "Why do you not support my efforts to get information about my body and pregnancy?" They could be worried that you are doing this because you have so many worries and they want to protect you. That likely isn't the case, but I bring it up just as something to consider. When I was diagnosed with complete previa at 12 weeks my MW thought it best to tell me it likely wasn't going to move and I would need to get a C-section, and her explanation was that I worry so she wanted me to have the whole story right away. Of course, that wasn't true, statistically speaking, and now I don't have previa at all. We got past it, but it took me saying to her that I didn't agree with her prediction and I wasn't going to worry about the previa.

Again, I'm sorry you're feeling so down and unsupported. I really hope you find someone who can help you through this pregnancy.

Also, check out the PPD forums. Lots of safe things you can take while pregnant. PM me if you want to know more. I currently take amino acids.

[L'lee]

Sorry to hear they're giving you all of this trouble! :hug

I would certainly say you don't need to get down on yourself about all of this, though - if they're making you feel like "maybe I'm not "crunchy" enough. I'm not organic enough. I'm not activist enough.." then it sounds like that's THEIR problem - not yours! You have the right to know what's going on with your body and your baby. You aren't doing anything that is really all that controversial, as far as I see it - you just want to know! Being another first time mom, I feel that way also. In general, I would rather know something than not know, even if there's nothing I would/could do about it. If you really feel uncomfortable about it, you could consider switching, but I think it's kind of sad, because it sounds like she reacted the way she did because she was afraid of that happening - self-fulfilling prophecy? It shouldn't hurt to have more than one practitioner, especially since insurance doesn't pay for your MW care. If she can't understand why you are doing this, then SHE is the one who needs to have more of an open mind, NOT you!

Hang in there, mama!!

[mamacatsbaby]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time mama. :hug :Hug :hug I certainly hope that you are able to get things resolved without too much stress on you, especially when it seems like you liked them so much in the beginning.

[saritabeth]

I am having a bit of a provider crisis myself.

I don't know if this is your first birth experience or not, but I wuld encourage you to find a mw or MD that you feel completely comfortable with. As hard as it is to switch midstream, it will be better for you in the long run to go into labor feeling very safe and secure with your birth attendents. Labor is physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. .. You may feel very inhibited if you do not feel 100% supported. You need to know that you are on the same page and that they have your best medical and personal interest at heart.

Im sorry this type of conflict sucks!! I am interviewing a new mw tomorrow myself.

Best wishes

[ChasingPeace]

I'm sorry you're going through all of this! IMO, it's clear that you don't feel supported by this mw practice, and that to me is reason enough to find another careprovider. I also live in the Detroit area, and we're lucky enough to have options. Feel free to PM me if I can be of any help. I left the mw practice I was at about halfway through this pregnancy, and have been very happy that I did. I didn't feel the practice was responsive enough to my concerns. But in the process, I learned a lot from other moms around here about the options available (I'm like you and am more comfortable with tests, etc., than many of our crunchier sisters). Good luck.